Island Christmas (10 page)

“The usual, like you, and then sometimes I don’t do anything. When you live alone it doesn’t make a lot of sense to go all out with decorations and whatnots.”

“What about your family?”

“My mom moves around to the different houses of friends and family each year. She’ll be in New York this year visiting my sister and her family.”

“You have a sister?”

He nodded. His family had once been close, but that was before Rick had died. His little brother’s death had ripped his once tight family apart. He yawned, covering his mouth. He’d stayed up most of the night working on a project that was due by five this evening. He’d made the deadline, but barely. The laid back atmosphere of island life had seeped into his work habits, and if he wasn’t careful, he’d start losing business. His heavy eyelids slid shut. He forced them open.

Rachel looked at him with concern clouding her pretty face. “How about we try this again some other time? You’re clearly tired, and it’s too cold to enjoy a sleigh ride tonight.”

“Are you sure?” He was torn between being excited about leaving and disappointed. But it was freezing outside, and his warm bed sounded nice.

“Yes. I want Jason to be able to enjoy it too and that’s not happening tonight.”

“If you’re sure you don’t mind, but I’d still like to do the sleigh ride another time. I’ve had about two hours of sleep in the last twenty-four.”

“Why?”

“Work.”

“Is that normal?”

“No, but it’s not abnormal either. I do what I have to do to meet a deadline, and since I’ve been spending so much time not working, I paid the price.”

“Then we really should do this another time. I don’t want to be the only one awake on the ride.”

He chuckled and stood, gathering Jason into his arms. The boy’s eyes popped open, and he wrapped an arm around Chris’s neck. He could get used to evenings like this. They almost felt like a family. He stilled, unsure at the direction of his thoughts. He couldn’t go there—at least not yet.

Sunday morning Rachel held Jason’s hand
as they climbed the stairs into the old church building. Her fingers tingled, and her stomach roiled. Why was she so nervous? It was only church, and she’d been invited to be there.

A man held the door open and handed her a program, or something that looked like one. “Welcome.”

“Thank you.” She stepped inside and warmth enveloped her. It hadn’t snowed last night, but it was certainly cold enough. Once December hit, the temperature had dropped dramatically. Even the longtime residents talked about how unusually cold it was this year.

Jason wrenched free from her and tore across the foyer. “Chris!” He launched himself at the startled man.

“Oh no,” she moaned as she hustled across to where Jason was now comfortably situated in Chris’s arms.

Jason grinned wide and patted the man on the back. “Look, Mommy. Chris is here.”

“I see.” She wanted to reprimand her son for his behavior but didn’t want to draw any more attention than Jason had already done. She wiped her moist hands down the side of her slacks and looked around the small foyer. “Have you seen Zoe? She said she’d be here and invited us to sit with her.” Was that a flicker of disappointment in Chris’s eyes?

“She and Nick are already seated in the sanctuary.” He put Jason down. “Maybe Jason would enjoy the three-and-four-year-olds’ class.”

Rachel hesitated. Zoe mentioned that there were a few other kids here that were her son’s age, and it would be good for him to be around other children. “What do you think, Jason? Would you like to go play with other kids?”

He scrunched his face up and pressed his lips together. She held her breath.

Suddenly his face relaxed, and he shrugged. “Okay.” He slipped his hand into hers.

That went much better than expected. Since he spent most, if not all, of his time with adults, she’d been afraid he’d insist on staying with her.

“I’ll show you where his class is.” Chris led the way down a nearby hall.

After Jason was checked in, they went back to the sanctuary where everyone was standing and singing.

“We’re late.”

“It’s okay. They start like this so latecomers can slip in unnoticed.” He grinned. “You’re welcome to sit with me, then you won’t have to go to the front to be with Nick and Zoe.”

That sounded good to her. She trailed him into a nearby row and tried to follow along with the words projected on the screen above the stage, but she’d never heard the song before, so it was tough. She finally decided to simply listen to the blended voices. The result was quite beautiful. Tension melted, and for the first time all morning, she relaxed. Maybe there was something to this church thing after all.

The song ended and everyone sat. After a few more songs, the minister did his thing. The deep, gentle timbre of his voice was easy to listen to. The sanctuary was nicely decorated with holly wreaths on the end of every other row, and red bows on the rows in between. The stage had a life-sized nativity, but was otherwise unadorned. Maybe they held a Christmas pageant. That would be fun for Jason to see. He might even be old enough to remember it.

At the end of the sermon, the preacher asked everyone to stand then prayed a blessing over the people. She turned toward Chris. “That was nice. I’ve never been in a church where the preacher prayed a blessing like that.”

“Pastor Michaels does that every week. I hadn’t thought about it, but you’re right. Do you have lunch plans?”

“Actually, I do.” She’d told Zoe and Nick she’d have lunch with them. “But I’ll probably see you, since my plans are at the B&B.”

He raised a brow. “Okay. I’m headed to the general store for a sandwich. Do you want help finding Jason’s class?”

“I think I can remember. Thanks.” She stepped into the aisle and followed the crowd into the foyer.

Someone touched her elbow. She turned and grinned at Chris. “I thought you were leaving.”

“I am, but I have a quick question. Will you be coming back next week?”

“We might.”

He smiled. “Good. See you.” He turned and walked toward the exit.

She found her way to Jason’s class and watched him playing with another boy until he noticed her.

“Mommy!” He jumped up and ran to her.

“Hi, buddy. Put the toys away you were playing with, and then we can go.”

Her son quickly cleaned up and placed the Mr. Potato Head on a low shelf.

There were two adults in the room—one male, one female. The female handed him some papers. “Don’t forget your lesson, Jason. If you memorize the verse and come back next week and tell it to me, you will get to choose from the prize box.”

Jason’s face lit with excitement.

The male teacher turned to Rachel. “Jason is quite verbal. I would never have guessed he’s only three.”

“It comes from being around adults all the time. Plus my parents are grammar sticklers and have been working with him since he was old enough to talk. I hope he wasn’t a problem.”

“Not at all. We enjoyed him.”

Rachel held out her hand to him and thanked the teachers before walking away.

“I had fun, Mommy. Can we come back again?”

“We’ll see.” If the people there found out about her past, they might reject her and her son. One thing was certain, no one could find out about her past, if she decided to go back.

“But I want a prize from the box,” he whined.

“I said we’d see.” Her firm tone brooked no room for argument. She guided him outside and to the parking lot. “Tell me about what you did.”

“We sang songs, played games, listened to a story, colored, had a snack, and at the end we got to play with toys.”

She opened the passenger door, and he scrambled inside. After making sure he was secure she got behind the wheel and headed home. Maybe going to church was a good idea. It gave her a break from her mom duties, and she really did enjoy the song time. She didn’t exactly recall what the preacher had to say, since her mind wandered most of the time, but Jason seemed to have gotten a lot out of his class.

“Did you know Jesus walked on water?”

“He did? I had no idea. Tell me about it.” She glanced at him in the rearview mirror.

“Well there was a storm, and his friends were out on a boat. He walked out to them and told them to not be afraid. Jesus is God’s son. Did you know that?”

“Yes. I’ve heard.” She grinned at him through the rearview mirror. “It sounds like you learned a lot today.” She wasn’t sure what she thought about all of this, but she was open to looking more deeply into Christianity. It wasn’t like she didn’t believe there was a God, she simply hadn’t given Him much thought. Maybe it was time to make a change, at least for Jason’s sake.

They went home and dropped off Jason’s stuff. She changed into jeans and a sweater then grabbed the fudge from the fridge she’d made to take over to the B&B. “Let’s go, Jasie.”

“I’m playing,” he said from his bedroom.

She found him in the middle of his room building another block tower. “How about you pick out three small toys to take with us and put them in your backpack.”

A short time later they pulled into the B&B parking lot. This place felt like a second home, more so than her parents’ house.

Her parents were supportive and had given everything to help her and Jason, but she knew they didn’t approve of her life choices. They’d made that abundantly clear with thinly veiled hostile remarks. She shook off all thoughts of her parents and unstrapped Jason from his car seat. She waited for him to grab his backpack then they went inside.

“Hello,” she called out.

“In the kitchen,” Zoe said.

They sauntered into the room. “Mmm. Something smells heavenly.”

“Thanks.”

“I brought fudge.”

Zoe’s head whipped toward her, eyes widening. “I love fudge.”

“Good.” She grinned.

“Have a seat. Lunch won’t be ready for a bit. Jason, Nick is downstairs. Would you like to go down and watch a video?”

“Okay.”

Rachel followed and quickly settled him on the couch then went back up to the kitchen.

“I saw you sitting with Chris this morning.”

“Yes, he showed me where Jason’s class was, and by the time we got into the service, it had started. I didn’t want to walk up to where you and Nick were sitting. I hope you don’t mind.”

A twinkle lit Zoe’s eye as she poured them each a cup of coffee. “Not at all. So what did you think?”

“I really enjoyed the singing, and your pastor has a pleasant voice. Jason loved it and begged me to take him back next week.” She shrugged and stared into her coffee. “We’ll see.”

“Why the hesitation?”

Should she tell Zoe how she really felt? Her friend could be trusted and wouldn’t judge her, that much she was sure of, but did she want her to know? It wasn’t like she was that person anymore. Then again, confession was good for the soul, so maybe talking about it would help. She sat at the island and cradled her coffee cup. She took a bracing breath then met Zoe’s curious gaze. “I feel like a fraud when I’m there.”

Zoe frowned. “I don’t understand. Did someone say something rude to you?”

“No. Everyone was very nice actually.” Rachel took a long sip from her cup and set it down slowly. Her mind raced for an appropriate response. “I don’t belong there with all of you perfect people. I’m too messed up.” Zoe of all people should understand why she felt this way. Her friend knew a little of her past.

Zoe’s brow scrunched. “Only one perfect person ever walked on this earth, and it certainly wasn’t anyone at any church. Where is this coming from, Rachel?”

Chris sat at the
dining room table in the B&B eating a club sandwich he’d purchased at the general store. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but Zoe and Rachel’s voices carried through the quiet house. What did Rachel mean about being too messed up? Other than her spiritual life, she seemed to have it together.

He chuckled softly when Zoe asked her the same question. He could clearly hear Rachel’s response “You don’t know me all that well, Zoe. Before we met I was wild. My parents said I was sowing my wild oats. I was rebellious and only lived for a good time. Getting pregnant with Jason sobered me up. He changed everything. I suddenly had a choice to make, and I wanted to make the right one. Then when my husband, Jason, died two weeks after we were married, fear put me on the straight and narrow.”

She’d named her son after her husband. He half wondered why she hadn’t added the junior part, not that it mattered.

Rachel continued. “My son needed a parent, and I didn’t want
my
parents raising him because I was too high or drunk to take care of him after a party. I couldn’t continue with the lifestyle I’d been living. I’m clean and sober, all the time now, but the things I used to do… let’s just say, you don’t want to know.”

He tuned out Zoe’s reply. His appetite dulled. This must be what he sensed Rachel was hiding. The woman Rachel described was nothing like the person he’d gotten to know over the past few weeks. The woman he knew was responsible, caring, put her son before herself. He hadn’t seen any drug paraphernalia or an ounce of liquor in her home, nor did he ever smell it on her breath.

Rachel had a past—everyone did, but hers was sketchy at best from the sound of it. He felt torn between anger, denial, and hurt. Not hurt for himself, but for her. He could only imagine the unspeakable… no he wouldn’t go there—couldn’t. He cared about Rachel as a friend, and as such he would support her, but as a man he wasn’t sure he could ignore her past activity. He was angry that she had engaged in that kind of behavior. She was smarter than that.

Then again she had been young and stupid. Lots of young people partied and turned out fine. Clearly Rachel fell into that category. He rested his head in his hands, hurting for her, for them. She’d lost her innocence. Sure she’d been married and had a child, but what she lost was a different kind of innocence, and it grieved him.

He tuned back in to the conversation in the kitchen. “Rachel, I want you to listen to me when I tell you this, because I
know
what I’m talking about. Your past is in the past. My parents lived the life you described, except when they had me, they didn’t love me enough to change their ways. I’m proud of you for getting clean and sober. How did you do it? When you were here that summer I saw no sign that you had a substance problem.”