Killing Honor (10 page)

“I have Chinese.” Jane held up two brown paper bags and wiggled her eyebrows.

I put my palms together like I was praying and bowed to her. “Bless you, my friend.” She laughed and handed me one of the bags. I flopped on the couch. The bag was so warm and smelled of glorious chicken fried rice. “How much do I owe you?”

“Pfft,” Jane waved her hand as she sat next to me. “No worries. I haven’t seen you in like, a week.”

“Not since Brody came home.” At the mention of Brody, Jane’s body tensed, but only for a moment before she fished her own food out of the other bag.

“How’s that going, anyway?”

I shrugged. “Okay. He’s been busy. There’s this big thing going on at work that he’s stressed about.”

“Oh? What thing is that, love?” Jane asked as she sat down on the couch.

“Some big plan they’re working on. He can’t talk about it with me. Security and all that.” I opened the container inside the bag, letting the steam drift up. I took a breath, inhaling the scent of food. I hadn’t had a chance to go grocery shopping yet this week, so food was a little scarce for grownups at the moment. “So good.”

“That bothers you, that he can’t speak on it?”

“Sometimes. I understand why.”

“So, when does the man get home?” Jane asked, digging into her food.

I shrugged again. “Who knows?”

“Sounds like you need a rest,” Jane said. “And look at you. You’re exhausted.”

“I’m fine.”

“I could babysit for you. Give you and the man some time alone.” Jane offered.

“Thanks, but I think we’re good on that front.”

“Please,” Jane snorted. “You’re grumpy. You’re obviously not getting any.”

I blushed.

That wasn’t exactly true. Brody and I had had an amazing night after the zoo… well, minus the crying I did. But she was right in the respect that the rest of the week had been dry in the sex department. Brody was busy, and I got the feeling that he was a little afraid of making me cry again. It wasn’t his fault. The tears had been there all along. He just… that night had set them free.

“Come on now,” Jane said. “I’m not getting any. Somebody should.”

I snorted, thought it wasn’t funny for her. “Why don’t you go out on a date instead of babysitting toddlers?”

She hesitated, a sadness ebbing off her before she locked it down.It was less time than a blink, but I saw it.

Jane had a past she didn’t like to talk about. I’d encountered her stubbornness about talking before. She had maybe ten years on me, so maybe she lost someone close to her, like a husband or a child.

Jane shrugged. “The girls are more fun than stupid men. Anyway… You talk to the husband. Decide a day, and I’ll come stay with the babies.”

“I don’t know that this is what we need.
Brody
needs to spend more time with his family, not me.” I sighed. “Let’s not talk about it, okay?”

“Problems at home, love?”

I looked away from Jane, considering the question. It wasn’t so much that we were having issues as we’d just… forgotten how to be together. We were getting along fine. “Not exactly. It’s just… not… the way it should be. You know? He’s different than he used to be. One minute…” I trailed off. “Never mind. I’m probably imagining it.”

“No, what is it?” Jane twisted her body, lifting one leg so it was bent in front of her like a partial hurdler’s stretch. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s something or you wouldn’t have brought it up. So, come on then.”

“Okay… it’s like he’s two people. One minute, he’s happy and joking around, and he’s the Brody that I married. And the next… he can barely look at me and when he does, it’s so… tortured.” I wasn’t dealing well with the changes either. He’d flip fast, and if I didn’t see it coming, he’d leave the room, go upstairs or go for a walk and I wouldn’t see him for a couple hours.

I wished I knew how to fix it for him. He was miserable. I could see it. There were periods where he was almost happy, but mostly, he was miserable. I hated that, but I couldn’t help him if he wouldn’t even talk about it with me.

“It sounds like a depression.” Jane said, closing the container she was eating from. She set it down on the coffee table.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s having nightmares too. The first night, he woke up scared shitless. He pawed me like he was expecting me to be hurt. The next time, he said he couldn’t sleep. Usually, he’s up and down, and finally decides to pass out on the couch so he wouldn’t bother me anymore.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. It’s only been a few days. He might level out.” I honestly had not a lot of hope for that. I’d noticed new scars on his body when he’d come home. He’d seen conflict, and I knew that played a part in it. I wondered if this was a sign of how he was going to change. I didn’t want him to. I loved my carefree joker. I didn’t know if I could deal with him being so serious, so haunted.

“He’ll be back to normal in no time.” But her tone didn’t match her words. When I glanced at her, she seemed lost in thought.

“What?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what if he doesn’t level out? He could end up being a danger to you. To the girls.”

“He would never hurt us.” I knew that with every fiber of my being.

Jane shrugged, but said nothing. The silence was awkward.

“He wouldn’t, Jane. He’s a good man.”

“He’s a SEAL, Devyn. That means, he knows how to kill, and likely has.”

“His job does not define him.”

“It does when he’s Special Forces. What if he gets mixed up in the head or something?”

“Mixed up in the head? Please, Jane, he wouldn’t.”

“I hope not, for your sake.”

I shook my head. It was no use arguing with Jane, but she’d never met Brody. She didn’t know anything about him that I hadn’t told her. And right then, I regretted telling her anything. She’d helped me when I needed it. Been a friend. But she wasn’t Brody, and I wasn’t prepared to give up on him yet.

~*~*~

Brody

The meeting didn’t leave me with any warm fuzzies. I was already on edge, wondering if my face was out there for the world to see, where they could track me down and find my family. I picked up my stuff and shoved it back into my backpack, along with the files they’d passed out about the weapons silos.

“SO3?” I glanced up as Master Chief walked in the room. Hardy and Murphy glanced at each other and then to me.

“Yes, Master Chief?”

“Got a minute?”

“Sure.” I zipped up my bag.

“My office, please.” Master Chief left the room.

“We’re going out for drinks tonight. Want to come?” Hardy asked.

“Nah,” I told him. “Just gonna go home.”

“You know,” Hardy started, a mischievous grin creeping up on his face.  “I hear spending too much time around all that estrogen is bad for your testosterone levels.”

“Don’t be a dick, jackass.” I punched Hardy in the arm. “You know what happened the last time you said something like that to Devyn.”

Hardy’s face paled just a little, but he recovered quickly. “You wouldn’t dare tell her.”

“I don’t keep those kinds of secrets from my wife.”

Hardy flipped me off. “Asshole.”

Murphy grabbed Hardy by the arm. “Come on. I need a drink. Let him be.”

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and I walked down the hall to Master Chief’s office. Master Chief Collins was signing off on some kind of paperwork when I came in, which he shoved back into its folder as soon as he realized I was there.

“Battles, good. Sit.”

I slipped into the seat across from his desk. It always made me nervous to be in Master Chief’s office alone. He commonly joked that we were all his children, so it was a bit like being called to the principal’s office.

He moved some papers around and then slid a folder across the desk. “I know you were worried about being exposed when you were injured a few months back.”

“Yes.” I took the folder but I didn’t open it yet. I was a little afraid to.

“These were files we took off a laptop there at the house that we raided to reacquire Cadence Long. It belonged to someone high level. We’re not sure who yet. Identifying information on it has all been meticulously absent. But the problem is… It seems that we are not as secret as we’d hoped.”

My breath stopped. I opened the folder. Inside, there were printouts of files, but more importantly, there were a ton of pictures. Of us. Me. Murphy. Hardy. Urban. All the guys were in there. Candid shots of us as we walked through cities. There was one from Frankfurt of me, which was where we had landed in Europe before moving on to the desert.

This was all pre-Cadence Long photos, so someone had known who we were for a long time. Someone who was well-connected in the Giroux family business, it seemed.

“Who took these?”

“We don’t know yet. We sent the laptop to the NSA for analysis. Once we get the whole story, we’ll have a better idea of how to go about this. But I know that you were worried when you were injured about your family being vulnerable.”

“This certainly proves vulnerability, yes.” Fear and ice sliced through my heart. Did this mean they knew who I was? Where I lived? Who my family and friends were? The worst part about this was that I couldn’t tell Devyn her life was in danger without putting the operation at risk.

“We’re doing everything we can to keep them safe.”

Master Chief never talked about whether he had a family or not. As far as I knew, I was the only one who was married and had kids. Hardy had his sister, but Addison was halfway across the world at some school in Italy.

“May I have permission to talk to Devyn about this?”

“Negative. We don’t know enough to say she’s at risk. There’s no use creating a problem where there may not be.”

“If they know about me, then it’s not that hard to find her.” I argued. “Master Chief, please. I need her to be safe. I need my kids to be safe.”

“We’ll keep a watch on your house. That’s all we can do right now. I believe that it’s premature to think that she’s been compromised in any way. We have a bigger problem right now.”

“Bigger? There’s nothing bigger than this for me, Master Chief.” No one really knew what fear was until someone you loved was in danger. And I was terrified. It was something that I’d never considered during training. My family didn’t ask to be a SEAL. I did. But they were having to deal with this because of me.

“They’ve put out hits on the team, whose identities were compromised. Right now, it’s about you, Murphy, and Hardy. All three of you are marked for termination with reward.”

Termination with reward. We had a fucking bounty on our heads.

“That’s just fucking fantastic.” I muttered. “Why us? Specifically, the three of us?”

“We don’t know. I’m assuming because the three of you are usually together on missions. I’m letting you know first because you have dependents. We think they’re safe for now, but we will watch for anything out of the ordinary.  And we’ll proceed from there.”

“Thank you, Master Chief. I appreciate the head’s up.”

I stood up to leave, and handed the folder back to Master Chief. My insides were doing the tumble dry inside my abdomen.

We were marked.

Hitmen didn’t stop at their target. They bulldozed over their target, their families, and anyone who knew them. Master Chief might have been sugar-coating it so I didn’t jump up and run after Devyn right then and there, but there was no mistake about this. If someone wanted me dead, they’d be after Devyn and the twins as well.

~*~*~

My mind was crowded and swirling about with a million thoughts per second. I didn’t really recall the drive home. Because of me, because of my job, Devyn, Riley, and Jackie were all in danger. And I couldn’t even tell them about it.

Of course, if Master Chief was right, I was overreacting and everything would be fine. But the panic in my chest wouldn’t ease up. I was supposed to be this tough warrior, but I couldn’t stop my chest tightening with the thought of Devyn or the girls getting hurt because of me.

Tomorrow, I’d talk to Murphy and Hardy and see what they thought of the whole thing, but I wasn’t optimistic. Neither of them had a wife or children. It was just them. The closest would probably be Hardy, since he had his parents in San Diego, and his sister in Europe.

I pulled into the driveway at my house and turned the truck off. We’d been lucky to get this house from the base housing office. It was the last three bedroom they’d had before they started the wait list again.

I didn’t want to go inside. Devyn would be there. She’d smile at me like she hadn’t a care in the world and I would feel guilty and rotten. I closed my eyes, trying to pull in courage from the air. But Devyn knew me. She’d sniff out a problem in about four seconds flat.

I shoved the truck door open and stepped out. The whole neighborhood was quiet, but then it always was. I glanced around. No extra cars. No strange looking men. Nothing to make it look like our house was being watched.

There were voices in the living room when I came in the house. I steeled myself when I saw the woman in the glasses sitting next to Devyn. I didn’t recognize her, but I assumed this was the infamous Jane that Devyn kept talking about. I was glad that Dev had someone while I was gone, but this woman had been part of Devyn’s life when I hadn’t been, and never would be. She had been filling the hole that I’d left behind.

She glanced at me, her piercing blue eyes cool. Devyn stood up from the couch and smiled. “Hey, honey. You’re home early!”

“Got done early,” I grumbled. I glanced at her friend, who busied herself with packing up the food from their lunch.

“Oh, this is Jane. Jane, Brody.” Devyn pointed between us.

“I’m going to leave,” Jane said. “I need to get home.”

“You don’t have to go,” Devyn pleaded with her.

“Yes,” Jane replied. “I really do.” She grabbed her bag and headed for the door.

“Thanks for lunch, Jane,” Devyn said, walking Jane toward the door. Jane didn’t look at me, and walked around me to keep from touching me.

Jane cleared her throat in the doorway. “Just think about what I said, alright?”