Jesse's Soul (2) (18 page)

The man had the patience of a saint, and Emery knew she was pushing the control he had over his emotions to the breaking point. But she hurt just as bad as he did. The steel she felt against her hip—that same flame was burning her from the inside out as well. Emery could sense he was trying like hell to keep himself restrained, and she appreciated that he cared enough to look out for her needs before his. But to hell with being a nice guy. She needed him, and she was about to burst into a blazing sex-deprived lunatic.

The man was built to perfection, there was no doubt about it. It was the whole of him that she had fallen for, though. The heart and the lopsided, boyish smile. The warm golden-brown eyes mixed with the sinful shadow on his jaw. The joking, laughing, and teasing. The light hugs and the kisses he thought he was sneaking in on her. All of it.

And she had fallen hard.

Emery ran her hand underneath his shirt, feeling his skin. It was hot to the touch, and she hesitated a second before placing her palm back down again, but need won out again over nerves. She felt the smooth skin that was tight over the wall of muscles, ran her fingers through the line of fine dark hair that disappeared under the waistband of his jeans. Letting her hand glide across every cut line of his abdomen, she memorized each defined ripple as she made her way up to his pecs. Emery gave into the need to feel the body that had tormented her in her dreams every night for a month, let herself enjoy feeling every part of his chest she’d tried not to stare at a thousand times.

That relief of
finally
came over her, and she smiled into the lips kissing hers.

Her heart rate spiked another three notches. His tongue slipped in over hers once more before he leisurely moved his kisses to her jaw, her neck, and then as if he was trying to kill her in a pace that was excruciatingly slow, he made his way to the skin at the very bottom of the
V
in her v-neck t-shirt. He placed a sweet peck there and then he laid his head on her chest.

“Wow, Em, your heart is racing.”

“Jesse,” she panted, “you have no idea. Oh my God.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have come on so strong. But I just needed to feel you, to hold you against me. And well, I want you.”

“I haven’t been with a man in over two years, Jesse.” She could feel him look up at her, even though her eyes were still closed. “There’s not a lot holding me back from ripping all your clothes off right now.”

He chuckled and immediately they were back to the light, easy friendship they had developed. The heaviness of their conversation floated away, taking any nerves or regrets with it.

“Really, huh?” Jesse teased.

Emery opened her eyes and could see the light back in his. “Hey, I’ll admit it. You’re a gorgeous man and
...” she said as she grinned, “you damn near made me come just from kissing you. What’s that say about you
,
huh?”

“I don’t know if you should let me know I have that kind of power over you.”

His hand had eased its way up to the side of her breast. Holding it, he leaned down and kissed her. Even though it was through the fabric of her shirt and bra, the kiss still sent sparks through her, the fire that had started to die down roared back to life, making her want even more.

“I’m not worried about a power struggle. You can have that kind of power over me, Jesse, that’s just fine with me.” Even in her own ears, her voice sounded hushed and desperate.

“A girl that likes sex, huh?”

“A girl that has a gorgeous guy practically on top of her, who is imagining what sex with
him would be like.”

“Oh
really?” Jesse propped himself up on his elbow beside her.

There was
a want in his eyes that she’d seen before. Unlike before, though, this time she allowed herself to get lost in it. With his other hand, he brushed the bangs from her face, then ran his finger down her cheek, over her chin, and to the hollow of her neck. He traced a light pattern over her pulse before lazily letting his finger wander the skin at the edge of the
V
in her shirt. Who knew a v-neck t-shirt could be used as such a torture device.

“Oh, yeah. Like I said, I haven’t been with anyone in a
really long time.” She let out a slow breath. “I didn’t really think I’d be with anyone again. I’m not a girl that just goes out and does the one night stand thing. And you’ve made me feel something I needed to know was still there. Yes, it’s physical wanting, but the being wanted is just as big a part of it.”

“I do want y
ou, Em.” He ran a finger across her cheek. “I want you in my bed, but more, I want you in my life.” He leaned down to kiss her softly on the lips.

“I want you too, Jesse.”

He shifted beside her then ran his arm under her head and pulled her onto his chest. Emery laid there listening to his heartbeat with her hand under his shirt, stroking his skin. His arms were wrapped around her, their legs intertwined. It was her definition of heaven and she was content to never move again. The combination of the soft leather couch and the hard muscled man was perfect. With every breath she drew in, she could smell his cologne. She knew the brand intimately now and could relax just being held close to his heart, the scent surrounding her. One strong hand held her head to his chest possessively, while at the same time the other was rubbing her back to soothe her. It was the ideal contradiction and she had never felt more at peace.

He kissed her head. “Emery, thank you.”

“What for?” she asked, her cheek pressed against him.

“For trusting me. I know that had to be hard for you. I understand now why you had struggled when I pushed for more. I understand how hard it was for you to let me in. Thank you for trusting me. For just being you and…and for showing me that it’s okay to be me. I like that you’re a sucker for pretty
land and you’re okay with pizza and beer in the pits. I think it’s great that you compare your life to an engine and you’re so attached to your family. I’m just so damn thankful that you are willing to give me a chance.”

“How did I compare myself to an engine?”

“We were talking one time, I was pushing you I’m sure, and then you said you don’t shift that fast. It was great.”

“I didn’t even notice. Why would you remember that?”

“Because it’s those things I love about you. You want to know when I fell for you? I mean other than being totally attracted to you the night we met. I’m talking about the moment I knew completely, without a trace of doubt, that you were mine.”

“Okay?”

“When you fired Anthony,” Jesse replied.

She felt his arms tighten around her. Emery grinned, even though he couldn’t see her. That was a new one, a line she was sure that had never been used on any woman, ever. Half thinking he was kidding, she couldn’t help it, she gave in and had to ask. “Huh? You fell for me when I was completely pissed off?”

“It was you standing up for another person. Lance didn’t have it in him to argue back, whether he was scared or didn’t know he could for fear of getting fired, I don’t know. But you stood up for him, and I fell for you. At that very moment, I knew you were the woman for me.”

Emery shifted her weight, resting on her elbow so she could ease up and see his face. She had expected a goofball answer, something cheesy, or something maybe even sexual, but hi
s sweet honesty was so down-to-earth, and so completely Jesse, it warmed her heart. She wrinkled her nose at him. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“As a heart attack. I told you, I’m a simple man. I appreciate the person you are and the way you live as much as I do your beauty. I like the fact that you’re a t-shirt and jeans kinda gal. I love
that you know my bike frontward, backward, inside, and out. I like that you don’t feel like you need to impress people with clothes, jewelry, and fake nails and stuff.”

Emery knew then.

Ah…Izzy.

Jesse wasn’t a man with an agenda. He was genuine, kind, and honest as the day was long. His emotions were on the surface and easily seen by all. There was no fishing to get his feelings out of him or having to decipher his moods. There was no reading between the lines or hidden meanings in the words he spoke. Emery hated the thought that that wicked woman almost destroyed everything she loved about the man holding her.

She tried to joke, but there was hurt behind it, not for herself, but hurt for him. “So basically, I’m the exact opposite of the woman from last spring?”

“Did Molly tell you about her?”

“Well, you’ve mentioned her before, but yeah, mostly Molly.”

“I’ve noticed you two are very close now.” He flushed a little. “Yeah, her name was Izzy.”

“Even her name sounds high maintenance. Oh”—she cringed—“sorry, that’s really not my place to say. I’m sorry, Jesse, I shouldn’t have said that.” She shut her eyes and bit her lip.

There was a concrete understanding. Emery knew what Jesse felt toward Collin, knew that a pain ran through him at the mention of
his name. She knew Jesse wanted to shake the man until he could see what he’d done. Emery knew because she felt exactly the same way when it came to Izzy.

She wasn’t a vengeful person, but in this case, Emery hoped that cold-hearted bitch got what she deserved. It wasn’t her right to feel that way, not her place, and in all reality, it was none of her business, but she couldn’t help it. At every twist and turn, Jesse had crept into her heart, making himself at home, and after tonight, it was his. She cared so much about him, what happened now, in the future, and what had happened in the past.

“Oh no, you’re fine, babe. And yes, very high maintenance.”

A sudden wave of not only envy, but fear washed over her. “She wasn’t the one that got away that you’ll love for all time and you’ll constantly compare me to and wish I was her and—”

Jesse interrupted her by bringing her lips to meet his. “No, Em.”

Emery kissed him again.

“I’m not comparing you. I’m just telling you things I love about you.”

He pulled her close. She hadn’t even realized how fast her pulse had spiked until she was completely still. That was a new side of her. She’d never once felt that kind of possessiveness over a man, not in high school, of course, and certainly not over Collin. Boy-oh-boy, she was in trouble.

“I just want to make sure you know in your heart, completely one hundred percent that I want to be with you, because of you, and not your situation, because you think I feel sorry for you.

Once again, he was making her think of things and face fears she’d either been happily ignoring or hadn’t even known existed. Emery pulled away to look at him. It scared her suddenly, how he could know her inside and out so fast.

That voice in her head increased its volume. Buzzing about, reminding her she was sick, reminding her she couldn’t give Jesse normal. Telling her to back up from the edge, telling her not to fall.

Too late.

“I do feel horrible for all you’ve been through, and I wish I could take away all that pain. But it has absolutely no bearing on what I feel for you. I felt this way before I knew, and knowing changes nothing. Do you believe me?”

She’d try. But that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. “Yes, Jesse. Thank you for saying that.”

“I’m just glad you finally talked to me. I’ve been so worried about you. I’m sorry I pushed you so hard earlier, but I couldn’t stand it anymore. I knew something bigger was going on, and I want to take care of you, but I had to know what I was dealing with so I could.”

She ran her fingers over his cheek and over his shadow, then smiled at his warm brown eyes. Emery had never had the type of relationship where feelings were so out there, spoken about, not guessed and assumed. She was riding on foreign terrain and she’d have to try her best to follow Jesse’s lead.

“It’s okay.” She leaned into his shoulder, saddened by the truth. “I needed the push. I was absolutely terrified that I had fallen for you, and I didn’t want you to walk away because of the whole thing with kids. I realize that’s a subject in the distant future and most men would feel trapped talking about children right away. But in my situation, I can’t afford to keep that kind of information private. It’s something that has to be known up front or it’s not fair to either person. Kind of like a lie of omission.”

“I don’t feel trapped. I think we have a future, Em, if you can put up with me long enough to find out.”

“I think I can. You’re a pretty sweet cowboy.”

“I think you’re amazing.” He kissed her again and began to laugh, which Emery immediately picked up on being a nervous laugh.

“Okay, so I have to ask…what about your father?”

That wasn’t what she was expecting. “What about him?”

“Well, he is my boss and we travel together. How do we do this with him so close to the picture?”

“I think you mean
, how do we have sex knowing he’s going to know what we’re doing?”

Jesse flushed instantly at her blunt assessment, and Emery laughed out loud for the first time since Molly and she had wrestled Jesse to the ground earlier in the evening. “I didn’t think men got as embarrassed talking about sex as girls tend to, but buddy, you’re as red as an apple.”