Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) (4 page)

“Sorry,” he tells me, picking up on my annoyed vibe. “This is not about me. We were talking about your friend and her wedding. Did you know, Jessa, that women outlive men by an average of five years?”

I look at Darin with confusion on my face. “What?”

“Someday Paxton will be dead and all you are going to have is your girlfriends.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m saying, don’t let yourself forget about everyone in your life besides him. Especially your friends. I’ve seen it happen too many times. My sister, for instance. She got married when she was nineteen. She dropped out of college and gave everything up for that asshole. Totally abandoned all her friends, all her interests – her entire life – so she could devote herself to that piece of trash man. She’s spent the last eighteen years of her life cooking and cleaning a
nd raising his kids and then… he left her. I mean, I’ve known him my whole life and he was always a total scum bag. I could have told her when I was five that he didn’t really give a shit about her. And yet she gave up everything for him. Her kids are pretty much grown, she has no education or useful skills, and guess who her one friend is? My mom. And that is just pathetic. It’s a sad, sad situation. I’m not saying your man is scum, I’m just saying, even if you live happily ever after, one day he will die and you will need someone to play bridge with. Are you pretty good friends with you mom?”

All I can do is stare at
Darin and let out a crazy sounding laugh. The kid just hit on every issue I have with trust and commitment with his stupid little rant. He’s right. Nat’s right. Shit, even Paxton’s right. Maybe I shouldn’t give everything up for him. I mean… I’m not giving everything up for him. I’m going to school. I still have Emily, hopefully I still have Nat. And yes, most of my friends in Chicago are Paxton’s friends and my life here pretty much revolves around him, but that’s what happens when you share your life with someone. It all just kind of becomes morphed together – it’s normal, right?

I zon
e out through the rest of class on autopilot as I label fabrics and listen to Darin prattle on about relationships, then music and whatever other random stuff spews out of his mind.

When
Darin and I walk out of the classroom I expect Paxton to be there, but he’s not. Maybe he really is mad at me. But as we walk out of the building I see him sitting on the curb and I start to breathe again. “I can’t believe the lead singer of Polly just waits outside of buildings for you all day. You are one lucky bitch,” Darin says under his breath.

Paxton turns
and sees us, he stands and my breath hitches. Darin is right. Paxton is the most desirable man that has ever lived. It’s strange that he is willing to wait around outside of buildings for me. When I’m close enough Paxton reaches out and pulls me into his arms, staring down at me with desire in his eyes.

“How’s it going?” Darin asks him.

Paxton pulls his eyes off me and looks at him like he didn’t realize he was standing there. “Hey, man,” he says before turning his attention back to me.

“I love your band.
I didn’t realize the other day when I met you who you were but, man… I love you,” Darin tells him with appreciation in his voice and I can’t help but smirk.

Pax lets out a breath and releases me, turning his attention, which
Darin is pining for, to my friend. “I appreciate that.”

“No problem,” Darin says with a big smile on his face as he stares at Paxton.

Paxton nods his head and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“Okay, well, I’ll catch you guys later,” Darin says
, snapping out of his daze and walking away from us.

I look up at Paxton, not able to keep the smile off my face. “I think
someone’s got a crush on you.”

Paxton raises his eyebrows at me. “As long as it’s me he wants and not you, I’m cool with it.”

“It’s definitely you he wants.” I bring my hand to Paxton’s face, running my fingers over his lips. “Everybody wants you,” I whisper.

“That shit you pulled before class was not cool, beso.”

“I can’t believe you walked away from me.”

“I can’t believe I had to jerk off in the bathroom just so I could get out of that fucking building without breaking my dick.”

“Does that mean you don’t need me anymore?”

“I always need you. But it means I can make it until tonight when
I can have you.”

“Tonig
ht?” I ask him, my body sinking. I figured he waited around here so he could drive me home.

He pulls my
body into his and leans over me. “Yeah, tonight. Don’t do that shit to me anymore, opening your legs to me, showing me shit I can’t have. That I can smell, that I can taste, but that I can’t have.”

I nip at his lip and
drag my nails through the short hairs on the base of his head. “Pax..”

“Na
h, nah, nah. Don’t start that shit with me again, beso. I’m already forty five minutes late for practice, standing outside this fucking building waiting for you. Don’t start this shit.”

“Fine,” I
breathe, taking my hands off him. “I’ll see you tonight. In bed.”

“You’re not coming with me?”

“No. I should probably head to the library and study for my finals,” I tell him, which is true. No nap and no Pax for me.

“Okay.” He pulls me back to him and gives me a quick kiss.
“Call Natalie back,” he tells me.

“I will, but not to tell her we’re going there over spring break.”

“I think I should tell the guys we need to reschedule. You need to be home for her, kid.”

“If I have to go home, I’ll go home. But either way, you need to be here. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, Jessa. I already told you I’m not staying in this city without you. We both stay here or we both go home. Don’t start making plans to leave without me – that’s not happening.”

“We’re staying. Go to practice before I drag you to the library with me.”

He puts his mouth back on mine and opens me up, dragging his tongue over mine. I let myself get lost in his mouth for a few moments before pushing him away. “Go,” I tell him with a sad smile.

“I’ll try to make it quick so I can get home to you,” he tells me.

“Shit, Pax,” I mutter, realizing what day it is. “It’s Fucking Wednesday.” Fucking Wednesday is movie night with Vi and Jimmy.
Damn it.

“We’ll get out of it, beso. Don’t worry.”

“Yeah, like Vi’s gonna let that happen. It’s her one night with you. She’s not gonna give that up.”

“I should have let you skip class, huh?”

“It’s too late for that,” I mutter, releasing my hold on Paxton and heading for the library. 

“I love you, beso.”

“Love you too, Pax,” I call over my shoulder.

Chapter 3 -
Paxton

Since the minute Jessa left me this morning all I’ve wanted was to get back to her and keep her close, but that hasn’t happened all fucking day. That might be the reason I’ve felt off all day. Or, could be thoughts of Gabriel… worries about the way his grip on life seems to be slipping. The fact that rehearsal was a waste of time and we got nothing done didn’t help my piss mood either.

Who fucking knows why I’ve been shifty all day long. But I’m home now and with my girl, even if it is
Fucking Wednesday. Jessa’s right about movie night – Vi’s not gonna let us blow it off. Now that we’re playing and I’m trying to stay out of the bars, away from strangers and generally becoming a hermit and forcing Jessa to be one too, Violet felt the need to set this shit up so we can ‘hang out’. So now every Wednesday has become
Fucking Wednesday
, according to Jessa. She’s still opposed to having ‘couple friends,’ which is just some lingering bullshit from her relationship with Dylan. Which is stupid – we used to hang out with Vi and Jimmy all the time and it was no big deal, but now that it’s a thing with a title, Jessa has issues.
Whatever.
As long as her issues aren’t with me, I don’t really give a shit.

“Let’s hope the movie’s short,” Jessa says, heading over to the recliner where she and I are relegated to when watching movies with Jimmy and
Vi. I follow her and sit down before pulling her on top of me. I run my hand up her shirt and over her stomach. Movie night ain’t all bad. It makes me feel like a teenager who makes out under blankets in his parents basement. All this shit with Jessa makes me feel like the kid I never got to be.

Vi
comes bouncing into the room then and says, “Change of plans!”

“I’m not playing board games, babe,” Jimmy complains from the couch.

“Don’t give her any ideas,” I grumble. Been down that road before on couple’s night and having to draw pictures like I’m in preschool in order to get Jessa to say some random fucking word was not fun.

“We could do that,”
Vi says, “but I have a better idea.” She pauses with a big smile on her face before pulling out a bag of weed from behind her back.

“You want to get high?” Jimmy asks with a smile on his face.
Vi doesn’t touch drugs – not even weed.

“Yea
h, I mean, I figured with the big show around the corner and Jessa about to enter final’s week, we could all use a night to just chill out and forget about everything. It’ll be fun.”

“Sounds better than movie night,” I concede. “What do you think, beso? What happens to you when you smoke?” I ask her.

“I laugh at everything. And I get really touchy,” she says, running her hands over my chest. “Like I’m going to need your hands on me at all times.”

“
Yeah… you’re getting high.”

“No, Pax, I’m serious. Like I would probably mount you in the middle of the living room in front of Vi.”

“Lets do it,” I tell Vi.

“
Yay!” she squeals.

Jimmy rolls a couple of joints and
Vi puts her iPhone on the doc and Etta James fills the room. Not Vi’s regular go to, but the woman’s voice is smoky and sensual and it’s all good. Jimmy sparks a joint and passes it to me. I hold it to Jessa’s mouth and she inhales deeply, blowing it back out into my mouth. I take my own hit and return the favor.

“Get down here, we’re supposed to
be getting high together,” Vi says from the carpet.

Jessa sits up and joins
Vi. I’m gonna need a minute to get my hard on under control. I take another hit, closing my eyes, feeling the THC flow through my lungs and heart, into my veins and to my head. I take a few more hits then go sit with my girl on the floor. She lays against my chest and wraps her fingers around my thigh. And then she starts giggling.
Fucking giggling
, which is something she doesn’t do. It’s something I hate because girls do it to make themselves seem dumb and naïve, which is annoying. But that’s not why Jessa’s doing it and it sounds damn cute. “What’s so funny, beso?”

“I was just looking a
t the lights,” she says, staring at the string of lights draped around the perimeter of the room that never got taken down after Christmas. “I was thinking about that tree we had. The one Vi and I decorated with popcorn and jewelry,” she tells me, giggling again.

“That tree was atrocious,” I tell her, but I don’t mean it. That tree that the girls emptied their jewelry boxes for and Jessa s
pent a day stringing popcorn on was ugly but awesome. So much better than the monstrosities that Rachel paid a decorator to erect in that house in Glencoe. Growing up, Christmas was by far the worst time of the year for me, but this Christmas, with Jessa, was pretty fucking great. That was another week I kept her away from her friends and family. Billy booked us at the Rocking Christmas concert which is a big deal in this city that bands come from all over to play at. It was cool, but I kept Jessa here with me. Away from her mom, away from Nat and Emily.

Jessa is giggling again and now
Vi is doing it too. It’s so damn cute that when she finally stops I dig my fingers into her ribs so I can hear it again. She laughs so hard she’s crying and when she tells me to “Please, stop,” I do.

Vi
lays her head down on Jessa’s lap and kicks her feet up on Jimmy. Jessa runs her fingers through Vi’s hair, which is currently a wicked shade of red. “Do you remember, Pax, when you called me from California and told me you had a friend in town who was having a hard time in the dorms and I needed to befriend her?”

“
Yeah, obviously, I do.”

“I was so pissed at you. I figured Jessa would be some sad
, pathetic hick girl that would spend her days crying about how mean the girls in the dorms were and how badly she missed her family in Minnesota,” Vi says, laughing.

Jessa lets out a disbelieving laugh. “What the hell did you tell her, Pax?”

“He told me you were a total badass and that we would hit if off swimmingly,” Vi answers for me. “And he was right. I love you, Jessa.”

Jessa bends down and kisses
Vi’s forehead. “I love you too.”

“Jesus, is this gonna turn into an orgy,” Jimmy pi
pes in, “‘Cause I really don’t want to see Pax’s dick.”

“
Eww, I don’t want to see his penis either,” Vi whines.

“What the hell is wrong with my dick?” I ask them.

“Jessa, don’t even say it. I don’t want to hear about his penis either,” Vi warns her.

“Fine, but as someone who cares very deeply about that penis, I think you guys should apologize,” she says, laughing.

“Thank you, baby,” I tell her, bending down to kiss her head.

“Okay, this conversation just went off the rails, I was trying to tell you guys something…shit, what was it?”

“You love me,” Jessa reminds her.

“Yes! I love you and I’m so glad I have you and that Paxton has you and that you have Paxton and that I have Paxton and that we all have Jimmy and Jimmy has all of us. I’ve never been happier in my life and I’m pretty sure it’s because of you three.”

“I love you guys too,” Jessa says. “And for sure, I’ve never been happier.”

“Me too,” Jimmy agrees. “Life doesn’t get any better than this.”

“Jesus, you guys turn into a heap of emotional bastards when you’re high.”

“And….?”
Vi prods.

“And yeah… I’m pretty fucking happy.”

“Because…..”

“Mostly because of Jessa.”

Vi reaches up and attempts to smack me on the face.

“And because of
you, Vi. Jimmy’s all right too. Is that good? Do you we need to hug it out?” I ask facetiously. Jessa turns her body on mine and Vi pounces and I’m on the ground getting hugged by my girls and then Jimmy dog piles us all and I don’t mind. Vi’s right – everything is perfect right now.

We’ve been smoking for a while now and staring at the lights, eating cookies and talking about stupid shit. Through all of it, I couldn’t get the image of Jessa, naked, in the middle of the living room out of my head so when Jimmy grabs Vi and starts mauling her face I take the opportunity to get Jessa to bed.

“
Oh my god,” she tells me, stripping her clothes off, “I love those two, but Jesus, I need you so bad.”

I lay
my naked ass on the bed and stare at her incredible body, amazed that it’s mine. That she belongs to me. “Pick up the pace, beso,” I tell her. The weed has her all chilled out. Too chilled out. She’s moving too damn slow.

She crawls up the bed, her long, sexy hair hanging over her shoulders, her eyes relaxed and full of lust, her long limbs slowly making their way to me. She runs her hands up my legs,
stretching her body out. “Your body, Pax… you’re so amazing,” she tells me, her eyes drifting lazily to my cock.

“You’re making me crazy, kid
. Get on top of me. Now.”

“I need you in my mouth first,” she tells me, gently grabbing the base of my cock and bringing it to her lips, letting her tongue run over my tip, tasting me. She lets out a whimper and I’m so fucking desperate my groan sounds more like a pained cry. Jessa licks me and kisses me and sucks on me like she can’t get enough, like she just wants to taste me, not li
ke she’s trying to get me off. But she is. The sounds of need and appreciation slipping from her mouth and the way she’s losing herself in me is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m about to lose it so I lean forward and pull her up, dragging her across my body until my mouth is inside of hers. She kisses me just like she was kissing my dick – like she’s tasting me, like she’s savoring me, completely lost in me, not concerned about the fact that my dick is not in her. It’s fucking hot, but I need to get inside of her so I lift her hips until I feel her wetness on my tip. She cries out into my mouth and sinks down on me and I feel like I’m gonna pass out.
Jesus.

Jessa sits up and starts rocking her body against mine in slow thrusts. I stare at her content face, her heavy-lidded eyes and her parted lips before my eyes travel to her heavy breasts that are bouncing slowly against her body. This is not how shit usually goes down with us – all chill and laid back. We are usually desperate and frantic and I don’t get to appreciate how beautiful she is as she grinds me.

“This is unreal,” she tells me with a lazy smile. “I feel like I’ve been orgasming since my mouth was on you. It feels so good, Pax.”

She’s right, that’s what this feels like. “The things you do to me, beso… I swear to God, you were made for me.”

“You were born before me, Pax,” she says lazily. “You were created and then I was made for you.”

The ton
e of her voice, her body on mine…it’s overwhelming. “So I’m not just a waste of an egg?” I don’t know why I’m spewing that bullshit right now, but that’s what comes out of my mouth.

“
I don’t think you were created from her egg,” Jessa tells me without the usual anger in her voice when she speaks bout Rachel.

“She’s not my mom?”

“No, Pax. You were placed there miraculously. You never belonged to her. She didn’t deserve you. She doesn’t get to claim you.”

“Who do I belong to?”

Her eyes become intensely focused for a moment. “I belong to you. I was made for you.”

“
Yeah, beso,” I agree, “It’s just us. Noting else matters.”

“There is no me without you.”

“We were never us until we found each other.”

“You’re my family, Pax. You’re
my everything.”

“Yea
h,” I breathe. The intensity is growing in my body. Assaulting me from multiple places and I feel like I’m splitting open, like I’m not gonna make it through this. It’s fucking painful. “Beso, I need to come,” I tell her.

She rocks her body harder and deeper but keeps up her steady rhythm. She’s getting me there but the pain is so intense, I need it gone. I grab a hold of my baby and lay her down on the bed. I keep myself close to her, my eyes focused on her as I push inside of her. Her face starts to tense, her insides form to mine in a tight grip and her body starts to shake
under mine. I want to fall apart but I manage to move inside of her until the pain covers my body, until it stings, until it grips me. 

Jessa screams and it’s filled with all the agony I’m feeling. When everything leaves her body I finally let
everything inside of me out too. “I fucking love you,” I growl as the last bit of pain and pleasure drains out of me and into her.

My body collapses beside her, rolling her limp body onto my side. My head is spinning, my body feels like mush. “Holy shit,” I say to myself.

“Oh my god, Pax. What the hell was that?”

“Us. You. The weed… I don’t fucking know but it was intense.”

“We should get high more often.”

“I don’t know if I can handle that again, kid. I think you almost killed me.”