Junk (19 page)

“But your house still looks the same.”

“It’s taking a while.”

“He’s too slow. It’s been months now. You need to get this sorted by the winter.”

“It hasn’t been months. Six weeks. That’s all.”

“Six weeks is almost two months, and in another six weeks, we’ll be halfway through September. Could be getting cold by then. They say we’re in for another hard winter, and I don’t want to see you scurrying in here with blue fingers and toes again. This Lewis, he needs to get a move on.” Yusef stopped talking for the time it took to steam Jasper’s milk, but he wasn’t finished yet. When he plonked Jasper’s coffee cup down, he delivered the thing that had clearly been bugging him. “I’m worried he’s just dragging things out and taking your money. Why can’t he just hire a skip like they do on the telly? I could close this place and come help. The children too. We’d have your place cleared in a day.”

“I doubt it.”

“Two days, then. A week, whatever. Why hasn’t Lewis done this yet? He’s meant to be clearing your clutter. Not sitting around drinking coffee and gossiping with you all the time.”

“We don’t gossip. He’s helping me. I’ve stopped bringing new books home, so that’s working.” Maybe that was why he wasn’t so attached to the bag anymore. He didn’t need it to carry home new acquisitions.

“This is all well and good, but you still have a house full of rubbish. Time to get it cleared out, yes?”

Jasper took a sip of coffee, mulling it over. Yusef’s advice did sound dangerously close to Lewis’s suggestion. “He wants me to move everything into temporary storage. Empty the house so I can get it fixed up with bookshelves, while I’m over at the warehouse sorting out the things I want to bring back.”

“You can’t just throw it all away?”

“No! It’s not rubbish.”

“The things in your front garden are. All broken and dirty. You’ll get rats if you don’t tidy it up.”

What was in his front garden? Lewis hadn’t brought that up as a priority yet, and Jasper had stopped noticing it all years ago. He certainly hadn’t added to any of it in a long time. “Okay, so maybe I need a skip for all that. But not the things inside. They’re useful. Books and things. Someone might want them.”

“Okay. So when are you doing this move, then? I’ll come and help.”

“When? We’re not.”

“Why not? You just told me this would be the best way for you to sort things out.”

Why not? Jasper knew exactly why not, and Yusef might even understand. “Because—” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat before trying again, this time in a voice so low it was almost a whisper. “Because I’d have to go back into her room.”

He stared down into the swirls of milk foam on the top of his coffee. The stool next to him creaked as Yusef shifted his ample bulk onto it. A warm hand landed between his shoulder blades and rubbed. The touch wasn’t as gentle as Lewis’s, but Jasper began to melt under it anyway.

“If you want me to, I could clear out Layla’s room for you. Save you the pain.”

Jasper dipped a fingertip into the foam, drawing out the darker swirls into a spiky pattern. “I appreciate the offer, but I should do it.”

“There’s no should about it. If you’re not strong enough, let me help you. She would have agreed. It’s a parent’s duty, to help their children.”

“You’re not my dad.”

“No.” Yusef sighed, his hand seeming to grow heavier on Jasper’s back. “But if Layla would have had me, I could have been.”

“What?” Jasper started, shoving the stool around so he sat facing Yusef. “You knew Mama in Egypt? She never said.”

“No, not back then. I met her here, when I first moved to the area. You were what, fourteen, fifteen?”

“Fifteen.”

“Right. I remember. My Selen had died the year before, leaving me with a baby and a toddler, and here was this beautiful young widow come into my life. I thought we were made for each other. I proposed within a week.”

“But she wouldn’t have you.”

“No. No matter what I tried. At first she thought I was out for a wife just to have someone to help out with the business and the children. But that wasn’t the reason she kept turning me down.” Yusef picked up his knitting again and wound the yarn around his fingers like a cat’s cradle.

“Why did she?” Jasper asked when the suspense had grown too great.

“I think her love with your father was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. She’d left her family, her country and her religion for him. Nobody else could ever compare. And later I discovered she already knew about the leukaemia, even then. I don’t think she wanted to be a burden on anyone either.”

She knew? Jasper sat in stunned silence. But she’d found out when he was seventeen, surely? He remembered the day she told him. Her measured tones. Her unnatural calm.

Oh God. Of course. She’d known for years. It made perfect sense. That wasn’t shock keeping her voice level. It was acceptance. She’d kept it from him. But why? So she could use it like a weapon when he was ready to leave home? Or so she could save him from the anguish of knowing?

That was it. Jasper blinked back the tears that threatened. She’d coped with it alone all those years so he could be happy. Meanwhile she tried to distract herself by trying out all the crafts she could while she still had time. Yes, that must have been it.

Whether it made sense of her last days… Well, that wasn’t something he was quite ready to think about just yet. But maybe, just maybe, with Lewis by his side, he might be able to. Whether they were friends, lovers or even just therapist and client, it didn’t much matter.

Just so long as Lewis was there.

Yusef was still talking. Something about how he’d always viewed Jasper as the stepson he’d never had, but the words washed over him. Jasper slid down from the high stool and blinked. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. Things to do. But thanks.” Yusef frowned as if Jasper had hurt his feelings. A sudden impulse made him reach out and hug the man, just briefly, around the shoulders. “You’d have been a great stepdad, you know. I’m sorry she didn’t give you a chance.”

As he walked to the door, the floor turned bouncy. The sunlight glinted off a broken bottle outside, dazzling him. Yes, the world was a beautiful place, and it was time to start living that truth.

“Where are you off to?” Yusef grumbled.

Jasper spun round, grinning like a lunatic. “Phone call to make. Left my mobile at home, didn’t I?”

The swinging door silenced the sound of Yusef’s grumbling, and Jasper took off at a run.

Chapter Eighteen

Lewis was eating a Sunday roast with his family when the call came.

Carroll had popped round, like she usually did when there was a non-chilli-based dish on the menu, and she raised her eyebrows in a pointed manner when his phone started buzzing on the dining table.

Lewis’s internal organs started doing gymnastics inside him when he saw Jasper’s name come up on the screen. They hadn’t spoken in two days, ever since Lewis’s awkward leave-taking in the garden. Lewis had the feeling he should probably be the one to call and check up, but he still couldn’t figure out how to explain the way he felt any better than he had on Friday.

But now Jasper had been the one to take the initiative. It had better not be another plea for them to be together. Lewis didn’t have the strength to fend off one of those right now. He’d probably cave in. Agree to everything, no matter how much he was setting himself up for another broken heart.

“Sorry, I’ve got to take this,” he muttered, answering the call as he walked from the room. He strove for light and casual. “Hi, there. What’s up?”

“I’m ready. Oh my God. I’m definitely ready.”

“Ready? Sorry, mate, you’ll have to be a bit more specific than that.”

“For the clear-out. You know, you said you could hire somewhere. Take all the books out of the house in one go and sort them there. Well, I was talking about it with Yusef, and I decided I’m finally ready.”

“Seriously?” Oh God, that sounded sceptical, but only because Lewis had been expecting something entirely different. “That’s brilliant. What made you change your mind?”

“Well, this might sound stupid, but I got to thinking about Mama.”

“Yes?” Lewis held his breath, waiting for Jasper to continue.

“I just kind of… Well, it’s not like I believe in ghosts or an afterlife or any of that rubbish, but I imagined how she’d react if she could see the house now. I could even hear her. Scolding. Asking me if that was any way to treat her beautiful home.”

“I see. And that helped.”

“Yes. I don’t know why. Like I said, it’s dumb because it’s not like she’s anywhere to see over it all. Maybe the whole clutter thing wouldn’t have happened if I could believe in her spirit haunting the place, but I can’t commit intellectual suicide. She’s not around anymore.”

“She’s around in your head. Your memories. The things she taught you.”

“Yesss… I suppose.”

“Jasper, if keeping her memory alive can help you, then see it as a gift from beyond the grave. I’m sure she wouldn’t have wanted you to live the way you’ve been doing. If she was anything like my mum, she’d only have wanted the best for you.” Not that Lewis’s mum’s version of the best bore much relation to his own, but he appreciated the sentiment.

“Yes. You know, I think you’re right.”

“I know I’m right,” Lewis assured him, trying to project more confidence than he really felt. He had no idea what Jasper’s mother had really been like, and you didn’t generally get screwed up like Jasper had become unless there were some issues with your parents.

They chatted for a few minutes longer, mostly to arrange a convenient time to begin the move. “You might find it best to take a week or two off from work. That way you can really get stuck into either the sorting or doing whatever repairs need doing to the house.”

“Yes. God. Of course. There’ll be all sorts of things, won’t there? Erm, like what, do you think?” The nervousness was back, and Lewis sought to soothe it away.

“Nothing we haven’t dealt with before. You can expect mildew on outside walls, and soft furnishings might well need replacing. Sometimes carpets too. You might have to dig into your savings a bit.”

“Oh, yes. And… Well, this is going to sound silly, but do you have reliable workmen you can recommend for doing everything? I’ve never had to use any before, and I don’t want to be ripped off. Brenda at work, she had a guy come round to fix a radiator that was clunking, and he ended up flooding her whole kitchen.”

“Don’t worry. Carroll and I will sort you out with all the contacts you need.”

“Well, if it’s no bother, I’d be ever so grateful.”

“Jasper, this is what we do. Of course it’s no bother. We love helping people get their homes back in working order. I promise you, in a couple of months’ time, you’ll be living somewhere you can be proud of.”

“I do hope so.”

“I know so,” Lewis reiterated, trying his best to ooze confidence, so it would seep over the airwaves and infect Jasper.

When he finally got back into the kitchen, his entire family were staring at him over their empty plates. It was like a silent interrogation, but made even more unnerving by the fact two of them were stark naked. “Yes?” he asked, taking his seat again. Ugh. Cold gravy. He pushed his plate away.

“Was that Jasper?” Carroll asked, her tone dripping with smugness.

Lewis rolled his eyes. “Yes. It was Jasper.”

“Phoning on the weekend now, I see.”

“It was a work thing. He’s changed his mind about the warehouse. Think you can get it sorted sometime in the next week?”

“Yes!” Carroll high-fived him. “Nice one. I’ll get on the phone first thing tomorrow. Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“This Jasper, then,” their dad began. “Is he the one Carroll said you used to have a crush on at school?”

“For God’s sake! Can’t anyone have any secrets in this family?”

“Of course not.” His mum leaned forward, her breasts brushing the edge of the table. “What a terrible idea. Now, since you two are getting along so well, why don’t you invite him along for Sunday lunch next week? I’m sure it’s been a long time since he’s had a decent meal, if his house is in that kind of state.”

“Mum, we’re not fraternising with our clients.”

“You sure?” Carroll butted in. “Coz I had the impression you and Jasper had already been
fraternising
pretty intensively.” The way she managed to shoehorn that much innuendo into one word was masterful.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Lewis’s cheeks heated, betraying the lie.

“Ha! Busted. I thought as much. Nice one. Knew he’d knock the starch out of you eventually.”

“So you are a couple?” his mum asked. “He definitely needs to meet the family, then.”

“No! We’re not a couple, and he definitely doesn’t need to come round here.”

“Why ever not?” his dad asked. “You’re not ashamed of us, are you?”

“No. Not exactly. But look at you both.” Lewis gestured at the naked flesh on display above the tabletop. “What’s he going to think? It’s really embarrassing when you wander around starkers in front of guests.”

“Only close friends. We’d put clothes on for someone new. I promise.”