Just This Once, Contemporary Romance (Last Frontier Lodge #3) (16 page)

The breeze began to pick up, so Becca called for Oscar to follow her back to the car. She’d hoped the walk would soothe her mind. To be specific, she’d hoped to nudge her thoughts off their relentless circle of Aidan. Though her walk had been calming and beautiful, Aidan was still there, permanently lodged in her brain. A loon floated in the water just beyond the entrance to the harbor, rocking in the soft roll of the water’s surface.

She turned up the path leading to the parking lot, calling over her shoulder for Oscar. He galloped to her side, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. She grabbed a towel from the back of her car and dried Oscar quickly, brushing the sand off, before letting him hop into the car.

Later that night, she let herself into her suite. She’d shared dinner with Marley and Delia in the lodge restaurant. For the first time in years, she had time on her hands. She glanced around the lodge suite. It had a king bed to one side with an efficiency kitchen and round table to the other. A luxurious bathroom was by the bedroom area. The room faced the ski slopes, which were free of snow this time of year. The bay was visible in the distance to one side. The entire back wall had a run of windows. Gage had gambled and decided to keep the lodge open all year long. He’d coordinated with a local fishing charter business and wilderness flight business for guests. As such, he’d kept the lodge busy all summer and into fall.

Becca walked to the windows and leaned against the sill. She stared out into the velvety night sky. The moon was on it way toward full, but not there yet. It sat above the mountains in the dark, its light shimmering on the water in the distance. She took a breath and let it out slowly. Aidan had called tonight, and she’d let his call go to voice mail. Now, it was late and she didn’t feel right trying to call him back. She was out of sorts and off kilter with him.

Some moments, she regretted her impulsive proposition to him. Because it had stirred waters deep inside, waters she’d managed to leave undisturbed for years. Other moments, this silly, ridiculous, hopeful corner of her heart kept bouncing up and down trying to persuade her to give love a chance. Even thinking the word ‘love’ annoyed her. She swatted it out of her mind. Love was not a place she’d ever intended to inhabit again. It was just that Aidan elicited old, worn hopes and dreams she’d long ago put away in the bitter aftermath of her disastrous engagement.

Yet, here she was acting like a silly girl. Which annoyed her to no end. For God’s sake, she was avoiding phone calls and was too chicken to pick up the damn phone and call him back. The clarity she was hoping to find was elusive. More and more, she was remembering why she’d decided to keep relationships out of her life. She didn’t like how she questioned everything, including herself. She hated how out of control she felt. She hated feeling hopeful when underneath that hope lie the possibility she might get hurt again.

With a sigh, she swung away from the window. She climbed into bed and fell asleep counting stars again. When she woke, she made a decision. She’d tell Aidan she needed space. She couldn’t think straight when every time she heard his voice, it sent low thrills through her and squeezed her heart.

She quickly sent him a text. It was polite and to the point.

Sorry I didn’t get a chance to call back yesterday. I’ve been thinking. I think it’s best if we take a break from these calls. I need to figure some things out. I hope you understand.

She hit send and a sense of relief settled inside. She felt like she was taking back some control for herself. The relief was short-lived. Seconds later, she started to panic inside. She missed Aidan so damn much, and now she’d gone and told him not to even call.

Chapter 20

Aidan read Becca’s text for the hundredth time. “Fuck!”

“You talking to me?” Jo glanced through his office door as she walked down the hallway.

“No.” He tossed his phone on the desk.

Jo leaned against the door and crossed her arms. “What’s got you so pissed off?”

Irritation pricked at him, but he tried to ignore it. He didn’t need to take his frustration out on Jo. “Shitty morning. That’s all.” He rolled his shoulders and cracked his knuckles.

Jo arched a brow, but she remained silent.

“What?” he finally asked.

“That’s your tell.”

“Huh?”

“Your tell. When you crack your knuckles. You only do it when something’s really bothering you.”

“Really?” He couldn’t quite believe he was that obvious.

Jo shook her head. “Yes!” she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. She stepped through the door and closed it behind her. She strode to his desk and leaned her hip against it. “Look, I get it. You pride yourself on this whole low-key, in control thing. Ninety-nine percent of the time, you got it. Only once in a while have I seen you get rattled about anything. Those times are rare enough they stand out. You crack your knuckles. So what’s got under your skin?”

Aidan sighed and leaned his head back. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, as if it could give him some answers. When none were forthcoming, he looked back toward Jo. He gestured toward his phone, his gut churning just thinking about Becca’s text. “Text from Becca.”

“And?” Jo asked, circling her hand for him to continue.

“She wants me to stop calling every day, said she needs to figure some things out.”

Jo’s eyes softened. “Ahh, I see. Well, what are you gonna do about it?”

“Hell if I know. I’m here. She’s in Alaska. It’s not like I can stop by and see her.”

Jo nodded slowly, her eyes assessing him carefully. He felt exposed and uncomfortable.

“I know this thing with Becca is new, but you’ve known her a long time. What do you think you should do?”

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Don’t know. Becca got burned pretty bad by her ex. She’s…I don’t know…skittish, I guess? I don’t want to push too hard, but I’m worried if I don’t do anything, she’ll just go back to doing what she does best when it comes to men.”

“What’s that?”

“She pretty much did the classic swearing off men after her engagement blew up.”

“Oh yeah. Her ex dumped her right before the wedding, or something like that. Right?”

Aidan recalled the sordid additional details he’d learned from Becca and wished Kyle was standing right there, so he could knock him good on Becca’s behalf. Instead, he nodded sharply. “Yup.”

“Okay, so you’re just gonna have to show her you’re nothing like him and you’re willing to fight for her. If that’s what you want.”

“How do I do that without making her think I’m pressuring her? ‘Cause Becca hates pressure. That’s why her text has me so pissed. She’s boxing me in.”

Jo shook her head. “Don’t look at it that way. It might seem like it, but it’s not really about you. It’s her boarding the doors and windows. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t have asked you to stop calling.”

“Boarding the doors and windows? What the hell are you talking about?”

Jo’s laugh rang out in his office. “Metaphorically speaking. If her heart was a house, that kind of thing.”

Aidan grinned sheepishly. “Right. Not thinking too quick on my feet when it comes to Becca.” He paused and considered her point. “Okay, so if she’s telling me not to call, that’s good?”

Jo smiled ruefully. “I’m only guessing. Yes and no. It sucks she told you to stop calling, but she wouldn’t if she didn’t care.”

He nodded slowly. “Okay, so…?”

Jo chuckled. “You want a map and a plan. I know you like things like that. But you’re not gonna get one here. Just don’t sit on your hands too long.”

She pushed away from his desk. “On that note, I’ve got work to do.”

Aidan spent the next few hours attempting to focus on anything other than Becca. His situation with her was a problem he couldn’t solve. Years of buried longing hadn’t prepared him for how quickly he’d fall for her when he actually had the chance.

***

Becca leaned against the counter in Garrett and Delia’s kitchen. Delia’s seven-year old son, Nick, came racing into the kitchen. He skidded across the floor in his socks and collided with the table. He glanced up, his blue eyes widening when they landed on Becca. “Oh hey!”

“Hey there, how was school?” Becca replied, biting her lip to keep from laughing. Oscar rose from his napping spot on the floor and circled Nick, wagging madly while Nick petted him.

Delia stepped to Nick’s side and dropped a kiss on his dark hair. Nick’s grin bounced from Delia to Becca. “Good, ‘cept I have lots of math homework.”

Garrett entered the kitchen right as Nick spoke. “Homework after your snack. If you need help, I’m here,” he said quickly, squeezing Nick’s shoulder. He leaned over and gave Delia a lingering kiss.

Becca’s heart clenched. It was so good to see Garrett like this. He was just…at peace. She’d watched him chase legal prestige in Seattle, his brilliance and skill giving him an edge in the race. Yet, her twin brother who had such a big heart had lost sight of what mattered for too many years. Then, he’d met Delia. So many of his colleagues in Seattle thought he’d changed his life dramatically. On the surface he had, but what Becca knew was that he finally found his way back to a place where his heart was true. She was so happy to see him like this, it almost brought her to tears.

Garrett strode to her and tugged her close for a quick hug. “Hey sis, how’s it going?”

His blue eyes met hers. Instantly, his sharpened. She knew he could tell she was on the verge of tears. She shook her head, her eyes bouncing to Nick. It was bad enough to feel this vulnerable at all, much less to fall apart in front of her new nephew.

Garrett’s eyes retained their concern, but he nodded sharply. The next half hour was a jumble of busyness while Nick had a snack and jabbered about his day. Delia sent him off to do his homework in his room and went to start a load of laundry. Garrett immediately turned to Becca. “What’s going on?”

Becca almost burst into tears right then. That’s how ridiculous this whole thing was. She’d been so damn stupid to think she could keep anything with Aidan in a compartment in her heart. She’d hoped for one night, just one. Now she couldn’t stop thinking about him, and her heart hurt. This messy jumble of emotions, confusion and longing was why she’d been so relieved to make the choice not to do relationships. It had all been fine and well once she’d gotten over the mortification of what happened with Kyle. For the last few years, she’d felt independent, in control, and free from the messy emotions associated with relationships. Then she’d gone and spun the wheel of chance, counting on being able to have a taste of Aidan and walk away with her heart intact. She’d far underestimated the effect he would have on her, the way he could reach inside of her and take hold without even seeming to try. She took a breath and gathered herself.

Problem was, she had no idea how to explain any of this. With Garrett though, she couldn’t put him off for long. He was far too perceptive and knew her far too well. She met his eyes and saw nothing but concern there. Which made her feel even more vulnerable. Another wave of tears threatened. “Shit,” she finally said. Oscar had stationed himself by her chair at the kitchen table and slipped his head onto her knee, his brown eyes steady on her. She stroked her hand through his fur and rubbed his ears, her tension easing slightly.

Garrett nodded and waited for her to continue.

“I messed up.”

He arched a brow. “A little more detail would be helpful.”

He was dead serious, but his comment was so funny, she burst out laughing. The laughter pushed her through the emotion lodged inside. “I messed up because I had this crazy idea I could see someone maybe once because I just hated that Kyle was the last guy in my life. Now I’m all twisted up about the whole thing.”

“Wow, think you could be more vague?”

Becca rolled her eyes. “All right. I’ll be specific. It’s Aidan.”

Garrett’s eyes widened. “Aidan McNamara?”

“Do we know another Aidan?” she asked sharply.

Garrett was the one to roll his eyes this time. Yet again, he waited quietly.

“So…don’t make me go into all the details. I don’t know what to do. I thought maybe…” She put her face in her hands and groaned. “This is exactly why I decided
not
to do relationships anymore.”

Delia returned to the kitchen at that moment. She took a look at Garrett and Becca and started to turn away. “You don’t need to leave,” Becca called out.

Delia turned back, resting her hip against the counter. “I don’t want to interrupt.”

Becca shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m a mess. Garrett’s trying to be helpful, but I’m stuck.”

“Does this have anything to do with Aidan?” Delia asked, her blue eyes clear and direct, a hint of teasing in them.

Becca flushed straight through. “How…?”

“I noticed he’s called you a few times. The other night, you looked a little…
something
…when you got off the phone. That’s all,” Delia said with a soft shrug.

Garrett chuckled. “Damn, hon. You’re good.” His eyes sobered when he turned back to Becca. “Look, I’m gonna be as blunt with you as you usually are with me. After what happened with Kyle, I understood why you didn’t want to bother, but it’s been hard to see how bitter you’ve gotten. Not all men are bad. I might have an opinion about whatever’s going on between you and Aidan, but he’s a good guy. You know that. Completely cutting any chance of a relationship out of your life doesn’t make sense long-term. Just like you told me I had more heart, so do you. I can’t tell you what to do, but I do know you won’t solve any problems by avoiding them.”

“I’m not…” she started to protest, but stopped when Garrett angled his head to the side and arched a brow.

Delia smiled softly and walked to the table, sitting down across from Becca. “I don’t know you the way Garrett does, but it seems like Aidan might mean something to you. Maybe you need to ask yourself how you’d feel if you didn’t give whatever you have with him a chance. I don’t mean to sound so vague, but I don’t really know where things are at with you and Aidan. I missed that part.”

Garrett chuckled. “Not really. All is know is something might be going on with them,” he said wryly.