Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 1.1 - Sometimes You Just Know (5 page)

Justin feels like his stomach is imploding. How did things go so wrong so fast? And why is Dan moving even further away from him? "No, no lines!" He knows it comes out sounding panicky, but that seems like a fair reflection of how he's feeling. "I just meant… you know, I'm not assuming anything, or whatever… but sex would be great. I'm all for it! Seriously. Lots of sex, no bullshit… whatever you want." Dan is still watching him, but he's stopped moving away now, and Justin feels a little reckless streak come over him. "And, hey, man, if the blow job is that important to you, I guess I could suffer through it… you know, as a special favor to you. If that's really what you want."

Dan stares at him, and there's a brief moment when Justin's sure that he's blown it, but then Dan smiles almost reluctantly, and Justin thinks maybe
this
is the real Dan smile, not sexy and confident like the one he uses to flirt with, but surprised and tentative, as if he's afraid he's about to be laughed at. Then Dan licks his lips and the cocky smile is back. Justin isn't really sorry to see the change, because the other smile just about broke his heart.

"I appreciate the offer, man; you're really kind to help me out like that."
Justin nods in agreement. "I'm a humanitarian, is what it is." And then the same boldness that makes him a good eventer comes over him, and it's almost as if he's two people, one confidently talking to Dan, the

chances. "So here's what I think we should do. We'll go back downstairs, and I'll watch you work, and I'll try to control myself when I see you flirting with everybody in the place." Dan hasn't said anything yet, so Justin takes a chance and keeps going. "And then when you're done work, we'll go somewhere and we'll eat something, because that's the kind of guy I am, and
then
, if you've been good, I'll think about letting you blow me. Maybe." He stops, and there's that familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach again, the nervous flutter, the uncertainty about whether he's just made things much worse or much better. God help him, he thinks he's starting to
like
feeling that way.

Dan doesn't help, just looks at Justin assessingly, and then takes a few steps forward. He lifts his bottle and swallows what's left of the contents, and then leans in closer to Justin. "How about if I'm good, you let me fuck you?"

Justin doesn't normally bottom, and he can't be sure that's what Dan meant anyway, although he's pretty sure it is, but he doesn't really care one way or another. His brief moment of bravado has left him, and he nods mutely in response. Dan can do anything he wants to Justin.

Dan holds his eyes a moment longer, then steps back and nods at the bottle in Justin's hand. "Finish your beer, baby. I stole it just for you." His voice is mock-tough, clearly joking, but Justin raises the bottle obediently anyway, and takes a long pull. He can feel Dan watching, and when he tilts his head back down Dan is there, standing only inches away, and Justin has to bring his arm out to the side in order to lower the bottle without hitting Dan. Dan ignores that maneuver, his eyes focusing on Justin's neck. One of Dan's hands snakes behind Justin's head and catches the hair at the base of his skull, pulling his head back into the position it had been in when Justin had been drinking. Dan trails the fingers of his other hand along the line of Justin's throat, exposed and vulnerable, and then Dan's lips are there, and Justin's eyes close in satisfaction. If he could, he would purr.

nips and licks somewhere else, and then he pushes the collar of Justin's shirt a little to the side and focuses his efforts on the patch of skin where neck meets shoulder. He's sucking and biting and Justin knows he's going to leave a mark, and Justin doesn't normally like that, thinks it's a little Neanderthal to be symbolically bruising people, but if Dan cares enough to want to claim him, Justin's all for it, and he moves his neck to give better access. Justin can feel Dan's lips curl in an appreciative smile, and the hand tangled in Justin's hair eases off as Dan understands Justin's acquiescence.

Dan steps away too soon, and Justin's body leans after him, but when Justin opens his eyes he sees Dan shaking his head. "I've got to get back downstairs…" But Dan isn't going anywhere. He's just standing there and looking at Justin like he's trying to figure him out, which makes Justin laugh a little, because apparently they're both confusing the hell out of each other. But neither one is running away, at least right now, so Justin will count that as a win.

Dan smiles at Justin's laugh, and it's the shy smile, the tentative one that Justin hopes is real, and it makes Justin smile back. So they both stand there grinning like idiots for a quick second, and then Dan's back to business, "So, yeah, I…" He nods towards the door, and Justin follows him back downstairs.

His seat the bar is taken, but he works his way in to a standing space, and just as he said he would, he watches Dan work. When there's a lull, Dan introduces Justin to Cori, the other bartender. Dan calls Justin his friend, but Cori's lazy, knowing smile makes it clear that she knows what kind of friend Justin wants to be. A few other times when he gets a minute, Dan comes over and stands near him, but the bar's too loud to really talk, so Justin mostly just appreciates the effort. And the close-up view. Dan's sweating a little; not enough to be gross, just a faint sheen on his skin, and it's making Justin a bit crazy. Or at least it's one of the things making him crazy.
Last call finally comes, and then people start filtering out, but they're

taking their time. Justin's fidgeting with impatience. He sees several people, men and women, lean over and hand Dan slips of paper as they settle their tabs, and Justin wonders how many of them think he's actually going to call. He wonders if maybe Dan really
will
call some of them…and wonders what he can do to make sure that doesn't happen.

When most of the customers are gone, Dan starts tidying up behind the bar, but Cori comes up beside him and snuggles in to his side, and she nods in Justin's direction as she says something that actually makes Dan blush a little. Dan gives her a doubtful look, but she smiles at him and shoves him a little, and Dan looks almost bashful as he follows the direction of her push down towards Justin.

"Cori says she'll close up, if we want to head out," Dan says, and Justin decides to forgive her for the snuggling. Dan nods to a couple of the servers and the bouncers on the way out; no one seems to have a problem with Dan, but Justin doesn't sense a lot of warmth, either. And he has to admit, he's not getting a very welcoming vibe from Dan himself.

When they get out on the sidewalk, they pause, and Dan seems like he's about to say something. Justin gives him a moment, but nothing comes out, so Justin starts. "I saw a 24-hour diner down the street; we could go there, or somewhere else if you'd rather…"

Dan shoots him a look, and it's got all the fragile caution of his earlier smiles, but without the smile itself. "We don't really have to eat." He nods his chin into the night. "I'm staying a few blocks over—it's not a great place, but it's just temporary. We could go there, if you want."

Justin isn't sure where the enthusiasm from the roof went to, but he misses it. He looks closely at Dan. "Are you tired? I mean, it's pretty late, I guess…I had a nap earlier, but you've been working all night…" And then he can't believe he's saying it, even as the words come out of his mouth. "We could just get a cup of coffee, or something, if you aren't…you know…if you're tired…"
Dan doesn't seem to know how to take this suggestion. "Dude, you

Now it's Justin's turn to be unsure. "Yeah, okay, I
want
more. I mean, I want a
lot
more." He reaches out and grabs Dan's hand. He's never been a hand-holding type of guy, but he really wants some physical contact. "But it doesn't have to be tonight. If you're not into it, then I don't want it, you know?" His laugh is regretful. "I mean, I still want it, but…." Dan is looking at Justin's shoes, and Justin knows they're not that interesting. He tugs a little on Dan's hand, and finally their eyes meet. "I like you. I don't know you that well, but I want to get to know you. I'm not looking for some one-night stand…." Justin had a follow-up to that, about not having to drive all the way from Louisville if that was all he was after, but the look in Dan's eyes stops him, and he finally realizes what's going on. And that means he knows what to do.

He moves a little closer, and brings a hand to Dan's face, gently cradling his jaw. "Shit, Dan, I don't just want your body. Obviously I want that, but… I like you." He's not great with words, but he really thinks he needs to use some. "I like the way you are with horses—and, you know, the way they are with you. I don't think you could be that good with them if you weren't smart and gentle and strong. And I don't really know what happened with Magic and that blonde, but I like that you tried to help us out, or help the horse out. And the other day with that asshole on Willow…." Justin trails off. Dan is staring at him, and for the first time Justin really gets the feeling that he can read Dan's face; he sees doubt, and defensiveness, but he also thinks he sees a trace of hope.

Justin shuffles half a step closer, one hand still holding Dan's, the other rubbing his cheek. "We bought her, you know. Willow." Justin's speaking softly, just trying to let the tone calm Dan down a little. "We brought her home yesterday, so she's safe. We're just letting her settle in for now, but I think she's going to be really great." He closes the gap, kisses Dan gently, then forces himself to pull away. He'd love to grab hold

Thinks there's something more important going on right now. "You should come out and see her sometime. We could go for a ride. There's this hill in the back of the farm, and there's a great view from the top." Another gentle kiss, and Dan definitely kisses back on this one, although Justin can still see the doubt in his eyes.

"Do you have stuff to do tomorrow?" The question seems to throw Dan a little; Justin wonders if it's too much reality, or if it was a mistake to break the pattern of Justin's talking. When Dan doesn't answer right away, Justin continues, his voice low and soothing. "Because if you want, you could come out with me now. You could stay at my place, and we could sleep in, and then I could show you around the farm." Dan looks doubtful, but not disinterested, and Justin searches for ways to sweeten the deal. "We could take your car, if you want, so you can escape whenever you want to—I can get a ride back here with you tomorrow, or if you'd rather not, I can get a friend to drive me." Another kiss, and Dan leans into this one, his tongue wrapping around Justin's, and when Dan's hands grip tightly to Justin's hips, he knows that he's won.

Still, Dan pulls away one last time. "What about your parents? Don't they live there?"
Justin smiles happily. He can handle these details. "Dude, I'm almost thirty… I don't still sleep in my old bedroom! I've got an apartment above the barn, and the house is well away. And if they come down to the barn tomorrow, that's fine—you've met my mom, but never under the best circumstances, and you'd like my dad—he's pretty laid back, and he can talk about horses forever."
Dan looks uncomfortable, but he doesn't pull away. "What would you say the chances are of having to deal with your parents?" He leans in for another kiss, and Justin gets the feeling that it's a way to reassure himself. "I mean, your mom already hates me, and… I'm really not that good with dads, to be honest…." Justin can almost feel Dan talking

Justin's flying blind. He's not sure how hard he should push, or if he should push at all. "We can hide from them if you want to." Another kiss, and this one is enough to almost shake Justin out of his train of thought. Enough to make him think that Dan's 'closer' argument is really the only important factor. But he pulls himself together. "I really like the idea of you in my bed, to be honest. And there's no horses here. We were thinking about putting Willow out in the paddocks tomorrow, let her get a look at her new stablemates—that could be interesting…."

"You guys give your eventers a lot of pasture time, huh?" Dan looks like he's professionally interested, and there's no kissing, so Justin isn't impressed.

"Yeah. It's my dad's idea; you could ask him about it if you run into him." Justin grins a little and raises his eyebrow in question, and Dan finally nods like he's agreeing to a suicide mission. Justin will take the agreement, even if it's not exactly enthusiastic. "My car's just there, but we can walk over for yours if you'd rather…"

Dan nods emphatically. "Yeah, let me drive. Or I can just follow you, if you want…"
"Nah, let's drive together." Justin doesn't
say
that he doesn't trust Dan to not pull a U-turn half-way out of town, but he thinks it. Justin feels like he's had a breakthrough with Dan; understanding that Dan's reserve is based on skittishness rather than disinterest is important. But it doesn't mean that everything is magically solved. Justin's had some experience with nervous horses, and he knows they can be dangerous, especially if they feel cornered. He needs to figure out a strategy, a way to make Dan feel safe.
He nudges Dan into motion, and they head down the street towards Dan's car. They aren't holding hands anymore, but their fingers brush on almost every stride, and neither one moves further away. Justin's mind is running through ideas, and they're almost two blocks along before Justin