It Was You (23 page)

I tucked my hands between my legs, trying to get them to stop shaking. “No. I mean before. What did we do? On the couch.”

“
Abby, come on. I don't get...”

“
Tell me,” I said sharply, staring at him, my vision blurred with tears.

His eyes were fixed on me, trying to figure me out.

I didn't know what to tell him.

But I wanted to know.

“We made out on the couch,” he finally said. “You got my clothes off. Before I could get yours off. I got your skirt off. You were saying you wanted to go back to the bedroom. I was...I just didn't think it was a good idea. You were insistent. Then...” He shook his head, rolled his eyes. “Then you went down on me. But I...”

I stood from the couch, my hands held out. “Stop. Just stop.”

“What the fuck is going on, Abby? Why the hell don't your remember any of this?”

Tears were streaming down on my face. I had no idea what to tell him.

“I have to go,” I said.

I tried to rush past him, but he grabbed my arm. “Abby. Come on. What the hell is going on?”

I shook my arm free from his grasp, but I couldn't look him in the face. “I have to go.”

He reached for me again, but I pulled away and opened the front door.

“Abby?” he asked and he sounded hurt. “You aren't going to talk to me? Really?”

No.

I really wasn't.

Because I didn't know what the hell to say.

THIRTY FIVE

I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing.

I pulled away from West's house, barely able to see through the tears . I managed to run one stop sign and nearly went through another, except a truck crossed in front of me and I had to hit the brakes. I pulled over to the side of the road, leaned my head against the steering wheel and cried.

I didn't understand Annika. I didn't know why she'd done it. I couldn't think of anything she could've done to hurt me more. And I wasn't sure what I'd done to deserve it.

It had been like that ever since we were kids. When she saw an opportunity to hurt me or make me feel small or worthless, she grabbed it and didn't let go until her mission was accomplished. Ever since we were little kids, that's the way it had been. And I'd never understood. When we were younger, it had worked. I did feel smaller and inferior. But as we got older, I just started to resent her, even if I had trouble shaking the inferiority complex. I'd never complained to my parents, but they knew we weren't close. They'd always chalked it up to sibling rivalry.

But it was more than that.

There was a nastiness to her actions toward me. It wasn't just cattiness. She acted with the intent to hurt me. When we were younger, she managed to do it. As we got older, I'd somehow found a way to let it roll off my back and not let it get to me. Which, of course, irritated her and seemed to sometimes fuel the fire for her. So she would try harder. And sometimes, it would work. Like with Kevin at the party.

But this time?

This time she'd found a way to really wound me.

I wiped my eyes and lifted my head off the steering wheel.

There was a part of me, too, that was angry with West. That he didn't recognize that he was with someone else. Yes, we were identical twins, but how could he not have known that he was kissing someone else?

That probably hurt more than Annika somehow deciding to try to fool him.

It made me feel like I was replaceable. Like I wasn't special to him at all. Like I didn't stand out. Like I was just another girl.

My stomach convulsed again and I felt the bile rise up. I forced myself to swallow it back down.

I was beyond angry.  At both of them. Annika for doing something that she knew without question would hurt me to the core. And with West for just not knowing it was me. Maybe that wasn't fair, but that's how I felt.

I took the heels of my palms and rubbed them against my eyes, forcing away the tears. I looked in the mirror. My makeup was smudged all to hell. I grabbed a tissue from the glovebox and cleaned myself up as best I could.

I wasn't going to be a victim. I wasn't going to let either of them make me feel worthless.

I was going to deal with it.

I was going to deal with Annika.

THIRTY SIX

I didn't know the area around State very well and it took me awhile to navigate the crowded streets and massive campus. I remembered the name of Annika's dorm and, after fifteen minutes of driving back and forth across the campus, I finally found it. Finding parking, though, was another story, and it took me another ten minutes to find street parking, as every single lot I found needed a permit. By the time I shut the engine off, I was blaming Annika for the parking situation, too.

Even on a Sunday night, people were out and about, sitting on the grass, jogging and walking to who knew where. The weather was still nice and people were taking advantage of it. For a moment, a pang of jealousy stung me. I saw people my age having fun, no parental supervision, being adults. If I'd made a different decision, I would've been one of them and I wouldn't have met West and I wouldn't have been hunting down my sister.

But then I reminded myself that while it all looked good, it wasn't what I wanted for myself. Because, eve though it looked fantastic to be carefree on a Sunday night, worrying more about what party they were going to go to that night instead of a class at nine in the morning the next day, there was something here that I didn't want any part of.

My sister.

I found Annika's dorm, a tall concrete structure with lots of windows, managed to follow in two other girls before the door closed shut and took the elevator to the sixth floor. I remembered how appropriate it was when she'd told me her room number was 666. Hard to forget and unbelievably fitting.

I knocked on the door and it opened about three seconds later. A girl my age with raven black hair piled on her head, heavy black eye make up, wearing a jogging bra and workout shorts looked at me, confused.

“Didn't you just leave?” she asked.

“
I'm Abby,” I said. “Annika's sister.”

Her eyes widened in recognition. “Oh, right! She said she had a twin. Man, you guys really are identical.”

Like she needed to tell me that.

“
I'm sorry,” she said and held out her hand. “I'm Jessica.”

I shook her hand. “Hi.”

“Your sister just headed over to a rush party,” she said.

“
So she's gone for awhile then?” I asked.

Jessica nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.” She paused, squinting at me. “You okay?”

I shook my head. “Not really. I need to find my sister. Can you tell me where the party is?”

She spit out a couple of Greek letters and told me where it was. “But you need an invite to get in. It's strictly invite only.”

“It's a sorority house, right?” I asked.

Jessica nodded. “Yeah. It's a big one. And they're tight on the rules. Unless you have an invite, they won't let you in. That's how all of them work.”

I recited the directions she'd given back to me, just to make sure I'd gotten them right.

“
Yeah, that's it,” she said. “You won't be able to miss it. Probably pretty loud. But I'm telling you. Unless you've got an invitation, those chicks won't let you in.”

“
Those chicks have no idea who I am,” I said, backing down the hallway and heading for the rush party.

THIRTY SEVEN

Jessica was right.

I couldn't have missed it, even if I'd tried.

The sorority house was a massive, white, faux colonial-looking home, complete with stately white pillars and a long brick walkway up to the door. The front line was filled with girls in cocktail dresses and music boomed from inside the home. I drove past it, parked down the block and walked back toward the chaos.

High pitched laughter mixed with the music and occasional happy screams. Some of the girls were demonstrative, no doubt trying to make an unforgettable impression, while others stood off to the side, looking a bit awkward and probably already knowing they had no chance of getting a bid to the sorority. Red plastic cups were everywhere.

As I approached the brick walk, two girls, both in black cocktail dresses, blocked my path.

“
Can we help you?” the one on the right asked. Her blond hair was perfectly worked into a long braid down her back and her spray tan was far too orange.

“
I'm looking for my sister,” I said, looking past them toward the house.

“
Do you have an invite?” the other one asked, short dark hair, big gold earrings and boobs about to spill out of the dress.

“
I'm not here to rush,” I said. “I just need to find my sister and I was told she's here.”

The girls exchanged a look and the blond one folded her arms across her chest. “Right. Look, you need an invitation. I'm not saying you're lying, but we've heard every excuse under the sun to get into our rush parties.”

“I don't want into your rush party,” I said. “I want to find my sister. I don't care if you go in and bring her out. I just need her. And I'm not leaving without her.”

They seemed a little taken aback that anyone might challenge their authority as to who could enter the house. But I meant it. I'd go through them if I had to.

The short-haired one seemed a little more put out than the other one. “Well, no invite means you're out of here.”

“
Are you telling me you're going to stop me?” I said. “Because in about ten seconds, I'm going past you. I have zero interest in your little party here. But I'm going to find my sister.”

They exchanged looks again and I was tired of waiting. I stepped between them. The short-haired one grabbed my arm. I turned and shoved her as hard as I could. She tumbled over backwards, her boobs now spilling out of her dress. The blonde one gasped.

“I told you,” I said. “I'm finding my sister.”

The one on the ground looked like she was about to cry, but I didn't care. I turned and walked toward the party.

The music thumped inside the house, the beat echoing off the walls. People were standing shoulder to shoulder, male and female. Lots of bloodshot eyes and drunken smiles swung in my direction. I weaved my way through the crowd, scanning the masses, looking for anything that looked familiar.

I made it to the back of the house where a small keg was set up on a massive island in the middle of the room. A line snaked around the island and I could see mouths moving, but I couldn't hear what anyone was saying over the music.

I pushed out the back door into an expansive backyard. White tables dotted the green lawn and I spotted my sister standing near a table in the middle of the yard, talking with two girls and three guys. I took a few short steps down into the yard and made my way to her table.

One of the guys saw me first, doing a double take, looking at me, then Annika, then back to me. “Whoa. Double trouble.”

Annika's face froze in mid-smile, clearly stunned to see me there. “What are you...”

My open hand smashed into the side of her face, an audible crack filling the air.

“Holy shit,” the guy said and took a step back.

Annika stumbled to the side, her eyes wide, a massive red mark  across her cheek. “What the...”

I swung again, my palm connecting with her face a second time, my skin stinging from the impact. She stumbled again and dropped down to a knee, her little red dress riding up over her knees.

One of the girls standing there reached out for me, but I snatched my arm away and glared at her.

She stepped back and her friend went with her. The boys were backing up, but they had amused looks on their faces as they brought their red plastic cups to their mouths, enjoying the show.

I turned back to Annika. “Get up.”

Her hand was at her mouth and when she pulled it away, a thin trail of blood spilled down her lower lip. She kept her eyes on me and got up slowly. “What the fuck, Abby?”

I swung again. She tried to duck and my hand slammed into her ear. She winced, her eyes closing in pain and she stumbled again to the side.

People crept in around us, but no one tried to help her or stop me.

Annika put her hand to her ear and opened her eyes. I saw something I'd never seen before.

Fear.

“
I despise you,” I said through gritted teeth.

Annika's face flushed, her hand still on her ear.

“You are the worst person I've ever known,” I said, my voice rising. “The absolute worst.”

More people crept in around us.

“I've never done anything to you,” I said. “Nothing. And all you try to do is ruin my life. Well, it's over. Right now.”

“
I don't know...” she started.