Innocence of Love (27 page)

She smiled. The knots in her tummy were crucifying her.

“I erm…well…could we have a word or three?” He stuttered, it was clear by his tone he was nervous. “I have been thinking and we need to do some serious talking,” he added.

Sophie hitched her breathe, feeling sure he was about to agree that their relationship would be stupid and should not be happening.

“Sure, come in,” she answered, watching him step toward her. She quickly moved backward not wishing him to get to close to her, and risk her launching her mouth at his. Calvin stood to the side inside the house while she closed the door behind him. “Follow me.” She took the lead showing him to the sitting room. She opened the door to flick the small lights on keeping the room dark, not wishing to observe his reaction when she disappointed him, unless he felt the same and how ridiculers them having a relationship would be.

“Please take a seat…I need to get the baby monitor, in case she—”

“It’s fine, I understand,” Calvin added as he walked to the sofa.

Sophie immediately left the room and ran to get what she needed. Her heart raced. Her lungs felt compressed. She froze wondering if she would be able to be strong enough to tell or take the information that Calvin was about to announce. Her head was in a total whirlwind. Her body wasn’t her own. She felt sick to the core and had to remain firm and hold her grip and not show her emotions, as otherwise she would end up melting and embarrassing herself.

After a few minutes, Sophie slowly walked back to the sitting room. She paused to suck in a deep breathe, urgently longing to compose herself and keep her wit about her, only she feared she couldn’t.

She tried to force the large lump in her throat down, only it remained restricting.

Sophie entered the room expecting to find him sitting on the sofa only found him standing in the far corner. His eyes glued to her, looking stern making her heart race harder. She gulped hard, the lump remained. Her knees were close to collapsing, when she noticed him stepping toward her. She quickly scarpered to her right to keep the important distance between them. She placed the monitor on the nearest side unit. Then turned around, shocked to find Calvin stood almost on-top of her. Their eyes connected in a sharp stare. Her mouth dry.

“Sophie,” he calmly spoke, reaching for her hands.

“Yes.” She allowed him to take hold of them, hitching her breath.

“I love you so damn much and I…” He gulped heavily. “I want to…oh God…sorry,” he said anxiously.

She knew what he was going to tell her, no matter how much they loved one another it wasn’t going to work, him in London, her in York…how would any relationship work being so far apart?

“I wasn’t going to tell you this tonight, but leave it until tomorrow, but I cannot wait and I wouldn’t sleep,” he stuttered.

She stood like a fool before him feeling him rubbing her hands. Nerves were going crazy around her body being sure she was going to break down in anguish.

“I know I have told you how I feel and I meant everything I said. You’re my heart and soul and I believe we were made to be together and I cannot walk away from you again and leave you thinking I don’t care. I live in London, and the distance is destroying my heart…I need you. I don’t care what people say, it’s none of their business, but what I’m about to tell you, is something you will need time to think about. I cannot live like this anymore. I love you and it’s killing me…” He gulped heavy.

Her stomach somersaulted, needing him to just tell her…ease her heart, put her out her misery.

“Sophie,” he said, tight throated.

She could not speak, she needed him to tell her it was over and that they have to move on.

“Sophie,” he repeated, gazing deeply into her eyes. “I love you…more than words can say.” His eyes glazing.

“I…” he muttered, it was clear he struggled to get the words out.

Sophie debated to be the one to announce it, but she couldn’t. The words had to come from him. She would accept her fate and look after her daughter, be a single mum forever, until she felt brave enough to adventure out on the open market.

She saw Calvin drop down onto his right knee, wondering if he’d dropped something. Only he lifted his head to gaze profoundly into her eyes. She could see the terror in his eyes. Sophie watched him swallow hard clearly he struggled. She wondered why on earth he kneeled before her like a fool.

He kept hold of her hand, caressing it gently. She furrowed her brows.

“I love you, Sophie, so much. Sophie Kacey Richards, would you do me the wonderful honor of becoming my wife?”    

Chapter Fourteen

Stunned not believing what he had just asked her. Her hearing had to be playing up. She couldn’t have heard what she thought she’d heard, no way. Certain she had, she dropped her jaw while Calvin remained kneeling before her intently staring into her eyes, awaiting his answer. Shocked, there was no-way she expected him to say that, dump and run was on her mind, but instead he dropped her with the biggest bombshell of her life.

“What?” she asked, needing to clarify what she heard thinking she had lost the total plot. Her heart and mind was messed up enough without hearing those daft words
become my wife…wife, hell did he have a death wish or something
?

“Sophie, will you marry me? Without you I’m alone, my life is nothing without you. You cripple me in the best ways possible. I understand this might be a shock for you.”

“Shock,” she repeated taken back.

“I love you. Will you marry me?”

She wondered if the police or some drunk idiot had knocked him on the head and sent him loopy.

“Sophie,” he said sincerely.

“Are you totally raving bonkers?” she asked. She took a step back, unable to digest what he asked her.

“No,” he replied mortified with frowns appearing as he swallowed hard. “I have never been so serious in my entire life. I love you.”

“You’re crazy, have you taken something?” she asked really needing him to stop talking stupidly.

“No, I haven’t taken anything other than your scent…I could blame you,” he scoffed.

“Yeah, sure! I think you have been knocked across the head and been left brain damaged either that or mentally disturbed,” she added.

“Sophie, I love you, why is that so hard for you to understand? I loved you ten years ago…and have never stopped and now you’re back in my life I wish to keep you,” he said standing upright. He stepped closer to her while sucking in a deep breathe.

“I think you‘re crazy, lost the plot. You hardly know me…I’m nothing but trouble and I think you’re riddled with guilt over Sabastian,” she inclined harsh.

“That’s not true at all. I love you and everything about you. You mean the world to me more than words can describe and therefore I wish to share every living, breathing and dying days with you, good and bad.”

Sophie interrupted, “Well, there will be plenty of bad, I can assure you.”

“Sophie.” He reached for her hand, she allowed him to take hold dazed. “I love you, why can you not believe that?” His voice choked.

“Because I am a disaster. I walk with trouble and breathe toxic fumes, you can do so much better than me,” she stated being honest and thought about her figure once again.

“Yeah, I’m looking at her. We’re perfect for one another,” he indicated.

But Sophie was not feeling the same vibe, yes, she loved Calvin and wished they could be together, but not possible.

“And London?” she reminded him, hoping to throw the biggest spanner in the works.

“I will have words with father and tell him I have to move back up north to be with my family,” he announced tilting his head to the side.

“Family?” she thought to question.

“Yes family, you, Kacey, and Sabastian.”

“Kacey isn’t your child,” she thought to kindly remind him.

“No, she isn’t, but I would like to be in her life…I might not be her biological father, but I will love her like she is my own,” he added.

Sophie could feel her stomach flip over into tight knots.

“No, Calvin…it just wouldn’t work.” Thinking of all her hurt and anguish not forgetting the way her body looked undressed.

“Why wouldn’t it?” he asked while she tried to think of excuses.

“It wouldn’t.”

“Not definitive enough,” he added being a smart ass.

“Calvin, I have baggage…a daughter, a house almost…and I look like an ugly monster.” Tears welled and threatened to come out but she wasn’t about to show him her self-pity.

“Yes, I know you have a daughter and a house almost and the ugly monster bit, I intend to beg to differ…I think you’re the most stunning woman I have ever come across.”

“You’re creeping. Is this to coax me into getting into bed with you,” she snarled and abruptly stepped away from him.

He lifted his brows appalled at what she’d just indicated to him. “Nope, I wouldn’t do that to you. I am simply here to express my love to you and prove to you how much I care. You’re my sunshine and to be honest, I have lived enough dark days and nights and I need you to brighten this aching heart. I need you like you need me. Look, I know I have shocked you…but I meant it when I asked you to marry me, and I hope after a few days thinking about it you would consider the offer. Please, I love you, Sophie, and want nothing more than to be with you…please…make my heart complete. I never have my thoughts from you…do you remember our song?” He gazed intently at her.

“What?”

“Our song…
Deepest Blue,
temptation is here! The very words from our song.”

Sophie struggled to figure out what he referred too,
A song what the hell, our song!

“Okay…listen.”

She stared at him wide eyed, not having a clue what he was talking about. He reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out his mobile phone. She watched keenly not having a clue what he was trying to prove to her and quite frankly longed to show him the front door which seemed more appropriate, giving him a chance to consider, what the hell he just announced.

He’s seriously lost the plo
t
!

She stood dumbfounded listening to the tune. Her heart skipped beats. She could not believe how accurate the tune had been, now she could see why he had fought to listen to the tune for all those years. The very song they danced to on the night of his eighteenth before visiting the barn. The very tune she woke up to in ICU. Now she understood. Now she sensed why he had always had it stored on his phone and why he used it recently for his ring tone.

The song finished. She became tongue tied.
He really had suffered over the years!

“Sophie, I have no idea how else to prove my love to you. I don’t wish to dream about me being with you anymore…I want you there. Don’t push me away…I’m here and I want to stay close to you…please, Sophie, you’re all I need. I’m going to leave…I can see you have much to think about, yet again. I am leaving tomorrow after lunch…and well…Well, I hope I have heard from you, but if I don’t I understand. Please don’t feel pressured to making any decisions I know you have been through so much and trusting anyone is difficult for you. But trust me, I’m genuine. I don’t say things unless I mean it.”

“I made a promise to you…do you remember?”

She nodded her head, remembering clearly.

“I never make promises I don’t keep, and you to me are the best thing that has ever happened. Rest assured I would do everything and your family to keep you safe, warm, and loved.”

Sophie tried holding her emotions together not wishing to show weakness.

Kacey winged, beginning to wake for her next feed.

Calvin leaned forward to her, placing his index finger under her chin to lift it slightly. Her eyes filled with tears. He pressed his delicately against hers. She longed to kiss him back accept him with open arms, but she couldn’t, she just couldn’t, resenting herself greatly.

She felt Calvin move to her left ear to gently whisper “Please, Sophie, I need you. Without you this heart will stop. I love you.”

He stepped back.

She gazed into his eyes, speechless, feeling her stomach swirling around, aching, convoluting. She watched him take small steps backward toward the door and with that he opened it. He glanced back at her for one last time she watched him grin. He turned away from her and disappeared leaving her stood yet again bewildered.

Sophie tossed and turned, unable to sleep, spending most of the night sat nursing her daughter, hearing his words playing on her mind
I love you. I love you
. She swallowed constantly. Thoughts raced around her head. She tried to find something that would make Calvin walk away, she didn’t deserve him, and in fact she deserved nothing. Still, she unsure too why Calvin was prepared to dedicate his life to her. A woman with more problems than she could imagine anyone ever had, and none of them appeared to be clearing away. She had buried everything deep, and now…

Yet, her heart warmed to the fact, Calvin wanted her. He loved her, surely what he had witnessed had been enough to put any man off her for life. What astonished her was he’d been beside by her side going through all the emotions with her. He had sat by her side when in hospital, lying about their relationship, how he was her partner and Kacey’s father, surely that took some serious guts to say. He made sure she was safe in the cottage at the pub keeping a close eye on her making sure she was okay. The day trip to the Dales, emotions flooded in. Her eyes filled with tears, wanting to believe him, every word he said and his actions sent her heart skipping, but she struggled. Why couldn’t she understand his kindness?

Feeding Kacey, thinking about Calvin the way he looked so beautiful when he held her daughter, perfect, too prefect having the extraordinary connection he had with Sabastian. Could they be happy? Could they have a future? Yes, she loved him, more than words could express, yet…why did she feel she would bring him misery?

****

Lying on his bed staring at the ceiling, aware today he would be heading back to London. The thought of leaving and heading back down south, killed him. He knew there would be much to sort out if she agreed, but he knew in his heart Sophie was going to say no. He didn’t want to let go. He wanted her to know that he wouldn’t run away. He would stand by her no matter what the world threw at them they would take it all fighting.

He loved doing things with her…particular the day he took her to the tea room, just seeing her sitting across the table to him made his heart sing and dance. He knew he wanted to die in her arms. When he wasn’t with her it felt in his heart a part of him died. He wasn’t going to run, but stay with her, he guessed only time would tell…he would promise her the earth if he could, he couldn’t, but the next best thing would be his heart.

He had thought about being a dad to Kacey, he she would let her know he wasn’t her biological father, but he would bring her up like she was. He would watch and share so many amazing times, teething, first steps, words, they had missed out with Sabastian, he was damned if he would miss out on Kacey, but Calvin was aware he also needed to accept whatever, decision Sophie made, and if he had to let go…he would. At least he’d managed to tell her how he felt, no matter what, he would love her.

He inhaled a deep breath, struggling not to feel emotion, whenever close to her he felt like he was in heaven, getting high on her. She was his breath of fresh air, his lungs wouldn’t fill with oxygen again if she said no. Yet…he would respect her and if she says no…he would remain dignified and leave, walk away.

Calvin got showered and dressed. He noticed the time being late in the morning, there was still time for Sophie to visit him. There was no-way he would go to her house and beg for her, as he would appear to be stalking her and frighten her away, no chance of him doing that he was more of a man.

Slowly, he made his way down to the kitchen unable to eat anything, but made himself a strong coffee, hoping that would sort him, instead he gazed around the expensive, lush kitchen wondering if Sophie would move in here with her daughter until he found them something with a larger size to it.

Riddled in his guts with lots of mixed emotions, confused, having so much planned for their future.
What is she says no!
He rolled his eyes not wishing to think that way. He wanted Sophie back in his life for good giving him a chance to return to himself. Sophie his innocence in love he couldn’t imagine ever walking away from her. He believed in destiny feeling she would come to him. He just needed to be patient and allow her to make that decision. He could not give up on her. He lived in hope.

“Morning, Calvin,” his mum said, bringing on some pretty flowers, he’d guessed she had taken from the garden.

“Hi,” he replied blunt.

“What’s a matter with you?”

“Nothing,” he wasn’t wishing to go into details.

“Nursing a hangover…oh no, you drove didn’t you?” his mum remembered.

“Yes, I drove.”

“So that means no hangover and you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders,” she proceeded whilst laying the flowers down in the island. She got her vases out the top store cupboard.

“I’m fine.”

His mum lifted her brows while widening her eyes. His mum was not stupid. “I asked Sophie to marry me,” he blurted out watching his mum’s reaction, one of shock.

“What?”

“I asked her to marry me.”

“And her reply?” she asked stunned, stopping what she was doing.

“I don’t know I left her thinking about it.”

He sipped at his coffee being pleased he had shared that information before his head exploded.

“Oh, I see, so she didn’t say yes or no?” She clearly wished to know.