Jezebel (16 page)

July 1975

“I
guess you were right again, sweetheart,” Traynor stated as they walked along the sandy beach. They'd decided to drive to the Outer Banks for the Independence Day holiday.

“It's time for a bigger church. There was standing room only this morning.”

Jessie Belle glanced up and asked, “I've been telling you this for how long now?” She wasn't surprised by his announcement. She'd put pressure on Charles to suggest it to the board just a few days ago.

She was enjoying life. Her girls were experts in their jobs and making good money for her, and Traynor was considered one of Raleigh's prominent pastors. He traveled more these days, but Jessie Belle didn't really mind.

It gave her time to handle the administrative tasks of her side business. She trusted Sabrina and Karla, but Jessie Belle's practice was to count her own money. Both women kept excellent records, but she couldn't say for sure whether they were stealing from her.

Holt was trying to climb down out of her arms, so she made her way over to where they'd placed their beach chairs and took a seat. Jessie Belle placed Holt on the beach towel beside her.

Traynor sat down in the empty beach chair on the other side. “I know you told me, Jessie Belle. The time just wasn't right before.”

“You mean the time wasn't right until the board members suggested it,” she responded. “And the only reason they came to this conclusion is because that woman passed out last Sunday. It was so crowded in church and it was hot….”

“I'm sure that had something to do with it. That's why we had a meeting after church.”

“Traynor, you're the pastor,” she stated. “If that woman had a mind to sue, she'd be suing you—not the board members.” Shaking her head sadly, Jessie Belle added, “Sometimes I wish you were more like Papa. One thing about my daddy…he runs his church.”

“He still has to answer to the board, honey.”

Jessie Belle shook her head. “He did whatever he wanted to do. He was in charge and people just didn't go up against him.”

“What did he do if they did?” Traynor questioned.

“I don't think he ever had any of them ever disagree with him. Papa's a big man.” Jessie Belle gave a slight shrug. “Maybe he intimidated them.”

“Well, I don't want to use scare tactics just to get them to see things my way.”

Holt picked up a rock and Jessie Belle took it from him. Ignoring his loud protest, she said, “I don't think my daddy did it intentionally—people were just scared of him. Papa was nothing but a big teddy bear deep down. I'm glad to hear that the board members have come to their senses, though. We've needed more space for a while now.”

She handed Holt one of his toys. “Here you go, sweetie.”

“I meet with some builders tomorrow afternoon,” Traynor announced.

Jessie Belle was thrilled with the news of a new church building—it translated to more money. With the increase, they could demand a larger salary for Traynor.

“Honey, I'm so happy about this. I know we're definitely on our way.”

Traynor broke into a grin. “I'm so fortunate to have you in my life, Jessie Belle. I love the way you take such an interest in my ministry.”

“Honey, we're a team. I'm your helpmate and I intend to do everything in my power to fulfill my duties.”

Traynor kissed her hand. “I think you should have a talk with some of the wives at church. Some members have complained about their personal lives being out of order.”

“A couple of women approached me about having a marriage retreat—I think it's a great idea.”

“Are you interested in heading up this project?”

Jessie Belle shook her head no. “I have someone in mind that I believe would be perfect—Deacon Daniel Patterson and his wife, Tamia.”

Traynor agreed. “You're right.”

“I'll give them a call to discuss it,” she told him. “But I'll do that later. Traynor, honey, how do you feel about adding to our family?”

He blinked rapidly. “You're pregnant?”

“I think so,” Jessie Belle responded. “How do you feel about it?”

“I'm happy. We've been wanting another child for so long. I just thought maybe it wasn't going to happen. How soon will we know for sure?”

“I can take a home pregnancy test today, but I need to call the doctor when we get back home for an appointment to confirm whether or not I'm really pregnant. When we stopped at the drugstore on the way here, I bought a test.”

“Are you getting ready to take it?” Traynor asked.

Jessie Belle nodded. “I'm pretty sure I am, but I still want to take a test.”

They gathered up all their stuff and headed back to the condo they were renting for the week.

Traynor sat on the bed with Holt while Jessie Belle went to take the pregnancy test.

Five minutes later, she strolled out of the bathroom, her expression blank.

Traynor rushed to his feet. “Are you?”

She broke into a grin. “We're going to have a baby. We're pregnant.”

Jessie Belle's pregnancy ended in miscarriage eleven weeks later, breaking their hearts.

She and Traynor consoled themselves by concentrating on Holt and on the building of the new church.

Nine months later, Traynor surprised Jessie Belle with a romantic trip to Aruba to celebrate their sixth wedding anniversary.

They returned home a week later to prepare for the dedication ceremony of the new building.

The Saturday before the event, they walked through the huge sanctuary.

“It looks wonderful, Traynor,” Jessie Belle murmured.

Traynor glanced around the sanctuary. “It's hard to believe this is New Salem Baptist Church. I'm so used to our little building.”

“It won't be our little church any longer, honey. We're having it torn down and a recreation center built in its place.”

He nodded. “I never thought I'd pastor a church this size. Do you think we'll ever have five thousand members?”

Jessie Belle embraced him. “Of course.”

He laughed. “I don't know why I asked you that. You've always had this vision for us.”

“Traynor, you've never been a small-time pastor. Why do you think people are always asking you to speak at their churches? You have the qualities of Billy Graham.”

“I don't know about that.”

“But I do,” Jessie Belle responded. “Trust me, Traynor. You haven't seen nothing yet.”

By the end of September, they were completely settled into the new building. Jessie Belle spent two days a week working at the church.

“You know, Traynor…,” Jessie Belle began as she dropped down into a nearby visitor chair facing his desk. She'd taken a break from the planning of the annual Fall Festival to come talk to her husband.

“The church is doing quite well. I think it's time for you to ask for an increase in your salary.”

They had been in the new building for three months. She'd waited patiently for things to settle down before she brought up the subject of a raise.

“Holt's getting older and will be starting school soon. I want him to have a private-school education. He deserves the very best and so do we. Traynor, it's time for us to get a bigger house—a better house. We've been talking about trying again for another baby. We're going to need the room.”

His eyes bouncing around the room, Traynor stated, “There's nothing wrong with our house.”

“It's just not big enough,” Jessie Belle retorted. “Traynor, I was talking with Patricia Lumley. I don't know if you remember, but her husband pastors over at Mount Sinai Baptist Church. Their house payment is included as part of their salary. We should have a similar benefit package. As far as I'm concerned, you're a much better pastor than he is.”

“Jessie Belle, we aren't starving or anything. We live in a nice house now…. Why aren't you happy?”

“This has nothing to do with my being happy,” Jessie Belle responded. “Why do you always just want to settle?” she asked him. “There's nothing wrong with living life more abundantly. I want to live my life to the fullest, Traynor. I want the good things in life—there's no reason why we can't have them.”

“Why aren't you ever satisfied?”

“Excuse me?”

“You're never satisfied, it seems.”

“This is the end of the discussion,” Jessie Belle uttered. “I won't sit here and listen to you put me down.”

“I'm not putting you down, sweetheart.”

She rose up. “Don't you
sweetheart
me, Traynor. I'm pissed and right now, I just want you out of my face. I'm so tired of having this same argument with you over and over again.
Do whatever you want
.”

She walked over to a nearby window and peered out.

“Jessie Belle, if you want me to ask for more money—I will,” Traynor stated with a sigh of resignation from behind her.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. “You don't have to say it like that. This isn't about me, Traynor. I just want you to get some of what you deserve. You have to treat your ministry as a business. Maybe I'd feel differently if we were a two-income family, but we're not. You have to consider the needs of your growing family.”

After a moment, Traynor stated, “I guess you haven't been wrong yet.”

Jessie Belle bit back her smile. She didn't want to appear too enthusiastic over her victory.

“And tell them that we're looking at buying a bigger house—we want the mortgage payment included as part of your salary. Better yet, I don't know if you should say anything about getting another house. Not yet anyway. Just don't let them put a cap on the mortgage payment.”

She could see in Traynor's eyes how uncomfortable he felt about approaching the board, but Jessie Belle didn't care. They needed a house that was symbolic of their status in the church and community. He would appreciate it in time.

Jessie Belle was sure of it.

When Jessie Belle left his office, Traynor leaned back in his chair with his eyes closed.

Now she wants another house
.

He put his hands over his face to drown out his sighs of frustration. “God, what am I supposed to do? I have a wonderful wife and I love her dearly, but she can be so irritating at times.”

She only has my best interests at heart. No matter what field I worked in—I believe she'd still be the same way. What wife wouldn't want her husband to get a raise?

Truth be told, Traynor felt he deserved a raise as well. He was a devoted pastor and performed his job well. That's it…. It was his job and he should be compensated fairly.

Later at home, he sat Jessie Belle down.

“I thought about everything you told me and I want you to know that I agree with you, sweetheart.”

“Traynor, I'm sorry if I pressured you into this. It's just that I—”

He cut her off by saying, “This is my decision, Jessie Belle. Sometimes I forget that this is a job.”

“I know how you feel about your ministry,” Jessie Belle stated. “Believe me, I do. But I believe God has so much more for you. Traynor, I listen to you preach on Sundays and you should see the impact you have on others. Your words—they move people. You have such a gift for ministering to the heartbroken and the wounded in spirit, honey. Embrace it, Traynor, and walk in it.”

“I thought I was.”

“You have been called to greatness. I can see our entire life in my mind. What Billy Graham has—God wants that for you, Traynor.” Jessie Belle placed a hand over her heart. “I know it in here.”

Deep down, Traynor didn't know if he was doing it for her or for himself, but he said, “Okay, Jessie Belle. You've convinced me. I trust you.”

Jessie Belle woke up the next morning wanting to go house hunting.

“Sweetheart, I haven't had a chance to even talk to anybody yet,” Traynor complained. “Why are you in such a hurry to go looking at houses?”

She sat down at the breakfast table with him. “Why should we wait till the last minute? We should go on and put this one on the market, too.”

“Sweetheart, we don't have to move too fast. If we put this one on the market and it sells—where we gonna live if the board doesn't approve the salary increase?”

She didn't want to hear any negativity this morning. “We'll find a house—that's the easy part.”

He eyed her for a moment before saying, “I don't understand you sometimes, Jessie Belle.”

“Honey, all you need to do is love me. You don't need to worry about anything else.”