Inside Danger (Outside The Ropes Book 2) (13 page)

I couldn’t cover my breathing, it felt like I’d been drowning, maybe I still was, each gasp only gave way to another with no relief. And my heart felt weak as it fluttered in my chest. I couldn’t take my eyes off Rusnak, he may have promised not to hurt me, but his promises didn’t mean anything to me.

I sat up in the chair and counted internally, trying to calm myself. I had already shown too much weakness. He had to have known he scared me, but telling him was something I wish I hadn’t done. But when he said her name, he demolished every roadblock I had placed in my thoughts.

“Better?” He moved his chair to my side of the table and sunk into it.

I took one last big breath and nodded.

Eyes absorbed on me, he spoke softly, “Those eyes. So haunting, yet beautiful. Just like hers.” He shook his head, as if clearing a thought, and then began again with a smile, “She would have loved events like I took you to Friday night or the bracelet I gave you. The difference is I can do more for you than he ever did for her.”

I glared at him, feeling my newly found restraint faltering. “I don’t want anything from you. And I don’t care about,” I took a gulp of air and had to force the word out, “her.” Even that burned.

The corner of his mouth turned up. “Well—”

But I cut him off, my words already flowing. “But who is he? Who are you?” I wanted to add “to me”, but the words dried up in my throat.

He inclined his head, acknowledging the question. “He was the boss, my cousin, Nikolai Rusnak. I came here to work with him, learn the business. Your mother—” He stopped at the look I shot him, but leaned forward towards me, conversational tone gone. “She was your mother. She may have made some mistakes, but she was your mother.”

“Mistakes? How can you say that, if you knew…” I stopped myself and wrapped my arms tighter around me, one hand on my scars.

“I do know.” He nodded at me, his voice soft with sympathy that only grated on my nerves. “She wasn’t always like that. You were probably too young to remember the better side of her.”

I pushed away from the table, anger charging through me, making my muscles jump. “I don’t remember any side of her. I was only three when she killed herself, but the bitch failed to kill me first. She doesn’t deserve any of my memories.”

He leaned back in his chair, index finger pressed to his lips as he watched me. “I know.”

His calm demeanor and simple words stunned me and drained some of my anger. But I couldn’t allow it all to slip away because I knew tears and grief were just behind it.

I shook my head trying to bring the conversation back into focus. “What about that guy? Is he… is he my—”

Rusnak shook his head no, saving me from uttering the rest. “Sit back down.”

Weak with confusion, I dropped back in the seat.

“Are you?” I asked and prayed the answer would be no.

He laughed, a loud, harsh laugh. “If either of us had been your father, none of that would have happened and you would have been raised in this family. Not by the state.”

I slid my hands to my temples and pressed, more confused than ever. “Then what are you going on about? And why now? Why are you telling me this?”

“It’s fate. That’s the best answer I have. When Silas told me your name, it sounded familiar, but when you walked in to my club that night, I knew. Or I thought I knew, but I checked into it all just in case.” His look of pure amazement seemed honest.

Fate. That would be mine. An ill-fated connection. The first time I meet someone who knows her, and it’s him. She always was the source of everything bad in my life, it shouldn’t surprise me that she would be involved in this too.

But now, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to suck up whatever information I could, but couldn’t stand talking about her. Given my situation, this felt like a card I could use so I needed to get it together. I tried to let my brain take over and fought my emotions.

“So you just wanted to let me know you knew her? That’s it?”

His hazel eyes crinkled with amusement. “Yes and no. I wanted to let you know, but it’s more than that.” He scooted his chair closer to mine, our knees almost touching. “She was… amazing. Sexy, sweet, perfect. But when Nikolai replaced her, it destroyed her. And then she killed herself.” His hand slid to the edge of my knee. “I couldn’t help her. But I can help you.”

The slow drip of ice in my stomach quickened and I shifted my knee away. “Where was I? Did you know me then?”

He shook his head. “I had heard she had a kid. She had already had you before meeting Nikolai. I never knew who the father was.” He answered my unspoken question. “She was a server at a restaurant he went to and I guess he took an interest. I was his driver then, so I would see her frequently. But she never brought you around, never talked about you.”

That didn’t surprise me, yet it still managed to sting.

“They didn’t last long though. Maybe a year and then he took up a new girl, one who eventually became his wife. That’s what finally broke Angela.”

“What about you? What was your relationship with her?” I bit out my question.

He shrugged, nonchalant, but his eyes lasered into mine. “I had been young and was mesmerized by her. She Stood up for me against Nikolai one time, it was only something small, but still. And there was a moment, after they broke up, that I thought maybe we could be more. But I had very little to offer then.” His fingers scratched the table as anger slowly crept into his voice. “And I didn’t realize she gave her affection away like a whore. It was never real.”

The tender way he spoke at first gave me hope that I could use this, but he ripped it away with the venom in his last words. Maybe this gave me no leverage at all.

He sighed and let his eyes drop away from mine. “When she did what she did, it made me sick to think of how far gone she was, that she would do such a thing to her child. But you weren’t any of our concerns. I figured you would have gone with family, but I guess she had none.”

I tried to block out the deafening static of my chaotic thoughts and pushed down the bile in my stomach as I put on a brave face.

“What is it you want then?” I spoke clearly, with his same simple tone.

His lip curled up on one side. “Want? What makes you ask that?”

I was done and laid it out. “My deal never involved you from the start. It could have stayed between Nick and Silas and I, but you took over everything. What is it that you want from me?”

“With Nikolai in prison, I have the control. And that’s how I like it.” His hands shot forward and he grabbed my knees, bracing his elbows on his legs. “I want to see what parts of her you have and what parts you don’t.”

An engine rumbled, Boris must have arrived.

Rusnak released me and pulled his phone out of his coat pocket. “So tell me, what is it that you want?” His fingers moved over the screen as he split his attention to me.

“To be left alone.” My reply was immediate.

His thumbs hovered over his phone as he looked fully at me. “All right. Done. Once you finish your business with Nick, you’ll be left alone.”

He nodded his head to the exit. “You can go, Boris will drive you home.”

I stood, heart stuttering in my chest. I paused when Rusnak’s voice stopped me.

“We’ll talk more later. After your fight on Friday.”

I BATTLED MY OWN THOUGHTS, AND TRIED to keep them down, avoid them. But blocking memories of the distant past only gave room to my present. Images of Demetri were still fresh in my mind and I didn’t want that to happen to anyone else. I should have never let my anger decide for me that day in Silas’s office. I had blamed Damien for everything, now I knew it was me. I had to be cursed. Rusnak had called it fate, but whatever label it was given, it was clear that my life was doomed from the start.

I went to the gym for the second time that day. Training was the only thing that might move me forward and out of this pit, everything else only dug me deeper. The gym was bright and noisy with a fair amount of people working out. My new trainer, Kyle, wasn’t there and everyone else left me alone. I threw myself into my workout, never stopping till my muscles gave out. They reached exhaustion before my brain, but at least my thoughts felt lighter. I had to keep this forward momentum and focus on what I could do; one moment at a time.

As I exited the gym into the night lit by the city lights, the familiar tug of anxiety began creeping in again. I sped up my walk as I made my way back to the apartment, looking forward to crashing in bed, my one sure escape.

Walking through the front door, I was greeted by Kiera in a fitted knee length ruby dress. She leaned against the wall across from the door of my room. She rolled her head in my direction, a look of frustration clear in the tight line of her lips.

Rusnak stepped out of my room.

“What are you doing?” My words were out before I could consider them and unfortunately I hadn’t masked my frustration either.

He pushed my door open further. “You left something today. I put it on your bed.” He tilted his head, gesturing into the room. His gaze held a spark, almost like he thought we were sharing a secret.

Kiera sighed, crossed her arms, and pushed off the wall. She tried to glare at the man in front of her, but he didn’t acknowledge her. She marched away, slamming the door to her room.

I took off my jacket and shoes at the door, buying myself time to think, but it didn’t help. Instead, my agitation rose as he continued to smirk at me, pleased with whatever he thought was going on. I walked past him into the bedroom, hating that he had been in there. A grey, hard cover gun case sat in the middle of the bed. I opened it with caution, the G37 I used earlier in the day was snug in the foam cushions. I closed the case, my excitement was tempered by my confusion.

“You don’t like it?” Rusnak stepped next to me and glided a long finger over the case. “I can take it back.”

“No, I like it. I’m just surprised that you’re actually giving me a gun.” I looked up at this baffling man.

His lips slid up into a slow smile. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

I shook my head, pressing my lips together to keep silent. He either thought I was inept with a gun or knew that those around me were much more skilled. But even still, it felt like a trap and I had to walk carefully.

“You wanted the gun.” He shrugged. “I told you I could be nice to you, as long as you don’t give me a reason not to be.” He inched towards me, so close I could smell his spicy cologne and feel his warmth. His voice dropped, but still held a teasing tone. “Don’t give me a reason not to be.”

Forcing my feet to stay in place, I didn’t move and maintained eye contact. I hoped he couldn’t hear my heart pounding recklessly in my ribs. Running my hand over my hair, I hit my ponytail, reminding me that I was still sweaty and in sloppy gym clothes. But his eyes dropped over me and made me feel exposed even in my track pants and loose t-shirt.

“It’s a strong gun for its size. I had thought maybe you meant to say the G27, but you handled it well today.” He opened the case. His hands traveled over the gun, resting on the magazine. “There are ten bullets in it already and I added some into this side pocket, enough to get you started.”

I tensed and focused on the gun. “Started with what?”

His hand slid to my shoulder, squeezing in way that might have been meant to soothe but had a very opposite effect. “Relax, I meant when you go to the shooting range again—unless you wanted to do more.”

I couldn’t tell if it was a question or not.

He released my shoulder, but trapped me with his eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I know you asked to be left alone after your deal is done with Nick, but if there’s anything you want in the meantime, all you have to do is ask.”

I crossed my arms around my waist, trying to ease the spinning I felt there. I had been thinking about what I should have said to that very question earlier, but I hadn’t expected to be given another chance. I had to take it.

“I do have something,” I started tentatively, I wasn’t at all sure this was a good idea.

His eyes sparked and his smile grew as he grabbed my hand in a warm, gentle grip. “What would that be?”

I pulled away, but sat on the bed next to him, closer than I would have liked.

“My deal with Nick? I don’t want it.”

He raised his hand in a quick, silencing gesture. “We already talked about this. That’s between you and Nick. I’m not part of it.” His voice was sharp.

I nodded, a hard weight dropping in my stomach, but I met his gaze with surprising confidence. “I know. He’s not letting me out of the deal and since you asked what I wanted, I thought I’d try again.” My voice was level and absent of any emotion.

His eyes traveled over me and a slight smirk tugged at his lips. “That’s not my place to intervene. But,” he grabbed my hand and pulled it onto his lap, his other hand dragging circles over the top of it. “Let’s see how this Friday goes. It’s only a practice fight, but if you don’t do well, we will discuss this again.”

The light pressure from his fingers on my hand was crushing, but I didn’t dare pull away. I swallowed my nervousness. “Okay.”

I was sure he would make me pay one way or another, but at least others may not die in the process. It seemed like the better deal to take.

“Are you ready for Friday? It’s only five days away.” He fingers trailed up my forearm.

“No. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. No one’s told me what round things are supposed to happen in, I don’t know what to prepare for.”

I had already looked into the girl I was fighting and she was butch, strong hook but slower reflexes. Although, she could take hits and had never been knocked out in her eight matches.

His fingers stopped and his hand gripped mine tighter. “Nick hasn’t told you anything?”

I shook my head.

“I’ll talk to him,” he promised and then his gaze softened. “What about the gym? Do you like it?”

I shrugged, tugging my hand away with the gesture. “It’s okay.”

“Tell me, what’s wrong with it?”

I had to continue the tightrope act of being nice with him, but not letting him in too much. I might be willing to go along with his advances if they felt like I was gaining control, but every touch felt like he was taking over.