Jailbird (6 page)

“Don’t go,” his grip tightened when I turned
to leave. “Stay for a while.”

“No,” I shook my head and stared intently at
my feet. “I need to go. I’ll be back in the morning. If that’s
okay, I mean.”

“I’ll make us some breakfast,” he promised,
pulling me to him for a gentle kiss.

“That sounds nice,” I nodded, slipping out
the door before he could convince me to stay.

His presence was wreaking havoc on my simple
plan: don’t go back to jail. I hadn’t thought far enough ahead to
make decisions about if I should ever try to have a real life
again. I’d kind of figured certain doors were closed to me the
instant metal met Todd Winslow’s skull. My reaction tonight
certainly proved that point for me.

What kind of woman went into kill mode the
second a man put his hands on her throat, no matter how
tenderly?

The same kind of woman who could abandon a
friend who’d kept her alive for a decade.

The kind of woman who could keep her
existence hidden from her own daughter.

The reality of who I was washed over me like
a frigid tidal wave. Some wrongs I couldn’t right. Some I could
certainly try. By the time I reached the Torres house, I knew I had
to do whatever I could to help Mary O’Donnell, even if I didn’t
have the slightest clue where to start.

That didn’t get me any closer to a solution
where Charlie was concerned. Maybe there was no solution there.
Maybe I was just supposed to walk away.

But everything in me cried out at the thought
of ignoring the way he made me feel. He made me remember that at
one time in my life, I had been more than a wild animal fighting to
take its next breath. I had been a young woman, fully alive and
full of dreams.

“How did it go today?” Anjelita met me at the
door, her eyes filled with expectant hope.

“Well. It went really well,” I answered
honestly. My monotone voice set off Anjelita’s trouble radar. I
ignored the question in her eyes and turned my attention to Isabel.
“Hey midget. How was your day?”

“Good,” she shrugged. It had obviously been
summer long enough for the days of nothingness to have lost their
appeal. “How’s Mr. Charlie?”

“Good,” I tried to match her nonchalant
shrug. “He misses Cara.”

“Me too,” Isabel sighed that time.

“She’ll be home before you know it,” I patted
her shoulder. It sounded lame even to me and her skeptical look
said as much. “Alright, I know. It stinks.”

She smiled at that. “Goodnight, Miss
Neena.”

“Goodnight sweetie.”

While Anjelita tucked Isabel into bed, I
puttered around the house, trying to clear my mind as much as the
clutter in the house.

It had been a lot of years since I’d allowed
myself the luxury of thinking about my own little girl. Most days,
I tried to pretend she didn’t exist. It wasn’t because she was the
product of the attack in the woods. At first I’d thought I could
never love the child because of its origins. But then I’d held her
in my arms and I knew… she wasn’t his. She was mine.

Then they took her from my arms and I hadn’t
seen her again.

I let out an expletive that would’ve earned
reproach from Angelita if she’d heard it and wiped my eyes with the
back of my hand. Darkness and confusion were settling in and no
amount of cleaning was going to chase them away.

Truth was, the only thing I’d found in ten
years that could chase the darkness away was Charlie. And that was
the hold he had on me. That was why I stayed in this town when I
should move on, and why I’d go to his house again in the morning
when I should run the other way.

Sleep eluded me for most of the night. The
snippets I did catch were filled with vague pictures. Mary’s green
eyes beseeching me. Black eyes that mirrored my own, wondering who
her parents really were. Todd’s ice blue eyes mocking me, telling
me he’d won after all. And then there were the fences. Always the
fences. Keeping me in, keeping the world out. Miles and miles of
them.

I awoke with a start when I fell off the
couch.

Isabel’s bright eyes were fixed keenly on me.
“Who’s Gabrielle?”

“She’s only a dream honey. Just a dream,” I
couldn’t quite keep the sorrow from my voice or from tingeing the
smile I gave her. “Did I really sleep so late?”

“Yeah. Mommy and Daddy are already at work.
They said to let you rest. You know you talk a lot in your
sleep?”

“I do?”

“Yeah. Mostly about Gabrielle. And Mary… and
someone named Conrad. Who’s Conrad?”

“My brother,” I answered distractedly. The
mention of his name had set the wheels in my head to turning. I
would call him. It was a risk, but one I’d have to take. Surely as
my brother, he could check in on my former cell mate without
arousing suspicions, right?

Now I just had to figure out where to call
him from and how to do so without an audience.

“Is your brother nice?” Isabel brought me
back to the present.

“Very,” my smile brightened at the thought of
him. “He’s a very good man. A lot like Charlie. Only taller.”

“I want a brother. Or a sister,” Isabel
sighed heavily as if her parents had done her a great
disservice.

“Cara’s like a sister,” I reminded her.
“Sometimes the sisters God sends us throughout life are better than
the ones we’re born with.”

“Sometimes,” she seemed hesitant. “Do you
want breakfast?”

“Breakfast? Shoot. No. I’m supposed to be at
Charlie’s. He’ll think I’m ditching him if I don’t hurry.”

“Will you be back for dinner tonight?”

“Promise,” I couldn’t tell her no. The look
on her face was too much to resist.

I grabbed a quick shower and changed into the
cotton dress. I really did need at least one more outfit. First
batch of jelly sold, I was buying some clothes.

Charlie was waiting for me, my coffee poured
just the way I like it. Beside it was a plate with bacon, eggs and
grits. My mouth watered at the sight.

“Oh you are my hero,” I slid into my seat and
patiently waited for him to say grace.

“So this is what it takes?” he teased after
offering a word of thanks for the meal.

“It’s a good start,” I closed my eyes to
savor that first bite. After ten years of prison fare and more than
a month of scrounging the forest for edible roots and mushrooms,
food had never tasted so good.

“Okay, so I should feed you well. I shouldn’t
touch your neck. Any other tips?”

“So we’re going there first thing, huh?” I
gave him a dirty look. “How about ‘don’t ask too many questions?’
Can we make that a rule?”

“See, now it’s things like that—and being
afraid to face a game warden—that make me wonder what you’re
running from.”

“Something that would hurt me very badly if
it found me,” I answered as honestly as I knew how. Going back to
prison now would probably kill me.

“Okay,” he seemed to be processing that.

“About last night…” I hated to sully a good
breakfast with bad conversation, but he seemed determined. “I uh…
well… the last time I was alone with a man it wasn’t exactly
consensual.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, I think he would have killed me if
I’d let him. I know he would have,” I took a jagged breath and
tried to still my shaking hands. It was amazing how fear could
bridge such a span of time. The emotions were still really fresh
when I talked about it. Maybe because it was the first time I had
talked about it since the trial.

And that hadn’t gone particularly well for
me.

“I don’t know what to say,” he shook his
head. The tormented look in his eyes was almost too much to
bear.

“There’s nothing to say,” I pushed my eggs
around my plate. Next thing I knew, I’d been swept into a fierce
hug. I was a little startled at first. It wasn’t quite the reaction
I was expecting. But I quickly realized it was the reaction I
needed. I found myself wrapping my arms around his waist and
hugging him back. It felt good, and so very safe.

I burrowed my face into his shoulder and just
soaked in the moment.

“Sorry,” he seemed suddenly self conscious.
“I couldn’t seem to help myself.”

“It’s okay,” I sat back down a little
awkwardly. “It was… nice.”

“Good.”

“Okay,” I nervously went back to the
eggs.

“So what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Dandelions?”

“Wonderful.”

“Hey Charlie?”

He paused mid-bite and looked expectantly at
me.

“I’m no good for you. I should walk away from
this. You should run.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Not at all,” my eyes tried to convey all of
the emotions tumbling around inside.

“Me either.”

“But there are some things I’m just not ready
to tell you.”

“I want you to tell me, but I’m willing to
wait until you’re ready. I don’t think you’re out to hurt me, or
Cara. We’ll just feel our way along for the rest.”

“Are you sure?”

“No. But I am sure I want to be with you
every waking moment. We’ll see where it takes us.”

I nodded, then turned my attention to the
last piece of bacon. If for no other reason than his ability to
make breakfast, he was worth taking the chance on.

“I have a couple of appointments I couldn’t
get out of today. One this morning and another this afternoon.
Other than that, I was planning on helping today… if you’re not
ready to be rid of me, that is.”

“No, I’m glad you’ll be here. I promised
Isabel I’d have dinner with them. I was going to see if you wanted
to come, too.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” he flushed happily.
Maybe he really did want to be around me as much as I did him.

After breakfast, Charlie got dressed in
slacks and a button-up then headed off for the office. Maybe I
should have felt guilty, but his car wasn’t down the driveway
before I was on the phone.

“Hello?” he answered on the third ring. I
knew that voice. I’d missed that voice.

“Ciká'nó,” I replied in our native
tongue.

“Who is this?” he seemed unsure of what his
ears were telling him.

“A friend of your sister’s. Could we meet?
This afternoon?”

“Where?”

I gave him directions to the nature park
where Charlie had taken us fishing. That day seemed like ages
ago.

“That’s a long drive on short notice,” he
hesitated.

“Si vous plait?” I asked please in our
mother’s language. Either he’d figure it out or he’d be curious
enough to come. Only a handful of people spoke Koasati. Even fewer
new Koasati and French.

“Fine. What time?”

“Three o’clock.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Alí:la mõ,” I thanked him, this time in
Koasati again, and hung up the phone. Part of me was really excited
at the prospect of seeing my brother. I wondered what was going
through his head right now. Did he still love me after all I put
him through? Did he know it was me on the phone? Would he be happy
to see me or furious?

Between my nervousness over seeing Conrad and
the guilt I was wrestling because I was sneaking around on Charlie
to do it, I had myself worked into a regular tizzy by the time
Charlie returned from his morning at the office. I had helped
myself to his groceries to make lunch—complete with biscuits and
dandelion jelly.

Thunder rumbled in the distance and I
realized with a sinking feeling that I would have to make the trek
to the woods in the rain.

Since harvesting more dandelions was out for
the day, I borrowed some of Cara’s art supplies and spent the time
painting a dandelion on each jar.

“Very nice,” Charlie surveyed my work. “Do
you know where you plan on selling these?”

“I figured I’d start at the Torres’ vegetable
stand,” I tied the final ribbon on the last lid and turned to face
him. “I’m open to suggestions, though.”

“I bet Harvey would let you set some out in
his store,” he mused. “And Rita might put a few on her counter. I
can ask around for you while I’m in town this afternoon.”

“Really? Thank you!” I impulsively hugged his
neck.

“Hey, we’re partners…. Remember?” he grabbed
me by the waist when I would have moved away. “So, I’ve forgotten
where we stand… can I do this?”

He kissed my jaw, then the corner of my mouth
before pausing a breath away from my lips.

“So long as you realize I’m pure trouble and
are completely okay with that,” I murmured.

“Oh I knew that the minute you left me to
sort things out with the game warden,” he chuckled, and then he
kissed me.

“Really? It took you that long to figure it
out?” I teased as I pulled away.

“Maybe I had an inkling when I caught you
checking me out in the town square. Not that I can blame you. I am
quite the catch,” he tightened his grip around my waist.

I was absurdly pleased that the action didn’t
startle me. Common sense told me this was a passing infatuation for
both of us. Time would pass and reality would settle in. But I was
here now, in his arms, and it felt delicious.

“I hate to do this, but I have to head back
to the office,” Charlie frowned at the clock as if his displeasure
might change its mind.

“It’s okay. I have a lot to do and I’ll never
get anything accomplished with you holding me captive,” I teased,
secretly wishing he’d hurry up and leave because I had a long walk
ahead of me.

“Just let me do this one more time,” he
kissed me so thoroughly my toes curled, then tapped my nose with
his finger and headed out the door. I ran my fingers through my
shaggy hair, straightened my dress, and made sure the oven was
turned off before heading in the opposite direction.

Chapter Seven

I normally welcome time alone with my
thoughts. I’m comfortable in silence. But the walk to meet my
brother seemed the longest of my life. I’d been so ashamed after
the trial I’d refused to see him. He tried to visit for the first
year. After that, he wrote for a while. Eventually even the letters
stopped.