Innocence of Love (2 page)

On the day of starting the process of taking a pill, she failed to take it. She couldn’t take the pill and thankfully the day of the procedure the nurse had been wonderful and played along with her false story, which was maybe naughty of the nurse. The nurse told her mum she had aborted, when she hadn’t. Sophie had been far too scared to tell her mum the truth, the amount of lectures she’d received already had been enough to turn her tummy. How dare Sophie blacken the family name and her reputation? Her mum gave the impression Sophie had been sleeping around, far from it. She had sex once, ended up expecting and now he was a fit and healthy young boy, with everything he desired.

Heck, Sabastian had two mums…she paused, thinking about Calvin, was she meant to introduce him to Caroline and Mike and explain who he was? It would be the right thing to do and it might ease Calvin’s aching heart.

Thoughts raced around her head about her new predicament. She wondered if there would be a day without her having to worry about other people and their feelings. Since her arrival back in the village she caused complete mayhem. Destroying innocent lives, well at least Calvin had been innocent, leading a happy, rich life in London, now…crumbled into pieces.

She inhaled a deep breath while standing to gaze at her daughter. She wished she’d someone to share all her information with, her head so messed up unable to decide which direction to go, right or wrong, she could see disaster waiting in the wings. Her heart ached wondering how much pain she could take. She had already poured her heart out to the nurse who found her after Calvin had stormed off. Sophie understood his awkward questions, like how she felt leaving her son? She told him the truth, but the information just appeared to be harder for Calvin to digest. She empathised more than he could imagine of his grief.

Watching Kacey wiggling her legs and arms made her heart skip beats. Admiring Kacey with her thick dark hair, mesmerized when she opened her eyes. Big beautiful brown eyes like her own, thankfully not blue like her father, boy did she hate Rob for everything he’d put her through. Not once did he show an ounce of care, using her when it suited him and she’d been too dumb to ever notice. However, she guessed she spent most of their relationship high on drugs, drunk, or both sometimes. It hadn’t come to her attention how bad he’d been until sober, suddenly observing more watching his pathetic ways, what a beast he really was.

She saw her bundle looking at her. She hitched her breath tears filled her eyes, not believing how beautiful her daughter was. She remained staring into her big brown eyes, so innocent, she was her innocence of love, no questioning it.

She watched Kacey close her eyes. She admired her tiny framed body attached to pads and IV lines really wanting her to grow and get as strong as possible so they could leave here to be a family. Only where would home be? Yes, her parents had said they would help her, but would they stick to their word? Her mum had let her down so many times trusting her would be a major issue, and it would take a while for her ever to rekindle what they use to have, if ever.

Sophie went to express her milk and afterwards helped the nurse tube feed. She smiled just delighted to be helping in any way possible.

“How are you feeling?” the nurse asked whilst doing observations on her little bundle.

“Scared, pretty useless,” she added, admiring her daughter.

“Trust me, you’re giving her the best medicine. It is always hard for any parent to stand next to their child’s incubator. The days feel like forever, and your mind is constantly worrying whether they will be okay, she is doing remarkably well,” the nurse said.

Sophie lifted her head to peer at the woman while checking on the monitors.

“Thank you,” she said, unsure there was anything else to say.

“It will be okay, it just takes some adapting,” she said when something caught the nurses attention over Sophie’s shoulder.

Sophie turned her head, hoping Calvin had returned. She overlooked her right shoulder to the direction the nurse had been gazing only to see her parents.

Sophie swallowed hard. They both gazed at her like they had something to say. She wondered what happened once she’d left them to talk. The thing was Sophie didn’t even feel remorse for bringing Sabastian up, after all no matter how her mother wished to dress it up, or regretted the fact Sophie continued with her pregnancy, the fact Sabastian’s alive and not all that far away.

She gulped hard forcing bile down her throat, wishing Calvin would put in an appearance. He was missing like water out a river, the sky without the sun. She needed him, yearned for him, but he needed urgent time and space, he had much to deal with.

“We’re going to leave, Sophie,” spoke her father. “We have a few things we need to discuss, and this isn’t the right place to be doing it,” he said.

Her dad walked toward her reaching his right hand out to touch her shoulder.

Sophie stared at her dad. She inhaled a deep breath seeing the tension in his eyes.

“Okay,” she said, delighted they were going to take the matter elsewhere, even though they had been talking for ages in the accommodation.

“We will come back when we have cleared a few matters up. I feel this might take some time,” he announced, stepping toward her.

Sophie gulped. She licked her lips. “Sure.”

She noticed her mum already edging toward the main door of neonatal. Her mum tired and riddled in guilt.

“Dad,” Sophie said, her mouth filled with saliva, she swallowed.

He turned around to look at her.

“Please don’t be mad at her,” she voiced, unsure why the hell she said what she did. Nevertheless, the fact was the past was the past, nothing could change what transpired. However, no doubt her father, had concerns angry with her for keeping everything about Sophie a secret, or better still lying to him. She sensed her father suffered with serious trust issues and who would blame him?

“I don’t condemn what she had done to you or your son. I am appalled at the way she has treated you. I cannot forgive her for what she has done. The extent of her lies are shameful and unforgiving.”

“But it’s the past, Dad…nothing can be done to change it. What matters is that you are both here for me now.”

“Sophie,” he said, stepping toward her. “You should hate her for what she has put you through, the lies and pushing you away and stopping you from being a mother to your son. She had no right. However, I am not prepared to talk about the matter here with Kacey being close. There are no longer going to be victims and I am going to sort this mess out.” He leaned forward kissing Sophie on her temple. “Leave it with me and look after Kacey.”

Her father gave a half smile. He turned around to walk away from her.

Sophie watched her father leave the unit. Her mum had already gone. She swallowed hard, sensing an interesting evening for her parents. She checked the clock, seeing the time getting on. It had now been nine hours since she last saw Calvin. The longer he stayed away the more concerned she became. He was gone, she was sure he was resenting her for what she did. Sophie could see no point in her repeating herself over and over again, trying to explain what happened and why she did what she did for her son, their son, it would be the same story repeated every time. She had nothing to hide, their son was alive and enjoying his childhood like any normal child.

Going over and over again about nine years ago wasn’t going to change a damn thing to what happened. Calvin and her family had to understand that. If she could change the past she would, but it was not possible and they must somehow live with it.

She helped the nurse set up her daughter’s feed. Soon she decided to go out and get some fresh air, being cooped up all the time drove her a little crazy.

The air outside was tight, humidity unbreathable, even in the shade it was hot, considering the time of day, not a cloud in the sky and no wind to take the edge of. She could see people walking about wearing very little clothing red from not covering up their skin or wearing sunscreen, she bet they would be sore tomorrow.

She saw a bench surrounded by flower beds, of primroses and pansies, so pretty, and chose to stroll over. Sophie sat watching people walking by, some in wheelchairs, others being patients walking around with visitors, a few sneaking cigarettes or others enjoying the sun, no doubt resenting the fact they were stuck indoors with illnesses.

She sat drawing in the fresh York air while closing her eyes, feeling the sun on her skin. She loved the summer, but right now she wished it was cold, damp, and miserable with her being stuck inside. She wasn’t resenting her daughter at all, but the thought of pushing her around York in her pram would be wonderful. Just the thought of taking slow walks through the parks, shopping, showing off her daughter to anyone who might know her. Then again…that might be considered a bad idea in case Rob found out, Kacey’s father, would he even really care? No.

Sophie sighed, there were so many other things she would love to be doing with her daughter, changing her nappy, feeding her from her breast, dressing her in pretty frilly dresses, giving her baths and she couldn’t do any. Her stomach flipped in agony. She knew one day she would have all that and then…thought about it, she had to get all her equipment, clothes, accessories, and toiletries. She had nothing for her little bundle.

There was so much she wished she was doing and yet, all she could do was sit by the incubator’s side and support her daughter all she could.

Sophie sucked a deep breath, tired, fed-up and very much alone.  Her heart somersaulted, there was so much for her to arrange, yet she didn’t wish to leave her daughter’s side to buy it all, another dilemma with what money?

She turned her head to the right inhaling a deep breath and slowly exhaling when she saw Calvin appear. He stood like a statue about ten feet away, shocked to see her. She hitched her breath, unsure how to react. She wanted to throw her arms around him, hold him tight, but couldn’t. She had no idea why or what his motive was to come and see her, if of course that was his intentions and wasn’t visiting someone else.

Sophie watched Calvin as he swallowed hard watching his Adam’s apple. Their eyes engaged deeply at one another. He looked like a man with a million things on his mind, he did. His eyes looked red from the distance. He held his breath, clearly not expecting her to be sitting outside on a bench.

She couldn’t move. Her body turned stiff while holding her breath. The moment had frozen and all her sensors, leaving her lost. Her heart thumped loud in her eardrums. Mouth dry, her hands had turned into ice.
Is he going to move?

Calvin stood staring at her like he’d been frozen in time. The world around had stopped revolving. She had no idea what he wanted to say to her, no doubt he would voice his opinion in his good time. Only fear stuck her wondering if she’d be left out for the vultures to feast upon.

****

He had a million and one things running around his head— nothing pleasant. He resented Sophie big time since finding out the news about his child, which he had thought…had been aborted when all the time his son lived and breathed in York supposedly having a wonderful life. That hurt him. That made him sour. That made him long to kick and scream and call Sophie all the names under the sun, but the truth was…he couldn’t.

The fact remained nine years ago, she’d been left in a very uncomfortable position after he made love to her in the barn. He had always fancied getting closer to Sophie, but with him being at university and her away at school all the time it appeared less lightly it would happen. When his eighteenth birthday party arrived he’d invited loads of friends, including Sophie. He had no idea whether she would show up, but she did, leaving him breathless and his heart stolen. He had worshipped her from a fair distance without making it noticeable. He took inviting her to the party on a whim, hoping she’d maybe consider the invitation, and when he saw her, his heart skipped so many beats to her beauty.

His mind went back to the very night almost ten years ago when he made the connection with her.

His eyes could not look anywhere else but at her. His heart skipped vital beats as his breath hitched, finding himself hypnotised and drowning in her elegance. He loved the way her long blonde hair flowed over her shoulders and down her back with a few waves. Her eyes, sparkling like the brightest of stars, and a mouth…a mouth he longed to kiss, taste. How he would tantalize every single inch of her contours and inhale her floral fragrance and never would that smell diminish from his nostrils.

He would confess, he had craved to hold her tight, feel their energy rage through one another’s figures, having their bodies pressed naked together, and it happened. A moment which impelled his great desire, warming his heart, he longed to seek and enjoy her companionship once again. He had longed to have her touch once again.

Only when he’d returned to the village to talk to her a few weeks later to express his emotions toward her she wasn’t there. He hated the fact university had gotten in the way. He arrived to her parent’s house…

“Hi…is Sophie in?” he asked, smiling at Rosalind.

“No, she isn’t in.”

“Oh right, when will she be in?” he asked dumbfounded.

“Not sure, she has an education to think about,” she replied stern.

“Of course.”

Calvin decided that was the moment he needed to turn around and walk away for now.