Kiss List (25 page)

I was doing something I never dreamed I would be doing when I embarked on my kiss list adventure. I was sitting on Liam Hall’s bed and giving him tips on how to kiss a boy.

“You need to start by getting his engine revved up,” I said. “Put on your lacrosse gear for me so I can see how you look.”

Liam nervously put on his shoulder and chest pads, jersey, and helmet. He was thankfully already wearing sports shorts.

“Hmm... I said, eyeing him critically. “Well, you look hot.
Really hot.”

Liam sighed in relief. “I was hoping I did,” he said, “but you never really know when it’s you, you know?”

“Yeah. I’m just wondering if you can show more skin,” I said. “Boys like that. At least, they do when I do it. I’m sure it works the same way for gay guys. Is it possible for you to take off your jersey and pads during the exhibition game against Rosedale tomorrow?”

Liam shrugged. “That’s shouldn’t be a problem,” he said. “It’s not really a big deal with guys. I could just take them off during halftime and if anyone asks I can say I need to cool down.”

“Excellent,” I said. “Come on, take them off now. Let’s see the goods.”

Liam laughed but he obliged. He pulled his jersey and pads off, revealing a lean muscular chest and perfectly toned abs. My mouth immediately started to water. It was really too bad for me that this boy played for the other team.

“That’s phenomenal,” I said a tad breathlessly. I forced myself to inhale deeply and then said, “Okay. Now you’ve got his attention. Time to get him excited. Walk up to him confidently. Oh, before I forget, make sure you smell good. It’s a big turnoff if you don’t. Wear a hint of cologne. So, like I was saying, walk up to him confidently, like this.” I fixed my eyes directly on Liam’s and marched up to him. “Next, be forceful and show him what you want.” I pushed Liam against the wall of his room. Liam’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “Then, tease him,” I said. I pressed myself up against Liam’s body and slipped my thigh between his legs. I pressed my thigh against his groin invitingly and let my lips brush lightly against his. Then I pulled back. “Always make sure to pull back for a moment to make him work for it,” I said. “You don’t want to discourage him but at the same time you want to give him an opportunity to feel like a man and do the pursuing. Don’t
worry, you don’t have to let him take charge for good. Regaining control over him is more fun that way anyway.”

“This is fantastic,” Liam said enthusiastically. “I don’t think all of it will work, though. We wear nut cups in lacrosse. Your little grinding maneuver won’t do much against that.”

“What is it with boys and their cups?” I pouted. “You’d think they were protecting some sort of magical treasure. I mean, how much can a nut shot really hurt? Okay, never mind, forget the grinding. Just rub his inner thigh or something. Maybe the cup will work to your advantage and tease him even more. It can’t be good to be a boy who is... excited... with one of those on. I promise you, just tease him a bit and it will make you irresistible to him.”

“I can do this,” Liam said, though he half sounded like he was trying to convince himself. “What about your part of the plan? Do you really think you can seduce my brother?”

I laughed. “Trust me, that’s not a problem,” I said. “Sometimes I get nervous when I’m trying to get a nice guy to like me. With your brother, though, I have no trouble being... forceful, I guess you could say. Heck, I can even start today. What time does he get home?”

“He should be back in 10 or 15 minutes,” Liam said doubtfully. I could tell he didn’t entirely believe me. Well, he might not be attracted to girls, but for guys who were I could be very persuasive. He would see.

I was surprised by how easily I had become friends with Liam. Having bared his soul, Liam felt completely comfortable with me in a way that he did not seem to be with anyone else. If anything, it made him feel better to have a girl walking around school with him. Over the past few days whispers had started that we were dating. I coyly teased anyone who asked me about it. The fact was that I wanted to help Liam. Once I got past his unfortunate coping behavior, he was actually a great guy. He was sweet and honest with me and so I felt like I could be the same with him in turn. I told him about the kiss list and he wasn’t even annoyed. He was also changing my preconceived stereotypes about what gay guys should act like. Liam wasn’t girly at all. He didn’t talk differently from other guys and he wasn’t particularly into fashion or other stuff that girls liked. He was, however, ridiculously fine. He would make some guy very happy one day.

“Tell me what it was like to kiss all those guys on your kiss list,” Liam said. “I find myself attracted to a lot of straight guys, though I would never act on that. I mean, come on though. Aaron Caldwell? What’s it like to even touch that guy? I think I would melt into a blubbering puddle if I ever got within a foot of him. Sam Queen and Paul Stedman... oh man. Dylan Myers. Oh, and my personal secret crush of all time, David Reagan. That guy is the hottest guy I have ever seen! Sometimes I go to wrestling matches just so I can watch him. I don’t even know him that well but I
Facebooked him so I can look through his pictures. Any chance at all that he is gay?”

I laughed. “Sorry, I don’t think so,” I said, “but what do I know?” I told him about making out with all the guys except for Aaron. I just couldn’t share information about Aaron. A gay guy might not be a lot of competition in that regard but with Aaron I wasn’t even prepared to take a small risk.

“What about you?” I asked. “Have you always known that you are gay?”

“I haven’t always known that I was gay but I’ve been attracted to guys ever since I can remember,” Liam said. “I’ve tried to change. I want so bad to be straight. My life would be a hell of a lot easier. My body just can’t seem to get excited for girls. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I want children when I’m, you know, older. Do you think I can change?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I don’t think so. I’ve always read that it’s biological but I’m no medical expert. Here, let’s do a little experiment.”

I stepped up to Liam again. “What are you doing?” he asked apprehensively.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “This won’t hurt.” Then in one quick, smooth motion I whipped his shorts down, revealing his tight, shiny black spandex shorts underneath.

“
Wha...” Liam asked in a strained voice. He abruptly cut off when I placed my hand on his man package.

“How does this make you feel?” I asked clinically.

Liam’s face was bright red. “Okay,” he squeaked.

I massaged Liam’s package for a while. He didn’t seem to particularly enjoy it but that was okay with me. I was happy just getting more familiar with male anatomy.

“Alright,” I finally said, stepping back. Liam let out a sigh of relief. “Pull your shorts up,” I said. “I want to tell you a story.”

I told Liam in painstaking detail about how I had licked whipped cream off of Sam’s body. I left nothing out and described Sam’s body in a way that I dared to think was both poetic
and perfectly accurate. By the end of my story Liam had a heartbreakingly wistful look on his face.

“So,” I said. “Which experience did you prefer?
The rub below the belt from a girl or the story about the shirtless guy?”

“The story about the shirtless guy,” Liam admitted.
“By far.”

“And if you had to lick whipped cream off of someone, would you rather it
be me or Sam Queen?” I asked.

“Sam...
and David,” Liam said with a far-away look in his eyes.

“Okay, well, that wasn’t even an option, but I think it serves our purposes,” I said. “It looks like you are 100% gay. No wiggle room. If there’s some way to change that, it’s beyond me.”

Suddenly we heard a door slam. “Mom, food!” a voice that sounded exactly like Liam’s yelled.

“Okay, time for me to go to work,” I said.
“First things first. I need a kiss with you. That jersey on the wall there... is that your current jersey number?”

Liam nodded. “It’s my freshman jersey but my number hasn’t changed. The school bought new uniforms so I got to keep this one.”

“Good, so people will know it’s your number,” I said. I positioned Liam in front of the jersey and kissed him quickly on the lips, snapping a photo of us with my phone as I did so. I looked up at him afterwards. “Are you sure that didn’t turn you on?” I asked with a little lingering hope.

“Sorry, no,” he said. “You’re very cute for a girl, though.”

“Thanks,” I said dryly. “Okay, I’ll send this photo to you. If you still want to stay in the closet after this is all over you can post it online. I personally don’t think you should but I don’t know what you’re going through. Maybe to survive high school you think you need to pretend. I’ll leave that up to you. Now, on to your brother.”

I left Liam’s room and closed the door. I walked quietly down the stairs.

“Mom!” a boy bellowed. “Where are you?” Apparently Liam’s twin Chris didn’t know that their mom was out shopping for groceries.

I walked into the kitchen with a smile on my face and the most vacant expression I could muster. I was blonde. It shouldn’t be that hard.

Chris, looking identical to Liam in every way, had just opened his mouth and was about to yell again when he caught sight of me. His mouth dropped open.

“What the hell? What are you doing here?” he demanded. “I’ve seen you at school.”

“Ah, there you are Liam!” I said excitedly. “How did you get down here so fast?”

“I’m not...
wait, you’re here with Liam?” Chris asked in a perplexed voice.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Sadie is here with Liam. You’re so cute when you play games.”

“Uh, are you working on some sort of school project with my brother?” Chris asked. “My twin brother, Liam?” he clarified.

I giggled. “Oh right, like you have some sort of identical twin brother. Well, you know I like to play games too. Alright, I know what kind of sex you like but what kind does your ‘twin’ like?”

Chris’s eyes bulged. His mouth opened but only strangled noised came out.

“Oh I see. You’re going for the nervous school boy routine. Well, I can play bad teacher,” I said, giving him a wink. I sauntered up to him and then a jar of peanut butter on the
counter caught my eye. That gave me another evil idea. “Hmmm... I don’t see any of that fancy stuff you bought from the sex shop,” I said. “But maybe this will help.”

Chris looked at me in confusion and horror as I opened the peanut butter jar and dipped my entire right hand into it. When I withdrew my hand it was coated in the chunky stuff. Then, moving quickly, I stepped up to Chris, pulled the waistbands of his shorts and boxers open with my left hand, and shoved my right hand inside. I seized his man parts and squeezed gently, working the peanut butter in. Chris yelped in surprise. I took advantage of that to plant a kiss firmly on his lips.

I made out with Chris for almost a full minute. I hated to admit it but he was extremely good looking and I enjoyed the kiss. Finally, however, I knew it was time to move on. I pulled my right hand out of his shorts, grabbed my phone with my left hand, and gave him one more quick peck on the lips as I took a picture. Then I looked at the stunned lacrosse stud and said, “Sorry, it looks like the peanut butter isn’t going to work. It just doesn’t have the same effect. Don’t worry though,” I said as I patted his crotch. Chris instinctively groaned and doubled over. “I’m going to be at your lacrosse game tomorrow. Maybe we can find some time to get a little dirtier, if you know what I mean.”

I washed my right hand off and then walked away. When I got to the other end of the kitchen I turned for a moment and looked back over my shoulder. Chris was holding his crotch and staring at me as if in shock.

“One more thing, Liam,” I said to him, unable to resist torturing him just a little more. “Your you-know-what seemed a lot smaller than it was half an hour ago. Maybe you’re a bit cold? Make sure to stay warm tomorrow. I want lots to play with.” That should give him some major mental anguish for a while.

I got all the way to the front door and was nearly outside before I heard Chris roar, “Liam!!!” angrily from the kitchen. Phase
One was complete.

Liam and I initiated Phase Two the following day at his lacrosse meet after school. It was a warm spring day and I found nice shaded spot in the stands to watch from. It turned out that watching the game was not too much of a hardship. It was an extraordinarily intense and even violent game with plenty of hot, sweaty boys running around. I immediately spotted the twins with “Hall” written on their backs. Liam was number 24 and Chris was 35. Otherwise, however, it was impossible to tell them apart, especially when they had their helmets on. I watched Chris and wondered idly how long it had taken for him to clean the peanut butter off the previous night.

By the time half time rolled around all the boys on the field were drenched with sweat. It didn’t look at all strange with 24 took his helmet, jersey, shoulder and chest pads off and poured water over himself as the coach lectured the team. I looked over at the Rosedale team and tried to figure out whether any of the boys had taken a particular interest. It was impossible to determine but a minute later the Lakeville coach finished his talk and Liam wandered over towards the Rosedale team. He made sure to leave his jersey behind like I had told him. He stood on the field, gripped his lacrosse stick on each end, and swung it around as though he were stretching. As soon as the Rosedale coach finished his speech one of the Rosedale boys walked up to him.