Jagger: A Caldwell Brothers Novel (13 page)

I laugh into the quiet against his chest.

“Most beautiful sound in the world,” he whispers.

At his words, my body deliciously sore, I relax against him and fall asleep, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat. For the first time in my life, I go to sleep completely satisfied and not afraid of what tomorrow may bring.

Today is Shaw’s service. Today I will be strong for Jagger. Today I give back to him a small piece of everything he has given to me.

Kid, Jagger, and I meet up at the gym with Morrison, Hailey, Hendrix, and Livi. It is so amazing to watch this group of people interact as a true family. Morrison keeps Hailey tucked to his side, and Hendrix stays behind Livi, holding her in his arms while his hands rest on her belly. Jagger never lets go of my hand. With our fingers laced together, linked, he doesn’t let go, and I find strength in the gesture. I find comfort in our bond. I find my place at his side. I feel like I have found home.

It is a solemn time—facing the loss of the man who was more of a father to Jagger than his old man ever really was. We haven’t had much time to talk about what is going on in Jagger’s world, but Livi told me how much Shaw meant to him when he couldn’t come to me right after the loss. It is comforting to know his family has his back and, as Livi has told me, mine, too.

Suddenly the door to the gym opens and in walks Cobra. Tensions rise and the atmosphere changes. I try to let go of Jagger’s hand to greet my friend, but he isn’t having any of it.

“Where’s your crew, Cobra?” Morrison asks as he moves Hailey behind him.

Watching the Caldwell brothers each move their women to safe places pulls at my heartstrings.

“I came alone.”

Hendrix laughs sarcastically. “I don’t buy that.”

“Came to pay respect to Shaw and check on Mouse.” Cobra looks to me, and I wave with my free hand.

“Tatiana is fine. This isn’t a game, Cobra,” Jagger growls.

“Just wanted to check on my friend. I needed to make sure she is really okay. I don’t want everything I did for her to be for nothing.”

“What the fuck are you talkin’ about
‘did for her’
?” Jagger asks.

I try to pull away again to talk, but his hand squeezes mine, keeping me in place.

“Mouse,” Cobra says, looking to me.

“What did you do?” I ask.

“Think about it. Think about it and you will see,” he replies eerily, making my spine crawl with trepidation. I thought he was my friend.

“Jason, thank you for the safe place to stay,” I say softly. “I’m good, as you can see.” Feeling the tension rising even more, I add, “Shaw appreciates your time and respect. You should go, though. I’ll see you around, okay?”

“Mouse, anytime, anything you need, I’m here.” He brings a business card over and slips it into my hand. “Anything for you, for your safety.”

Jagger stands eye to eye with him, keeping Cobra from getting any closer than arm’s length from me.

“You did what you came to do. Now it’s time to go,” Hendrix pipes up, putting his hand on Cobra’s shoulder, and Kid steps over to my other side so Cobra gets the message.

He squeezes my hand with the business card once more before letting go. “It’s good to know you have people, Mouse. That includes me. No matter what any of them think of me, if you need anything, I’m here.”

“Time to go,” Hendrix repeats firmly.

Cobra shrugs him off. “For now, yes.” He looks to Jagger. “I’ll be seeing you. Me and you, Caldwell, we have unfinished business.”

“Not the time or the place, Cobra,” Jagger says, and I can feel the anger building in him.

Fear grips me, not for what Jagger may do, but for how he may feel.

He’s right. This isn’t the time or place. This is his time to mourn. He gave me that for a man who didn’t deserve it half as much as Shaw. Now it is my time to give it to him.

“Cobra, I got your message. Go.”

He winks at me before turning to leave.

If looks could kill, the Caldwells murder Cobra as he leaves us.

It takes a little while for the mood to change, and throughout the service there is an underlying tension building between Jagger and me.

My thoughts go back to Cobra. What could he have done for me? Then a thought hits me, but I shake it off. There’s no way Cobra killed my father. He said he wanted to be good. He said he hit his girl out of anger, not some thought-out violence. This is not something I know how to deal with.

Though Jagger keeps me close, I feel like he is distant. Is he mad at me? Is he hurting?

The service ends, and I want to take all his pain away. I have a moment when I want to rub my butt like Livi, remembering the panties I have on from her. I need to be here for my man. I need the connection we share. I need the calm he gives me by being with me. I need him to let go of the loss and let me share in his burden as he did mine.

She is a ball of nerves, and I am so fucking twisted up I can’t see straight. I can’t see anything except her. Her and me. Me and her. Her and fucking me, not him. Never him.

I strip off my suit—I hate wearing those fucking things for weddings and funerals—as she strips out of her little black dress. As she stands in her underwear and no bra, I look at her ass. Splayed across it is
I am strong.

Livi,
I sigh to myself.

How the hell does she do it? Unintentional as it was, I needed to see that now more than ever. I needed the reminder that Tatiana loves me. She’s said it before, so if that motherfucker killed her father and thought Totty would go to him, seeking protection, he is wrong. Dead fucking wrong. Why? Because
my
girl is fucking strong.

I don’t need her weak and needy. I need her strong and…I pause the little chat I’m having with myself when she turns around and lets her hair down.

“Jagger?” she says as she slowly stalks toward me like she is the predator, and I am now the prey.

“Tatiana.”

She looks me up and down. I am just as bare as she is. Hell, I wore boxers today and fuck if they don’t match hers. Maybe I need some fucking print on them, saying I’m her fucking man, not the bitch who names himself after a snake, probably because his dick is a fucking worm.

She grabs ahold of me and squeezes my dick, causing me to growl. She then kisses my chest and moves to my arm.
Legacy.

“Your momma would be proud of you,” she whispers. “Such a good man, strong man.” She squeezes tighter. “My man.”

“Fucking right I am,” I groan.

“My champion”—she kisses my hand, then licks my finger—“has the strike of a lion and the heart of a lamb.”

“Fuck, Totty,” I say as she sucks on my middle finger.

“Shaw would be proud of you too.” She takes another one in her mouth and sucks it. She sucks it really good. Then she slowly draws it out and rubs it across her lips. “I am proud of you.” She takes my hands and walks toward me, pushing me until my back hits the wall. Then she kisses my chest. “I love your scars.” She kisses lower. “I love mine now too. You did that for me. You make everything okay.”

She drops to her knees, pulling my cock out of my boxers. “Beautiful. Soft and hard at the same time, kind of like you.” Her tongue circles my dick, and I grab her hair, making sure not to pull it. I just need to touch her.

Totty takes me in her hands, one wrapped partially around my dick and the other gently tugging my balls. Then she takes me in deeper and looks up at me with wide eyes, seeking approval.

“Fucking perfect, Totty. Better than perfect.”

She seems content as her tongue caresses the underneath of my cock, and she strokes me as she takes me deeper and deeper.

“So good. So fucking good.” My hand tightens around her hair, and she moans.

She takes me all the way, swallowing my dick before pulling back, saliva streaming from my cock to her mouth as she pumps me harder, faster, then takes me again.

My hips thrust forward, and Tatiana looks up at me. She swallows it again, then pulls back. She holds me up and licks the underside of me lower and lower until her tongue glides across my balls. She sucks one, then the other, holding me firmer, pumping harder. Then she licks up, rubs her face against my dick, and takes me in her mouth slowly, eyes on me, hungry, sexy, and needy.

“I don’t want you to stop, little one, but I need to make you come with me.” I reach down and drag my cock out of her mouth, immediately regretting the loss of warmth. I lift her from under her arms as she squirms.

“I want to finish,” she almost growls.

I sit on the bed. “I want you on my face.”

I lie back, bringing her down with me, and I kiss her hard. She drags her teeth down my tongue and pulls away. She rolls to her side and quickly moves down, taking my cock inside her mouth again. My hips thrust up, and she gags.

“Sorry, fuck,” I groan, trying to pull her mouth back to mine.

Her teeth clamp down, not hard, but enough to tell me she has no intention of stopping.

“Damn, fuck, damn,” I say as her head bobs up and down on my dick. “Have it your way, but I’m getting mine, too.” I reach behind her and grab her ass, lifting it and pulling her toward me.

“What are you doing?” she says with a shocked expression.

“Never mind, Totty. You keep eating my cock. I’m gonna eat your sweet little pussy, and you’re gonna come right along with me.” I lift her tiny ass and move her so she’s over me. Then I lean up and suck hard on her soaked lips. “Mmm…”

“Oh God…How…?”

I suck harder, bringing her down on my face as I spread her wide with my hands and shove my tongue inside of her hot, wet cunt. Her hips buck, and she sucks harder.

Feasting. We are feasting on one another, taking pleasure and giving it.

She tugs my balls while I nip her lips, and it doesn’t stop. I am so deep in her pussy and her mouth, I may never want to come out.

“Swallow me, baby. I’m gonna fill your mouth, and you’re gonna come all over mine,” I growl when I feel my balls draw up.

“Yes.” She strokes me harder and takes me deeper again.

I rub my thumb across her tight little hole as I tongue-fuck the other one. She trembles, then stiffens, and I know she’s just as much there as I am.

“Come, dammit. Come now.”

She cries out her orgasm as my come pumps into her open mouth.

We are both still trying to catch our breath, still in the sixty-nine position, when I am finally able to form a sentence.

“Get up here and let me hold you.”

She rolls to her side, sits up, and crawls into my arms with her head on my chest. Within minutes, we are both asleep.

When I wake up to soft, sweet purrs, she is still asleep in my arms. I don’t want to wake her. It’s been a hell of a week. For her, it’s been a hellacious eighteen years.

I love that she can sleep. I love that she trusts me enough to know she is safe and protected with me. And I love that the asshole Cobra thought that insinuation of him killing her old man would make her want him and not me. Obviously fucking not.

I feel possessive of her, and it frightens me. I shouldn’t need any one person as much as I need her. I shouldn’t want any one person as much as I want her. I shouldn’t desire any one person as much as I desire her. I don’t want her to wake up someday finally feeling normal and decide she wants the hell out of here, away from me. My ass is too far gone on her that I don’t want the need, want, or desire to ever go away.

I need to hit shit. I need to break shit. I need to run. However, I don’t want to. I want to hold her and keep her forever.

Forever?
What in the fuck?

Gone, I am so fucking gone.

“I love you, Jagger Caldwell,” comes out in such a low whisper I think I may be imagining it. She’s said it before, and I believed it then. I need to now.

“I love you too, little one,” I say in a whisper just as low.

She doesn’t move, doesn’t stir, and I feel like I’m going to need to be inside her again if I don’t get the fuck up.

I slide out from under her and go to the bathroom. I consider washing my face, but then decide I don’t want to. I can still smell her. I lick my lips, and I can taste just a hint of her.

Sick fuck
. I laugh at myself in the mirror.

I’m in the kitchen, filling a water bottle, when she comes out.

“Did you sleep well, beautiful?”

She smiles, then shakes her head and covers her face.

I walk over and pull her hand away. “You are, you know.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

Not strong enough,
echoes in my mind.

“Go grab some shorts and one of my T-shirts. You and I are gonna go blow off some steam.”

She thumbs back toward the bedroom. “Can’t we just do it in there?”

“We can when we get back. We can all night long. But this is kind of important for both of us.”

After she changes, we walk next door, where I lead her to the ring.

“I need you to learn how to fight back.”

She nods and looks around the gym, her eyes going everywhere, avoiding mine.

I grab her chin. “Totty, I
need
you to learn how to fight back.”

“I have you.” The sadness in her voice makes my chest ache.

“You do, but—” I stop when she sighs, and I swear she rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on now. Do it for me,” I say in a teasing voice, and she smirks, closes her eyes, and shakes her head. “Fine. I need to know that, if something ever happens to me, you can take care of yourself, because I swear to everything I love”—her eyes snap to mine when she hears the word
love
—“that if I leave this fucking earth, I left not only something good in the world, but…” I pause and pull her close to me. “I left the person I know damn well I will love forever stronger because of me and for me.”

“You—”

“I love you, Totty. I’ve known it from the moment I left the cop shop when your old man—Rand—pressed charges. The need to protect was strong, but the need to see you, watch you, care for you, and, yes, love you has not gone away. It’s only grown stronger. I fucking love you, Tatiana Rand.” I close my eyes and shake my head. “I’ve only said that to one other woman in life, my momma. No one else.”

“Then I can stay here? I can stay with you? I don’t have to go back there? I—”

“You not only can stay with me, but you will. Like it or not, you’re mine to protect, teach, cherish, touch”—I reach out and pull her against me—“and love. No one else.”

“Never.” She smiles, and a different kind of tear escapes her eyes.

“Good. Now kiss your man.”

She immediately does, whispering, “I love you,” against my mouth.

“I love you.” I step back and take her shoulder. “Now I’m gonna teach my girl all the shit she needs to know to be as strong outwardly as she has been inwardly.”

She nods and smiles. “Okay.”

“Tell me what you would do if I did this.” I grab her, spin her around, and pull her tightly against me.

“I’d let you. I kind of like it.”

I look down as she looks up and smiles.

“You gonna keep being wise, or are you gonna be serious here for about twenty minutes?” She laughs, and I pull her more securely to me, whispering in her ear, “As soon as I’m satisfied here, I’ll take you back to our place and make damn sure you’re satisfied there.”

“You have my full attention.”

“Good. What would you do if a stranger grabbed you like this?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know,” she says sadly.

“Elbow as hard as you can to the gut and scream, little one. You scream so I can hear you. If I’m across town, I wanna hear you, understand?”

“Yes.”

“And when you elbow someone, do it to hurt them.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Then pretend it’s
him
.”

She stiffens.

“Pretend you are me.”

“Okay.”

“Elbow me, Totty, and make it fucking hur— Damn,” I grunt after I can breathe again.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No. Just took me by surprise. You did well.” I turn her to me and grab loosely around her neck. “What do you do in this situation?”

“Jagger, you have to tell me, okay?”

I nod. Fuck, she doesn’t have an aggressive bone in her body when my dick’s not involved.

“Chin down immediately, tight as you can to your chest, guard your windpipe, and then grab his face. Then you sink your thumbs into his eye sockets, draw him closer, and your knee hits wherever it can. You understand?”

She nods her head vigorously.

“Now try it.”

We spend well over twenty minutes working on shit that would help if she can make it instinctive. Come hell or high water, I will make sure she does.

“Injure. Repeat the word over and over. You injure your attacker, and they immediately are thrown off. Injure.”

“Injure,” she repeats.

“Good. Now again.”

“But I thought we were going back to the house,” she almost whines.

“Self-defense, then sex.”

“Sex, then self-defense,” she counters. And I am putty in her hands.

“Fine, have it your way, but after I fuck you, don’t complain of exhaustion. We’re coming back here.”