Irresistible Forces (22 page)

They chatted for a couple of hours, and things were better than they had been earlier in the day, but there was no denying that the atmosphere between them was different than it had once been. They felt like strangers with each other now at times, and they were increasingly aware that they lived in separate worlds. It was no longer as easy falling into step with each other, and they seemed constantly out of sync.

By the time Meredith flew back to California on Sunday night, they were both depressed, and the treats she'd brought him from San Francisco were still untouched in the fridge. And an hour after Meredith left, Anna called and invited Steve to dinner at her place. On an impulse, he brought the bread and wine and fresh crab with him.

Her apartment was a tiny hole in the wall, with barely enough heat, a cracked window the landlord had refused to repair, and an army of cockroaches scurrying everywhere, just above 102nd Street, but it was the best she could do for herself and her daughter. It shocked him to realize that this was how she lived. Particularly knowing that the father of her child had a trust fund.

“It's no big deal,” she said to him, but it was, and they both knew it. But something about her dignity and pride and stubbornness touched him deeply. And the little girl was adorable and was a blond version of her mother. She looked just like her and when she didn't like something her mother said, she stamped her foot and told Anna she was naughty.

“She's got your personality. You're going to have your hands full in a few years.”

“I know,” Anna smiled proudly. “Her father was a real wuss, but cute though,” she said and Steve laughed at the description. But something about him must have appealed to Anna, his looks or his brains, or his distinguished origins. Knowing Anna, it was unlikely that it was his money. She didn't seem to care about that much. Steve would have liked to invite them to his place for dinner, but he was embarrassed by the extravagance of his apartment. It was easier for him to come here. Anna was embarrassed by the crab and the wine he'd brought, but enjoyed them anyway, and they talked late that night about the stresses of living three thousand miles from his wife. Anna was sympathetic, and sorry for him. And when he went home that night, Steve realized he'd had a lot to drink, but in spite of that, they had both behaved. He and Anna were just good friends.

He missed Meredith when he went to bed, and wanted to call and tell her he was sorry the weekend hadn't been better than it was, but he realized, as he glanced at his watch, that she was still on the plane. He thought about leaving a message on her machine, but he was tired and a little drunk, and went to sleep instead.

He saw Anna and Felicia again for dinner later that week, after they had worked together all day. He took them to a deli near her place for sandwiches and ice cream. Felicia had a great time with both of them, and afterward he walked them home and read the newspaper while Anna put Felicia to bed. It was easy and relaxing just being with them.

“You're a good guy, you know,” she said, when she walked back into the living room and sat on her broken couch next to him. “Your wife is a fool to leave you on the loose here.” They were both tired, but comfortable in the tiny living room. It had been a nice evening after a long, hard day.

“She doesn't have any choice for the moment,” he said honestly, “as long as I can't find a job in California. We have no choice, Anna,” he said, looking glum, thinking about it again.

“There's got to be something for you out there, Steve,” she said sympathetically, as he tried not to stare at the way she looked in a T-shirt and leggings. It was beside the point. The friendship they shared was important to both of them.

“That's what I keep telling myself, too, that there's got to be a job in San Francisco for me, but so far nothing.” He had called all the hospitals in San Francisco to tell them he was available. “I'm almost getting used to it.” But his words didn't convince either of them and it didn't help that the next week Meredith was off to Hawaii for her retreat, so it would be another two weeks before he could see her again.

“Doesn't that bother you?” Anna asked thoughtfully about Hawaii. “Do you worry about her getting involved with the guy she works for?” She asked him questions sometimes that probed too deep and made him uncomfortable, but forced him to think. And he always answered her honestly, no matter how much it hurt.

“I worry about it sometimes. He's a good-looking guy, and I like him actually. But I trust her. Merrie wouldn't do that.”

Anna was polite enough not to tell him that she wasn't so sure. People were people, and if they got lonely enough, they did foolish things. “We've never cheated on each other.”

“I admire that about you,” she said honestly. She knew how lonely he was, and how unhappy, but he had never made a pass at her, or implied anything, or even given her the impression that he would have. Meredith was a lucky woman. Maybe they both were. She hoped so, for his sake.

“I just don't believe in fooling around. Besides, Meredith would know. I think being straight about it is the only way we can do this.” It had been almost four months since she'd left New York, and living bicoastally was the greatest challenge they'd ever faced. It meant he never had anyone to do things with on weekends, when she was in California, or talk to at night when he got home, or complain to when things were difficult at work, or laugh with, or make love to in the morning. It was hard as hell, but it was only temporary, and they knew that. He didn't want to do anything stupid that would permanently screw up their marriage. And he had said as much to Anna.

“Well, you'd better get your ass out there one of these days, Steve, before one of you gets too lonely, or has too many drinks at a party one night, and blows it.”

“I know,” he nodded. He had actually been thinking about the ER job at San Francisco General ever since Meredith left the previous weekend. It was just getting too difficult to be apart. “She offered to give up her job a few weeks ago, and come back, but I don't want her to do that. It's a great job, and it wouldn't be fair to her,” he said with a sigh.

“You're a nice guy, Steve Whitman. I just hope she deserves you.”

“She does,” he assured her. But when he went home that night, he found himself thinking of Anna and the hard life she led, in the cockroach-infested apartment she shared with her daughter. She deserved so much better. It was hard to accept how unfair life was at times. He and Meredith had so much, and people like Callan Dow and Anna's ex-husband had more, and she had so little, almost nothing. And yet she didn't seem to mind it. She believed in the integrity of what she was doing.

And as he went to bed alone that night, as usual now, he found himself thinking of what she had said, about Meredith going to Hawaii on her retreat, and whether or not he minded. And the fact that one of these days one of them would get too lonely, or have too many drinks, or maybe worse yet meet someone they cared about. The prospect of it was terrifying, if he really thought about it. But he also knew that for him or Meredith at least, that could never happen. But he lay awake for a long time that night, thinking about Meredith at first, and then about Anna and Felicia. And he was glad that they were friends. In a short time, they had come to mean a lot to him.

Chapter 13

T
HE RETREAT THAT
Callan had planned for Dow Tech's senior management was scheduled to last four days, and was booked into the Mauna Lani, on the island of Hawaii. More than thirty of his staff had been invited to attend, and eighteen of them were bringing spouses. It was a large group, and managing the arrangements was like organizing the transport of an invading army. Meals had to be planned, activities for every night, luaus, dinner parties, hula displays, and of course meetings.

By the day before they left, Meredith was ready to throw them all out the window. And when she complained to Cal about it, he thought it was funny.

“People turn into children when they go somewhere,” she moaned, as they went over the last details for the meetings. They had to be planned in the morning, so people could play tennis or golf, go to the beach, take island tours, or go shopping. The meetings weren't supposed to be too long, too demanding, or too boring. In truth, it was more of an excuse to get everyone acquainted, but suddenly there were requests for special rooms, special meals, and in two cases, massages.

“Just do the best you can,” he told Meredith and the two women who were in charge of arrangements. Meredith was involved, because she had to keep track of expenses, and he trusted her judgment.

“Why don't we just send everyone a check, and tell them to go to Las Vegas for the weekend?” Meredith grumbled.

“We'll try that next year,” Cal agreed, remaining good humored. He was looking forward to it, and only sorry he couldn't take his children. He knew the hotel well, had been there before with them, and knew they would have loved it. But this trip was strictly for adults, although they were behaving like high school kids going on tour with the school band. Before they even left, there were squabbles about room assignments. Several people were familiar with the hotel, and had preferences about floors, corners, heights, views, and air conditioning.

Meredith had told Steve about it, and asked if he wanted to come. But he was on call, and he knew she'd be busy. And with his schedule, he really couldn't get away.

“I'm going to miss you,” she said to him on the phone the night before they left.

“You won't even know I'm not there. It sounds like you'll have your hands full keeping everyone happy.” He was pleased for her. It sounded like a nice change, and in spite of the headaches, he was sure she'd enjoy it. Meredith was far less certain. Everyone had been real pains in the neck so far.

But on the day they left, as they congregated in the airport wearing everything from Hawaiian shirts to white linen suits, they were all in good spirits. It looked like a traveling cocktail party, and when she finally settled into her seat on the plane next to Cal, in first class, she was exhausted. Only a handful of them were traveling first class, the chief officers of the company. The others were in coach, in a large block of seats she had gotten for them at a healthy discount.

“Do I want to know what this is costing us?” Cal asked her with a look of amusement, as a flight attendant served them champagne, and Meredith declined it. At nine in the morning, it was just too early, and she asked for coffee instead.

“You only want to know, if they let me give you oxygen on takeoff,” she said, sipping her coffee.

“That's what I thought. Don't tell me. It's good for morale. Or it's supposed to be anyway.” And once they took off, she relaxed, and settled into her seat with a stack of reading. He scolded her for bringing her briefcase with her.

“I can't go anywhere without it, Cal,” she smiled sheepishly. “It makes me feel too guilty.”

“We'll have to sign you up for hula lessons to distract you. I don't want you working too hard on this trip, Meredith. You have to get a little fun out of it. Everyone else will.”

“Not if they don't get their special diets, or their rooms are on the wrong floors, or they can't get into the luau.”

“They'll survive it.” They went over the schedule for the meetings, and the groups, and the outlines he had drawn up for discussions, and eventually, Meredith put her papers away, and let Cal talk her into watching the movie. They were on a direct flight to Kona, and the flight was just long enough to allow for one meal, a snack, the movie, and a short nap between takeoff and landing. And halfway through the flight, she saw Cal looking pensively out the window, and couldn't help wondering what he was thinking.

“Are you okay?” she asked him gently.

“I'm fine.” He looked at her. “I was just thinking. We've brought this company so far in a short time. I feel very lucky.”

“It's not luck, Cal. You've worked hard for all of this.”

“So have you in the past four months.” No one had ever worked harder. He was grateful, every time he thought about it, that Charlie had left, and Meredith had joined them. She was one of his greatest assets. “I hope you're as happy with us, as we are with you,” he said gratefully.

“I am. If we ever get Steve a job out here, my life will be perfect.” She looked sad as she said it. It was so hard never having him part of her daily life anymore. He seemed so far away now. And he was. He was someone she visited once or twice a month, like an old friend, or an old boyfriend. There were times when he no longer seemed like her husband. He was no longer part of her daily activities, never there to laugh with or talk to, or share her problems with, except when she could reach him on his pager. He seemed to be home less and less often these days. Like her, he was always working. He had nothing else to do without her.

“I know it's hard on you, Merrie,” Cal said quietly. “I wish there was something I could do about it.”

“Maybe one day there will be. In the meantime, we just have to get through it.” But it wasn't easy. He was one of the only spouses who hadn't come on the trip. And she hated the fact that he wouldn't be there.

“It's a damn shame his job fell through in the East Bay. That was rotten luck.”

“Maybe it was fate,” she said philosophically. “Maybe something better will turn up soon.” She was still hopeful.

“I hope so.” Cal sounded sincere as he said it. More than anything, he wanted her to be happy. Because if she wasn't happy, there was always the chance that she would leave the company, and the thought of that terrified him. Dow Tech needed her now, and so did he, to run the financial end of his business. More than that, he needed her personally. He told her everything, and shared all his fears and joys and confidences with her. They were almost like partners in the business. And there was more than that to it now too. He even confided in her about his children. They were confidants and coconspirators, and best friends.

“It's too bad he couldn't come on this trip. It would have done you both good,” Cal said. He genuinely regretted it for her, and he knew she'd been disappointed when Steve said he couldn't come.

“It's probably just as well. I'll be too busy working.” She was making three presentations with Cal, and another on her own in a separate meeting.

“You'd better make time for some fun too. I don't want you running yourself ragged to keep everyone else happy. Let them fend for themselves a little bit. You're not their tour guide.”

“Tell them that,” she laughed. “You'd never have known it, from the lists of requests I've been getting.”

“Tear them up. And that's an order.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, and saluted smartly while he chuckled.

They talked about other things then, and he told her some funny stories about past retreats, and the crazy things people did when they were in an environment as totally different as this. Charlie McIntosh had gotten drunk and actually slept with one of the hula girls years before, and never lived it down. The story had circulated for years, and he always denied it, but everyone knew it was true, except his wife.

“I'll try to behave,” she said, laughing over it with Cal, and then he looked at her pensively for a long moment, and she was suddenly reminded of Christmas.

“I hope not,” he said softly. She didn't answer him, but they were so close sometimes that it frightened her. In some ways, Cal filled the role that Steve had, when they were living in the same city. There was nothing she didn't tell Cal. And whatever lack of ease had developed between them over the foolishness on Christmas Eve, had been dispelled when she came back after New Year. They were back to their comfortable friendship. But there were moments when the strength of his personality was like a magnet that drew her to him, not necessarily romantically, but she had a sense more often than not, that they were soul mates. It was as though they had been destined to meet and work together, and build an empire. They were like two halves of one entity that fit perfectly, and at times, she didn't understand it. It was hard to believe they hadn't known each other all their lives. It felt that way sometimes, even more so than with Steve. In some ways, she and Cal had more in common, they shared the same goals, the same needs, the same drive, the same passion for business. Steve lived in a different world, his motives seemed purer to her, he was a different kind of human being. And he cared absolutely not at all about money. He didn't understand the work she did, and he really didn't want to know about it. He just wanted to know that she was enjoying what she did. How she did it, and why, was of no importance to him. But Cal understood everything about it. In some ways, that was easier for her.

The plane landed shortly after noon, local time, and she and Cal herded their charges off the plane, and managed to get everyone on the bus to the hotel. The luggage would come later, and whatever was lost would eventually be found. They were all free that afternoon, and they didn't have to meet up until dinner. A luau had been arranged for them, and afterward there was to be dancing. The meetings weren't scheduled to start until the next morning. She and Cal were going to kick them off with a short speech, and after that, there was going to be a slide show. She had it all organized, and they had talked about it on the plane. There was nothing left to do except relax, go to the beach or the pool that afternoon, and then meet the others for dinner.

“Do you want to have lunch in my room?” Cal asked as they checked into the hotel. His room was next to hers, and as it turned out, they shared a terrace.

“Sure,” she said easily. “I want to go swimming afterward. Maybe we can escape the others until dinner.”

“Sounds good to me,” he said, and then carried her briefcase to her room for her. She was surprised to see she had a suite, and so did he, and then she realized he had personally reserved hers for her. It had a large, handsome living room, all done in sandy tones, and a beautifully done white bedroom. It looked like a spread in a magazine, and there were huge silver-dipped conch shells on the coffee table. She had a small kitchenette, a bar, and there was music playing when she walked into the room, with Cal just behind her. “This is spectacular,” she said to him, as she looked out at the palm trees that framed the view of the ocean.

“I thought it would be pretty at sunset. And I wanted you next to me, so the others didn't bother you.” They were all on other floors, which had been clever of him. It didn't even occur to her that they might think it was odd that their rooms were side by side. There had never been any gossip about them, and everyone knew she was married. She talked about Steve often.

Cal went to his own room then, and settled in, and their luggage arrived a few minutes later. Nothing had gotten lost apparently, which was nothing short of a miracle, with a group that size. Cal had ordered club sandwiches for them, and everything was set up on his terrace, when she joined him. He had even ordered her a mai-tai.

“I'm going to be following in Charlie's footsteps if I don't watch out,” she laughed, “and getting drunk at lunch time.”

“If you start chasing hula girls, Meredith, I'm going to send you home.”

“I'll try not to,” she said demurely.

The sandwiches were delicious, and the mai-tai was too strong, but she sipped a little of it, and they sat on his terrace for a long time, admiring the view, and relaxing. And then finally, she got up and told him she was going swimming.

“I'll keep you company,” he offered, and they both went to change, and she came back a few minutes later in a bikini with a long shirt over it, and sandals, and she looked as impeccable as ever. So did he in a bathing suit with a matching shirt and a pair of driving shoes. They made a very handsome couple, and no one would ever have suspected they weren't married. They seemed so intimate and so comfortable with each other, it would have been hard to believe that they had never slept with each other. Cal commented on it as they went downstairs, and she looked surprised.

“Do you really think people would think we're married?” It seemed to amuse her. It seemed an odd assumption to make, to her at least.

“Yes, I do. We even look alike. We're both blond, and our eyes are almost the same color. We like the same things, we even dress alike sometimes.” He had noticed it more than once, but she shook her head and laughed at what he was saying.

“That proves you're wrong. People never come in matched sets like us. They look like me and Steve, one dark, one fair, and he always looks like he dressed in the dark at Goodwill. I love him, but he looks a mess. I could have killed him when he came out the first time, to meet you, in his thousand-year-old jacket. I keep trying to throw it away, but he loves it. I've finally given up and accepted the fact that he'll keep it forever. And wear it.”

“He looked fine to me.” Cal said charitably. But she was right, Steve looked odd with her. She was always beautifully dressed, and everything about her was neat and in order and perfect. Cal guessed correctly that Steve was more at ease in his hospital garb than in real clothes, or a proper suit. He wondered if he even owned one. He did, in fact he owned several, thanks to Meredith, who bought them for him, but he never wore them.

They went down to the beach, and one of the beach boys set them up on deck chairs with towels, and Meredith took off her shirt, and lay down in her bikini. And although he was tempted to, Cal made no comment. She looked incredible in her bathing suit. More so than he had ever dreamed. He picked up his book, but with Meredith in such close proximity, with her smooth flesh and gentle curves, he found it impossible to concentrate on his reading.