Jagger: A Caldwell Brothers Novel (14 page)

Jagger and I went to the store to get supplies to clean and to get rid of the wallpaper. Cleaning is comforting to me, always has been. No matter how bad things got with my father, no matter how sore I was after an episode, I found comfort in the accomplishment of cleaning. It possibly makes me as crazy as Livi with her need for panties, but I
need
to clean. I need to have that control and something to do without dwelling on what may or may not happen next.

Starting in Shaw’s old bedroom and bathroom, I scrub the tub, toilet, and tile. I smile when it is done and the only major eyesore is the yellowed wallpaper. His bedroom is like the rest of the house—understated elegance from the past. The quilt is obviously old and has a woman’s touch in the soft blue flowers and the worn edging.

I change the bedding to the new stuff Jagger and I purchased. The vibrant red bedspread is a complete contrast to the faded green wallpaper with apples adorning the walls. My hope is to paint the walls in a soft gray and add black accents to the room.

I am packing Shaw’s clothes from the dresser when Livi and Hailey show up to be part of the cleaning party.

“Somebody got a deal from the Wallpaper Factory in like 1977.” Hailey laughs.

“I would say 1984,” Livi comments with a snort.

I leave the room and meet them in the entryway. “Jagger is next door at the gym and will be right home,” I tell them.

“That’s nice, but we aren’t here for him.”

“Huh?”

“Family, Tatiana. We’re all family. We’re here to help you,” Livi states as she moves past me to the kitchen where the cleaners, rubber gloves, rags, sponges, and all the other supplies sit on the counter.

Tears fill my eyes. All I have ever dreamed of was a family and having someone help me. Jagger gave me this, too. He gives me everything good.

We get to work, and hours pass before I know it. Everything is clean, and the wallpaper is ready to come down without making a mess on top of a mess. Excitement fills me and then leaves as I wonder if Jagger will be okay with this. He says he is, but everything has happened so quickly.

“Stop thinking whatever you are thinking,” Hailey barks, eyeing me suspiciously.

“How do you know I am thinking anything at all?”

“From one broken broad to another, we can tell. Don’t overthink it, Tatiana.”

“It’s all so fast.”

Livi snorts. “Caldwells just know. We women are the ones who have to catch up. The brothers have loved and lost deeply. When they find the woman they want, they don’t let go, only give you the space you need to find yourself. Once you do, they claim, and, baby girl, you let them. There are no better men out there than the Caldwell brothers. Momma Caldwell raised them right,” Livi adds proudly.

“Was it fast for you?” I ask.

“Really? Since Jagger has been chasing you since before Hendrix and I even met, I would say you are late to the party, but hey, better late than never.”

Hailey pipes up. “Don’t question it. Just feel it. Nothing better than what these men give. You deserve good, Tatiana. Let Jagger give you all the good he has inside him.”

“He gives me good.” I smile sweetly.

“Oh, if he’s anything like Hendrix, I’m sure he does.” Livi smirks and rubs her belly.

“Morrison gives good too.” Hailey laughs.

“Oh my,” I gasp. “I didn’t mean—”

“Honey, you are a woman, a red-blooded woman, so it’s okay to like it
good,
” Hailey responds.

“Especially with a man like Jagger. I bet he’s got moves.” Livi snorts as she laughs.

Hailey’s phone rings, distracting our moment.

“Hey, Slick,” she answers and pauses. “Oh.” She bites her bottom lip as her brows draw together. “I don’t know. I…Oh, man. I don’t want to turn them away. Where can we put them?” Tears fall down her cheeks as she listens. “Morrison, I didn’t expect it to do so well. I don’t want to put anyone out, and I don’t want to turn anyone away. The Nest is a safe place, a place of comfort, not a place to be rejected at the door.” She pauses.

I look to Livi, trying to figure out what has Hailey so upset.

“I know, I know, but I have been there—not knowing where to go. Hello, that’s how I ran away with you.” She smiles through the tears. “Best thing I ever did for me and Ris Priss.” She sighs, listening. “Okay. We’ll figure something out. We just have to.” There is another pause while Morrison talks to her. “I love you more. Bye.”

She ends the call and looks to me and Livi. “Momma’s Nest is full, and there is a single mom with two kids seeking help. She’s pretty banged up from what our resident in charge said.” She wipes her tears. “I don’t want to turn anyone away.” Being a single mom to her daughter, Marisa, she knows the struggles.

Momma,
the word, the title, the person—it all goes through my mind. What would life have been like if my mother had a place to go with me? What if she could have found help? The thought of a mom and two children having to go back and endure hell at the hands of the man in their lives has me weak in the knees.

Silently, I move to sit on the couch.

Livi watches me carefully. “You okay, Tatiana?”

“Yeah, just memories.”

“Oh, Tatiana, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about what this would stir up for you.”

I have no words. I don’t want to see Morrison and Hailey have to turn someone away. I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could go back in time and give my mom somewhere to run to. Then again, if she had, I wouldn’t be here with Jagger. I wouldn’t have found my good in the world full of bad.

“Hailey,” I say her name softly, unsure of myself.

“Tatiana, I’m sorry I upset you.”

“No, it’s not that. I have a building.” Embarrassment hits me. “I mean, it’s not nice. The units need work, and I can’t use them all because some tenants pay rent, and I need to look out for Ms. Simmons, especially after, well, everything,” I ramble.

“Tatiana, what are you trying to say?” Hailey asks, still worrying that she upset me.

“I don’t want anyone turned away. I have the building—the apartments. They aren’t luxurious. It is a place to start, though. Well…if you…if they…if you want…I don’t know…um…call Morrison,” I stammer as Hailey starts crying again. I don’t know what to say.

She pulls me up off the couch and into a tight hug. “I had an ex. He was bad. Manipulative, crazy, dangerous. Morrison saved me. He built Momma’s Nest so no one would have to feel trapped like me, like you were. Oh, Tatiana, you are the good too.” She is sobbing, and I can’t help crying with her.

“It’s just a few apartments,” I say modestly.

“For some people, that is everything,” Livi whispers, her own tears streaming down her face.

“When you are down to nothing, it is important to appreciate every little something you can get.” I wipe my own tears. “When you finally get something real, you know to hold on to it, and nothing feels better than giving that opportunity for good to someone else. You have to keep hope alive inside people,” I say to the two amazingly strong women in front of me.

For the first time in my life, I can give back and be a part of something bigger than me. For the first time, I get to be part of a family. As broken as each of us has been, we come together to fit each other perfectly, as if it was destiny.

“Little one, what’s wrong?” She’s crying on the phone, and I can hardly understand her. “I’m coming over.”

I hang up the phone and yell to Kid, “You got these two?” I point to the two new guys sparring in the ring. “I gotta run to the house.”

I don’t wait for a yes, only go. I spring out the door, across the driveway, and open the door to the house, all in a rush to see what’s got her upset.

When I open the door, I see all three of them, teary-eyed and smiling. It’s confusing as hell.

When a man sheds a tear, it’s because his head is fucked up, in a bad place. There is no smile. But, as I am learning, when a woman cries, it could mean just about anything.

Livi laughs and waves me over.

These women are crazy, and not like padded-cell shit, like…emotional. Deeply fucking emotional.

“Tell him,” Hailey says, nudging Totty.

I stand there, eyes glued to hers, waiting for her to tell me something. Fuck, I am begging her.

“I want to let Momma’s Nest use the apartments.”

I nod, waiting for the bad news.

“Is it okay with you?”

“Totty, it’s yours,” I say, hoping she understands. When she doesn’t say a thing, I go on. “You can give it away. You can burn it down. You can do whatever the fuck you want with it, babe. It’s yours.”

She cocks her head to the side. “Like this place is yours?”

“This place is ours. That place…” I pause because my blood is boiling when I think about the hell she endured living there, and then I think of Momma and sigh. “It’s perfect. You don’t need my permission, but yes, make something good out of it.”

“Morrison called,” Hailey says, shaking her head. “We’re full and someone came in today. She needs a safe place.”

I look back at Totty, who is beaming.

“I can make a difference.”

“You’ve made a difference to me,” I tell her, walking up to her. “You keep making a difference.” I cup her face and run my thumb over her lips. “It makes you smile, and your smile, little one…Fuck, it’s beautiful.” I run my thumb up the scar. “If it makes you happy, I’m happy.”

“Oh. My. God,” Livi says, taking me out of the moment and making me realize we aren’t alone.

I have no idea how that happens, but when she’s in the same room as me, no one fucking matters. Hell, I can’t concentrate worth a shit at the gym. I have no clue how my next fight is gonna go if she’s there.

I tear my eyes away and look around the place. “No, this makes me happy, too. Looks great, ladies.” I take Tatiana’s hand so she knows I’m still here for her, my little one. “Wallpaper staying?” I look around. “Fuck, I hope not.”

They all laugh, and Totty wraps her arms around me from the side.

“You sure?”

“Hell yes, I’m sure,” I tell her. “You know why?” I look down at her, and she shakes her head. “Because
we
hate wallpaper.” That gains me a kiss. “I’ll tear it down if you want.”

“You have the gym to deal with. Shaw’s orders.” She smiles again. “I’ve got this.”

“We’ve,”
Livi says, “got this.”

Hailey points to the door. “Shoo, go, get out of here.”

I look down at Tatiana. “You good?”

“Good,” she says with a glint of desire in her eyes.

“Make it fast,” I say, squeezing her ass in my hands. “I’ll be back soon.”

I kiss her quickly and head out the door before I pop wood.

In a week’s time, all the new equipment is ordered. My brothers, Kid, and I have been busting ass to clean up the place. It hasn’t been easy, either. With word getting out that I beat Cobra not once but twice, young underground hopefuls are coming in, signing up left and right.

Most are street fighters, badasses with no technique. I know how Shaw must have felt when I walked through those doors. They will be really quick to take a man down, but if he didn’t stay down, if he could wear them down, they would be fucked.

I took on four, and Kid took on seven. I would have, too, but I’m busy training Totty. She’s at the gym four to six hours a day depending on the exhaustion I caused the night before. She’s getting good, depending more on instinct than the shit she watched on the damn Internet. She is getting stronger every day. A weak man would find that intimidating. A weak man would try to pin her down and exert dominance over her. A strong man, a man like me, gets off on the thought that there may be a day, very soon, that she can pin me down.

Fuck, she’s already trying to in bed, and it’s hot as hell, too. She wants it harder. I give it to her.

I look up as Hailey and four women walk in. Then I look at Totty.

She smiles. “All of them have been physically abused. All of them need your help. You’ll do it, right? You’ll train them like you do me?”

I look at her in her black-and-pink little boxing shorts, her pink spandex tank top, and her gorgeous mane she has braided in pigtails.

“I would, but I don’t have time,” I answer, hoping to lead her where I want her.

“But someone may hurt them, Jagger. What if you can make that not happen?”

“Sorry, little one, but I have a fight to prepare for.”

“What happened to being the good in a world of bad?” She is clearly angry.

I shrug and start to walk away. “Nothing happened to it. The burden or blessing, whichever way you see it, just spread out a bit. Now I’m gonna go over here and teach these boys how not to get killed in a fight. What are you gonna do?”

She scowls, then looks at me. “I can’t.”

“Then you tell me, little one,” I say as I grab some gloves off the table next to me. “What happened to it?”

For the next hour, she stands strong and teaches them, and my chest swells with pride. She is no longer the victim. She is the victor.

Every time she looks at me, I make sure I look busy. I want her stronger, braver, and more confident. I want her to fear nothing.

After the other ladies leave, she hangs out, punching, kicking, and even trying out some new equipment. It’s fucking torture. I want her, need her. She is sexy as hell, and she is mine.

She leaves without a word, and I walk over quickly to the side window to make sure she gets in the house. I don’t trust that fucker Cobra. The more I think about our last run-in—the one here for Shaw’s service—the more I know damn well he was the man to send Rand to hell. I can guaran-damn-tee I won’t be shaking the hand of a man who killed Totty’s old man ’cause he thought it would bring her to him.

Once she is inside, I head to the office to check on more orders and call an electrician. We need an inspection after the remodel.

Two hours on the phone. Hell no, this wasn’t how I wanted to spend my day. Being in charge may have perks, but the responsibilities are more time consuming than I imagined. I need to work out.

I laugh to myself when I think that sex with Totty is just as physical as any run can be. I can check off cardio at least once, sometimes twice a day.

I walk out into the gym to see she is back, punching that bag. No one is here, so I can’t pretend I’m busy, nor do I want to. So I stand on the other side of the bag and hold it.

“You wanna go to the bar tonight and have some dinner?”

“I’m not twenty-one,” she says as she jabs the bag.

“There’s food, Totty. You can be in there.” I laugh.

She steps away from the bag and in front of me. “How about you get inside of me, and then you take me to the bar?”