Just What the Truth Is (9 page)

I snorted out a laugh. “Wow, you sure are a smooth talker. You get a lot of success with lines like that?”

We started walking toward the door, and Micah wrapped his arm around my waist and held me close. “I don’t know yet. I’ll get back to you on that tomorrow morning.”

He waggled his eyebrows in an exaggerated Groucho Marx impression, and I found myself laughing all the way to the elevator bank. It wasn’t until the elevator doors closed, taking us out of our office, that I realized we had walked down the empty hallway pressed together with Micah’s arm draped possessively around me and I hadn’t been uncomfortable. In fact, I had felt secure and warm.

I wondered if that safe, happy feeling blossoming in my chest was how my brother felt when he was with Clark. Those two always seemed to be touching each other, and for the first time, I realized that they might behave that way in public because of their feelings for one another rather than as some sort of political statement. Even though nobody had seen me and Micah walking out together, I felt like I had just experienced a growth moment. And not just in my pants.

W
ITH
work, it was too hard for either of us to stay over at each other’s places in the middle of the week. At least, that was the excuse I used when I said I couldn’t come over to Micah’s house after dinner. Truth was I was buying time because I was nervous about taking what I knew would be the next step with him.

But that didn’t stop me from spending time with Micah. We had dinner together again every night that week. Then he went out of town on Friday, or we would probably have broken bread on the weekend too.

Keeping my hands—and other body parts—off Micah had grown progressively harder (no pun intended) the more time I spent with him. We’d had a few more heavy kissing sessions in the office and in the parking garage after our dinners out, but it hadn’t gone any further.

So I had gotten in my car every night and made the ridiculously long drive home sporting a hard-on that could cut glass. When I got home alone and finally took myself in hand, I still couldn’t reach a satisfactory release. It seemed that beating off, which had to that point in my life been my favorite way to get off, wasn’t really doing the job anymore because I wanted Micah’s touch rather than my own.

Micah was traveling for a week, taking depos across the country. Without him there, my life felt empty. I went home to my lonely apartment every night, ate a microwave meal standing at the counter, and watched TV until my phone rang.

It was always him, telling me about his day, asking me about mine. Just catching up. I missed him.

By the time Thursday rolled around, I knew that I had to be with Micah, whatever the repercussions. The way I felt when I was with him was too wonderful for me to abandon. I couldn’t. He would be home the next night, and based on what he had said during our telephone calls, I knew he would want us to spend the weekend together.

I left the office at five thirty and hit the gym. Throughout my workout and during my drive home afterward, I kept thinking about Micah. Funny little things he’d told me. Stories he’d shared about his childhood. The awe in the managing partner’s voice when she’d told some of the other attorneys about how Micah had handled a particularly sticky oral argument. His dick.

Look, I don’t pretend to be the most exciting guy around and I was terrified of the changes in my life, but I’m not an automaton. I had touched Micah’s naked cock that one time in the pool, and it wasn’t enough. I wanted to hold it in my hand again. I wanted to lick it and suck it into my mouth. And I wanted him to do the same to me.

Just thinking about Micah had gotten me hard. Again. I pressed the heel of my hand down on my dick and moaned. All right, masturbating on the highway was dangerous and potentially humiliating, but don’t tell me you’ve never thought of doing it during a long car trip. Anyway, I needed to stop.

I know I just grumbled about my unfulfilled state of arousal, but truthfully, I was grateful for it, because it confirmed that my body was functioning properly. In light of the way I reacted to Micah, I knew I would never have to rely on the bottle of pills I kept hidden in the back of my medicine cabinet in order to have sex with him. No, the only thing I would need for that to happen was to either get over my anxiety or move forward despite it.

I finally made it home and walked up the stairs to my unit on the second floor. My gym bag was in one hand and my condo key in the other when my cell phone rang. I quickly pushed the key into the lock and turned it, shoved the door open with my shoulder, and then dropped everything on the ground and yanked my phone out of my pocket.

“’Lo?”

Micah’s husky laugh greeted me. “You sound a little out of breath. Am I interrupting something fun?”

I chuckled. “Not yet. I’m just walking in the door. But I had plans for some fun during my shower.”

One of the things I enjoyed about dating Micah—yes, I could admit that we were dating, at least to myself—was our friendship. I could joke around with him like I had with my old teammates and frat brothers. But that joking took on an extra layer of fun, because it often turned into flirting. I hadn’t ever had that with any of the women I’d dated, and I found I liked it. I liked so many things about Micah.

“How about we have some fun together instead?” he asked.

I got my mind back onto our conversation and focused on the meaning of his words. “What do you mean? Like phone sex?”

Micah chuckled again. “Yeah, just like that. So what are you wearing?”

I pressed the phone between my shoulder and my ear and turned back to my still open front door. “Oh, come on.”

I kicked the door shut and flipped the lock. Then I bent down and picked up my gym bag and keys. I dropped the keys on the table by the front door and took the gym bag into the bedroom with me.

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to do, Ben, but you’re not cooperating.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m wearing assless chaps, a leather vest, and a dog collar. What are you wearing?”

I assumed Micah had been taking a drink or something, because he suddenly started coughing and gasping for air. I unpacked my gym bag and waited for him to catch his breath.

“Oh, wow,” he finally sputtered. “That was some image you just painted for me.”

“Yeah? You into that kind of thing?”

“No, I much prefer buttoned-up pretty-boy types. With brown hair and brown eyes. About six foot, three inches tall. With soft pouty lips. And hard bodies.”

I unlaced my shoes and kicked them off. Then I flopped back on my bed and threw one hand over my head and held the phone with the other. “All right, all right, Casanova. I get the picture. So tell me how today’s depos went.”

Micah sighed. “No phone sex?”

I hated to disappoint him, but I wasn’t completely sure how everything would work with in-person sex between two men. Trying to turn him on with nothing more than words sounded like a recipe for failure, which wasn’t something I was willing to risk. Making sure that Micah continued to be interested in me had managed to turn into my top priority. Even if I was still scared of being with him.

“No phone sex,” I replied.

“Fine. But if we don’t have some kind of sex soon, my dick might run away and join the circus just to get some excitement.”

I realized that I was smiling again. Happiness seemed to just overtake me whenever I was talking with Micah. It all came so naturally with him—being friends, joking around, being together, touching. Everything. “Nah. He won’t like it there. They’ll stuff him in a tight space with a bunch of clowns or make him put his head in a tiger’s mouth, and those teeth are really pointy.”

“Yeah, that would suck,” Micah said. “And not in the good way. So, speaking of sucking, what are you doing tomorrow night?”

I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “Not much for subtlety, are you? I’m free tomorrow. What do you have in mind? And does it involve Popsicles? Or maybe lollipops?”

“I can’t tell you what I have in my mind right now, because you said no phone sex. But I’ll give you a hint and say that it involves cocks—as in yours and mine—and not sugary treats.”

“Baby, when you taste my dick, I think you’ll agree that it’s the sweetest treat around,” I said in a campy, overly exaggerated seductive tone.

“Oh, that was bad. Really bad.” Micah laughed. “We’re gonna have to work on your dirty talk this weekend, Mister Forman.”

“I’ll add it to the schedule. What else do you want to do?” I asked.

“You.” His voice had lowered, and he sounded even sexier.

A trembled coursed through my body. “Okay. It’s a plan. What time are you getting back into town?”

He sighed. “I have a couple more depos in the morning and there wasn’t a direct flight available, so I won’t be back in Emile City until close to five. And I need to go to Shabbat services tomorrow, but they should be over by seven thirty. My weekend’s wide open after that, so I’m yours for as long as you want me.”

That would be forever
. I swallowed down that instinctive response and was struck momentarily mute from the shock of how strongly I felt it.

I had never thought of anything in terms of forever. I had always just taken my life as it came, not really thinking too much about the future. Hell, it was all I could do to get through the present without disappointing a bunch of people. Thinking about the future would have been way too overwhelming.

But in that moment, I found myself thinking about a future with Micah. I thought about having him around every day to laugh with. I thought about being able to talk through issues and questions with him, knowing he would always have good insight and advice. I thought about making love with him in bed at night and waking up in his arms in the morning. And I realized that even though we hadn’t known each other very long and even though the logistics of building that kind of relationship with a man had always seemed impossible, I did want Micah Trains to be mine forever.

Chapter Nine

A
T
EIGHT
o’clock the next evening I was standing in front of Micah’s door with a bag of takeout and a serious case of nerves. After sharing meals and conversations for a week and then talking on the phone every night while he traveled during the next week, we were finally going to be alone together in private. There was no question in my mind that I would be sharing more than dinner with Micah that night. I knew he wanted me to share his bed, and I was itching to do the same thing.

But wanting to do something so badly I could taste it wasn’t the same thing as actually doing it. What if I wasn’t any good? What if I tried to do something guys didn’t do together? What if I got so nervous that I couldn’t get it up? Okay, the last one didn’t seem like a plausible concern given the current state of my dick.

No, y’all, that isn’t a banana in my pocket. And it’s not you I’m happy to see. Ba-dum tsh! Thank you very much, folks. I’m here all night. Please try the free-range, hormone free organic veal.

“Hey. Come on in.” Micah stood next to his open door. He was wearing lightly distressed jeans, a heather-gray T-shirt, and no shoes.

I’ve never been one for feet. I mean, it’s not like they gross me out or anything, I’ve just never given them any thought. But I found myself staring at Micah’s feet and feeling my arousal ratchet up a notch or two. Great. Being gay wasn’t enough. I had to have a weird fetish too. Honestly, I felt like a walking freak show.

Before I realized it, the door was slammed shut behind me, Micah’s hand was around my waist pulling me toward him, and the takeout bag was on the floor. His lips covered mine with a hungry desperation. He licked and nibbled at my mouth while his fingers wove through my hair and held me close.

“You’re so fuckin’ hot, Ben. The way you look at me makes me nuts.” He mumbled the words into my mouth and then kept kissing me, the fingers in my hair holding on and tugging. The small amount of pain combined with the pleasure from the kiss had me ready to cum in my pants.

“What do you like?” he asked gruffly.

I didn’t know how to answer that question. Sex had never been particularly great in my experience, at least not until I had made out with Micah in his pool. I was pretty sure the chlorine wasn’t acting as an aphrodisiac. So if rubbing off against him had shattered my mind, anything else was likely to be just as good. But without ever having experienced the “anything else,” I didn’t know what to say.

When I didn’t respond, Micah kept talking as he licked and nibbled his way across my jaw and down my neck. “Seriously, Ben. I can’t keep my hands off you. I’ve been thinking about getting you naked for two weeks, and now that you’re here, I don’t think I can wait.” One of his hands gripped the back of my neck, and the other trailed down my chest until he got to my waistband, and then he cupped my cock and gave it a squeeze. “Tell me what you’re into. Other than feet, I mean. I got that one. Tell me what you want to do.”

I was so turned on in that moment that I couldn’t even work up a blush over the fact that he noticed me drooling over his feet. Plus, he didn’t seem weirded out by it. If anything, the way he started mauling me before I even said hello indicated that he was turned on too.