Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) (3 page)

She laughs at that though
t. “Babies?”

“
Yeah, beso – babies. All kinds of cute little girls running around with turquoise eyes and thick, chocolate hair.”

“And little boys with fat, pink
mouths and gray eyes.”

“Sure. We can have a couple boys if you want. Uncle Emilio can tat them up and Grandpa can teach them how to roll a joint.”

“Oh my god. I will be in charge of raising the babies. But you can do all the cooking and cleaning.”

“Fine,” I agree, smiling at the idea of having a family with her
someday. Of Gabriel being a grandpa.

“That was weird
,” Jessa muses through her laughter, “but that little convo didn’t freak me out at all. I’ve never thought about being a mother. I mean, I never considered that I would have kids someday. But I can see it. With you. A family.”

I’ve been
picturing my future with this girl from day one, but I don’t admit that shit to her. “We should probably get started now,” I tell her, my fingers wandering between her legs. She does need to get some rest but it can wait a while.

Her fingers
push themselves into my boxer briefs, running down my shaft until she is running them over my balls. Her fingers… they are so fucking good. “No we shouldn’t get started now,” she whispers. “But we can definitely get some practicing in.”

I feel exhausted as I traipse across campus. By the time Paxton and I finally went back to sleep last night it was five AM. If it wasn’t for the test I just got done taking, I would have just stayed in bed all day. Now I have one more class I gotta get through, then I can go home and get back in his arms.

My eyes are absently scanning the quad, looking for Pax, wondering
if he is going to show up here like he does sometimes. I’m thinking about last night, about the sadness in his voice and in his eyes when I found him strumming his guitar in the middle of the night.

Things in Chicago are great right now. We’re great, the band’s great,
and, I mean, my tired ass is not enjoying going to class at the moment, but generally I actually kind of love them. But Paxton is always a little sad after he talks to his dad or uncle or cousin on the phone. In my heart I know that Venice is where he belongs, which I guess means it’s where I belong too since my future is Paxton. He’s always telling me all I have to do is say the word and he will stop playing his music. I would never do that. I’ve never felt the need to do that, but I wonder if he ever does. If he wanted to get out, if he wanted to quit playing and go home, would he be willing to tell me that? 

My phone starts ringing and I’m expecting it to be him. I pull it out of my pocket and look at Nat
alie’s name flashing on the screen “Shit,” I mutter. I’ve been avoiding my best friend from home for the past week. She and her boyfriend Luke got engaged at the end of our senior year and now when I pick up the phone I am stuck in hour long conversation about species of roses, vegan verses vegetarian and various shades of white. Which is fine – if she needs to talk about fonts, I’ll talk about fonts. It’s not why I’ve been avoiding her. I’m avoiding her because I have to tell her that I’m not coming home for spring break like she is expecting me to.

“Hey, Nat,” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.

“What’s up Maid of Honor? Are you actually answering your phone?”

“I’m sorry I hav
en’t been picking up your calls,” I tell her as I walk into the design building, heading to my next class.

“So you’ve been ignoring me on purpose?”

“Yeah, I have been,” I admit. “I didn’t want to tell you that I’m not coming home for spring break,” I tell her, ripping the bandage off in one fell swoop.

“What?” she shrieks. I stop short of my classroom and duck into a small alcove, taking a seat on the couch. “Are you kidding me? You didn’t come home for Christmas and now you’re not coming home for spring break. What the hell, Jessa?”

“I’m sorry, Nat. I just have too much stuff going on here and I can’t leave for the week,” I tell her, burring my face in my hand, feeling guilty as hell for ditching out of my Maid of Honor duties again.

“
You
have too much stuff going on, or Paxton does and you can’t separate yourself from him for a couple of days? You have a week off of school, you don’t have a job, so don’t tell me
you
have too much stuff going on. Jesus, you seriously can’t tear yourself away from him for a week?”

“That’s great, coming from you. Do you know how many times you’ve blown me off for Luke?” I say, avoiding and deflecting, which isn’t fair. “The guys have a show that week that they can’t get out of – it’s being filmed and recorded. It’s a big deal.”

“And you have to be there… why?”

“I have to be here because Paxton won’t stay here if I leave. I’m not going to fuck this up
for all of them.”

“God, Jessa. I don’t even
know what to say to that. Your whole life revolves around him. You don’t do anything anymore unless it’s for him,” she tells me, clearly livid. Which she has the right to be. I know what I’m doing is crappy, but seriously, this speech she’s giving me is ridiculous considering her own behavior over the past year. But I know that’s not why I’m angry. I’m angry because I don’t want to admit that she’s right. I don’t do anything anymore if it’s not for Paxton, which is a situation I’m fine with, but I know that it’s not fair to her.

“You have seven other
bridesmaids. I’m sure between the eight of you can figure shit out without my assistance.”

Nat sucks in a breath and I immediately wish I could take my words back. “You’re right, Jessa, I don’t need you here. Clearly, I have been doing just fine without your help. And I do have seven other
bridesmaids, but you and Emily are the only ones that I really want there with me. You have been my best friend my whole life. I have been dreaming about this day since we were kids. And in all the fantasies I’ve ever had, never, not in one of them, did I imagine doing this without you. I didn’t know who I would be marrying, all I knew is that you would be standing beside me. So forgive me for being so needy and demanding. I thought you gave a shit, but clearly I was wrong.”

I keep myself buried under my arm. I feel awful. “I’m sorry, Nat. I’m feeling shitty about the fact that I haven’t been
home and I’m putting my crap on you. It’s wrong, and I’m sorry. I love you, I want to be there with you. I’ll come home, I just can’t do it that week. Maybe Paxton can drive me home for a long weekend at the end of the month.”

“Awesome. So if I want to spend a few days with you it has to be with him too?”

“If you want me home he has to bring me. I don’t have a car,” I mutter.

She lets out a disbelieving laugh. “I don’t get it, Jessa,” she tells me, the anger still very clear in her voice. “How you went so quickly from the number one advocate of non-commitment to the poster girl for pathetically whipped girlfriends of America. It’s clear that he is the only thing you care about right now and I don’t want you here when you don’t want to be here so don’t worry about coming home. If you can manage to get here for the wedding that would be great but I totally understand if Paxton’s band has a show that weekend. I know you can’t miss a minute of his life for me.”

“Nat…” I plead, but the line is dead. “Shit,” I mutter, letting my phone drop to my lap. “Shit,” I mutter again as I take my face out of my hand and open my eyes. Paxton is sitting in one of the chairs across from me. “How long have you been sitting there?”

He’s leaned forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees. His face full of concern. “Since you told Nat you weren’t going to fuck up my show for her. I told you
, Jessa, we don’t gotta do that show. We haven’t signed anything. It’s nothing I can’t get out of. Call her back and tell her we’re going to River Bluff.”

I smile at him. Paxton’s hard exterior and harsh words are misleading. He’s always willing to disregard the importance of his own life for the pe
ople he cares about. Which I now find shocking after I got to see firsthand the way he grew up. Clearly, his mom never gave up anything she wanted for Paxton. In fact, she went out of her way to make sure he was miserable. Pax never says anything bad about Gabriel but as far as I can tell his dad never went out of his way for Paxton either. He just let Paxton live his life with him. He was never really a parent. Paxton’s never had anyone willing to put him and his needs before their own. Not until me. I want to do that for him. I want to be there for him like his parents should have been. “It’s not a big deal, Pax. I’ll make it home eventually- she’ll live.”

“It’s not a big deal?” he says, his face all twisted. “Your best friend’s wedding is a bigger deal then some stupid show we’re playing. Call her back and tell her you’ll be there.”

“No,” I tell him, crossing my left leg over my right, causing my skirt to open up and reveal my leg up to my mid-thigh. “I’m staying here with you,” I tell him, thinking about the way he ran his hands up the slit this morning, suggesting that it was not appropriate for class even though it’s so long it covers my boots. I am fully aware that I’m trying to distract him and I don’t feel bad. He doesn’t need to be worrying about Nat’s bridesmaid dress shopping plans right now.

His nostrils flare as he takes in my bare flesh, but his eyes eventually make their way back to mine. “You can’t just give everything up for me, beso. If she needs you, you need to be there.”

“Drop it, Paxton. We’re staying here.”

He shakes his head at me. “We’ll talk about it later. You’re late for class.”

“I might as well just skip it,” I tell him, grabbing my skirt and pulling it off both of my legs, uncrossing them and opening them up to him.

Paxton’s eyes are back on my legs. I smil
e, watching his breaths quicken as he runs his hand through his hair, the conflict clear in his eyes.

He stands and comes to me, propping one of his hand
s on the wall, the other one gripping down on my upper thigh. His intense eyes bore into mine and I can hear the breaths coming out of his clenched teeth. His hand pushes up my thigh until it is wrapped around my crotch. I suck in a hard breath and fist his shirt. His lips move to mine and my tongue tastes them. “You can’t blow off everything that’s important to you for me. Get to fucking class,” he rasps against my lips before removing his hand and standing before walking away.

“What the hell,” I mutter through my ragged breaths. Did he really just walk away from me? I laugh to myself, shaking my head. My body is totally agitated, assuming I had
Paxton, that he was going to be inside of me. “Asshole,” I mutter, covering my legs back up and standing. Jesus, I guess I’m going to class.

I head down the hallway and into the classroom. I can feel the
majority of eyes focused on me and I wonder if everyone can see how turned on I am. Heat is still coursing through my body and it’s painful to walk. “Have a seat, Miss Fairfield,” Professor Hunt tells me and only then do I realize I’m paused at the back of the room. I take the nearest desk and I can feel someone staring at me. I turn my annoyed eyes their way, but smile when I see Darin’s shit eating grin. He wags his brows at me and I roll my eyes, turning back to the front of the classroom.

Darin’s the first real friend I’ve made outside of
Paxton’s friends. Maybe friend is not the right word. I mean, we don’t hang out outside of class but we always seem to gravitate towards each other. He’s a fashion design major, like me, and three out of my four classes this quarter are with him. 

As Professor Hunt
speaks, my mind wanders back to Paxton and Natalie, so when he claps his hands loudly and tells us to “Get to it,” I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“Are you going to be my partner?” Darin asks me.

“Partner for what?”

He gives me a disappointed look before letting out a long breath. “Don’t worry about it. Just sit there and look pretty, I got this covered,” he says before getting out of his desk and heading to the front of the room. When he comes back he pushes his desk into mine and throws down a
plastic bag full of fabric swatches. “Are you a little distracted this afternoon?” he asks with a playful smile.

“Why would you say that?”

“I was running late for class too…
legs.
So I will categorize the fabric swatches. You just sit back and tell me what had that boy of yours looking so intense.”

I grab a handful of swatches and the sheet of labels from
Darin’s hand. “Why don’t I categorize and you talk.”

“Because
, Jessa, I haven’t gotten any action for a month- I have nothing to talk about. You, on the other hand, are dating the hottest guy I’ve ever seen and I want to know what that look on his face was about.”

I chew on the inside of my lip, trying to stop myself from smiling. Paxton’s charms are not limited to women- Darin’s developed a little crush
on him.

“Are you two fighting? And if you are, do you think there is a chance your man is bisexual because
I think he’s got something going for me.” Last week Darin took it upon himself to meet Paxton, and to run his hand over the back of Paxton’s head, admiring his undercut. Paxton didn’t flinch, but Darin broke out into a full on blush.

“I’m pretty sure Paxton is not bisexual. And no, we’re not fighting.”
I tell him, focusing on the fabrics in front of me. “We may have had a disagreement.”

“What about?”

“My best friend from home is getting married and I was supposed to go home for spring break, but Paxton’s band has a gig that week that we can’t miss. He wanted to blow it off so we could be there for her.”

“He’s in a band?” Darin practically pants
. “What instrument does he play?”

“I don’t know if you can handle this…
” I tell him, pausing to enjoy the anticipation on his face, “he plays a long, sleek, black, guitar.” I smile as Darin’s eyes go big with excitement. “And he’s the lead singer. And yes, his voice is deep and raspy and sexy as hell.”

“Are you kidding me? God, I am in love with him. What’s the name of his
band?”

“Polly.”

Darin’s hand clamps down on my arm. “Polly? He is Polly’s lead singer?”

“You’ve heard of them.”

“Oh my god. Everyone’s heard of them. I can’t believe you are dating the lead singer from Polly. Holy shit.”

I grab another handful of fabric, hoping
Darin will do the same. It’s strange to me that people get so worked up just ‘cause he’s in a band. I mean, I obviously get it, but it’s bad enough that I have to deal with the random girls on the streets throwing themselves at him and telling him they love him, but now my male friend is obsessed too.