KNOT: A Wake Family Novel (13 page)

After leaving Switzerland, I’d be back in LA for a few days to pack up and ship what little I had in my apartment to Chicago. While I was still in Zurich, I had some of Papa’s properties put on the market and made sure the estate was being looked after by the employees until I decided what to do with it. It had a full staff, and honestly, I thought it would make a great vacation rental or at least a place to have events. The grounds and mountains it sat near were breathtaking.

I warmed up some leftovers I found in the kitchen as I read the email from the building manager at the Lunar.

I wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with being an acquaintance to Reagan, but not only had I already been sent the lease to sign, they were accommodating me by allowing me to move in a week early. Which would work out perfectly.

If he had helped me out, I wanted to say thank you. After all, despite being overbearing, he’d only ever been helpful in his own weird way.

From:
Nora V. Koehl

Subject:
Possible Gratitude

Date:
May 21, 2008 22:06 CET

To:
Reagan Warren

Reagan,

I’m not sure if you had a hand in expediting my application at the Lunar or not. If you did thank you. If you didn’t, then disregard this email.

I’m sure I’ll see you around the building after I move in.

Thoughtfully,

Nora

Thoughtfully.

I was being coy, but I couldn’t help it.

Selfishly, I was a little lonely and hoped he’d respond. He was a pain in the ass, but still kind of entertaining. Besides, when he’d first contacted me about the building, I wasn’t in my best mood. I’d just buried my father, but that wasn’t fair to him. He didn’t know that.

Reagan might not be funny, but he certainly was handsome.

I ate at the counter and flipped through social media. I had a few acquaintances, but most of the people in my feed were work contacts or old lovers.

I wasn’t a relationship kind of person. I believed that, for me, my sexuality and my emotions were best kept separate. That’s why I’d always preferred to sleep with couples.

However, I wouldn’t ever say that I’d ever had a serious relationship with any of them. The idea of that never appealed to me. I’d seen how relationships in my family only caused pain for others. How fickle desires ruined lives all around me.

My father had me out of wedlock.

My mother married anyone she wanted. She was never satisfied.

How could the product of two such people ever know anything about being committed to anyone?

Sometimes I felt like an island. Often it was paradise.

In most recent days, it had only felt desolate, but I had to take the good with the bad. I didn’t have to worry about making anyone happy, or letting them down. I could just do my thing.

Work hard. Earn my own way.

Rely on myself. Be independent.

And on occasion, I fucked people who I trusted to merely offer me their bodies and simply wanted mine in return. You’d think living that kind of life was dangerous. For some, maybe. Not for me.

My lifestyle required honesty. Even though I wasn’t in a relationship with anyone, I still had to be truthful. Careful. We all did. I always protected myself. I had a contraceptive implant, insisted on condom use with all my partners, and had regular checkups and tests. I hadn’t had sex in months though.

Months
.

I’d been busy in LA.

Traveled to Chicago.

Then I rushed here to be with Papa.

The only opportunity I’d even had in recent memory was with Janel and Ives the night I’d met Reagan at the
InformaTrade
party, but it didn’t happen that night, and no one questioned anything.

Funny thing about imaginations though. All I remember about being in their tub was the fantasy I’d had about Reagan.

He didn’t answer my email that night, but when I was switching planes in Atlanta on my way to LA two weeks later, I finally got one.

From:
Reagan Warren

Subject:
re:
Possible Gratitude

Date:
June 7, 2008 06:22 EST

To:
Nora V. Koehl

1 attachment

Nora,

Please find attached all of my contact info—since you don’t have my card anymore—and let me know if you ever need anything. Including, but not limited to, dinner.

Your neighbor,

Reagan

PS You’re welcome.

So, he had helped.

Surprisingly, I only felt grateful. Even more surprisingly, it made me smile that he still wanted to have dinner. It was flattering and after the past few months, I could use a little kindness.

I knew it would never turn into anything. For me, it never did.

I didn’t reply, but I saved his information into my phone.

Later that night, when I was finally in my abandoned Los Angeles apartment, I answered a call from my mom. It was either that or clean out my refrigerator. I chose the slightly less of two evils.

“Hey, Mom,” I said into my cell and sat on the small countertop in my kitchen. I’d pulled the trashcan over, and I began tossing things out of my cabinets that I either didn’t want or weren’t any good.

“How are you, sweetie? Are you back in the states yet?” I didn’t worry about her asking me to visit. She rarely did. We got along best over the phone.

“Yeah. L.A. Just packing everything up to ship. I leave for Chicago on Friday.”

“Work is still okay with you taking time off? Who cares if they’re not? You’ve got more than enough money.”

“No. They’re still fine. I’ve been doing some things from my computer, and the woman they hired around the same time as me as back-up has been a major help.” She really had. Even if Brooke had little experience, she was a warm body in the office, and she followed my instructions superbly.

We’d hosted a few conferences together before I’d left, and she had done excellent with the few proms she’d booked that spring in my absence. What I’d been focused on the most was marketing and improving our advertising. I had a few tricks I was using that had worked well in California.

“I like my job, Mom.” This was where we butted heads. Money.

“I’m only saying, you’d be fine. Did you find an apartment?” I heard the flick of her lighter. I could picture her on the back deck of her log cabin, smoking her after dinner Virginia Slim.

“I did. They’re letting me move in next week. I’ll only have to stay at the hotel a few nights.” I was picking my keys up the following Monday. My stuff wouldn’t be there until later in the week, but I could make due. “How’s James?” I asked, but then I took a minute to make sure that was the right name.

“Oh, he’s fine, sweetie. Did I tell you he bought me a Mercedes?”

I rolled my eyes. Then lied, “Yeah, I think so. Hey listen, I have a lot of packing to do. Call you in a few weeks when things get a little more normal?”

“Yeah, sure. Of course. How about this summer we take a trip, sweetie? Go to a spa or something fabulous.” What she meant was, she wanted to go away to a spa, and she thought it was nice to invite me so I’d pay.

When I’d been put in charge of my father’s estate a few years ago, she’d called a lot more, then as time went on and nothing changed, it wore off. Now that he was dead, she’d probably be calling again.

Hell, she might even divorce James now that her daughter could support her for the rest of her life. I wouldn’t put it past her.

“I’ll think about it. I still have to make a few more trips to Switzerland this year. So I’ll have to wait and see.”

“Oh, you do? I thought all of that would be straightened out by now.”

“For the meantime it is, but it takes a while to sort out so much. And I’m giving a lot of it to Joel and Robin.” I shouldn’t have mentioned that part.

“Oh, Nora. Why would you do that? If your father had wanted them to have it, he would have given it to them. What’s wrong with you?” I could hear the disdain in her voice. She loved money. She loved men. She really loved keeping half their money when they split.

I don’t know how she did it, but I didn’t feel sorry for them anymore. Hello, prenup.

“I did it because it’s mine to do with as I please, and they have families. Children. And it is what’s fair. I’m having a lot of things sold, and then we’ll divide the properties and assets. I’m not arguing with you about it.” I threw a box of mac and cheese into the trash a little harder than was necessary.

I hoped that was the last time I’d have to say it. I was tired of people second guessing me. Even my brothers had been shocked. They probably assumed I was up to something.

I didn’t need that much money. Hell, a small country didn’t need that much money.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Call me soon, sweetie.”

I leaned my head against the door to the cabinet I was beside with a thud. “I will.”

“I love you, Nora. You know that right?”

Sometimes I didn’t know if she meant it, but then I’d feel so guilty for thinking it. She was my mother.

“I love you, too, Mom. Bye,” I said and hung up. I should have let it go to voicemail and started on the refrigerator. Everything was so much work.

I was ready to be settled in Chicago and moved already.

Reggie—Monday, June 23, 2008

I
t was finally the week she was moving in.

I’d fought the urge to call or text her well. I respected her boundaries from afar—in my own way, best I could. While I waited.

Everything was going well at work, I’d been moved to the
InformaTrade
account and, although it had only been through email at first, I’d be dealing with Ives—one of her
friends
. I still didn’t want to cause any tension, certainly not at the office.

It was bad enough that I made a few calls to make sure she got on my floor. I knew how it might look to her, but I’d arranged for her to live right down the hall.

I didn’t give a shit.

Even if I couldn’t have her, I wanted to be close. I still wanted to see her. I still wanted to find out more about her. Maybe she’d change her mind. Or maybe I would after getting to know her more. I wanted to look further into that option as well. I needed a clear answer to why I was still thinking about her and whether or not it would stop on its own.

Still, I knew she’d react to being on my floor, so I was going to do my best to give her some breathing room.

Timing
.

I saw her walking into the Lunar that Monday morning as I pulled out of the parking garage. A flash of excitement jolted through me. I was getting my way. Even if I was going the long way around about it.

Was it crazy? Fuck yeah it was, but no one but me knew my thoughts.

When she found out she was down the hall from me, she was probably going to have a fit, but I’d take my punches, as long as she didn’t threaten to move out. Another thing this extra time gave me—a chance to prepare.

Being organized always helped my issues. My anxieties. My stress.

The opportunity fell into my lap—
she emailed me, kind of
—I hadn’t sought her out after the party.
Yet
. So, I didn’t see it coming. Fate as it was, she loved the building.