Just One More Breath (14 page)

Nicole

I had the most fantastic day with Mama Burns. We’d laughed, cried, cooked, and ate a whole lot of food. Now knowing that we shared the common loss, I felt a really strong connection to her. Mama Burns understood my jumbled, inexpressible thoughts of pain, and she knew just what to say. I hadn't enjoyed female company like that in a really long time. When the headlights of Shawn’s car flashed as he pulled up in the driveway, Mama Burns stood and grabbed her bag.

"So
, tomorrow I’m coming over again. But this time I want you to be dressed and ready when I get here." She grinned.

"
Where are we going?" I asked quizzically.

“Well, I know a really good spa where we can get our hair and nails done."

"Ooohhh, that sounds like fun. Can't wait. And, thank you for today. I had a really wonderful day," I added.

She
came back and gave me yet another hug. “Me too, sweet girl, me too.”

Shawn knocked
on the front door and his mother let him in. Seeing Shawn walk into my house made me want nothing more than to give him the biggest hug. I missed his conversation. I missed his company. I missed him.

Mama Burns gave him a quick peck on the cheek as she left.
Shawn walked in silently and perched himself on the couch. I sat next to him, excited to be close to him again. Shawn closed his eyes and laid his head back. I used the opportunity to stare at the outline of his strong jaw, the deep indents of his dimples. My eyes kept moving slowly toward his lips.

Wow.

I licked my own lips and suddenly Shawn looked at me with one eye opened. A frown spreads across his lips and I panicked, thinking that he’d noticed me checking him out.

"I had such a shit day today
," he said.

I
visibly relaxed in my seat, thankful that he wasn’t frowning because of something I’d done. Without thinking I reached my hand up and passed it along his cheek in an effort to comfort him. I could feel his heart dancing around in his chest as he leaned in and let out a moan of enjoyment at the feel of my warm hand against his skin.

"Really
? What happened? Was going back to work that sucky?" I asked.

“No, it has nothing to do with my going back to work
. I had an argument with my brother, Shane."

I
sat up immediately interested. We had spent the last month talking about me all the time. This was the first time we were actually talking about something else. "Really? Why?" I asked.

"He’s really serious about marrying this girl.”

"You mean the Cuban missile crisis?"

Shawn snickered
. "Yep."

"Why don't you like her?"

Shawn shifted his body so we were facing each other. Before he could speak, I ran to the fridge and grabbed two beers. When I settled back into the couch, Shawn seemed to be trying to work out how best to say what he wanted to say. He took a deep breath, followed by a deep draw on his beer. I had to remember to breathe. Watching him swallow was seriously turning me on.
Get a grip, Nicole
.

"She reminds me of every girl I’ve ever hooked up with
who I knew I could never be serious with," he said smoothly.

"Are you calling her a hoe?"
I asked with an arched brow.

"Shane said the same thing
. I guess I am." Shawn shrugged.

"Has she cheated on him before?"

"No, not that we know of, but I’m convinced the girl is bad news."

"Well, you can't really do anything other than support your brother. And
God forbid, should she break his heart, you will be there to help him pick up the pieces. Just like you were for me."

Shawn smiled at
me, and the stress of the day seemed to slide off his shoulders.

I
continued, “You brought me back from feeling like I didn’t want to live anymore. You literally nursed me back to life. My heart still aches like it has never ached before, but you gave me back my will to live. I owe you forever.” I blinked back tears.

"No need to thank me. I can honestly say that there is nowhere I would rather be at this very moment than right here with you."

I also felt a jittery sensation in my chest as his words hit me.
Nowhere? What does that mean?
The feeling made me uncomfortable so I ended the moment.

"Are you hungry? You
r mom showed me how to make her meat loaf and mashed potatoes…and we have brownies for dessert."

"Starved, let's eat."

After dinner, Shawn grabbed his laptop, and then pulled a weird-looking cord out of his bag. He used it to connect his laptop to my television. I was amazed when the desktop icons of his computer appeared on my television screen. Shawn logged into his Netflix account and pulled up season two of a television show called “Scandal.”

He must have felt
me eyeing him because he turned around to explain. "I’ve decided to get back into my normal work routine and this is part of it. I'm trying to catch up on the episodes of Scandal before the new season starts." 

Day-by-
day, I was starting to realize how disconnected I was from popular culture. From life, I thought dismally.

"I know nothing about this show
," I admitted.

"It’s really good."

We sat in the chair with their legs slightly touching as the show started up. Within minutes, I was sucked in.

And started spitting questions at Shawn.

"Who’s the lady in the really nice suit?"

Shawn didn’t even look at
me, his eyes were glued to the television and he mumbled out of the side of his mouth, "Olivia Pope."

"Is she a lawyer? What does she do?"

"She’s a fixer," Shawn answered quickly.

I
knew I was being annoying…but I seriously couldn’t help it. "A fixer of things or a fixer of people?"

"A fixer of people…she fixes problems for very rich, very powerful people."

I grumbled between scenes. "But…she's sleeping with the President of the United States," I pointed out.

"Yes they’re sleeping together but they're in love
," Shawn reasoned.

"But he's married
."

"Yes, but that marriage wasn’t real love. It's more of a marriage of convenience."

"Shawn, stop rationalizing this. She's sleeping with the very married leader of the free world. It's wrong," I said with distaste.

"Nicole
, stop being so judgmental. You can't start watching in the middle of season two and judge my show."

"Your show? Is your name Shonda Rhimes?"
I asked sardonically.

His neck jerked back and finally he pulled his eyes away from the show with a mockingly sarcastic grin on his face.

"Well, well, well…aren't we getting spunky?”

I
blushed, slightly embarrassed.

"Oh no, don't go crawling back into that shell now
, young lady."

I
looked away from Shawn feeling slightly uneasy under his gaze.

"Let’s make a friendly wager."

My eyebrows creased. I’d never made a bet with Shawn before but the dare devil in me was intrigued. "I’m listening…."

"We will start watching Scandal from the very first episode. If you still think Fitz and Olivia don't belong together after watching all of the episodes
, I will give you a foot massage."

“
And what happens if I do think they're meant to be together?”

He gave
me a sly look. "Duh…I want a foot rub."

I
shot him a look of disgust, as if touching his feet repulsed me. But ultimately a smile spread across my face and I agreed.

We
shook on it, and then he restarted Scandal from season one episode one. Three episodes in, and I was completely infatuated with the show. I noticed Shawn falling asleep on the chair and I felt guilty. I gave him a gentle nudge. "Shawn, wake up."

He's startled a bit, then he stood and made his way over to his designated sleep spot.

I stopped him. "Shawn, you can't sleep there anymore. You have to be well rested at your office tomorrow. Go upstairs and sleep in my bed."

He frowned. "Nicole
, don't be ridiculous, I can't sleep in your bed while you sleep down here on the couch. What if you have another nightmare?"

His words warmed me and I
knew what I needed to do. Shawn had been putting my needs before his for a while and it was time for me to return the favor. "I’ll go with you."

Shawn looked shocked.
"No…don't be ridiculous. I won't subject you to that pain. I remember how hard it was for you last time."

I
slowly approached him and placed two fingers softly on his lips. I needed him to stop talking. My heart crooned with excitement at the feel of my fingers on his soft lips.

"Shawn…you've done so much for me already. Please. Let me do this for you." When
I was one hundred percent sure that he wouldn’t argue, I slipped my fingers away from his lips, grabbed his hand, and led him up to my room.

Shawn

My mind began to go astray as I followed Nicole up to her room. Visions of what it would be like to peel her clothes off her before I climbed into her bed nearly drove me insane. The memory of how soft her skin had been when I bathed her weeks ago haunted me. My heart was pounding on the walls of my chest so intensely I thought Nicole would feel the shocks through our attached hands.

I
began to feel a slight tremble in Nicole’s hand and she froze when we approached Jax’s bedroom door and the slight trembling became all out convulsions.

"Nicole. We don't have to
."

"Shhh."

And then her fingers were back on my lips. "Yes, I do…."

To
my surprise, Nicole used her empty hand to gently open the bedroom door. She stuck her head inside and I heard her gasp. She looked back at me with glistening eyes. "You cleaned his room?"

I
nodded silently.

"When?"
she asked in a small voice.

"I can't remember…a few days after I got here."

She catapulted her body into mine and squeezed me tightly. She whispered, "Thank you. Thank you so much," in my ear repeatedly.

I
held her quietly and ran my hands up and down her back.

Nicole felt amazing in
my arms. After what felt like forever, but strangely not long enough, she released me and we went into her room. Nicole handed me a clean towel and I headed into the bathroom to take a shower. I used that time to gather my thoughts. Understanding the depth of what Nicole was about to do for me made my feelings for her that much stronger. Nicole entered the bathroom and I could hear her brushing her teeth while I showered. The simple act felt intimate and it felt right, and I knew in that moment that I wanted nothing more than to love her. Forever.

When I was done with my shower
, I saw Nicole walking out of Jax’s room and we entered her room together. She walked over to the right side of the bed and pulled back the sheet. I followed her lead and did the same on the left side. We took cues from each other, and took our time climbing into the bed.

When
we were settled, Nicole reached over and turned off the lamp. Although she was quiet and seemingly calm, I knew better. I could sense her anxiety in her erratic breathing. On one hand, I wanted to let her find a way to cope. But my body wouldn’t allow it. If Nicole needed to be comforted; I wanted to be the one to comfort her. I believed that I was the only one who could give her exactly what she needed, the way she needed it. I felt as if I had a sixth sense that told me exactly what Nicole needed and how she needed it. I never had a problem remembering her likes and dislikes. Sensing her moods and needs has been much the same. I didn’t know how or why, but I just knew.

When the urge became too much
I reached over a slid my fingers between hers. "You’re not fooling me with the calm act you're putting on, Nicole. I know this is hard for you."

I
turned and looked at her, even though it was so dark and we really couldn’t see each other.

"You’re right, it is hard. But I want to do this. Not only for you, but for me as well
," she said with strength that made my heart melt.

"I’m proud of you
, sweetie," I whispered.

"Thank you."

I brought my face within inches of Nicole’s. So close, that I could feel her light breaths on my nose. I wanted nothing more than to press my lips onto hers. But, as had been my habit for the last month, I resisted.

Sometime later
, I slipped into a comfortable sleep. My back and neck were extremely grateful to be off the couch and back into a bed. My eyes opened and I glanced at the clock, it read two thirty. I couldn’t figure out what woke me up until I felt Nicole stirring on her side of the bed. Instantly I knew she was having a nightmare. I slid my arm under her back and repositioned her until she is lying with her head on my chest. Never fully waking, she exhaled deeply, then brought her hand up and gently placed it directly above my heart. Her movement brought that odd sensation that traveled from the place where her hand rested right down to the very tip of my toes. I stared up at the ceiling for another hour wondering how things had changed so quickly and so drastically. My family told me for so long that I was incapable of falling in love, and a part of me had started to believe it. Yet here I was pretty convinced that I loved Nicole.

~*~*~*~*~*~

My mother was sitting and waiting in the kitchen when I came downstairs dressed for work.

"Good morning
, Shawny," she hummed sweetly.

I
scowled at her, she knew I hated when she called me that.

Nicole chimed in with laughter. And suddenly
I wasn’t so annoyed.

"Shawny?” Nicole chuckled.

"Mom," I said in an exasperated tone. My mother looked at me and batted her eyelashes.

"What?" She didn’t even have the decency to hide her smirking.

Nicole grinned next to her. "Don’t be embarrassed, Shawny. I like that name."

I
rolled my eyes at both of them and slid my feet into my shoes. "So what do you ladies have planned today?"

My
mom literally started bouncing up and down in her seat while she answered. "Well, Zena is meeting up with us then we are going to a day spa to get manicures, pedicures, waxing, and maybe haircuts."

I
instantly knew why my mother was so excited; this was what she’d been dreaming about forever. Having females in her life to share moments like this with. Sure she had a ton of female friends, but I knew for a really long time, that Sylvia Burns was yearning to mother a girl. It's almost like never having a daughter had left a hole in her heart that her sons could never fill.

“
Well, ladies, don't let me keep you from your festivities." I gave both of them a quick kiss and slipped out of the door.