Japanese Slang (29 page)

•   
Aitsu wa shojo to bakkari omotteta kedo, jitsu wa kizumono datta ze.
I was convinced she was a virgin, but it turned out she had a broken thing.

•   
Omae, ano onna kirimanjaro shita daro?
You're the one who popped that woman's cherry, right?

•   
Y
be no shiunten yoku nakatta kara, suteta.
The test drive last night wasn't that good, so I dumped her.

Organs of the Tokyo Back Alleys

As one leaves the schoolyard and heads for the restaurant and bar area of the downtown back alleys and slums, terms for the female sexual organ become more traditional. One of the most notorious groups of words is of pot-and-pan background, with favorites like
ochawan
(tea bowl),
ochaire
(teapot),
tsubo
(canister),
usu
(mortar),
hachi
(bowl),
utsuwa
(utensil), and
hako
(box).

•   
Om
kanojo no ochawan mita?
Did you get to see her tea bowl?

•   
Kanojo mata hirote, ore ni tsubo miseta.
She spread her thighs and showed me her canister.

•   
Ana gaijin no suke ii hako shiteru ze.
That foreign chick has one great box.

Other potent pantry expressions are
nukabukuro
(rice-bran bag),
nabe
(cookpot), and
kobako
(small box). These words for vagina have flourished since the Edo period, and have been sharpened by centuries of persistent use. A feisty old-time urban expression for the organs of extremely provincial girls, for instance, was
donabe
(mud pot), while
akanabe
(red cookpot), is still used by brusque gangsters to refer to menstruating organs.

•   
Akanabe da ga, yatchima
ze!
Even though your cooking pot is red, let's go ahead with it!

Tsubo
(canister) will often pop up in rough speech
along with
chatsubo
(tea canister), which in nineteenth century slang was used exclusively for organs perfumed with aromatic spices, a connotation that has been lost in modern times.

•   
Kane o j
bun ni harattara, ano onna chatsubo teiky
shite kureru ze.
If you give that woman enough money, she'll let you have a go at her tea canister.

Words of the same family that are popular with tougher, older mobsters are
sumitsubo
(ink pot),
fuigo
(bellows),
hikeshitsubo
(charcoal extinguisher), and
nikutsubo
(meat jar).

The group of pot-related words comes in especially handy when the speaker needs to add a descriptive edge to his statement. When women shave their pubic region, the ceramic word used is
kawarake,
an unglazed earthen cup.
Ochoko,
a tiny sake cup, represents an unduly tight organ, while
osara,
a narrow dish, suggests that the organ is extremely shallow.
Meiki
(exquisite article) is used for organs that are topnotch.

•   
Ore osara'tte suki nan da yo na. Tenj
made tsukeru kara na.
I really like a small dish, 'cause you bump against the ceiling.

•   
Kanojo no ochoko dakara, ireru no o itakute y
!
Her thing's so tight, it really hurts when I put it in!

•   
Sawatte mita toki, kanojo no meiki m
bichobicho datta yo.
When I felt her exquisite article, it was already hot and juicy.

When an organ is large and wet,
tarai
(basin),
ohachi
(rice tub),
furo
(bathtub), and the harsher
nikuburo
(meat tub) are used. The largest organs on the street are labeled
zara
(platter), and the largest of all
todana
(cupboard).

•   
Aitsu no nikuburo no tekuniku wa saik
dakara, omae kondo tameshite minai yo?
She sure knows how to use that meat tub of hers. Why don't you try her out sometime?

•   
B
jin? Omae nani'tten da yo! Aitsu wa todana da ze!
A virgin? Gimme a break! Her thing's like a cupboard!