It Was You (24 page)

I raised my hand and she cowered.

I dropped my hand slowly to my side. I stared at her, disgusted by the sight of her, wishing I looked like anyone other than her.

“
Don't ever come near me again,” I said. “Don't go to my room. Don't go near my stuff. Don't go near my friends. Don't even look at me.”

I stared at her, waited for her to say something, to try and defend herself or pretend like she didn't know what I was talking about. But she just stood there, red faced, blood trickling out of her mouth, her eyes moving anxiously between me and the people standing around us.

“And you can suck off every guy here for all I care,” I said, fighting off the tears I could feel  forming in my eyes. “Bend over for each and every one of them.” I looked around and my eyes landed on the two guys that had originally been standing with her. “Seriously. She's so fucking easy. Just unzip and she'll probably do you. Right here.”

Their amused expressions drifted toward Annika, whose face was bright red now, her skin mottled and bloody.

I looked at her. “But if you ever go near anyone I'm with again, I swear to God, Annika.” I shook my head, the tears streaming down my face. “I swear I'll kill you.”

I turned and fought my way through the crowd, desperate to leave her behind before I completely collapsed. I ignored the catcalls, the murmuring and whispering, the music and the confused expressions on everyone's faces.

I just needed to breathe.

THIRTY EIGHT

I was packing the one suitcase I owned when my father filled my doorway. “Going somewhere?”

I nodded, but didn't say anything.

“Care to tell me where?”

“
San Luis. To stay with Tana.”

“
Weren't you just there?”

I nodded, didn't say anything.

“Abby?”

I looked at him.

“Your sister just called,” he said, staring at me. “She was pretty upset.”

“
Really?” I folded a pair of sweatpants and laid them in the roller bag. “That's a shame.”

“
She told your mom you attacked her,” he said, measuring his words. “Did you?”

“
I don't know that I'd call it attack,” I said. “It could've been a lot worse.”

He leaned against the doorframe. “What's going on, Abby?”

“I don't wanna talk about, Dad,” I said, sighing. “Not right now.”

“
Your sister called and said you attacked her,” he said, his voice rising. “Now you're in here, packing a bag and heading back to San Luis Obispo. I think I need to know what's going on.”

I closed the bag and zipped up the bag angrily. “The same thing that's been going on for eighteen years, Dad. I hate her. All she's ever wanted to do is hurt me. And I'm done.”

“Abby, don't exaggerate...”

“
Hey, Dad,” I said, my throat tightening, tears budding again in my eyes. “I'm not exaggerating, okay? I know she's your daughter, too, but I'm not exaggerating. I don't expect you to understand. But I'm not going to sit here and listen to you tell me I'm overreacting.”

“
But that kinda seems like what you're doing here, Abs. If...”

“
She pretended she was me,” I said, the words catching as they came out of my mouth. “To try and sleep with my boyfriend. To have sex with him. For no other reason than to do it and hurt me.” I shook my head, pissed that I was crying again. “And, Dad, I swear. You ask me one more question, I'm going to tell you more than you ever wanted to know about your precious daughter. I'll tell you every awful thing she's ever done to me and everyone else she's come in contact with.” I shook my head again. “I promise you. You don't want to hear it.”

My dad chewed on the inside of his cheek, his arms folded across his chest. He was clearly weighing whether or not to press me. I wasn't kidding. I would spill everything I could remember about Annika. And most of it would probably hurt him. I couldn't imagine hearing the things Annika had done if I were her father. But I was serious. The dam had broken. I wouldn't hold back.

“How long are you going to be gone?” he finally asked, a grim expression settling onto his face.

“
I don't know,” I said, setting the bag down on the floor and pulling up the handle. “I just need to get away for a couple days.”

He nodded slowly.

I walked over to him, pulling the bag with me. “I'm not running away. I just need to get out of here for a couple days and clear my head.”

He nodded again. “Alright. What about your classes?”

“I'll get it taken care of,” I said, but they were honestly the furthest thing from my mind.

“
You don't want to wait until morning?”

I shook my head.

He sighed. “I'd like to tell you no, but you're eighteen and I'm afraid I'll make it worse if I put up a fight here.”

I didn't say anything.

“You'll call as soon as you get to Tana's?”

“
Yep.”

He pushed off the doorframe. He put his arms around me and hugged me.

And I started sobbing, the kind of sobbing you do when you're eight and the mean kid at school is mean to you and you don't know why, but you run to your dad and he makes it better.

But this time he couldn't make it better.

THIRTY NINE

“
I told Athena we needed the room,” Tana said. “She probably thinks we really are lesbians.”

I chuckled. We were sitting on the middle of her floor, two massive bowls of ice cream in front of us. She'd been waiting out front for me when I got there and hugged me as soon as I got out of the car, as I broke into another fit of crying. I'd called her on my way, told her why I was coming and she said she's be waiting.

My best friend.

“
So we've got the room to ourselves and neither she or The Incredible Bulk will be bothering us for the rest of the night,” she said, smiling at me.

“
What time is it?” I asked. “I have no clue.”

She glanced at her phone. “Nearly two in the morning.”

“It's all blended together.”

She nodded sympathetically. “I'm sure.”

My phone vibrated next to me on the floor.

West's name flashed on the screen.

I pushed the button on top of the phone and his name disappeared.

“
You haven't talked to him?” Tana asked.

I shoved a spoonful of the ice cream into my mouth and shook my head.

“Has he called?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Entire time I was driving. Was texting me, too.”

“What did he say?”

“
I don't know,” I said. “I didn't look at the texts or listen to the voicemails. And I don't want to.”

Tana nodded. “Gotcha.”

The temptation had been there to answer the phone, to talk to him, to hear his voice. But I wasn't ready to do that yet. I didn't know what I wanted to say to him. Or if I'd ever have anything to say to him. I just wanted to get as far away from both him and Annika as I could so I could see straight.

“
I won't stay forever,” I said, spooning out the last bit of ice cream and swallowing it. “I just need a couple days to get...I don't know what.”

“
You can stay as long as you want, Abs,” Tana said, smiling. “I didn't want you to leave in the first place.”

I set the bowl down and pushed it to the side. “Thanks.”

“But you're going to have to deal with it,” she said. “Both of them.”

“
I know. Just not right now.”

Tana licked her spoon, then dropped it in her bowl. “Did he fuck her?”

I winced at the word. “I don't know. I don't think so. At least, that's what he tried to tell me, but who knows?”

“
But he said he didn't?”

I thought back to our conversation. “He said that she wanted to but that he said no because she was drunk. She, of course, being Annika pretending to be me.”

Tana nodded, thinking. “I just don't get her.”

“
Me, either. But it felt so good to knock the shit out of her.”

“
I'll bet. You should've gone for a stomach punch, too.”

We both laughed a little at that.

“So what are you most mad at?” Tana asked.

I leaned back against her bed and sighed. “I don't know. I really don't know.”

My phone vibrated again.

West's name.

I pushed the button again.

“
He's being persistent,” she said.

I shrugged. “Oh, well.”

“Can I ask another question?”

I nodded.

“Why are you mad at West?”

I stared at her like she was crazy. “What?”

“Why are you mad at him?”

“
Because he hooked up with my sister!”

“
But he thought it was you,” she said. “And he didn't sleep with her.”

I looked at her, annoyed. “He hooked up with her, Tana. She sucked his dick. That's about all I need to know.”

“I get that,” she said, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging them. “But he thought it was you. And, honestly. If she wore your clothes, how the hell would anyone know?”

“
You would've.”

“
I've also known you for a hundred years,” she said, smiling. “You've known him two weeks. Had he even met Annika yet?”

I looked away from her.

“What?” she asked.

I sighed again. “He doesn't even know I have a sister.”

“What?” she asked, her voice incredulous.

“
I hadn't told him,” I explained. “Hell, he saw my parents on one of their stupid benches and I denied they were my parents.”

“
Why?” she asked, confused.

I thought for a moment. I hadn't shared it with her, my reasoning, my logic. She'd known I'd given up State to get away from my sister but I hadn't told her the whole sordid story. Of not being altogether honest with West. Of keeping nearly everything about my family a secret.

“I just wanted to be someone different,” I said. “I didn't want to be Annika's twin. I didn't want to be the daughter of those real estate people. I just wanted him to see me and nobody else. Not like I wasn't going to tell him eventually. But we hadn't gotten there yet.”

She nodded, trying to feign sympathy, but I could tell she didn't like it.

“What?” I asked. “You can say it. I don't have any more tears left. I won't crumble.”

She smiled a tired smile. “Look, I'm on your side. You know that. And I understand what you're saying about wanting to be you. That makes sense, too.” She paused and hugged her knees tighter. “But not telling him, that means he didn't really know you at all. He doesn't know about all the crap with Annika.” She paused again. “And if he didn't even know you had a twin sister...I mean, come on, Abby. If she did it right, there's no way he ever would've known it wasn't you if that's the way she wanted it.”

I leaned my head back on the edge of the bed and stared at the ceiling. She was right, of course. He probably never had a chance. He had no clue that I had a twin and even if he had, he probably couldn't' have told us apart. It wasn't his fault.

But there was a part of me that was angry with him for not knowing. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to somehow feel something that let him know she wasn't me. Yeah, she'd showed up drunk apparently and that bothered him enough that he'd held her off. But he'd still kissed her, let her do things to him. He hadn't known it wasn't me.

And that hurt in a way I'd never hurt before.

“
I'm not saying it's okay, Abby,” Tana said. “I'm really not. But put yourself in his shoes for a second. I can see why it might've happened. And he did stop her. Something wasn't right for him in that he told her no. Something wasn't there for him.”

“
But all I can think of is her on him,” I said, the queasy feeling returning to my stomach. “That's all I can think of now when I think of him.”

She crawled over to me and sat next to me, putting her arm around my shoulders. “I know. I'm sorry, Abs. I'm really sorry.”

I stared at the ceiling. Maybe I wasn't out of tears yet.

The phone vibrated again.

I looked down.

West. Again.

“At some point, you're going to have to talk to him,” Tana said.

I pushed the button again.

His name disappeared.

“
Yeah,” I said, pushing the phone away. “Just not now.”

FORTY