Inside Danger (Outside The Ropes Book 2) (32 page)

“You don’t need to say anything now. Just come with me into the hotel.” His blue eyes were clear and open, and I wanted to trust that he knew what he was doing.

I met his eyes for a moment, the air still around us. His presence was calm and reassuring, where I was chaos and fear. Right or wrong, I was clinging to him like a buoy in the storm.

At the slight nod of my head he pulled me out of the SUV and walked with an arm around my waist into the hotel.

He checked us in and the lady behind the counter smiled sweetly at us. I’m sure we looked like young lovers the way he kept one arm around me, my arms wrapped around his waist, and him placing kisses on top of my head as he waited for his receipt and room key. She didn’t react as if she thought anything odd about my messy appearance, although my jacket was long enough to cover most of the outfit.

I showered straightaway, needing, but not wanting, the space to think. But I couldn’t think, thoughts weren’t coming, my mind was locked up or blown to pieces beyond repair. I couldn’t decide which.

The hotel was nice enough to have plush robes hanging on the door and I wrapped myself in one, not wanting to put back on my boxing uniform. Gage was waiting for me as I stepped out and his eyes dropped over the robe.

“You can wear my shirt to sleep in. I’ll get you clothes in the morning when stores open.” he hesitantly approached.

I stepped into his arms, wanting his security again. He was already talking about tomorrow, but I couldn’t.

His hands crossed my back, rubbing up and down over the robe. “Everything’s going to be all right. I promise.”

I blocked out his voice, he couldn’t promise that. And I didn’t want to be lied to. I just wanted to be near him now, while I could. Squeezing him tighter, I pressed my cheek into his shirt, feeling his warm muscles underneath. “Don’t make promises.”

He pulled back and I met his gaze. After a moment, he nodded once. “You’ve got to be tired. Let’s get some rest, all right? We’ll deal with tomorrow in the morning, together.”

I nodded, more relieved than I should be. The idea of facing it together was sounding better and better. He would probably already be in trouble anyways for bringing me here; I knew he turned his phone off when it rung in the car.

He pulled me to his chest, lying back on the bed and I rested my head on him. The sound of his heartbeat quieted everything else in me, holding the panic back. But it was a fragile hold, and the frenzy of emotions were beginning to seep through with each passing second.

My breathing quickened as it shallowed, unable to pull in enough oxygen to remain calm. I tried to still myself and focus on breathing deep, calming breaths to push back the panic attack.

Gage sat up beneath me, keeping his arms around me. “It’s all right, baby. Everything’s all right. You’re safe here with me.” His voice was meant to calm me, but it only stirred the panic.

I pushed away from him, trying to curl into myself, protect myself from how weak I became near him. I hadn’t cried the last several weeks. I’d only shed a few tears last night when Harrison was shot, but Gage pushed it all to the surface.

He didn’t let me go though. Instead, he picked me up onto his lap.

“I’m sorry,” I tried to speak through the tears. “I didn’t—”

“Shhh” He was stroking my hair. “Shhh. It’s all right. Let it go. You’ve been strong long enough, you don’t need to keep it in with me.”

But I couldn’t let it go. I kissed his neck, hands sliding under his shirt as I tried to fight down the sadness. I don’t know why, but I was sure this could overpower my breakdown. I pulled myself up onto him, wrapping my legs around his waist.

But he pulled his head back as I tried to kiss his lips. He gripped my wrists, holding my hands away from his skin.

“Don’t,” he warned me.

I could tell by his force that he wasn’t budging. “You don’t want me?” I was desperate, my muscles shaking, quivering as it sunk in that he was rejecting this, me. And my tears were returning, burning my eyes but not falling. He melted in my blurred vision.

His grip loosened and he pulled me to him again, gently holding me. “I always want you. I love you, but you can’t do this. Not tonight. Not like this. Not yet.”

I fell apart. I didn’t want to, but he didn’t give me a chance to pull away and block the flood of tears. He kept me wrapped in his arms. He held me as I cried through the night. He held me, comforting me in a way that no one ever had before. And I cried in a way that I never had before. Soul bearing sobs drained me. But it made me lighter, releasing weight that I had held onto, on my own, for too long. And at some point, I fell asleep, satisfyingly empty and surrounded in warmth.

I woke up to bright sunshine and an empty bed. My stomach dropped momentarily, but then I saw Gage on the balcony. Only the side of his arm could be seen from where he stood in the corner, looking over the bay in the distance. I hadn’t realized last night that we were so close to the water.

Climbing out of bed, I walked to the slider and paused. I could hear his conversation as I got closer, muffled through the glass.

“She’s with me… She’s not going anywhere… At that hotel by the bay… Later.” His voice was getting sharper, frustration seeping into his tone with each reply. He turned around, leaning against the bar, and his eyes widened as he spotted me.

I was stuck in place, all the weight from last night crashing back over me.

THAT BRIEF LOOK OF SURPRISE DROPPED FROM his face in an instant, and he gave me a slight smile, phone pressed to his ear. Then he lowered his head, speaking into the phone.

“I told you…” His voice dropped, too low to make it through the glass, and then he hung up.

As he slid the door open, I stepped back, headed to the bathroom. I needed to get my clothes on, get out of the robe, so I could leave.

“You hungry? I ordered room service, it should be up soon.” He walked towards me with an open arm.

I couldn’t respond. Any hope I had was now crushed with his lie.

“Hey.” He braced his arm on the bathroom door to stop me from shutting it on him. “What’s wrong?” He pushed into the bathroom with me and I stepped back, wanting to keep the space between us.

“Who were you talking to?” it came out in an angry hiss.

He stopped walking towards me and stood up tall, realization sinking in. “How much did you hear?”

He just kept making it worse. “Everything.” I could lie too.

For a second, the small room was sucked of air as we stared at each other in silent challenge. I broke first, pushing past him to escape the confined space.

He grabbed my arm as I passed by, twisting me to face him. “I’m doing this for you.”

I jerked back, out of his grip and into the main room. “Lying to me? How is that for me?”

He ran his hand over his hair in frustration as he followed me into the room. “I haven’t lied to you.” He put his hands out to still me. “I don’t know what you think you heard, but let me explain.”

Standing in my robe, with him blocking me from the door, I didn’t really see that I had any other choice. And I wanted him to explain. I wanted him to have a good excuse, something other than taking me back to Nick. I had been willing last night to go back, to face everything. But that was last night. I wasn’t willing to do that now. Not now that I had a little time and space.

“Explain.” I crossed my arms around my waist.

He scratched his head, watching me with cautious eyes. “I…” He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “I had to call him back. These aren’t people you can run from. Direct is the only way to deal with this.” It sounded like an apology.

“Be direct with me too.” Anger was constricting my chest and I pulled my arms tighter around me.

His eyes narrowed for a moment. “All right.” He was conceding. Nodding his head to the spot next to him, he said, “Sit and I’ll tell you.”

“Just tell me.” I was too rigid to sit.

He leaned forward, forearm on his knees, reminding me of Nick.

“I made a deal to get you out.” He reached for me as his words hit me, making me unsteady on my feet. He grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. “You’re safe, all mine. I told you I was helping you. You have to trust me.”

I was outside myself, lightheaded and unsure. It couldn’t be that easy. The rest of his words sunk in, and I sat down. “What deal?”

He shook his head, a sad smile pulling on his lips as his hand ran through my hair. “Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t involve you.”

He kept pulling me in just to hit me again. Standing back up, I slapped his hand away. “Stop. You can’t keep hiding things from me.” I felt dizzy and pressed my hand to my head, trying to think through this new information. “This does involve me. Whatever the deal is, it’s because of me.” I took in a few breaths and met his eyes. “You said last night we would face this together.”

He was on his feet now. “I meant it. I want you with me.”

I stepped back and put my hand out, keeping him away. “That’s different. Wanting me with you is different than doing things together. And you should know by now that I’m not going to sit around in the dark.”

He took a step towards me, his own anger rising, seeping from his pores. “And I would have thought you learned your lesson by now, especially after last night.”

“What Lesson?” I returned his sharp tone, ready to say more but he cut me off.

“To trust me.”

“You haven’t done shit to earn it. You say—”

“If I haven’t done anything, then why are we here?” He swung his hand around the room as he stepped closer, yelling over me.

“I don’t know, you won’t explain. I woke up this morning to you telling someone where I was and I’m supposed to trust you?”

He stopped me from passing him by pulling on the upper sleeve of my terrycloth robe. “Where are you going?” He spoke between clenched teeth.

Trying and failing to jerk myself free of his grip, I replied, “To the bathroom.” I needed to get dressed and get away before who ever he spoke to showed up.

He pulled me closer to him, using his other hand to grip the other side of my robe. “And then what? Where are you going to go?” His voice was low and cold, creeping under my skin. His eyes, still bright with anger, dropped to my neck and I knew what he was looking at, the mark Rusnak left. His eyes narrowed and my skin burned under his glare.

“Do you think Anatoli told you everything? You think you can go back to him for help? He won’t help you.” He tugged me closer, his heat pressing into me “Or are you going back to your cop? Or is there someone else? I can’t keep up with you.”

He might as well have spit in my face. I shoved him off of me, but he dropped me at the same time.

“How dare you.” I was shaking in my shock and anger. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew.”

He spun around with a growl, taking a few steps away, and then he turned back towards me. “I don’t know because you haven’t said shit either. I’m not the only one not talking.” He stopped in front of me, and I could see him wrestling with his anger. His voice strained as he tried to control it. “You’re mad at me for the same shit you do. You haven’t explained anything to me. The difference is, I trust you.” He grabbed my hand, his voice and body softening. “I trust my feelings for you and I’ve been patient with you. But fuck, can you do the same with me?”

His words extinguished my anger. I met his eyes as he squeezed my hand, my voice heavy with truth. “I didn’t ask you to trust me, but you’re asking me to trust you with my life.”

He grabbed my other hand, lacing our fingers together. “I would protect you with my life, trust that.”

I was lost in his open gaze, it looked honest and felt real, but I was scared. “I don’t want that. I only want you to be honest, to talk to me.”

His eyes slid down me to our hands. He blew out air and looked back up. “All right. But you’re going to talk too.”

A knock at the door had me jumping back and the corner of his mouth lifted.

“It’s probably room service.” He jogged to the door as the knocking continued.

I ran to the bathroom, stepping inside just as Gage pulled a cart into the room. He had been telling the truth about ordering room service at least. And that small victory went a long way in trust, more than it should have, probably.

“Regan, come back out. I’ll get you new clothes.” Gage yelled through the door.

I finished changing into my shorts and sports bra. Then I zippered up my jacket and pulled it securely around me, covering the mark on my neck.

“Who were you on the phone with earlier? What if they come here? I don’t want to stay,” I started as I stepped out of the bathroom.

“They won’t. It was Nick, but we made a deal, one that him and Anatoli have been wanting. They won’t break it.” He walked closer to me, putting a hand on my hip. “We can go though.”

I didn’t like that he called him Anatoli and not Rusnak. But I didn’t want to fight anymore. I wanted him to talk.

I nodded. “Let’s go.”

Knocking on the SUV window from the inside, I called out to Gage. “All right, done.” I had changed into the blue sweat suit he bought me.

He opened the front door and slid into the driver seat as I climbed over the center console to the passenger seat.

He moved his hand over my cheek and through my hair. “God, you’re fucking beautiful.” His eyes dropped to my sweater and he laughed. “Even in a crab shirt.”

I pulled away. I wasn’t ready to pretend things were okay. “Tell me what the deal was.”

He pushed himself back in his seat, hands gripping the steering wheel. “Do we have to do this now? Let’s go back to my house.”

“Back to—” I shook my head, tension building in my muscles. “No. What if they come there? I need—”

“They won’t. I told you.” He raised his eyes to the ceiling and blew out air. Then he rolled his head to face me. “Or I guess I didn’t, not really.”

I nodded, relieved that he was finally getting it.

“They’ve been wanting me to set up more fights. Get the title and throw it to another boxer. I’m going to do that.”

“That’s it?” I asked when he paused.