Joy Comes in the Morning (18 page)

Unfortunately, it wasn't Joshua. It was Michelle. I opened the door for her, and Michelle came in. She wore a denim maternity shirt and her stomach was about the size of a volleyball. When I hugged her, she smelled like cocoa butter. “Hi, Michelle. What brings you by today?”

“I just had to pick up a few things in the area, and I wanted to stop by before the meeting.”

“Come in and sit down.” I looked toward the couch.

“No, thanks. I won't be long.”

“How have you been feeling?”

“Much better thanks to you.” Michelle smiled. “I'll be seven months soon.”

“Wow. Almost there, huh?”

“Yep. I'll just be glad when this is all over so my life can get back to how it was.” Michelle looked at her stomach. “Well, sort of how it was.”

“I understand.”

“I mean, I want people to stop staring at me.”

“I know what you mean, but it will get better.” I touched Michelle's round stomach. “How about school?”

“It's going fine. I go to a special program for young mothers in the afternoons.”

“Good. I'm glad it's all working out for you.”

“Sister Alex?”

“Yes, Michelle?”

“I just wanted to say thanks again. You really saved my life and my baby's life.” Michelle rubbed her round stomach with her swollen hands.

I nodded. “You're welcome. I was only doing what God told me to do for a change.”

“Satan has already tried to destroy me. My faith is all I have left, and to tell you the truth, that's wearing thin.”

I leaned forward to pat her on the back. “Your faith is all that matters. When it gets low, go to your Bible and fill up on the Word of God.”

Michelle smiled. “That's what my dad always says.”

“Now what is this meeting at the church all about anyway?”

“I don't know exactly, but it's something about me and my family.”

“I just checked my messages a little while ago, and Sister Trudy left me a voice-mail.”

Michelle faced the door. “All I know is that we've all got to be at the church tomorrow afternoon; all members of the church.”

“Well, I'll be there. Will you need a ride?” I opened the door for Michelle.

“No, thanks. I'll be riding with my parents. I just wanted to talk to you before . . .” Her voice trailed.

“Everything is going to be all right, I promise.” I gave her a hug. “I'll see you there.” I blinked away the tears that threatened to overtake me as Michelle walked out the door. “Give me strength, Lord.”

As Michelle was leaving, I heard my phone ringing. I ran over to my purse and grabbed my cell phone.

“Oh hi, Daddy.” I didn't feel like hearing any parental lectures tonight.

“Well you don't have to sound so happy to hear from me,” Daddy said.

“I don't mean it like that. It's just that . . . I'm a little tired right now.” I yawned into the phone for dramatic effect.

“I see.” Daddy coughed for a minute. “I just wanted to know if the church called you.”

“About the meeting?”

“Then they did call?”

I sighed as I imagined what controversy awaited me. “Yes. Sister Trudy left a message.”

“They're calling all the members to meet Saturday at noon.”

“Right, but what's going on?”

“I don't know exactly, but it has something to do with the Harrises.”

“The Harrises? Michelle was just here a little while ago.”

“Yes, Pastor called the meeting himself, so I don't know.” There was concern in Daddy's voice just as I was sure he could probably hear concern in mine.

“Well, thanks for letting me know, Daddy, and yes, I'll be there.” I sighed. “You know I'll be leaving on Sunday for my trip.”

“I still don't understand why you have to go now.”

I paused before answering. “I don't have to go, Daddy, but I want to go. It's only for a few days.”

“Yes, but by the time you get back, you'll only have two weeks before your wedding. It doesn't make any sense.”

“Don't worry, Daddy. Everything for the wedding has already been done.”

Daddy put on his serious voice. “You are planning to come back, aren't you?”

I must admit that I had to think about that one for a minute. Running away from my problems seemed like a pretty good idea at this point. “Of course I'm coming back, Daddy. I'm just doing Dr. Harding a little favor and giving myself a break at the same time. Everything is ready for the wedding. Everything is just fine.”

“But are you fine?” Daddy paused. “You haven't been acting like yourself lately.”

“I'm okay. I just need a little break from everything.”

“I know you've been under a lot of pressure with your sister and all. Then there is that family.”

“Daddy.” Oh no, not the Bennings lecture again.

“I'm sorry, baby. But it's the truth. I don't like the way those uppity folks treat you.”

“Yes, I have been under a lot of stress. But Josh's family doesn't treat me that badly.” I looked over at Taylor sitting in her wheelchair. I hated to have to leave her, but I needed to preserve my sanity, to seriously consider that public relations position, and to prepare to marry the man of my dreams by burying my past forever. Maybe I'd be able to leave that part of me in Africa.

“They don't treat you that badly?”

“Daddy, don't start.”

“All right, all right. I'm sorry. I just want the best for you.”

“Joshua is the best for me.” I said this to appease my father because lately I wasn't too sure.

“I guess there's nothing else to say except I'll see you tomorrow then.”

“Goodnight, Daddy.”

“Goodnight.”

But I didn't sleep well. All night I had dreams about Joshua and the meeting at the church the next day.

As soon as I walked into the church building with my father, my spirit did not feel at ease. I wondered what this emergency meeting called by the pastor was really all about. Whatever it was concerning, I knew that I'd not be fighting against mere flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities and wickedness in high places.

My father gathered around the other deacons in the lobby. Aunt Dorothy handed me a paper before I walked into the sanctuary.

“Hi, Aunt Dorothy. What's this?” I asked.

“Hi, sweetie. You're not going to like this at all,” she replied.

I looked at the paper and saw that it was a signed petition to remove Minister and Sister Harris from their positions in the ministry. I couldn't believe what I was reading. At the top of the list was Sister Winifred's name. I wasn't at all surprised.

“You've got to be kidding, right?” I wasn't surprised that the trouble maker was involved in this too. Typical.

“I wish I were. They want the Harrises to resign and for the children to step down from the music ministry also.”

“Aunt Dorothy, I'll be right back.” I walked away, knowing I needed to pray in secret. At that moment, I looked up and saw Ahmad walking in the front door. He stood in the lobby, looking around.
What in the world is he doing here? Has he lost his mind?
Immediately, I went out to confront him.

“What are you doing here?” My heart began to race at the realization that he was here at church. “Why are you still following me?”

“Don't flatter yourself. I'm not even here for you this time. I ran into Sister Winifred a little earlier, and she asked me to run an errand for her, that's all. Is that all right with you, Sister Carter?” Ahmad's voice was bitter.

I guided him into a small prayer room beside the sanctuary. “No, that's not all right with me. I want you out and gone, back to California or wherever else you came from.”

“What in heaven's name is your problem with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“You're sending me mixed signals. First you won't talk to me, then you're nice to me. Then you're pushing me away again. I don't get it. I don't get you.”

“You don't have to get me. You just have to get out.”

“Do you hate me that much that you would deny me being in the house of the Lord?”

“No, that's just it. You're not here for the Lord. And I don't hate you at all. I've tried, believe me I've tried to hate you for years. All those years I rubbed my empty womb and cried because my babies were gone, I wanted to hate you.”

“What? Babies?”

“Yes, babies. They were twins. I didn't know until it was too late, but I should've known, they were twins, our twins.”

“Hey, I didn't know.” Ahmad threw up his hand. “I'm sorry.”

“You knew about the one and still you threw me away without a second thought. But I don't hate you. I can't hate anyone.”

“So that kiss the other night meant something to you?”

It was at this moment that I noticed the sound of heavy breathing.

When I turned around, I stared into the faces of Sister Winifred and Joshua. They were both staring at me and Ahmad with their mouths hanging open, as if they had heard everything, or at least too much.

“Joshua, I—” I reached out to him.

“No, don't.” Joshua pushed my hand away and began walking away.

“Please let me explain.”

“It's too late for that now. Thanks to Sister Winifred, who led me in here, I've heard enough. I've heard it all.”

“Joshua, please—”

“Now I understand why you weren't happy, why you were stalling. You didn't love me. It was this guy all along.”

“You've got it all wrong.” I turned to Ahmad. “Would you please leave?”

Ahmad left with a smirk on his face. Sister Winifred followed him out of the room.

“I do? You lied to me. You knew what I've been through with Delilah, and you still lied to me.”

“No no no.”

“My parents were right.” Joshua shook his head.

I reached out for him. “You don't understand.”

“Don't understand?” Joshua pulled away from me.

“I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I just didn't know how.”

“Didn't know how? Like Delilah didn't know how to tell me she was pregnant, that she didn't want to be a mother to my baby.” Joshua was careful not to raise his voice, although he was visibly upset.

“Joshua, I am not Delilah.” I tried to grab his sleeve, but a cuff link popped off.

“Aren't you?” Joshua said. “Don't worry, you can have this player. Go and be with him.”

“No, Joshua, please.”

“Give me my ring. The wedding is off.” I removed the ring, and he snatched it out of my hand. He left the room, slamming the door behind him. Then my whole world came crashing down around me, and I went down with it. I slid down to the floor and stayed there sobbing.

Sister Winifred peeped her head in through the door. “Girl, you need to be ashamed of yourself. I remember that hooligan from when you brought him to church way back when. I know your mama taught you better manners and home training than this, God rest her soul. So we shouldn't be where we are now.” Sister Winifred shook her bony finger at me.

“You were spying on me?”

“No, I wasn't spying on you. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not the one doing something wrong, sneaking around behind my fiancé's back. It's a disgrace. No wonder you're always with that Michelle girl. You know what they say about birds of a feather . . .”

“Birds of a feather, huh?” It seemed like everything in me wanted to rise up to slap that lady in the face, but the Spirit wouldn't let me.

It's not about you, Alex.
I picked myself off the floor, dried my eyes, and suddenly, I knew what I had to do.

As I walked back into the sanctuary, heads turned and people whispered. I didn't even bother to camouflage my tear streaked face. I was fed up. I had enough of these self-righteous, sanctimonious, so-called church folks. I had more than enough.

Aunt Dorothy met me at the back. “What's going on with you? Joshua came in looking all upset. Sister Winifred is mumbling about something. And didn't I see that old boyfriend of yours at the church a little while ago?”

“Yes, Auntie.” Still in shock over what had just transpired, I could barely talk.

Aunt Dorothy looked at me and frowned. “What blew him in?”

“We'll talk about it later, Auntie. Right now I'm concerned with Michelle and her family.”

“It's just not right what they're trying to do to those people.” Aunt Dorothy shook her head.

“Anybody can see that, but what are we going to do about it?” I grabbed her hand.

“I don't know what we can do about it.” Aunt Dorothy sighed. “The wheels are already in motion.

“But someone has to speak on their behalf. Even if they're too humble or ashamed to do it, I'm not,” I said.

“Baby, this isn't your battle,” Aunt Dorothy said.

“Oh yes, it is. I'm tired of running and hiding. This is very much my battle.”

“What do you mean?”

“Aunt Dorothy, I don't mean to hurt you or Daddy but I've got to come forward.I've got to come clean for the sake of Michelle and her family, for the sake of the church, and for righteousness' sake.”

“Girl, I don't know what in the world you're talking about now.” Aunt Dorothy looked very confused.

“No you don't, but you will.” I hugged my Aunt Dorothy before going forward.

I walked up to the first row and sat down.

The sanctuary was already buzzing with gossip and heated conversations. A few minutes later, Pastor Martin entered the room, and everyone scattered to their seats. He stood, not with his normal Sunday morning authoritarian demeanor, but he stood with a solemn look instead.

Sister Trudy opened up the meeting. Then one by one, people were allowed to state their complaints and opinions about the indecency of Michelle singing in the choir as an unwed teenager, and the indecency of her parents continuing to be leaders in the church when they obviously could not even control their own daughter.

Then it was my turn. I came up to the front and took a deep breath.

“So we are ready to put the entire Harris family out of the church? Or at least out of the public eye. Why? Is it really because of sin? Isn't the church a place to overcome your sin? Or does everyone have to be already perfect to come here? I say that Michelle is not the only one who has sinned in this church. Are we punishing her because of the actual fornication that is implied here, or are we simply punishing her because she got caught?”

The audience began to mumble and whisper. I looked out at the back and saw Joshua standing against the back wall.

“But we can't just condone this kind of thing; having her and her situation on display,” Sister Winifred said.

“No one is asking you to condone sin, but pregnancy isn't a sin. The sin is in the past. Don't we all have sins from the past? What if someone were holding them against you? Would you all have preferred that she was on some kind of birth control like so many of your own children are? Isn't that a blatant endorsement for premarital sex? Are we punishing Michelle because her sin is visible and ours aren't?” I took a deep breath and continued. “Or would you have preferred that she had an abortion and pretended like nothing ever happened like so many God-fearing Christian folk have? Don't act like you don't know. Statistics say that one out of six women who claim to be born again Christians has had an abortion. It's just a silent thing, a hidden thing. I know because I lived through one.” It was all coming out now, ready or not.

The congregation became silent.

“Yes, me. And I never told anyone about it until now. But Jesus paid for what I've done just like He paid for all of our sins. No one is blameless here. Would you all have rather that Michelle lost her baby or killed her baby? Then we wouldn't have to be standing here today talking about an illegitimate pregnancy. Would that have been easier? Would it have soothed all your consciences? Okay, so she's pregnant, but have any of you taken the time to find out if she has repented for her sin, if she is right with the Lord? Just because she made a mistake does not make her a harlot,” I said. “And then again, even if she were, and she's not, harlots have souls too.”

“Now, just a minute, no one said—” Sister Winifred started.

“But that's how she has been treated. And not just her, but everyone that has been in her position for as long as I can remember. They've all been treated the same, and slowly but surely, they're shamed away from the church. What makes this sin so much worse than all the others; stealing, lying, fighting, cheating, backbiting, etc.? I'll tell you what it is, the fact that we can see it. We can see it every day growing in her belly, a reminder of what she has done. But what if we all had constant reminders of what we have done? Would we like it? Just because no one can see our sin doesn't make it any less real. God sees everything. There is no great or small sin. So while you're all looking down on the Harris family in outrage, I say, as Jesus said, ‘Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.' That alone should clear everyone out. We all make mistakes. Some of our mistakes are costlier than others, but we all make them. So let's not pretend that we are too good or perfect to understand.”

“I understand what you're saying. But what about our reputation in the community?” Sister Trudy steadied herself as she spoke.

“Reputation? Her parents have always been exceptional leaders in this community, and they've done nothing except to be loving parents. They've done no wrong, and they should not be on trial here. It is not for us to judge. Remember, if we can't forgive Michelle, then Jesus can't and won't forgive us.” I couldn't stop now.

Everyone shuffled around in their seats. Pastor Martin started off the clapping and everyone else joined in. Michelle ran to the front and hugged me.

“I never imagined that church folk could cause so much pain,” Michelle whispered.

“I'm sorry, but the hardest part is over now.” I felt extremely close to the girl. I also felt that I had finally let God use me in the capacity that He wanted, without my fear or pride getting in the way.

Soon some people in the audience were standing, clapping. Others remained in their seats mumbling to each other.

Pastor Brown came forward and hugged me. He also hugged Michelle. Then he took the microphone and stood in the pulpit. “I was actually going to reprimand the immature and ungodly behavior I've been witnessing these past couple of weeks, ever since sister Michelle started to show. After such an eloquent sermon by Sister Alex, it is obvious what the answer must be and that is to do what Jesus would do. Thank God for the messenger because now I don't have to say a thing except, ‘let he who is without sin cast the first stone.' This meeting is dismissed.”

“
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone
.” I repeated those words in my head. The same stones that were hitting the Harris family, and especially, Michelle, were the same stones I feared ten years ago. The stones had caused me to take the lives of my children, innocent fetuses. They would probably have been identical twins like me and my sister. I closed my eyes as the memory became all too vivid.

After the procedure, I had layed on the table, stiff and cold, almost lifeless except for my rapid heartbeat.

I forced my eyes open and looked out into the congregation. My father and aunt were standing too. I went back to my seat with my head held down. “Dad . . . I—”

“That was a long time ago. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't come to me. But I am so proud of you, now.” My dad took off his glasses to dry his eyes.

“Child, so am I.” Aunt Dorothy gave me a sympathetic smile.

“I've got to go now, Daddy.” I hugged him. “You know I've got a lot to do. My flight is tomorrow.”

“I love you, Alex.” Daddy kissed my forehead, and then we walked outside, arm in arm, followed by Aunt Dorothy.

“I love you too, Daddy.” I wiped the tears from my face. “By the way, the wedding is off.”

Daddy frowned. “Off?”

“Yes, it's off, and no, it's not Joshua's fault.” I kissed Aunt Dorothy on the cheek. “I don't want to talk about it.” Aunt Dorothy shook her head. “Oh, I'm sorry, baby.”

I tried to fake a smile. “It's okay. I'm okay.”

Daddy pulled away from me. “I knew those Benningses were up to no good.”

“Daddy.” The last thing I needed was to have my father upset.

“I don't care what you say; I know it's the Benningses's fault,” Daddy said.

“Daddy, please stop,” I said.

“All right, but I don't like it at all.” Daddy pounded his fist against the church bricks.

We shared a group hug. “I have to go now. You both take care of yourselves until I get back.”

“You take care of yourself, child.” Aunt Dorothy said.

“I will.” I walked over to my car and didn't look back. “Lord, thank you for freeing me with the truth. Now I know I'm ready to face whatever comes next.”

“Alex?” Aunt Dorothy yelled out as I was driving away, but there was no turning back. I blew her a kiss, and I was gone.

I drove straight home and spent the rest of the day packing and cancelling wedding plans. I hardly talked to Taylor except to tell her to take care of herself while I was gone. I was too hurt to have long, mushy conversations.

“It's only for a week,” Taylor said.

“Right.” I didn't really know anymore. The wedding was off. What did I have to rush back for?

I spent the evening in my room while Taylor had her physical therapy session with Keith. Hearing them talking happily, reminded me of my broken relationship with Joshua, and I cried until I was empty. Then I filled myself by reading the Word of God.

My phone kept ringing. Daddy and Aunt Dorothy kept calling, but I didn't want to talk to anyone. I read my Bible until I drifted into sleep.

The next day I arrived at the airport early, parked, unloaded my two suitcases, and went inside to check my luggage. Before I reached the security lines, I felt a tap on my shoulder.