Kiss List (17 page)

Soon I had covered his entire body except for one area – the one I was most unfamiliar with and most curious about. I reflected on how a singlet was as much a torture device as it was a gift to women. It was completely unfair to show such clear evidence while at the same time obscuring actual sight. Well, the singlet might shield my eyes from what I wanted to see but it would not stop my touch.

I leaned in and kissed David’s cheek fondly. I pressed my body up against his. Then I lightly stroked his inner thighs, getting slowly closer to my prize. David’s body shuddered and I smiled. I knew what that meant from my experience with Sam. David’s inner sexual beast had been revealed, though it was still imprisoned by the handcuffs around his wrists. That meant I was in charge. Before I was done with him, there would be no doubt in his mind of that fact.

I smiled and kissed David firmly on the lips. By now he was far too riled up to be able to think about who the kisser was. I bit his lower lip. This gorgeous wrestler might crush his opponents on the mat, rendering other powerful and sexy males as helpless as babes, but he the one now at my mercy.

Lindsey had been right. This did help. Right now I needed to get my mind off of Dylan. The sexual energy coursing through me was like a drug. It masked my pain and redirected my thoughts. I was going to deal with the pain eventually but
a least for now I had something else to keep me preoccupied.

I took a deep breath. It was time for a hands-on lesson in male anatomy.

When I finally left David I had big grin plastered on my face. I couldn’t help it. My session with him had been very... educational. The looks on the girls’ faces were priceless.
“Really? 20 minutes?” Vicki said. “What could you have been doing for 20 minutes?”

“I think our girl is not as innocent about boys as she was earlier this evening,” Lindsey said with a smile. “Judging from the sounds coming from the other end of the playground, David has learned a few things as well. That’s alright girls, there’s plenty of him left for all of you and I expect you all to take advantage of that. If David is able to walk tomorrow we will have failed our mission. We’re the state champions; we do have a reputation to uphold.”

The girls really seemed to like the sound of that.

I sat down on a bench a little ways from the girls to collect my thoughts. It was difficult with memories of David’s impeccable body swimming in my mind. Gradually, however, the heat of the moment began to fade. Then, inexplicably, I started to cry.

Alyssa and Payton were instantly beside me. “What’s wrong, girl? It can’t have been that bad.” Payton said. “What happened?”

“No, David was great,” I said. “He helped take my mind off of Dylan. Now I just have to deal with the fact that I’ve screwed things up bad. What do I do?”

Alyssa and Payton exchanged looks. “Sadie,” Alyssa said, “we haven’t always agreed with the way that you’ve gone after boys and fought Missy, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong in wanting to date different guys and find out who makes you happy. Maybe we should go back to the kiss list.”

My head shot up to look at them in shock. “You’ve got to me kidding,” I said. “The kiss list is responsible for all this. “I can’t go back to it.”

“The kiss list is not responsible for this,” Payton said. “It’s just a list of guys you want to kiss. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t lead the guys on. Listen, our mistake from the start was that we were dishonest. We told you to go make out with guys just so you could check them off the list. That led to guys like David feeling taken advantage of. Though, I will say he’s probably having no complaints about being taken advantage of right now...”

“Focus Payton,” Alyssa said.

“Right,” Payton said. “This time, just make it clear to the boys on the list that you want to kiss them because some of your girl friends dared you to do it. If they want to kiss you under those circumstance, great. If not, we’ll let you off the hook. We won’t even send out pictures of your bunny footie pajamas. At least not yet, anyway.”

“You leave PJ Bunny out of this,” I said as I cracked a smile and wiped tears from my eyes.

“That’s better,” Alyssa said happily. “How about we forget about boys tomorrow and just hang out like we used to? We can even ditch a few classes at the end of the day and go to the mall.”

Alyssa offering to ditch school was like Darcy actually going to school; it just didn’t happen. She must really feel bad for me. “Thanks a lot, girls,” I said. “That means a lot. Unfortunately, I can’t hang out tomorrow. It’s, uh, the anniversary of when my mom died and my dad and my sister and I always go after school to put flowers on her grave. She planted some tiger lilies in our yard so we always take those.”

“Wow, I’m sorry,” Payton said. “What a crappy time to lose your boyfriend. We’re here for you Anderson. Whatever you need, we’re here for you.” She gave me a fierce hug and rejoined the rest of the girls.

Alyssa was staring at me. “If there was one boy on that list that you really wanted to date, who would it be?” she asked thoughtfully. “Including boys you have already kissed.
Even Dylan.”

I shrugged uncomfortably but a name had already popped into my mind.

Alyssa stared deep into my eyes as if reading my thoughts. “It’s Aaron, isn’t it?” she said. “You’ve always had a crush on him.”

“You can’t say anything to him,” I said fiercely. “I mean it. Not even to one of his friends or about what he thinks of me. I have hurt all the other boys I’ve kissed. I’m not even going to chance it with Aaron. Not a word.”

Alyssa held my gaze. “Do you trust me?” she asked.

“Of course,” I said without hesitation. I had to. Alyssa was my closest friend. I would have put my life in her hands if I needed to.

“Okay then. I promise you that before this year is out you will know what Aaron thinks of you,” she said. “I can’t promise that he will fall in love with you. I can’t even promise that he will like you, though I can’t imagine how he couldn’t. What I can promise you will know one way or another how he feels.”

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What are you planning?” I asked her.

Alyssa bit her lip. “I can’t tell you,” Alyssa said finally. “You’ll just have to trust me. I promise that I won’t embarrass you or go to him or his friends. It’s going to take a while but it will happen. You just worry about yourself and being happy. Go back to the kiss list. I think Payton is actually right; it might not be a bad idea to date some new guys. You focus on them and let me worry about discovering what is in Aaron Caldwell’s heart.”

“
Ryan Brady,” Olivia said. “I’m not taking no for an answer. I’ve been waiting for months. No more. I want to know what moves Ryan has and then I want you to get out of the way for me. If possible, could you break his heart just a little bit? Nothing serious, but enough so that he feels vulnerable and wants to make up with someone.”

“We’re not breaking hearts anymore,” Payton said, “but Ryan is fine with me as long as we get to Jamal soon.”

“He can be next,” Olivia promised.

“Okay and then Gabriel, right?” Alyssa said.

“Do I get a say in all of this?” I asked.

The girls seemed to think that over for a moment. “Nope,” Olivia said. “You’re going to start with Ryan and then move on to at least the other two. Paul Stedman and the Hall twins can be extra credit.”

We were back in my bedroom and it felt just like it had when we first kicked off the list with Sam. The faces of Olivia, Payton, and Alyssa were lit up excitedly at the possibility of discovering more boys’ secrets. I was sick with trepidation.

Things had more or less returned to normal at school. I was once again without a boyfriend. Dylan directed wounded looks my way in the hallway and proved deft at avoiding me. I no longer had the passion or energy to corner him in the hallway and make out with him like I once had. Missy constantly wore an annoyingly superior expression. She was nothing, however, compared to El Diablo. With the way that girl looked at me, I half though she was going mug me in the hallways. One time I even caught her smacking her fist into her hand as if she wanted to beat me. It was extremely disconcerting.

The one bright spot was David. He walked the halls with a pep in his step and more than once I saw soccer girls corner him for makeout sessions. It seemed that once they had gotten a taste of the wrestler they wanted more. They had discovered what I knew: David was a catch. He had an innocent-looking face that a girl’s parents could love and a body that a girl could do not-so-innocent things to. I felt a pang of sadness and jealousy every time a girl cornered him but I had to wish them well. If I couldn’t have David at least someone should. There were not many bodies like his around and it would be a shame for it not to be appreciated by somebody.

And so I reluctantly agreed to turn my efforts to Ryan. Olivia handled my prep.

“He plays the tenor saxophone. He’s amazingly good,” Olivia gushed. “Just wait until you hear him. He’s involved in a lot of band activities but I don’t think he’s doing any one of them right now. I’ve seen him hang out at Sanders Park. You know that one area by the tennis courts on top of the man-made hill? He likes to sit under a tree there and practice. I’ll bet if you swing by there after school tomorrow you can find him.”

“And how do I strike up a conversation?” I asked. “I don’t know anything about band and I can’t play any instruments.”

“He’s a musician,” Olivia said. “No matter what they say, all musicians love people who appreciate their research. Go kick a ball around in the park and then pretend to notice his music. Go ask him if you can sit by him and listen. When he takes a break, just strike up a conversation.”

“Artists are emotional people,” Payton said. “Tell him you love his music and flirt a little with him. He’ll get excited, though he’ll probably keep acting moody, and then it shouldn’t take too long for him to make a move. Wait until just before he’s about to kiss you to tell him about
the dare. Artists are passionate people too and he won’t be able to stop himself. Bring your phone along to snap a picture for proof and then skidaddle.”

“Don’t mention my name,” Olivia said firmly. “I don’t want him to think I’m behind this. Depending on how it goes, I might come in later to express sympathy for him being used as a dare.”

“Glad that I can help your love life,” I said dryly. “Alright, I guess we might as well give it a shot. I haven’t got anything else to lose now. At least I don’t have to dress up for this one. No one is going to be kicking a soccer ball around in an ivory dress.”

So the following day after school I headed to Sanders Park. I carried my ball under my arm and dropped it on the empty soccer field. I began kicking it into one of the nets and casually glancing up at the hill beyond the other end of the field. Just under the tallest tree on the top of the hill I could make out a boy sitting against the trunk. His knees were bent and he had a saxophone resting on the ground to one side of him. I could hear the soft notes he played as they carried through the breeze.

It was a cool day. The unusual late-fall heat had faded as winter slowly arrived. The boy sat atop a carper of red and yellow leaves that were slowly darkening to brown. He wore a black jacket and jeans, though he had no gloves. I suppose he didn’t want to hamper his fingers.

I needed an excuse to get to the other side of the field so I started doing sprints with the ball back and forth. I wore a light athletic jacket and quickly warmed up as I worked out. Once I felt beads of sweat start to accumulate on my forehead I stopped by the net closest to the hill and went back to practicing my shooting with the new.

I didn’t know much about music but Olivia was right, Ryan was clearly very talented. He had no music in front of him and yet he played with confidence and ease. I didn’t understand how he could do that. Did he have the music memorized? No, that didn’t seem right, it was as if the music was just pouring out of him. His eyes were closed an he swayed back and forth to the melody.

I picked up my ball and walked closer, trying to drag my feet a little so he would notice that I was there. It was no use; he was in his own world. I waited patiently for him to finish his song but it just kept on going and going, one tune transforming seamlessly into another.

“Do you mind if I listen for awhile?” I finally called to him.

Ryan jumped as if I had fired
a cannon next to his ear. The mouthpiece of the saxophone popped out of his mouth, resulting in a high-pitched squeak.

“Sorry,” I said, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said. “I just didn’t realize that you were here. For a second I thought... well, never mind. You just surprised me.”

I understood why Olivia had a crush on him. Ryan was cute. He had a mop of reddish-blond hair that rivaled Dylan’s in terms of volume. He had dark blue eyes and pale, flawlessly smooth skin. He wore authentically retro jeans - ones that had gotten torn from age and wear and not by the manufacturer. He had on a grey hooded sweatshirt underneath a tattered tan jacket. He gave off a soft, cuddly look and yet there was a depth to his eyes that intrigued me. There seemed to be some sort of pain in them. He reminded me so much of a lost puppy that I instinctively wanted to hug him.

“You are very good,” I said. “Do you play here often?”

Ryan nodded. “It’s nice to get away from everything,” he said, not elaborating on what he was trying to get away from.

“You’re Ryan Brady, aren’t you?” I asked. “I think you go to my school.”

Ryan looked surprised that I knew who he was. “Yeah,” he said. “I know who you are. Everyone does. You’re Sadie Anderson. You won the state soccer championship.”

“Well, I had a bit of help with that,” I said. “So, do you mind if I listen for a while? I promise I’m not a harsh critic.”

Ryan hesitated.

“It’s no problem if you don’t want me to.” I said. “I really don’t want to intrude.”

I assumed that would be enough to persuade him to wave his hand and tell me to stay. Instead, he looked even more troubled. “I don’t mean to be rude,” he finally said, “but I think I’d rather be alone. It’s a public park, though, so I don’t want to inconvenience you. If you want to stay I can leave and find some other place to play.”

I was shocked. “No, that’s okay,” I said. “I can go practice somewhere else.”

As I walked back down the hill I felt Ryan’s eyes on me. Why had he asked me to leave? Was Olivia right? Was he just demurring because he was pretending to be shy about his music? If so, I probably should have insisted on staying. That didn’t seem right, however. He honestly seemed to be uncomfortable around me. Was it because of my history with boys like Dylan, Sam, and David? Did he think I was still dating Dylan? Or had my reputation become so tarnished from kiss list activities that he didn’t want anything to do with me.

The idea that people now thought less of me because of what I had done with the other boys horrified me. I suddenly felt an urge to know why Ryan had rejected me. I stopped walking and then, summoning my courage, I turned back around to face him. Sure enough, he was still staring at me with his penetrating and wounded eyes.

I walked back up the hill. “I’m sorry,” I said in my most apologetic voice. “I don’t mean to bother you anymore. I was just wondering, why did you ask me to go? It really is fine if you are shy about your music. I just want to know if it’s me. If you’ve heard anything bad about me...”

Ryan shook his head. “It has nothing to do with you at all,” he said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward. Maybe I should just go.”

“No,” I said quickly. “I meant what I said. I’ll leave you alone.” I closed my mouth but the feeling that I was missing something continued to grate on me. “Are you sure there’s nothing I’ve done wrong, though?”

“Positive. I’m not alone. Well, I mean, when I have my music I don’t feel like I’m alone,” Ryan said. Perhaps he picked up on the frustration in my eyes because then he said, “If you really want to hear me play, though, there’s a concert in a few days. I can send you the details. I have a couple solos.”

“Sure,” I said, “that would be great.” When I turned to go, however, I didn’t feel at all great. Why would he offer to let me hear him play at a concert and not now? The only thing I could think of was that I didn’t want to spend time around me one-on-one.

“Sadie,” I heard him call. I looked back at him and he seemed stricken. “I really am sorry,” he said. “I can’t explain it to you. This spot is just special to me and I just can’t play if other people are around me here. I’m not trying to be rude. I’ll play for you any other place but here.”

I nodded though I was completely baffled. I walked back to my car and drove away, puzzling over the mysterious boy.