Joy Comes in the Morning (14 page)

“You can say that again.” Keith agreed with me. “There comes a time when you've got to trust the Lord to—”

“Oh no, don't tell me you're one of those people too.” Taylor rolled her eyes as if this was some kind of conspiracy.

“I beg your pardon. One of those people?” Keith didn't understand what he was up against.

“A Christian,” Taylor said.

“Born again.” Keith smiled and touched his heart.

“Yeah, that's the worst kind.” Taylor turned her face away from his smile.

“Me too.” I told him, hoping to form some kind of alliance in the battle to save my sister's soul.

“I can see I've got my work cut out for me here,” Keith said.

“So have I,” I whispered.

“You've got nothing cut out for you here. I don't want any parts of your so-called Christianity. I've already got my sister on my back twenty-four-seven. ” Taylor took a deep breath. “Just do your little job, and get the heck out of my room.”

The following Sunday I walked into the church with my spiritual armor on. I tiptoed across the emerald green carpet, spoke to everyone and made my way toward the front. I looked at the faces of the same crowd who were giving Michelle such a hard time, branding her with a scarlet letter. I didn't know what else to do about it, so I decided I would keep on praying. Michelle and her family were constantly on my mind, how she would be able to finish school, how she and her family were getting along, how she would give birth, and how she would face other unforeseen struggles. I wished I could go back ten years and have the courage to make the right choice like Michelle did. I couldn't help but to wonder if I had had a mentor, if things would have been different.

I went over to the front pew and knelt down on my knees to pray.

“Dear most merciful God, I thank you for being sovereign and holy. I thank you for lifting me up as I lift you up. But Father, I've already asked you to take away all fear and doubt, to make a way for me to fulfill my purpose. I've already asked for you to save and heal my sister. I've already asked for you to bless Michelle and her family in whatever ways they need to be blessed. And I've already asked that your will be done concerning myself and Deacon Joshua. So Father, I'm thanking you in advance for taking care of these matters, for using me to help all these people and to help myself as your precious Word manifests in our lives. In Jesus' name. Amen.”

By the time I stood up, I felt the Holy Ghost moving in my heart and tears welling up in my eyes. I lifted my hands into the air. “Hallelujah.” I smiled as signs of my emotion rolled down both cheeks. The other members of the praise team and I began to sing, “There is a sweet anointing in this sanctuary… God is here.”

Finally, we were able to sit down amongst the congregation when it was time for the choir to sing. I sat next to Aunt Dorothy and opened my Bible to I Peter 4:12 as I was instructed to. I glanced behind me, but I didn't see Michelle or her family. Minister Harris wasn't seated with the other ministers. Pastor Martin preached a stirring message about overcoming spiritual battles. When he was done, he reminded everyone about the Elijah Project and that everyone should already be signed up for something.

I was glad I had already taken care of that even though I still wasn't sure if I had chosen the right thing. Choices weren't easy these days. They never were. I leaned back in my seat and looked over at Joshua who was sitting with the deacons. He winked at me, and I smiled at him.Sister Motley's one-year-old son scooted out of her arms and almost into mine. He seemed to be fascinated with my dangling earrings. At that moment my eyes caught Joshua's, and I knew he was reading my reaction. So I playfully hugged the child, and then placed him back into his mother's arms. I counted to myself and took a deep breath. Another blow to the chest. At the end of service, while I was waiting for Joshua, Yvonne came up to me, wearing a short periwinkle skirt suit and a hot pink blouse with just a hint of cleavage.

“Hi, Alex.”

“Hi, Yvonne.”

Suddenly, she leaned in close to my ear. Her hoop earrings dangled against my face, and I could smell the scent of Calvin Klein's Obsession. “You know Deacon Joshua is some man you've got there. If I were you, I'd hold onto him tight.”

Okay, outside the church, those were fighting words, and I couldn't wait to tell Taylor what Yvonne had said. Knowing my sister, she'd want to snatch her up, but I wouldn't let that happen, although it was tempting. On the way home from church I told Joshua about Yvonne's comments, and he brushed it off like he usually did, as if I were just being paranoid. Despite what Joshua thought, I knew Yvonne was a serious problem, along with the many other problems I had.

Once I was finally home, I climbed up the metal fire escape to the roof, as I had often done it the past, to think. It was rare when I had a chance to do that anymore.

I liked to meditate on the stars, God's awesome creation. I could see them so clearly from up there, and my heart longed to be up there with them in the sky, up so high, rejoicing and dancing around in all their sparkling splendor.

I thought about my engagement to Joshua, and Dr. Harding's proposal, and yet I still didn't feel full.“Oh Lord, am I supposed to go back to school to be a public relations liaison?” Maybe that's why I'm suffering inside, feeling incomplete. Since I was whole in God, I knew I shouldn't feel like I was missing something, unless of course, I wasn't doing God's will. Maybe this trip to Kenya was exactly what I needed.

I looked down in time to see Mrs. Rodriguez coming inside with her two grandchildren, Jose and Carmen. The older one was eight, and the younger one was six. They had the cutest violet eyes and thick, wavy black hair. I would see them leaving out for school every morning, and sometimes I'd see them playing on the stoop in the evening, but whenever I saw them, they seemed happy. The innocence of childhood was amazing. I remembered mine with Taylor.

We used to be the sweetest little twins, with matching dresses, purses, and ribbons. Everything was the same, our hair, our smiles, our minds. Or at least that's what people thought.

But although we always looked the same, we were always different. I knew my sister wasn't like me when Taylor, on our eighth birthday, left me sitting at the lunch table by myself so she could go flutter her eyelashes and her pompoms at Jack Johnson from the fifth grade table. That was the first clue.

Then there were more subtle things, like the way she disappeared from the room anytime the subject of housework came up, leaving me with the bag to hold. Second clue.

And my all time favorite was the way she consciously smacked her gum, cracked her knuckles, and hiked up her dress at church despite Mom's constant reprimands. Third clue, and it was clear. We were twins in looks only.

I decided to call Joshua, but there was no answer, so I left a message on his voice mail. Ten minutes later Joshua returned my call.

“Hi, are you okay?” he asked.

“I was just thinking about Taylor and feeling a little sad.”

“That's understandable.”

“Not too long ago I couldn't wait to move away from her because she was getting on my last nerve, and now this happens, and it changes everything.” I began to sniffle and took out a tissue to blow my nose.

“It's not your fault that—”

“I know that. I'm just praying about her situation.”

“So am I.”

I decided to go out on a limb. “I've also been praying about Michelle's situation. I really want to help her.”

“Oh, right. Minister Harris's daughter?”

“Right. You remember her problem, don't you?”

“Of course I remember. She's pregnant, and Sister Martin mentioned something about how sweet you've been. You're an angel, and I love you for that.” Joshua sounded so serious, with his deep voice reverberating in my ears.

My heart beat faster. “I wouldn't say that I'm an angel.”

“Well, I'd say so. To help out a wild teenager like that, you'd have to be.”

“Why would you say that she's wild?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Look at the condition she's in,” Joshua said. “You don't get that way by being innocent.”

Now I was ticked off. “Michelle is a very nice girl.”

“Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she is. I just know she has done some not so nice things.”

I held the phone, without moving, without breathing. I wanted to defend the girl, to tell him about my own experience, my own loss, but the words wouldn't come. They betrayed me once again.

“Alex?”

“I'm here. I'm just thinking.” I was thinking about how self-righteous he sounded.

“Listen, don't worry about Taylor. God will work that out. He is a healer.” Joshua paused. “And don't worry about that little girl. I'm sure her parents will come around and be there for her despite what she has done. You probably don't need to get involved in a situation like that anyway. I mean, what would people think?”

“What would people think? I'm not worried about what people think. Now you're beginning to sound like Mrs. Winifred.”

“Well, Yvonne told—”

My heart began to beat fast. “Hold on a minute. I'm sure I don't want to hear what she has to say either.”

“This Michelle girl is just—”

“I'm sorry, but I've got to go.”

“Alex—”

I sighed before I clicked off the phone and stuck it inside my pocket. Telling him my secret was not going to be easy, if not impossible.

It was almost the end of June, and Taylor had been hospitalized for three weeks. Joshua and I met in the hospital lobby. We held hands as we took the elevator up to the sixth floor. When we walked into Taylor's room, I caught her banging her head on the bed rails until her nose bled. Like she didn't have good sense.

“Stop that. You must've lost your mind,” I called out.

Then Joshua ran over to let down the side rails. I grabbed a bed sheet and pinched her bleeding nose.

Blood was everywhere, staining the sheets.

“What's wrong with you, girl?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Taylor said.

I grabbed a towel and began to help. “Nothing?”

“Just having a nosebleed,” she replied.

Joshua walked closer to the bed. “Do you want me to get a nurse for you or something?”

Taylor looked at him up and down. “I ain't even in the mood for no ministerwannabe, Deacon.”

“You'll be okay, Taylor. Give it time,” Joshua said.

“Time? I don't want time. I just want to die.” Taylor rolled her eyes.

“You don't mean that,” I said.

“Don't tell me what I don't mean,” Taylor snapped.

Joshua walked toward the door. “I'll give you two a chance to talk, but I'll be praying for you.”

Joshua gave me a sympathetic look and left the room.

“Have you seen Malcolm since the accident?” I was curious as to whether or not any of her male suitors were still around at all.

“Malcolm who?” Taylor sucked her teeth. “I haven't seen that no good for nothing since I had my accident with Derek.”

I wasn't sure what to say. “That's too bad. I figured you could use some more company.”

“I've had company. Derek's widow came here,” Taylor said.

“What?” I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

“Yeah, she came here upset about me seeing her husband,” Taylor said.

“I see.” I could see the hurt in Taylor's eyes.

“No, you don't see. She was gone long before I came on the scene. Besides, I don't have to explain anything to you or anyone for that matter.”

“I didn't mean—”

“Look, the man was drunk. He had too many of his usual rounds of rum and Coke, and then I let him get behind the wheel. Now the man is dead. His wife doesn't matter.” Taylor wiped away a tear that tried to escape. “There's nothing else to talk about.”

“Taylor, I know this is hard for you, but—”

“You don't know anything. Look at you Miss Life All Perfect.”

“My life is far from perfect.”

“Doesn't look that way to me. You can walk, can't you?”

“Taylor—”

“You've got a job, don't you? And what about that fiancé of yours who worships the ground you walk on? You'll be married in just a couple of months. That's three things more than what I have. My life is in the toilet.” Taylor frowned up as if she felt the sting of her own words.

“Now don't say that. You'll get better, and then you'll be able to work again.”

“Right. I'll work again, but doing what? I'll never be able to run, bend, or exercise again. I won't be able to be a personal trainer or work in fitness ever again. And look at me; no one is going to want me like this.”

“Taylor, you're just as beautiful as you always were.”

“But I'm in a wheelchair, and what good is so called beauty if I can't even move.”

“You'll be able to move again. I've been praying for you.”

“Save it. I don't want your prayers, or the deacon's.” Taylor rolled her eyes.

“Remember how everyone prayed for Mom? But it didn't stop her from going into the ground, now did it?”

“God can heal you,” I said.

“Sure, He can.”

I wanted to shake her so she would understand. “I mean it.” I wanted her to believe.

Taylor turned her head away from me. “Just go.”

“I'll go, but I'm not going to stop praying. I'll just have to have enough faith for both of us.” I didn't want to sound patronizing, but it was the truth.

“Get out,” Taylor threw a plastic cup in my direction as I barely escaped.

Once I was on the other side of the door, I said a little prayer.

“Lord, please help Taylor to know that you're real. Please give her peace in the midst of this trial, and finally, by your stripes we are healed. Please restore my sister's body to work as it did before in Jesus' name. Amen.”

When Joshua turned the corner of the corridor, I fell into his arms, and he comforted me before we left the hospital.

Joshua and I both drove our cars back to Missionary Bible College. He went to class while I went to Dr. Harding's office. I stopped by to see Dr. Harding about my upcoming trip. We spoke at length about the missionaries from my church who would be there and the mission assignments they would be handling as well. Then he handed me a file full of information I would need for the public relations assignment. Of course I didn't share any of my personal reasons for wanting to go. Instead, we discussed the application I had filed for my visa, the language, and other business matters. The conversation we had should have been between the two of us, but I didn't know that someone else was listening.

The next day as I was about to escape for my lunch break, I ran into Marisol in the lobby.

“Hey, hold up for a minute, girl.” Marisol came running toward me. Are you trying to avoid me or something?”

We hadn't really talked since the night of my engagement party. “No, I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Okay, but you can still wait for me, right?”

“Right.”

“You're going to lunch, aren't you?”

“Actually, I was going to skip lunch.”

“Skip lunch? Now that doesn't sound like you. What's going on?”

“I've just got a lot going on, that's all.” I shook my head. “I'm going to Kenya on the mission trip, for a week,” I said.

“What? Are you crazy?”

I knew she would think that way. “What?”

“You mean you're going away and leaving your fiancé here by himself for a whole week and only three weeks before your wedding?”

“Yeah, we need some time apart. I've got some stuff to sort out, and you know . . .”

“You're not having second thoughts, are you?”

“No, I've never wanted anything more than to be Mrs. Joshua Bennings. It's just that—”

“Come on now, you should be happy.” Marisol gave me a playful punch in the arm. “I'm going to take you out for lunch today. Let's go.”

“Thanks.”

The next thing I knew we were sitting in the corner seats of the nearest diner. It was a dark, greasy little place, and we both ordered burgers, fries, and a Coke.

“Girl, this should be the happiest time in your life. You're getting married the first of August.”

Right, only a month to go.” I sighed.“You've got a new job offer.” Marisol shook her head. “I don't see the problem.”

“Yeah, a job offer that I don't really want.”

“Why don't you just teach then? You told me you used to want to.”

“That's all in the past. I can't deal with children anymore.” I stuttered as the words fought to make their way out.

“Is that why you gave up, because you think you can't deal with kids anymore?”

I felt a rush of tears building behind my eyelids. When I looked up, it was as if Marisol was peering into my soul.

“Alex, is there something you want to tell me?”