Island Rush (27 page)

But all good things end. Including this.

I was being shaken out of nowhere.  I tried to hold onto this reality but with every rocking motion, I faded more and more from it, until there was nothing but darkness.  Then I heard his voice. I raced towards it and opened my eyes to see Mr. Rush looming over me, his hands on my shoulders. He stopped when my eyelids opened.

At first, I smiled to be back with him. To be back to this man that wanted me. However, as my blurry eyes adjusted, and my mind had a second to think, I knew it was too good to be true.  I recognized the sky was dark.  The only light remaining belonged to the small glow of the fire.

“Thank God, you’re up.”  An overwhelming sadness and anger flushed through me as he looked desperately into my eyes. “You had another dream.”

I didn’t say anything.  He wiped away tears that I didn’t realize I shed.  They were already cold on my cheeks. “You were crying. You were smiling and laughing at the same time.”

Of course, it was a dream.  The man in it wasn’t mine and did not exist. Because the one that did exist appeared to enjoy toying with my feelings. He never considered his options.  The dude I was falling for used me for another chick.  He would never care for me in the way I do for him.  Never want a broken and damaged girl. One younger than him, weaker, and now maybe insane. I don’t know what I did to deserve this form of torment and wasn’t sure why this man was delivering it. This man, my teacher, was taken and in a committed relationship.  But he still used me.

Though the warning rang in my head, I ignored it.  He used me so why couldn’t I take my feelings out on him? Let it go and be human was what he suggested.  That was what I was ready to do.

I scowled at him. “Do you like tormenting me, Mr. Rush?”  I didn’t think and forced myself not to.  I did what I wanted for once. 

I pushed him away from me, sat up in the process, very widely awake now. “Janice, wha
t—
”

His words were cut off by my forceful lips when I launched myself at him. His back now against the ground, I straddled him and kissed him.  Because I wanted to, because I could, and because I didn’t care about anything else right now.  I would ignore the guilt and consequences and do what I wanted. And what I wanted was this awful and wonderful man.

Chapter 27

All thoughts of what his reaction would be were lost. My lips touching his sent a million shockwaves of delight through my chest, and it urged me to keep going.  The thing was, the man under me I was moving my lips over didn’t budge.  He was frozen, and it made my stomach twist.  The only thing he did was whimper in protest, which made me register what was happening.  I suspected he was about to push me off. I knew it would happen.  There were so many reasons why he would.

He whimpered louder from where I was over his shocked body.  His lips quivering under mine and staying in a tight line, I knew he was about to push me off.  His body language said it all.  But… it changed. 

He whimpered against my lips before it turned into a moan. Mr. Rush began to kiss me back, body relaxing as he went with it.  Opening his mouth wide with mine, our lips began to move in sync. It was a shocking moment, to say the least. 

I wasn’t expecting this.  I did what I did because I wanted to. I didn’t think about what would happen and when it did cross my mind, this wasn’t something I predicted.  That’s why I did not understand what was going on at the moment.  One thing was for sure, though: I wasn’t going to stop to question him. I would go for as long as I could. He was stretching the greed out in me.

When his lips gave in, the rest of him did too.  His arms moved up and tightened around me at the same time his leg wrapped around mine.  With how deeply his lips moved with mine… it was hard to contain how good it felt.  His hands sliding up and down me, I let go of his mouth for the smallest second to groan loudly. I hit his mouth once more and continued with short but fierce lips.

My hands running down his chest, the only thing I could think was that I needed him.  His body, mind, thoughts, feelings, and weaknesses. I wanted him for the way he made me feel whole. He showed me I was important and that I mattered. That I could beat anything.  Could be fixed by his simple presence, his warm words and eyes. His soft touch and good heart.

Responding to my hard kisses, his hands moved up under my shirt to rest on my bare back.  The warmth of his hands made me relax deeper against him. His fingers against my back soothingly slid up and down, which pushed the fabric up to my chest.  For how comfortable I felt, I just took it off and continued kissing him.  My skin exposed to the coolness of the night was something I easily ignored. Chest back against his, I allowed my hands to go back to caressing his figure.

I didn’t expect him to respond to my actions. I didn’t think he would continue for this long. I sure didn’t expect what happened when we eventually tried pushing ourselves closer.

It would be an understatement to say I was caught off guard when something hard pushed up against my thigh. I might as well have gone into shock.  The man was aroused, there was no mistaking that.  It made me push all logic out with what I decided to do next.

It was wrong, and I knew it.  He was engaged, my teacher, an adult while legally I wasn’t. This would hurt him as it would hurt me. But I spent so long calculating every small move I made in my life and whether it was the right one.  Now, I wanted to give in. I let myself block out all the warnings scratching in my mind.

Kissing him, I made the delicate decision to take a shaky hand and run it south until I stopped over the strained fabric.  He instantly broke his lips from mine at my move. I figured I took it too far, and shame slipped past my barriers.  But I learned he moved from my lips so he could throw his head back.

“Oh,” I heard him groan into the air with pleasure. Hearing that voice of his moan… it pushed forward a drive in me too.  Our lips free of each other, I instantly started to kiss his neck. It invited him to start rubbing his body up against mine, which I am glad he did.  It peaked the pleasure between us and sent him to groan again. This time, though, it came with words. “Oh God, Janice,” he sighed as if in a daze. “Janice…”

I didn’t pause what I was doing, but I think my mind automatically was programmed to shut down if anything like that left his mouth.  It shocked my mind, but for only a second.  Thoughts started racing on what that could possibly mean.  Did I even hear him right? If so, he most certainly couldn’t be using me. Or was this maybe my mind confusing me like it did when we found the body? 

Then, he did it again. Grip tightening, he moaned, “Janice.”

Hearing him say that once more lowered the chances of me hallucinating by a ton.  It also drove me crazy, making me want him more, and he gave it to me.

Before I knew it, he tightened his arms around me and flipped me onto my back. He was over me now, kissing me the second he could. And my god, did it feel perfect.  His uneven breath brushing my skin pushed me to move my moaning mouth with his.  It was so overwhelming. His warm scent, beautiful mouth, and hungry grunts… I moved my hands to wrap in his hair, holding his lips in place on mine.

Running my fingers through his hair, I could feel the knots and how messy it was.  With that, his facial hair brushing my face, and his inability to stop… I couldn’t ask for a guy more untamed.  He let go, stopped caring about being perfect.  It was beautiful.

Tightening myself against him, it allowed me to feel that hardness again. I wasn’t sure if it was that or something else that triggered it, but all of a sudden it stopped.

I felt him groan over my mouth, but tense at the same time. He shuddered while also forcing himself to stop.  His breath grew hot and panicked against my face.  Opening my eyes, I couldn’t see him through the dark.  I could picture his face perfectly, though, full of astonishment and guilt.  I probably matched that description too. I hadn’t planned what I did so I had no words prepared.  I had no excuse. 

We didn’t move, still wrapped against each other, trying to process everything. I knew for sure this was no dream.  If it were, he wouldn’t have stopped, there would be no drama following this, and everything would be perfect. I waited in anticipation while becoming very aware of my actions. I felt a blush creep into my cheeks and realized how pathetic I was. All I did was mess everything up again. But first… I wanted answers.             

“Why did you stop?” I whispered so quietly I wasn’t sure he heard me.  I was about to ask louder since he wasn’t answering, but his voice reached the air first.

“I…” He took in a shaky breath and tried again.  “We can’t do this.”

There was no point in hiding anything.  He knew I had feelings for him. He knew it when he caught that look I gave him and was too slow to hide it. He knew from when I kissed him back the day of the storm. He had to be stupid if he couldn’t see it after what just occurred.

“Because I’m not Jill?  Because when I kissed you, you imagined her?”

I stared into the darkness of where his face was over mine.  He remained silent at first but then spoke.  “Yes,” he said in a trembling voice.

I predicted he would say that he imagined Jill again.  What I was really curious about was how he would answer my next question. “Then why did you say my name?” I hissed.

I was confident that he in some way was attracted to me.  I clearly heard him moan my name, not Jill’s.

“Why did you kiss me?” he threw back instinctively, ignoring my question.

I had no excuse.  Even if I did, would he really be that stupid to believe it?  He was trying to put me on the spot, but I wasn’t finished.

“I’ll try again,” I said in a firm voice.  “Why did you say my name and not hers? Don’t try to change the subject, sir.”

“Do not call me sir!” he snapped, tensing even more over me.  His hands found both my cheeks again, and before I knew it, his mouth hit mine hard again.  Kissing my unprepared lips hard again, it drove me in shock that he did it again.  Before I could even respond, he jerked his head back.  I could say nothing while his breath was still raging and blowing across my face. “I don’t recall your name coming from my lips, got it?!  If it did, I don’t remember it!”

“Bullshit!”

I could feel him staring down at me with fire and frustration. Breathing harder, he forced his words out fast.  “Christ, it’s getting so old!” he shouted. “You and the little schoolgirl crush you had on me was cute for a kid your age at first.  Now, it’s just immature of you to try to pursue it. Scrap up the little sanity that you have left and use it! You and your fucking obsession with me… good god.  Your life must be so hollow for you to choose to be a slut and chase a soon-to-be married man. You’re a selfish and broken child!”

I didn’t need to see his eyes or face to be convinced of his words.  That voice, that disgusted and angry voice rang through my ears.  It was all that was echoing in my head.

I didn’t have the strength to pound his face in or attempt it. All I wanted was to be away from him.  I had only enough strength in me to push him off of me and get to my feet. I couldn’t see a thing, I didn’t care. I just jogged towards the thick brush, away from camp.  Moving swiftly through the dark, I tripped over a couple roots as I followed the sound of the river. I stopped when I was positive he wouldn’t be able to find me, but still in the range of trickling water.

Once again without a shirt, I laid down against a big tree, welcoming the surrounding grass. I was shivering but wouldn’t dare go back, not after that. It took quite a while, but I eventually fell asleep.

Chapter 28

Color started to fill the sky with a light pink as I stood on the beach. I woke up before the sun and didn’t go back to sleep.  The reason I decided to go to the beach was because I couldn’t sit still.  I knew he would be looking for me — and would find me.  The creek was in sight down the beach, but I never turned to look at it, afraid I would see his face coming around the corner.

I faced the soft waves with a heavy weight on my shoulders. Last night’s events played in my head until I remembered everything vividly.  I recalled the things he said to me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do or should do. If I run away again, I get nowhere with no help but my own shame. Plus, I didn’t need him coming after me like he did last time.  So then, how were we going to live with each other after that?  Forget it or act like it didn’t happen like we did before?

I felt like trash that I needed to even think about that in the first place.  His words got to me because he was right to some extent. I was acting like a slut. Who throws themselves at a guy who is engaged? And I knew it too! I knew I would regret this, and I do. I knew that tension would start to ride between us again but couldn’t care. What I didn’t expect were those words he yelled, even though I should have.  What else would any normal guy say to a girl who does that?  Though I deserved those words, I couldn’t help but be extremely pissed off at him. Pissed enough that I was nearly shaking with fury.  I inhaled deeply for the millionth time this morning, willing myself to calm down.

I was there on the beach thinking about those things for a long while.  By the time the sun started to fill the sky, the coldness had shed.  What remained was the need to do something. To occupy myself.

That opportunity presented itself to me when I sat in the sand, legs stretched out in front of me where the water met land. In the distance and off to my left in the water was something floating.  Squinting my eyes, I tried getting a better look but couldn’t make out what it was. I stood back up and stared at it, waiting as it came closer with the waves. My eyes widened in shock when I could see it. It was a suitcase!

Running out into the shallow water, I grabbed it and pulled it back to shore. I wasn’t sure what to make of this, but all that mattered was that it was heavy and packed. Breathing hard and dripping, I sat down in the sand and pulled the bag into my lap. My thought went instantly to the plane; this was where it came from somehow. 

I put that thought away for later and started to unzip the bag. I opened it and scanned over all the men’s wet clothing.  It was mostly tank tops and tee-shirts along with shorts.  There were some light dress and button up shirts too.  It was the type of clothing that I packed to prepare for hot weather. 

I dug through the rest of the clothes, finding underwear and socks that I pushed aside.  When I saw what was at the bottom of the suitcase, I lifted an eyebrow.  I wasn’t surprised considering this was most likely one of my male classmate’s bag.  Two dirty magazines were spread out on the bottom, side by side, and damp.  Next to it were a pack of condoms, which made me chuckle and roll my eyes. I wasn’t sure how exactly they planned on having fun like that while under supervision.

Throwing them aside with the clothes, I opened an extra pocket that was in front. Pulling out a razor, shaving cream, cologne, and shampoo, my day just got better. 

My slightly tilted grin dropped open when I looked back up at the water. Coming from my left again came two more black masses.  One was around the same size as the suitcase while the other looked smaller.             

When they were close enough to shore, I left my findings from before to collect more as I raced out in the water. Getting close enough, I saw that the smaller mass wasn’t a suitcase. It was a carry-on bag, the ones you take on the plane!

Finally in reach, I just stared at the two different bags, not sure if I saw this correctly. I understand how the suitcases would manage to float up from the plane. Crashing and skidding on rocks on the seafloor most likely tore open the bottom of the plane where luggage was stored. Why would carry-on bags be floating up, though?  I guess it was possible, but it didn’t add up.

I took the handle of each in a hand and turned back, the water moving from where it was at my stomach to my thighs as I rose towards shore. One thing had to be for sure, though.  This meant that the plane had to be fairly close.

My thoughts from before reappeared.  How I told Mr. Rush that if we find the plane, we could get a lot of use out of it. He denied that idea right away, and I understood way.  It was stupid.  It just seemed a little less stupid now was all…

Sitting back in the sand, I opened the next suitcase. In it, I found a few skirts and shorts, a red dress, shoes, and tee-shirts. With purple flannel pajamas, there were also a few bras that were too big in size for me.  Opening the side pouch, I felt a plastic case of make-up and pulled it out. The plastic looked cracked a little, but it remained dry. Putting that aside, I pulled the small duffel bag to my lap next.

Before I could open it, I heard a shuffling noise come from behind me.  I internally groaned. I didn’t need to turn around; I knew he was standing behind me.

“Janice,” he said.

My name. That was all it took to put me in action. His voice brought back how much hurt, anger, and guilt was building up in me. His voice, the same that put me in my place, made me stand from my place in the sand and turn around.  I finally got to see his face. It was too dark last night to see his reactions.  Looking at him now, he looked just as insane and on edge as I felt.  It was most likely more guilt over Jill!  His eyes looked desperate and tired, even with them being wide open.  The guy’s chest moved up and down faster.  He looked away, eyes falling to the bags in the sand.

His eyebrows lowered, and I chuckled. “Don’t worry, sir,” I said, gesturing to the dirty magazines. “No need to bother with me now that you have pictures. Maybe you will feel a little less guilty seeing as they are paper.  Not one of your students.”

He closed his eyes, holding a hurtful look. And you know what? It felt pretty good. I snorted, shook my head, and hid my pain. I didn’t give him a chance to speak because the luggage at my feet gave me the push to start walking.

Stupid, impossible, and it would piss him off. I didn’t consider the danger but didn’t care either way.  His words made me think — a lot.  It led me to one conclusion.  I felt like I was no good or useless.  I knew it wasn’t true, but it made me feel that way.  It made me want to prove to myself that I am better than what he said.  I am better and can do things for myself.  I am not a child and will prove it to myself and to him!

This was a good way to do it.  We were going to be here for a while, and that meant we would need more things.  More supplies and resources can be uncovered from the plane if we try.

I strode down the beach, heading up to the shady grass and walking parallel to the ocean.  I was heading in the direction the bags were floating from. The plane couldn’t be far, and it apparently was much closer to shore than I thought.

I knew he was behind me, but he kept his distance at first.  Probably most likely unsure of how he was going to fix this. How he was going to explain that he used me again when I clearly heard my name.  No, I was done.  Done with him.

The sweat pouring down my face seemed more minor each day here.  However, the pain I felt over him wasn’t something I could get used to.  The longer we were here, the more I had come to want him.  The more naive I became too. It was my fault, yes, but it was his too.

My eyes danced over the water, looking for more luggage to pop up.  Seeing nothing yet, something interrupted me.  I jumped slightly upon hearing him fall into step beside me and speak.  “Hey, we need—”

I cut him off instantly.  “There is no more ‘we.’ You made that very clear. So don’t try to apologize to me, just don’t talk to me.” I moved forward, moving my legs at a faster pace.

I heard a faint groan from behind me and figured he was getting frustrated. I smiled at that. A few minutes later, he shouted from behind me.  “Where are you even going?”

The both of us still walking, I kept my head forward, searching for anything in the water. Finally, I saw something that didn’t require looking hard.

Another cliff was ahead, slightly smaller than the last one we went around.  This one seemed strangely familiar too once I was closer to it.  Eyeing it up, it was not as far out as the last and not as tall. From where we were in the trees, I saw no problem with going up and over the side instead of around it in the water.  I turned slightly, heading farther into the forest so I had more of a gradual incline.

“Would you please tell me where you’re going?!” he said; his patience on a thin line.

“You can go wherever you want,” I said back over my shoulder as I started to move uphill.

“I figured that out, thank you,” he said sarcastically. “I said
you
. Where are
you
going?”

“I’m going to the bathroom!”

“That was an awful attempt to try to get rid of me.”

Watching my feet, I dodged rebelling roots up the rugged hill as best as I could.  I stayed ahead of him and didn’t look back. “Well, maybe I should send you mixed signals, call you an obsessed slut, break your heart in the process, and use you!  I know that sure works for getting rid of some people!” I yelled louder.

I heard the sound of dirt shifting and a hard thud. Glancing back, I saw he tripped, landing on his stomach.  He also looked shocked. I didn’t stop moving and turned my attention ahead of me again.

I realized my mistake. I admitted to him he broke my heart. Great, he already knew I had some attraction towards him but nothing that serious. Well, nothing to do now other than getting this over with. I was anxious to do this, whether I could or not.

I kept debating with myself if this was really something I should do.  I knew it wasn’t.  It was dangerous.  It was like when I thought nothing of my actions when I ate the first berry, not knowing if it was poisonous or not.  It was like last night, not thinking about the consequences.  But I could feel it in my bones, just how much I needed to do this.  I didn’t want to be a slut, a child, and someone with no self-respect.  I wasn’t any of those things, and I was going to prove that.

I reached the top of the cliff and saw I stood on mostly flat ground.  I turned around, looking back towards the creek and the way we came from. It was so beautiful, the sandy strip stretching along the shore.  It ended in the distance where the other cliff was, the one we struggled around only to find the creek. 

Turning, I walked a few feet to the other side, the direction we were heading.  I saw the other strip of land, sand, and water.  It didn’t take long to realize where I was looking.

This was where we first started.  Where Mr. Rush first woke me and I saw we were alive and on an island.  It was down on that strip of the beach that we made the flight attendant’s first grave. I knew that because when we washed up on shore, this was one of the first things I saw.  This exact cliff.

That meant the plane was in this area of the water.

Shuffling came from behind me in the woods where I knew Mr. Rush was catching up. I moved on, going back into the trees so I could move down the hill at a more gradual angle.  My eyes remained scanning the water, looking for any other bags.

By the time I got to the bottom, to the scorching sand, I looked back up and saw he was coming behind me.  I wish I could have known where exactly the plane was before he reached me.  Standing at the edge of the water, with no choice but to keep looking for more bags, I sighed. He most likely knew more about where the plane could be than me.  He was the conscious one who pulled me out.  Too bad I couldn’t ask.  He would have figured out why I wanted to know.

I heard him behind me, but he stayed silent. I just kept scanning the water with no success. Then a few moments later, he finally broke the silence.  “Look, Jan—”

A black bag surfaced up from under the water.  It wasn’t as far from shore as I would have expected, which made this a lot easier.  It was about the same distance out as the cliff we went around in the water, maybe a few yards more.  I didn’t hesitate.  Seeing the exact spot the bag came from, I was moving in an instant.  I didn’t hear him finish, probably because he was surprised by my sudden sprint into the water.

The water pooled around me and before it reached my thighs, I heard him coming, splashing just as loud. He must have known then my plan, and that made him really work for it.  Grabbing my arm and stopping me, he pulled me back until the water was back at our kneecaps.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” he shouted, holding me firmly.

“I decided to go fishing!”

“You’re not doing this. It’s too dangerous and too far down! Your life isn’t worth a couple bags of clothes!”

“I guess that’s for me to decide,” I yelled in his face, trying to jerk his strong hold of me.  He was stronger than he looks.

“Why? Are you trying to prove a point to me?  Trying to upset me?”

I stopped struggling and took a sharp breath.  “I just need to do this. You will not stop me either.  If you haul me back, I’ll just be more determined to do it when your back is turned.” He didn’t deserve an answer or for me to explain.  Did I want to make him upset, angry, worried?  Maybe.  That is not why I was doing this, though.  It was much more than something petty like that.