Japanese Slang (48 page)

•   
Sore de kuan shitan da? Mattaku om
to y
yatsu!
Then you kissed her? Oh, man!

The priests rejoiced in their secret slang. Even if their lives were fettered by strict ancient rules, their speech could run wild.
Geten
(non-Buddhist scriptures) came to mean pornography. Sexually attractive young women were referred to as
n
sha
(quick-witted individuals), and sexually attractive young men as
n
den
(“quick-witted fields,” with field being priest slang for layman or non-priest). As tradition dictated that followers of the Buddha shave their heads, the skittish inside word for “priest” or “one of us” became
nagakami
(long-haired). The equally bald nuns were referred to as
menagakami
(long-haired females). Delicate novices who dated older priests were known as
zennanshi
(nice young boys).

As the clerics became more daring their language grew wittier and more blasphemous. The Buddha's name, which the devout dared not even pronounce, was bounced about, creating a barrage of daring new words. If a priest was stark naked he was said to be
hotsuro byakubutsu
(praying to the white Buddha). A
zokubutsu
(worldly Buddha) is a priest who is sexually very active. Secret Buddhas,
hibutsu,
are female organs (secret because they lie hidden behind panties), and
nurebotoke
(wet Buddhas) are post-coital male organs.
Nenju
and
nenbutsu
(intense praying), in which priests chant the Buddha's name in fervent rhythm, became code words for self-stimulation.
Bakebotoke
(transformed Buddha) is a priest who enjoys wearing women's clothes during off-duty hours.

•   
Fusuma o aketa totan, kare wa hotsuro byakubutsu de tsutatete, honto ni odorokimashita yo!
When I slid open that partition door, there he was, praying to the white Buddha. Man was I surprised!

•   
Ano zokubutsu wa tera ni iru yori mo, kanrakugai ni iru jikan no h
ga nagai'n ja nai ka ne.
That worldly Buddha spends more time in the red-light district than he does in the temple.

•   
Heya de nenju shiteru tokoro o mitsuketan desu yo.
I caught him praying intensely in his room.

•   
Kin
nenbutsu no shisugi de asoko ga itakute!
I did so much intense praying yesterday, my thing aches!

Throughout the centuries, one of the toughest challenges facing the priests was the strict clerical ban on all meat, fish, and dairy products. A discreet nibble at a veal cutlet, a quick sip of milk, a tiny morsel of marinated raw fish, and future Buddhahood was in doubt. To avoid disclosing the sinful contents of a meal, faltering priests turned to their slang. One ancient trick was to bestow vegetarian names on even the heartiest meat dishes. Chickens, for instance, came to be known in the monasteries as
sanrisai
(vegetables that scramble over fences). Red meat was labeled
take
(mushroom).
M
shari
(wad of rice) transformed itself into a pork chop, and
momiji
(maple leaves) became thin, succulent slices of fresh beef. Eel, one of the most prized delicacies, was given the code name
yama no imo
(mountain potato), and eggs were called
shironasu
(white eggplants).

Seafood has been traditionally granted loftier religious names. Fish, for instance, is sacrilegiously referred to as
butsu
(Buddha).

•   
Kono butsu o nagameteru to, ogamitaku narimasu na!
Seeing the Buddha like this makes me want to kneel in prayer!

•   
Y
a! Kono butsu no kaori wa mattaku subarashii desu yo ne!
Ooh, this smell of Buddha is driving me nuts!

Sashimi, raw slices of marinated fish, are known as
tanbutsu
(“gasping Buddha,” as in gasping at the sheer deliciousness of the dish). Another irresistible delicacy, the octopus, was named after the Buddhist goddess of mercy
senju kannon
(Kannon of the Thousand Arms).

•   
D
ka, d
ka, hitokire de ii desu kara, sono kanbutsu itadakenai mono desh
ka?
Please, please, could I just have a teeny piece of gasping Buddha?