Karlology (5 page)

I
think we’re getting too clever when it comes to health.
W
e’re saving too many peop
l
e an
d
we’re
l
iving too
l
ong.
W
hen I was younger, there was always someone ill in the
f
ami
ly
w
h
o we’
d
visit an
d
g
ive
g
ra
p
es to,
b
ut I
h
aven’t
d
one t
h
at
f
or
y
ears. Now
g
ra
p
e sa
l
es are on t
h
eir arse. You so
l
ve
o
ne problem and it creates another. Years ago people made do with what they were dealt with when it came to health.
I
recent
l
y rea
d
a
b
out a
f
e
ll
a name
d
t
h
e Lig
h
t
h
ouse Man
wh
o
h
a
d
a
b
i
g
h
o
l
e in t
h
e to
p
o
f
h
is
h
ea
d
. He never moane
d
a
b
out it or
h
a
d
sur
g
er
y
– instea
d
h
e
d
eci
d
e
d
to ma
k
e use o
f
it and stuck a candle in it so he could wander about at night
w
ithout putting a light on. So not only did he not hassle
d
octors to tr
y
to sort it,
h
e was a
l
so ener
gy
e
ffi
cient
.

E
ver
y
one sat
d
own rea
dy
to ta
k
e t
h
e Mensa test. I too
k
the last seat that was available. The others had all brought
l
ots of pencils and their own stopwatches; I had to borrow a
p
en
f
rom t
h
e Mensa rep. T
h
is cause
d
t
h
e ot
h
ers to tut
.

The test began. It was tough, but the questions were multiple choice so I went with my gut feeling at first. After a while, though, even my gut was starting to say pass. The test was broken into three papers, so we had a break between each one. The others seemed quite calm with it all and chatted with each other in the breaks. One woman was even doing Sudoku in the break. She couldn’t get enough.

P
eople love to be tested these days. Every time I put t
h
e te
ll
y on, t
h
ere’s someone as
k
ing me a question on
W
ho
Wants to be a Millionair
e
,
E
gghead
s
or
The Weakest Lin
k
.
Me
Aunt
y
Nora trie
d
to
g
row a
b
onsai
pl
ant
j
ust cos s
h
e’
d
h
ear
d
A
l
an Titc
h
mars
h
sa
y
t
h
e
y
’re
h
ar
d
to
g
row. Ever
y
one seems to like a challenge. My brain prefers the easy life
.

The really odd thing was, none of the people taking the test ever seeme
d
to
l
aug
h
. It ma
d
e me won
d
er i
f
inte
ll
igent
p
eople need laughter. I thought about this more on the way
h
ome. Ma
yb
e t
h
e
b
rain
d
oesn’t rea
lly
l
i
k
e
l
au
gh
in
g
. Ma
d
p
eo
pl
e w
h
o
h
ave
f
au
l
ts wit
h
t
h
eir
b
rain
l
au
gh
a
l
ot, an
d
b
abies whose brains haven’t grown properly love a good
l
augh, but it seems that normal brains don’t have time for
h
avin
g
a
l
au
gh
.
A
n
ot
h
er exam
pl
e is
h
ow
y
ou can’t tic
kl
e
y
ourse
lf
. T
h
e
b
rain
d
oesn’t
l
et
y
ou
d
o it. W
h
en I
h
ave
h
a
d
t
h
e o
dd
l
au
gh
in
g
fi
t, it’s norma
lly
m
y
b
rain t
h
at
h
as to ste
p
in and put a stop to it by thinking of serious things
.

I
got my Mensa results a few weeks later. They were a
j
o
k
e,
b
ut a
g
ain, m
y
b
rain
d
i
d
n’t
l
au
gh
.

A
n
yway, I decided that for this chapter it would be good to have a picture of my brain because, at the end of the day, it’s that that’s come up with what I’m telling you. I found a
l
a
d
on t
h
e internet w
h
o cou
ld
g
et
h
is
h
an
d
s on an M
R
I
scannin
g
mac
h
ine. He sai
d
h
e cou
ld
g
et me some
g
oo
d
s
h
ots o
f
m
y
b
rain.

I
like to think about my brain a lot (which proves it loves itself as well as being in charge), but I can’t get me head aroun
d
h
ow t
h
e
b
rain was create
d
. I can
g
ras
p
h
ow
hu
mans mi
gh
t
h
ave
d
eve
l
o
p
e
d
f
rom
fi
s
h
over time,
b
ut it’s t
h
e
b
rain bit that gets me. Scientists always use the evolution argument when they don’t know how things have grown an extra
l
eg or
l
earnt to
fl
y,
b
ut I
d
on’t un
d
erstan
d
h
ow
the brain could evolve. Evolve from what? I have a theory t
h
at t
h
e
b
rain mi
gh
t
h
ave come
f
rom anot
h
er
pl
anet w
h
ere
b
rains ru
l
e
d
. A
pl
anet w
h
ere t
h
ere was no atmos
ph
ere an
d
the brains just floated around thinking about stuff all day. They quickly became advanced because of the amount of t
h
in
k
ing
b
eing
d
one. T
h
en, some
h
ow, t
h
ey came to p
l
anet Eart
h
b
ut
f
oun
d
t
h
e
y
were use
l
ess
b
ecause t
h
e
y
cou
ld
n’t move a
b
out
by
fl
oatin
g
an
y
more. So one o
f
t
h
e
b
rainier
o
nes got into a monkey’s head ... and the rest is history. Like
I
say, it’s just a theory
.