KNOT: A Wake Family Novel (10 page)

I resisted because that’s how she made me feel. Bent over and fucked by the mess we’d created.

“You would have had me like this?” she asked. Her voice didn’t sound as far away as it had when I came in, but there was still that layer of protection coating it.

“Lots of times.” I sat back and adjusted myself. I’d barely even touched her, yet I was ready to burst from the sight of her alone.

Hold your shit together.

“Do it now. I’ll do whatever you want.” The crack in her voice matched the ones in my heart.

What was it worth now? After everything. After all this time. Now she wanted to submit? When it was already over.

Still, I was just a man. Pure and simple. One who craved control and prayed to a god who never listened when I needed him most.

Yet, there she was before me. My wildest dream.

“Do you know how many times I’ve fantasized about hearing you say that?” I asked as I mused over those illusions. They were better. Because in them, she said it when it counted. When we still had a chance.

“It’s only for tonight, Reagan.”

There it was.

One night.

It would be over before I knew it. I’d still make her wait, but my patience wasn’t prepared. If I only had those few hours, I’d show her how good it could be and hopefully remind myself in the process. There was a chance that I’d get my gall back and be happy we were through so I could get back to women who liked sex the way I did.

A voice in the back of my mind reminded me Nora didn’t like it, and it almost spoiled my mood. There was no pleasure in forcing anyone to do what they didn’t want to.

“Why?” I needed to hear it.

“Because I want you to.”

I closed my eyes and let those precious words sink in, and I swallowed them. It might have been a lie, and if she would’ve stopped there I would have been satisfied, but she continued, “I want to please you. I want you to have what you want for once.
Show me
.”

I was at a precipice. Have her like I wanted—how I’d always dreamed. Or live blissfully unaware for the rest of my life how good it could be. She’d said only one night.

And goddammit I’d never wanted anything so bad. I would have taken the rest of her nights in trade for this one, but she didn’t fucking offer.

What choice was I left with? Nothing or this.

Her body called to mine. Even if our insides never lined up, the outsides had perfected the act. We fit like perfect mates.

I reached behind me, opened the refrigerator, and pulled out the bucket of ice I’d filled earlier. It was mostly melted, but that was almost better. When she heard the door, she shifted her hips, so I’d have to make her wait a little longer to find out what my plans were.

I’d play with her first.

On the edge of the chair, I leaned into her, then blew out a stream of air. Her muscles moved feeling my breath on her wet lips. I was close enough to reach out and kiss her sex, but I held back.

Her ass swayed, agitated and already wanting more, but I was only getting started. She reacted exactly how I wanted her to. I wanted evidence that what I was doing was beautifully torturing her. I wanted her to stay, desperate to move, but restraining herself because I wanted her to be still.

Her back arched, a reflex.

I blew again, and she moaned.

“Still think you want to do this?”

It took her a minute, and I watched her ribs expand and contract quicker with each breath. “Yes,” she whispered. I looked around her ass to get a peek of her face. It would tell me everything I needed to know. Her eyes were shut, and she didn’t know I was looking. “Do it again,” she whispered. Her eyelids tightly shut, her eyebrows raised. Then she added, almost an afterthought, “Please.” Her cheek rubbed over the fabric of the top cover.

She was enjoying this? For real?

I reached into the bucket next to my chair and snuck a piece of ice into my mouth. I slowly used both of my hands to spread her ass, then my mouth met her hot skin. My tongue reached forward to lick her clit, and she lifted herself just the slightest bit I needed to make it happen.

“Oh,” she panted, shocked by the contact and the cold. I kissed her pussy like it was her mouth. First dancing around her seams, and then, with my thumbs, I opened her just enough to slip the ice chip through my lips into her. With both hands, I palmed her ass and shoved her higher up again so I could stroke her clit, precisely how she liked.

Firm pressure, to her right, and her leg began to quiver.

My face planted right in her pussy, the icy water slid out of her, ran across my cheek, and down her leg. I didn’t want to waste a drop of her and stopped to lick it off her inner thigh.

Her back bowed, and she whimpered.

I ran my hand over my cock and decided the pants had to go. Even if I wasn’t going to give it to her yet, I couldn’t bear the restriction. I stood behind her, unzipped and let them fall to the ground. Then, pulled my dick out over the top of the elastic on my briefs and held it in my hand. The sight of her pussy and my cock that close was too tempting.

A sound rumbled from my chest, but I couldn’t control it.

I leaned in and ran my cock through her wet lips twice, and, for the thrill of seeing how she’d react, I pressed it right against her asshole. She stilled, and I pulled away.

Instinctually, she shifted side to side searching for me.

Not yet, Nora. You don’t want it bad enough yet. You don’t want it as bad as I do.

Pulling my boxer briefs the rest of the way down, I forced myself to sit back down and kicked my clothes to the side.

I needed a minute—or rather, I needed to give her a minute. Let that settle. Give her time to think about it. Miss it.

I focused on regulating my breath, the anticipation was getting to me, too. I ran my dick through my hand and enjoyed the view. At any moment, she could get up and leave. At any moment, she could tell me to stop. She could do whatever she wanted.

But, with every minute she stayed there, something swelled inside of me. It was a power like I’d never known, and I was both greedy and grateful.

After I couldn’t take it anymore, and she began to look restless from neglect, I stood. I ran my hand through her again to make sure she was still wet, and she sure as hell was. Exquisitely so.

Then to taste her again, I licked my hand before taking my dick in it and guiding my head to her opening. I wouldn’t give her all of it. I’d give her enough to beg.

I selfishly wanted to hear it.

She’d told me she wanted me to fuck her plenty of times. She’d initiated sex, and, unusual as it was for me, I loved it each time. But this? This time, she gave me the reigns and let me lead completely. I wanted her to tell me she wanted more of
this
.

I just hoped I could hold out until she did it.

My head pulsated barely inside of her, and I already felt my balls tightening, but I didn’t move. If it weren’t for my hand holding her where she was, she would have pressed herself back on me. Taking all of me. Like she’d done plenty of times before.

Not this time. She was enjoying it my way, and I wasn’t about to let her rob herself of really experiencing it.

“If you press against me, I’ll pull out. This is all you get for now.”

“But I want you,” she declared. “I want more.”

I could have come right then. It was a moment I wouldn’t soon forget.

Finally, when I felt her relax against the bed, I rubbed her back in appreciation. I’d been mere seconds from plunging into her, balls deep. I wanted more, too, but when we finally got more, it would be worth it.

For both of us.

I ran my fingers over her ribs and leaned forward to reach down between her legs and began to lightly rub her with the pads of my fingers. It was something, but it would never be enough.

We’d never played like that before. It was the most she’d ever listened to me.
Ever
. Then the thought crossed my mind, maybe it was an opportunity for her to actually
hear
me. More than just my requests, maybe she’d hear what I always tried to tell her.

If I could only say it.

I swallowed again, then spoke. “I know you want to come, and you will. I’ll make you come harder than you ever have if you let me do it my way. If you wait.”

She leaned up on her hands and pressed her back against my chest, but she didn’t push back against my cock. The smell of her neck nearly crippled me, and I raged against my will to push into her.

Suddenly, a ringing roared to life in my ears, and my vision blurred. My stomach felt empty and twisted, and a rush of words flew by in my mind. I watched them, losing the war with my focus.

You’ll never be enough.

You’ll never make her happy.

She doesn’t need you.

And I subtly shook my head to clear them away.

Ten
.

No. Not fucking now.

“Why couldn’t you ever just trust me?” I asked. The ache of knowing she never did, never would, overwhelmed me.

She looked over her shoulder and her glassy eyes met mine. “It wasn’t you who I didn’t trust,” she confessed. She blinked lazily. “Is that what you think?”

We didn’t have many moments like that anymore. Honest and quiet. Defenses down. Usually, it only led to a fight.

This felt different. We’d both already lost. There was no more fucking fighting.

I clawed my way out of my head.

Don’t do this now. You can’t keep her.

I moved my fingertip in a circle, and her eyelids fluttered.

See, Reggie. This. This is what you have left. Take your scraps and be thankful.

I wasn’t going to let the last iota of pleasure I may ever have get swept away in the tide of my anxiety.

“Never mind, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway.”

Then, I pushed my way inside her.

Nora—September 18, 2010

H
e filled me, and for a moment, I lost my bearings. My head gave way to the sensation, and I slowly sagged as a sigh tumbled through my lonely lips. He wasn’t rough or gentle, but still, it
was
all Reagan.

Always somewhere in between.

Somewhere shy of owning me and miles from me owning him in return. Yet, I hadn’t been expecting any of it.

My head was a slurry of different thoughts.

His question.

What he’d said.

How fucking hard he was.

How I never forgot the way he laughs like a Clydesdale gallops. A perfect, bold cadence.

The silly Pavlovian way I wiggle my toe when my phone rings.

The way he made me feel, like giving me this much pleasure was all he ever wanted all along. That fact made my insides condensate, boil, and vaporize back into air.

He growled and said through clenched teeth, “God, you fucking love this.” It was ever present, the way he read my body so well, he still didn’t need any sort of reassurance.

He knew how wet I was.

He felt the tightening in my belly, the tremble in my legs.

He heard my moans.

He thrived on them. Each cue only spurred him on. It was no mystery, he’d always pleased me, just not like this.

It was spiritual. When Reagan Warren fucked you, it felt like a full-body blessing. He hadn’t even moved, still buried to the hilt. It was like I could feel every twitch of him, every heart beat conveyed through his body into mine. His groin pressed against my ass.

Masterful hands kneaded me.

I had always been a hair trigger. He made me come like he’d designed me himself. It’s not much of a curse. I assure you, and I’m aware of how lucky I am. And like a freight train, I could feel the low rumble of it already approaching the rail of my spine.

Hold it in for him. He said wait.

Can you never just please him?

It had felt like there was something more he wasn’t saying, but I suspected that was usually the case.

I tried to reach out for that line of thought, but it rushed past me. The sensations of his hands on my body, his cock inside me, and his heavy breath at the nape of my neck screamed for my full attention.

He ran his tongue up the side of my neck to my ear, and I bucked. His hand quick to halt my movements, his large paws on my hip before I could locate my wherewithal from his fingers teasing my sex.