Kiss List (21 page)

“Here,” Ryan said softly. He took my clutch, opened it, and pulled out my phone. “Are you ready?”

I nodded and put my hands on the lapels of his suit. He held out the phone and aimed it at us. Then he leaned in.

I felt as nervous as I had when I kissed Sam for the first time. Ryan was so nice and good and sensitive. I immediately wanted him to think well of me. Would I just reinforce my image of a girl who messed around with boys’ heads if I kissed him?

When I looked up at him, however, he didn’t seem to be judging me at all. Instead, he closed his eyes.

I lifted my head and placed my lips on his.

Ryan was a good kisser. His lips were soft and he was gentle. His other arm wound around me protectively. He wasn’t Aaron though. He wasn’t even Nate. I knew instantly that he was not the one for me.

The kiss did not last long. When our lips parted Ryan hugged me and handed back my phone. As I looked up into his eyes I could see the kindness and pain within them. I felt a deep urge to do something to help him.

Then I suddenly had an idea. “Ryan,” I said. “Can you meet me tomorrow night after school?”

The next day after school I got Ryan to drive me to a hardware store so I could pick up the equipment I needed to carry out my plan. Then we drove to Sanders Park. Once we had installed the device, Ryan hugged me tightly. “Thank you,” he said as tears streamed down his face. “Thank you so much.”

We had purchased a pair of walkie talkies with an extended battery pack, wrapped one walkie talkie in a blanket, and placed it within a hollow of the tree. Ryan took the other walkie talkie home with him.

When the snow arrived, making the wilted grass and frozen soil look like the fluffy white clouds of heaven, music could still be heard at Sanders Park. If someone had been able to follow it to its source, they would have seen a boy with a mop of reddish-blond hair swaying back and forth with his eyes closed, finding solace in the memory of his little sister and the sublime sound of his saxophone.

I needed a break from the kiss list after Ryan. I wanted some time to recover from the emotional strain caused by boys like Nate, Aaron, Ryan, and even Doug. I needed some girl time. I also wanted Alyssa’s plan to come to fruition before I was forced to kiss any other boy. As the weeks passed, however, Aaron made no move on me. He seemed more distracted than usual and even though he would smile and say hi in the hallway his mind seemed elsewhere.

Finally, Payton ran out of patience. “You need to move on,” she said one day at the lunch table, “and so do I. It’s time to cross Jamal’s name off the list.”

“I’ve never understood why you added him in the first place,” I said. “Out of all of us, you are by far the most direct. If you like him then why don’t you just go and kiss him yourself?”

Payton rolled her eyes. “Just because I’m cooler and less of a girly-girl than you biotches doesn’t mean I can simply walk up to and kiss my secret crush. You’re going to do that for me so I can see how well it works first.”

I sighed.
“Alright. What’s the plan of attack on this one?”

“I was very serious,” Payton said. “I think you should just walk up to him, plant a kiss on his gorgeous lips, and see what happens.”

Olivia started laughing. Sure, it was easy for her to laugh; she had already landed her boy. Knowing about Ryan’s vulnerable and sensitive side seemed to have given her the confidence she needed to ask him out. They were now dating. She could afford to sit back and enjoy my discomfort.

“Never
gonna happen,” I said. I couldn’t just walk up to a boy and kiss him without any sort of ice breaker. Maybe some girls could pull that off but I didn’t have that sort of courage when it came to boys.

 
“Listen,” Payton said. “Jamal is direct and he’s also a ladies’ man. If you combine directness with a girl he’s bound to love it. Just walk up to him, kiss him, snap a photo, and leave. If it works, I’ll know how to handle him in the future. If it doesn’t, I’ll come up with a new strategy.”

I groaned. This kiss was going to be a painful one to collect. Why couldn’t the girls just line the boys up for me so I could kiss them all at once and be done with it? Chasing boys was taking a toll on my mental health.

Jamal was friends with Graham which meant he hung around the guys in Graham’s football posse. I couldn’t stand the thought of making another run at a guy in that group with everyone else watching me so I decided to wait for a moment when I could get Jamal alone. Each morning I would wander through the school commons before school, finding different people to talk to, all the while keeping an eye on Jamal and looking for an opening. I felt like a hunter in the jungle waiting for an animal to stray from the pack so I could take him down. It wasn’t easy. Jamal was popular and constantly had guys and quite a few girls around him.

The upshot of my stalking tactic was that I got a chance to observe Jamal up close. An African American with beautiful dark skin, Jamal was just over six feet tall and had a lean athletic build that had helped him become a football and track star. He had short hair and was a good dresser, favoring a preppy look. He had a diamond stud earring in his left ear. He showed off a brilliant smile when he was joking around with his friends that could instantly transform to a sly smile when he was talking to girls. He definitely seemed like Payton’s type – smooth, cool, and athletic – but he intimidated me. It was always easy to talk to a boy once I had seen his
sensitive side, like I had with Ryan. It was much harder when the boy seemed so confident and perfect.

As the days wore on, though, Payton’s patience began to wear thin. I started to worry that she would devise another plan like pushing me over in the hallway as she had with Sam. I didn’t envy the idea of being shoved into Jamal so I started following him around as best I could during the rest of the day. Finally, I got an opening.

It was just after lunch and I was following Jamal out of the cafeteria. One of the girls sitting at an environmental advocacy booth called to him and asked him to sign some sort of petition. He waved his friends ahead and stopped to sign it and chat with the girls at the booth.

It was the best opportunity I was going to get. I walked past him and then leaned against a wall, readying myself for the kiss. Jamal finally stopped chatting and turned to walk away. That was my chance. As soon as he started walking I marched directly at him. I shut off my mind and tried to move as sexy as I could. I had my phone ready in my right hand. This would be a quick kiss attack and then it would be over. I was so close. Just a few more steps and I would be...

“Oh, helllll no,” Jamal said the instant he saw me.

I froze. “Excuse me?” I said.

“You! You stay a away from me, you little trouble maker,” Jamal said. “I know you’ve been playing games with guys all over this school and I don’t want none of it. Just back your cute little ass up and get going.”

I was stunned. I had always feared that was what people thought of me but I had never heard it put into words before. Payton wasn’t kidding when she said Jamal was direct. I hadn’t expected this level of brutal honesty, though. I was completely blindsided.

“I just...” I started to say.

“Nope,” he interrupted. “I don’t think so. Get your booty in gear and go. I don’t need your kind of hot mess.”

I had felt horrible when I feared that Ryan harbored these kinds of thoughts. For some reason, however, hearing Jamal say them aloud made me indignant. “You don’t know me,” I said. It sounded so childish when it came out of my mouth that I wanted to grimace but it was all I could think of to say.

“I know you’re up to no good,” Jamal said. He started walking down the hallway again.

I strode quickly to keep up to him. His long legs forced me to nearly run. “Well, so what?” I said, taking a different tact. “I wouldn’t have thought a guy like you would be afraid of a little trouble.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jamal said. “Are you being racist? You think ‘
cause I’m black I’m a trouble maker?”

“No,” I sputtered. “It has nothing to do with your skin color.”

Jamal stopped so suddenly that I had to skid to a stop to avoid flying past him. He stepped closer to me. I instinctively took a step back but bumped into a wall. I hadn’t realized it was so close. Jamal moved even closer so that he was just inches away from me.

“Relax,” he said. His voice had suddenly changed. It now sounded silky, almost like he was purring. “I’m just kidding with you, girl. What do you want from me?”

“I... I just wanted to kiss you,” I stuttered. Jamal’s quick mood swings had completely disoriented me. I began to realize that I was out of my element with him.

“I can kiss any girl I want,” Jamal said. “Why should I kiss you?”

He was so close to me that I could almost feel the heat radiating off of his body. It was a very impressive body, I couldn’t help but notice. There was no denying it up close. I could see muscles bulging under his tight long-sleeve shirt. I would have described his face as cute and sexy, adjectives that did not go together often enough. I found myself wondering what he looked like with his shirt off. I had no doubt the rest of his body was as exquisite as the parts I could see.

“Well? Time’s a running, girl,” Jamal said. “I got to get to class and then tonight I’m going to play poker. I don’t have time to stand around all day waiting for you to come up with something to say. You got something to interest me or not?”

For some reason my mind fixated on the word “poker.” My mind was blank except for that word. “How about a bet, then?” I blurted out. “You and I can turn this into a wager.”

“Hmmm... you mean if you beat me in some sort of contest you get to kiss me?” Jamal said. “That’s interesting. What do I get if I beat you?”

“Uh, what do you want?” I asked.

Jamal gave me a sly smile. “You want me to pick? Okay, I’ll let you know. Meet me tomorrow night at nine at Double Shots. We’ll go from there.”

“Double Shots the bar? You want me to meet you at a bar?” I said. “I’m underage. I can’t get in. So are you.”

“If you want a chance at a kiss you’ll figure it out,” Jamal said. “See you, maybe.” He gave me one last smirk and then walked away.

I stared after him in stunned silence. What had I just gotten myself into? I massaged my forehead anxiously with my hand. We had completely underestimated Jamal. I still didn’t entirely understand what had happened but I had the uncomfortable feeling that I had been played. I needed to confer with my girls. If I was going to accept Jamal’s challenge, I needed a plan and some serious backup.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Payton said. “That’s the deal you made? You
get
to kiss him or he gets to make something up? I mean, come on. Were you thinking at all? You’re in big trouble, girl.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I said. “It doesn’t matter anyway. There’s no way I can go. I’m not even old enough.”

“Oh, you’re going,” Payton said. “Jamal is swimming around the bait, checking it out. Now is not the time to reel it in. He’s about to bite. We don’t have time to make you a fake ID but my older sister is in college here in town. I can send her your picture and have her find a friend who looks like you so we can borrow her fake. It’ll be fine.”

“You do realize I’m the bait in your metaphor, right?” I said. “I don’t like the sound of that. And there is no way I am going to try to get into a bar with a fake ID made for another girl. That’s all kinds of stupid.”

Alyssa snapped her fingers as if a thought had suddenly occurred to her. I sighed in relief. Surely Alyssa would stop this nonsense. “I just had an idea,” she said. “Payton, you have no problem with asking other guys out, right? It’s just Jamal that you’re nervous around.”

Payton nodded.

“Okay, then I think we should try to kill two birds with one stone,” Alyssa said. “Payton, why don’t you ask Gabriel out? You two go with Sadie to Double Shot tomorrow night. You can help Sadie win her bet so she can kiss Jamal. Then she can fix you up with Jamal and you can fix her up with Gabriel. You’ll have Jamal and Sadie will immediately be able to move on to Gabriel.”

“Done,” Payton said.

“No, that’s a terrible idea,” I said. “You expect me to sneak into a bar, get one boy to kiss me, dump him and then hook up with another boy all in the same night? That’s insane.”

Payton shrugged. “Sounds pretty reasonable to me,” she said. “Let’s do it. I’ll go give my sister a call.”

Payton refused to take “no” for an answer and said she would pick me up at my house at 8:30. Resigned to my fate, I went home after school to have dinner and get changed. For some reason my dad was unusually inquisitive at dinner.

“So, where are you going tonight?” he asked.

“Just over to Payton’s,” I said. I had discovered that, when lying, it was best to keep things as simple as possible.

“What are you doing there?” he asked.

“Uh, just studying,” I said.

“What time are you going to be home?” he asked.

“Dad, what’s up?” I said. “I’m just going to do some homework at Payton’s like usual. Why all the questions?” Could he possibly have figured out what I was up to?

Dad stuffed his mouth full of mashed potatoes. He seemed to think that over for a moment and then swallowed and said. “No reason. I just feel like we haven’t spoken in a while. Can we talk when you get back?”

“Yeah, sure,” I said. “Whatever.”

I finished dinner as fast as possible, leaving before Caroline and dad had finished. I tried on numerous outfits before I heard a car screech into my driveway. My phone immediately started buzzing with a text from Payton telling me that she had arrived.

Less than 30 minutes later I found myself standing in front of Double Shot in my best pair of jeans, an expensive black jacket, and long wool scarf. Payton had advised me to dress as nicely as I could while still looking casual. She had also told me to show off my “assets.” I had cringed when she said that but picked a black top with a moderately low neckline. I wasn’t going to show off as much skin as Payton wanted but it couldn’t hurt to show a little. I figured that black was the most formal color and my tan from spending the summer and fall playing soccer outside had not faded yet so at least I didn’t look pasty white.

“Where’s Gabriel?” I asked Payton as I rubbed my arms in a feeble attempt to warm up. Snow was drifting down and accumulating on the curb. Payton and I shuffled our feet to keep from getting buried under a pile of snow.

“He’ll be here any second,” Payton said. “He just texted me to say that he had parked and was walking up. We should wait for him. He looks older than 21. He’ll make us seem older by association.”

I nodded. I could tell that Payton was nervous no matter what she said. It was the third time she had told me that Gabriel would make us look older than we were. Payton might have seemed nonchalant about a lot of things but she wasn’t a bad girl. She hated getting into trouble as much as I did.

I was about to tell Payton that I was just about frozen solid and needed to move when Gabriel walked around the corner. As soon as I saw him the cold feeling evaporated. Looking at Gabriel made me feel like I was laying on a beach by the ocean in Venezuela and a sexy Latino had just walked up and offered me a refreshing drink. Even with snow swirling around him, Gabriel’s black hair, tan skin, and smoldering dark eyes had the ability to transfix me and transport my imagination. He even had dark stubble on his cheeks and jaw, which made me think of him as sexy in a mature sort of way. I knew that many of the boys I had kissed – like Sam, David, Dylan, Nate, and Ryan – could not have grown a beard even if they had wanted to. They truly were boys. I could never have called Gabriel a boy. He was one smoking hot man.

“Hello,” Gabriel said cheerfully once he was close enough for us to hear him easily. I think my heart melted a little. His accent was beautiful. It had a sophistical and musical quality to it that made Gabriel seem irresistible. I always wanted him to keep talking. We exchanged pleasantries with Gabriel and then he offered us his arms. We linked arms with him and I think we both had stupid, giddy smiles on our faces. “Ladies, let us go in,” Gabriel said. I felt like we were about to walk into some sort of famous art museum or perhaps a high-end store.

Sadly, Double Shots was a far different type of establishment. It was really a 21+ nightclub. A very large man stood outside of the front entrance checking IDs as people entered. I clutched the fake ID Payton had got me nervously. It looked very real – almost as if someone from the state DMV had made it – but the girl in the photo bore only a slight resemblance to me. My insides were churning. I really did not want to get caught trying to sneak in.

The man glanced at us with a bored expression as we approached. “I need to see IDs for the ladies,” he said. I couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t even going to check Gabriel? It must have been the facial hair. Still, Gabriel was only 18. It didn’t give me a lot of confidence in the enforcement of our alcohol laws.

“Of course,” Payton said to the man. She handed her ID to him. I did the same while struggling not to cringe in fear.

The man briefly looked over the IDs, flashed some sort of little light on them, and then nodded. “Okay, you’re good to go,” he said as he handed the IDs back to us. He stamped our
hands and waved us inside. Gabriel held the door open for us. Payton shot me an excited grin and entered. I restrained an urge to run in the opposite direction and followed her inside.

The first thing that struck me was how noisy the bar was. The music was so overwhelmingly loud that it seemed like I could feel the sound waves crash into me. People had to yell at each other in order to be heard. I shook my head in amazement. Did people actually enjoy this? Sure, the decor was cool and trendy and the crowd consisted of a lot of young, attractive people, but there seemed like there were plenty more ways to have fun without permanently destroying our hearing. It was my first exposure to a place like this and I felt intimidated. I nearly hurled myself to the side to make way for a scantily clad waitress carrying a tray of drinks. No, this place was definitely foreign to me. I immediately wanted to leave.

“Do you see Jamal?” I asked Payton.

“What?” she yelled back at me.

“Do you see Jamal?” I screamed at her.

“No but I see Jamal,” Payton yelled. “He’s up there” She pointed up and I saw that there was a partial second floor to the club. I could see some pool tables up there. Sure enough, Jamal and a few of his football friends were hanging out around the tables and shooting pool. A few girls wearing short skirts or tights and heavy makeup who definitely looked like they were in college hovered around the boys.

“Grab my hand!” Payton said. I took it and she began bulldozing her way through the crowd. I squealed and closed my eyes and let her drag me along after her. I heard several guys try to talk to us but Payton was on a mission. A minute later we were on the staircase and finally had some space around us. The noise quieted down a little as we climbed higher. I felt like I could breathe again.

Jamal was putting away is pool cue when we finally got up to where he was. He caught my eye and smiled. Then he noticed Gabriel and Payton. “What are they doing here?” he sneered. “Are they your babysitters?”

“They’re my peeps,” I said to him. I mustered my courage. “So? Should we get this thing going or are you going to try to get out of our bet?”

Jamal shook his head. He put his arm around one of the girls with him.
“Darts or pool. Your pick, girl.”

I had no idea how to play pool. I didn’t know how to play darts either but how hard could it be? All you had to do was throw things at a board. I could do that. “Darts,” I said. “What’s the wager if I lose? You need to tell me before we start.”

“Let’s get a round of drinks first,” Jamal said. “What do you want? I’ll buy the first round.”

“No thanks,” I said firmly. “Tell me what the bet is.”

“Oh come on,” Jamal said. “We’re in a bar. Just start with one. What’ll it be?”

“She said she’s not interested,” Payton said. “Now what’s the
bet?” She must be feeling a little guilty for roping me into this. Good.

Jamal let go of the other girl and stepped up close to me. He was wearing a tight-fitting black tee-shirt and his muscles bulged from beneath it. No wonder the college girls were hanging around him. I wondered if he was flexing his muscles to try to intimidate me. “If I win you
gotta strip naked and streak at a track meet this spring,” he said. “I’ve never seen a streaker at a track meet. It’d be awesome.”

“Uh, no,” I said.
“No way. That is not even in the same realm as the bet I made you. Forget it. I’m out of here.” I was willing to do a lot of things but I certainly wasn’t going to let this jerk take my dignity.

“Figures,” Jamal said dismissively. “Let’s go back to pool, girls,” he said to a few of the ladies around him. “These losers are a waste of time.”

“You know what?” Payton butted in, glaring at Jamal. “I actually thought you were a nice guy. Wow, I was wrong. You’re a total loser. You...”

And then Payton proceeded to launch into a two-minute profanity-laced speech about just what she thought of Jamal. It left us all a little wide-eyed. The other ladies backed away. Jamal stared at Payton in shock.

“Well,” she finally concluded. “That’s all I have to say about that. Sadie, let’s go.”

“Wait,” Jamal said quickly. He was looking at Payton as if she was some sort of goddess. “New bet,” he said. “If you lose, your friend here has to go on a date with me.”

“Excuse me?” Payton said. “Are you deaf? Did you just hear what I said about you?”

Jamal nodded. “Yeah, that was awesome,” he said enthusiastically. “My mom is the only one who has ever talked to me like that before.”

Jamal and Payton exchanged a look that was undecipherable to me. I figured Payton would be infuriated by being compared to Jamal’s mother but for some reason she didn’t seem upset. I looked at Gabriel. He appeared as confused as I was.

“So, is that the bet then?” I asked. “If I win I kiss Jamal and if Jamal wins Payton has to go on a date with him?”

“Deal,” Payton said. She couldn’t seem to tare her eyes away from Jamal. “Sadie is going to take you down.”

Jamal agreed to give me some time to warm up. My first throw missed the board completely. My second throw hit the board but the dart fell out. “I’m terrible,” I warned Payton. “This is not going well. You might have to go on a date with that creep.”

“Just relax,” Payton said. “Focus on good technique. If you lose I’ll take one for the team.” For some reason she didn’t seem too disappointed about that possibility.

It was no competition. Jamal was a fantastic dart player. He had clearly practiced a lot. He hit his targets with ease and
flourish. In comparison, I probably looked something akin to a toddler throwing sticks at a board. I only landed about half of the darts I threw, and that was counting the ones that stuck in the holes outside of the target.

That’s when Payton intervened. Jamal was smirking and getting ready for another throw when Payton suddenly moseyed up to him. A second before he threw she leaned over and blew in his ear. Jamal turned around in surprise in mid throw and his dart completely missed the board. He immediately protested the interference but Payton just smiled and winked at him. “What’s wrong?” she said in a childish mocking voice. “Are you letting a girl
get into your head?”

After that Payton did her best to distract Jamal every time he threw. Jamal cried foul but the smile on his face kept growing. As well it should. Payton was getting very forward in her attempts to distract Jamal. One time she pinched his butt. Another time she started massaging his shoulders and whispering in his ear just before he was about to throw. The rest of the time she danced just at the edge of his line of sight and made suggestive gestures at him. I started to realize that Payton was not at all put off by Jamal’s behavior. Instead, she seemed to enjoy having someone who could exchange insults with her. They were kindred spirits.