Joyful (9 page)

He frowned. “Why did she go up there? Why isn't she here with you? I thought you were going to spend some time with her.”

“I tried, but that wasn't what she wanted to do.”

Before she could explain her reasoning, tell him that she thought it would be better to take baby steps with Kaylene instead of forcing her presence on the girl, Randall pulled off his hat and rubbed the back of his neck in a move that signaled his frustration. “Elizabeth, didn't you understand that part of the reason we wanted you here was to spend time with Kay?”

“Believe it or not, I did understand that.”

“Well, then? What happened? I can't believe you're ignoring her.”

“Nothing ‘happened.' And I'm certainly not ignoring her.”

“What did you do?”

Now completely irritated, she tossed the shirt she was folding into the basket at her feet. “I did nothing wrong. Your sister is hurting. She needs a gentle touch. I will reach out to her, but I don't think now is the best time.”

His stance turned obstinate. “But—”

“You need to trust me on this, Randall.”

“But—”

Her patience was at its end. “Enough.” Picking up the laundry basket, she thrust it into his arms. “I'm going to go home now. If you want me to come back, come see me. Otherwise, send me my pay in the mail.”

“What are you talking about? I thought you wanted to be paid on Fridays.”

“That's what I said, but I didn't think you were going to be so rude and question everything I'm doing. I need a job, but not this badly.”

“All I did was ask why you weren't spending time with my sister.”

“You did more than that, and you and I both know it.” Suddenly, it was all too much. It was too hard being in the Beiler kitchen as their cook when she'd always imagined it would be hers.

It was hard tiptoeing around Kaylene when she'd thought they were going to be sisters.

And it was almost impossible to be around Randall as his maid when she'd spent two years being so much more. And with that, she turned, walked back to the house, grabbed her things, and started walking down the long driveway.

She didn't care if it took her a whole hour to walk home. In fact, if it did, it would be a whole hour's respite from the Beiler family—and from all the questions her grandmother was sure to ask.

An hour's break from her life sounded like a mighty good thing at the moment.

W
as there any scarier time than two in the morning? As Judith tried her best to comfort a crying James, she knew she was starting to dread the middle of the night.

Ever since Bernie had come over and told Judith and Ben the news about Kendra's health, Judith had been besieged by nightmares. She'd practically fall into bed at the end of each day and instantly go to sleep. But then, after only a few hours' rest, all of her worst fears would surface. She'd dream that James's family would knock on their door and take him away. Or that Bernie would snatch him from her arms.

Or that she would do something wrong with James because she wasn't a “real” mother. That was the worst dream of all, because in those she was the one at fault.

After awakening she would find it impossible to sleep. As quietly as possible, she would slip on her robe and slippers and walk downstairs. And then would spend the next hour worrying and pacing.

Tonight, soon after waking from yet another terrible dream, she heard James fussing. Patting his back, she carried him downstairs in the hopes that Ben could stay asleep.

That had been almost thirty minutes ago.

Now, James was still crying and she was near tears, too.

Suddenly, her worst fears felt like her reality. She was a terrible mother. She didn't deserve to be his
mamm
.

“Up again?” Ben asked as he walked into the room.

“
Jah
. I'm sorry we woke you.”

Perching on the arm of the couch, he gazed at her in concern. “Have you given him some pain reliever? Remember what your mother said? He's getting his front teeth.”

“I haven't yet.” Holding up the bottle, she said, “I thought maybe he was hungry.”

“I'll get the medicine. It's worth a try, ain't so?”

Closing her eyes, she nodded. And felt the guilt slide over her further. Why hadn't she gotten the pain reliever first thing?

When Ben returned with a dropper of pink liquid, he carefully popped some in the baby's mouth. James swallowed, fussed, then started crying again.

But to Judith's amazement, instead of being worried, Ben only took James from her arms with a chuckle. “You are an unhappy boy tonight, aren't ya?” he cooed.

“I'll go get a cold washcloth from the refrigerator. He liked chewing on that yesterday.”

Still smiling, he nodded. “Good idea.”

She rushed to the kitchen, got the cold, wet washcloth and handed it to James. The baby clutched it, then brought it to his mouth. Seconds later, a delicious peace settled in the room.

Ben smiled at her. “Success.”

“Indeed. At long last.”

“He's bound to get sleepy soon. Why don't you go on up to bed, if you think you can sleep now?”

She was tired all of a sudden. “I'll give it a try. Since it looks like you've got everything handled.”

His expression sobered. “Judith, don't do this. Don't feel bad about yourself. It takes two of us, remember?”

“I remember. I'm just so afraid about the future.”

“I know. I am, too. But it's out of our hands. Remember that old saying? It's a good one. ‘Reach up as far as you can. God will reach the rest of the way.'”

She swallowed. “You truly believe that, don't you?”

“I have to.” As James cuddled close to him, he murmured, “Miracles do happen to those who believe. I'm living proof.”

“And why is that?”

“Because He already gave me you,
mein lieb
. Now, go try to sleep.”

For the last year, she'd been a mess of emotions. It had been such a time of highs and lows. Through it all, Ben had been her rock. “Ben, do you have regrets?”

“About you? Not a one,” he said with a wink.

“What about us taking in James, even though we might lose him one day? Do you ever wish we'd done things differently?”

“Nee.”

He sounded so assured, so certain, she was staggered. “How can you be so sure?” she whispered.

“Judith, tonight when James cried, you were there for him. When he needed comfort, we gave him medicine. When he's been hungry, we fed him, and when he needed to be held and loved, we've done that, too. No matter what the future brings, right now, right this minute, he needs us. And we need him, Judith. He's brought us so much joy and happiness, even for this short amount of time.”

“He has, hasn't he?”

Ben nodded. “He's been a blessing. And for me, Judith, that is enough. Isn't it enough for you?”

Mesmerized by his words, she nodded.

An hour later, when she at last drifted off to sleep, her husband's words kept ringing in her ears.

And she finally relaxed and felt at peace. Because having James right now, right this minute, truly was a wondrous gift. “It is enough, Lord,” she whispered. “It is definitely enough.”

“Welcome to the Sugarcreek Inn,” Pippa Reyes said from her position behind the hostess podium located at the very front of the Amish restaurant.

The older gentleman who had just walked in the front door narrowed his eyes. “You're new.”

She almost chuckled at the way he was looking at her so cautiously through a thick pair of tortoiseshell glasses. But instead of laughing, she stood still and kept her expression polite and serene.

After all, he wasn't the first person to comment about her presence—or to look at her curiously. She supposed anyone would be caught off guard about a Hispanic woman greeting customers at an Amish restaurant.

But she did wonder what this customer would think if he knew the whole, complete truth about her job description. She wasn't just a new employee; she was also the new owner of the veritable institution. But she didn't think the man wanted to hear about that. “Yes, I am,” she said. Noticing that he was with two other men about his age, she picked up three menus. “Do you gentlemen need a table for three?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Miss, where are you from?”

“Toledo.”

His eyes widened, almost as if she'd told him she'd come from the mountains of Guatemala. “Pretty far.”

“Yep.” After seating the men at a table, she told them about their specials, then signaled for Christina Reese to bring them some water and coffee.

Making her way back to the hostess station, Pippa bit her lip to keep from smiling. The sad fact was that the man's reaction and comment happened more often than not. It seemed Sugarcreek was not only a small town; it was a very small town. And somewhat of a closed community, too. Anything new was at first looked upon with skepticism. Only then, after everyone stewed about it for a while, did it become embraced.

And that was what she was waiting for, Pippa knew. To be embraced.

In the figurative way, not literal. She was still recovering from an ugly divorce. No way did she want to enter into another relationship anytime in the near future.

When the restaurant's door opened again, Pippa pasted a smile on her face. “Welcome to the Sugarcreek Inn.” The rest of her spiel was cut off, because, unfortunately, she knew who had arrived. Bud Hayes. “Hi.”

“Hi, Pippa.” The lines around his eyes crinkled, matching his easy smile.

She supposed some women might think they were attractive. She did not.

Maybe he didn't notice her silence. Or maybe he did and just didn't care? Whatever the reason, he stepped forward and rubbed his hands together. “It took me forever to warm up my truck this morning. Hard to believe it's May. Feels like February.”

She needed to say something. Anything. “Well, it is May.”

One eyebrow perked up, making him look almost amused. “I came in for a cup of coffee.”

“Then you're in luck,” she said lightly. “That's something we happen to have a lot of around here.” To cover the nervous flutter in her stomach, she grabbed a menu and led him to one of the two-person tables near the window.

He sat down with a look of pleasure. “Thanks for seating me here. You know how much I like to look outside.”

Boy, did she! Even as she told herself she wasn't going to do it, she felt herself flush. Reminding her of what he'd seen out his window the week before she moved out of the small apartment she'd shared with Miguel.

Not ready to dwell on that awful evening, she cleared her throat. “Christina will be over with coffee soon. She'll explain today's pies and specials as well, if you happen to be interested. Have a nice day.”

“Wait, Pippa. Can't you stay and talk to me for a minute or two?”

Well, she could, if she wanted to. She did not. “I'm pretty busy, Bud.” But she didn't move, which was a good thing, seeing how the dining room was pretty much empty except for the two of them and the table of men that she'd just seated.

“Yeah. I can see that.” Blue eyes softened. “Please, Pippa? If you want to know the truth, I didn't come over here for just the coffee.”

“Oh?”

“It's pretty obvious I wanted to see you.”

Valiantly, she cautioned her heart to ignore both his words and the kind way he was gazing at her. “Bud, I don't know why you'd want to see me again.”

“That's why you need to have a seat, don't you think?” he asked lightly. “Pippa, sit down. We really do need to talk.”

She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to sit down across from him and relive the last time they'd seen each other. She especially didn't want to do it in the middle of her restaurant.

“Please, Pippa? Can't you spare me a couple of minutes?”

Just as Christina approached, coffee carafe in hand, Pippa sat. “I'm going to have some coffee with an old friend for a minute, Christina. If someone comes in, seat them, would you?”

“
Jah
. Sure, Miss Pippa.
Kaffi
for the both of you?”

After a brief look at Bud, Pippa resigned herself. “Yes, please.” And then she remembered something her mother used to say.
In for a penny, in for a pound
. “And bring us two slices of Marla's sour cream coffee cake, would you? It smelled like heaven this morning.”

“It tastes like heaven.” Christina's light blue eyes widened. “Um, I mean, Marla let us have a little piece.”

Pippa smiled. “I'm glad you got to try it.”

While Christina darted back to the kitchen, Bud leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. “So the rumor I heard was true. You really are managing this place.”

“I am more than the manager. I am part owner.” Of course, the minute she said the words, she wished she could take them back. After all, pride was a sin.

“Miguel didn't tell me that. He'd be impressed.”

As she realized he'd gotten all his information from her ex, the little burst of happiness she'd started to feel vanished. “I don't want to talk about Miguel. Or did you come here because of him?”

“I came here in spite of him,” Bud retorted before Pippa was able to apologize for her tone. His gaze never left hers as he sipped his coffee. “He would be pretty upset if he knew I was here, talking to you like this.”

“Bud, why did you come?”

“So I could ask if you are always going to hold what I saw against me. Are you?”

“I hope not.”

“Pippa, me seeing you crying is not the end of the world.”

“I wasn't just crying, Bud. We know that.” Remembering that day too vividly, her heart felt heavy. It had been only two months after she and Miguel had separated, and the reality of their new situation had finally settled in and hit her hard. As bad as her marriage had been, she'd been part of a couple. Not alone.