L.A. Fire (31 page)

 
I felt a little twinge of something in my gut that told me Lisa was right. I
had given Rob too much power. Too much power over my past and my present. And
if I didn’t get over my feelings for him soon, he’d also have too much power
over my future. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll consider coffee.”

 
Lisa gave my hand another quick squeeze, took a final drag of her cigarette,
and tossed it out the window just as we pulled up to the departure drop off
area. I helped her get her bags out of my car, then pulled her into a huge hug.
“Call me when you get home, okay?” I said. “I want to know you arrived safely.”

 
She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. “Sure thing,” she said. Then she looked
at me like something had just occurred to her. “The premiere Julian’s taking
you to. It’s tomorrow night, right?”

 
During the emotional rollercoaster that was this afternoon, I’d totally
forgotten about tomorrow night’s premiere. “It totally is,” I said.

 
“Well, have fun,” she said, winking at me, “and I want to hear all about it.”

 
“Sure thing,” I said, suddenly feeling apprehensive.

 
She saw my expression, and gave me a reassuring look. “It’ll be fine,” she
said.

 
“I don’t want to be arm candy,” I said, practically pouting, then laughing at
myself.

 
She smiled at me gently, and squeezed my arm. “You won’t be, okay? Julian won’t
put you in that kind of a position. Just trust him, alright?”

 
I gave her a quick nod, then gently shoved her toward the airport terminal.
“Now go! Before I start crying and you miss your flight.”

 
“Love you, babe,” Lisa said, giving me one last hug. I watched her glide
through the sliding doors, then I returned to my car. As I pulled back onto the
freeway, I enjoyed glimpses of the stunning Los Angeles sunset, determined to
put my feelings for Rob aside and have a good time with Julian at the premiere
tomorrow night.

 
I looked at my watch. 7:30pm. Julian would be by to pick me up in ten minutes.
I’d had a long day at work, and felt frazzled and jittery when I got home. I’d
also been stressed out most of the day about what I was going to wear, but
Julian told me at lunch that he’d picked out a gown for me, and had called the
apartment to make sure Angela was there when the dress was delivered.

 
I was standing in the dress now, and it was absolutely gorgeous. It was made of
silver-jeweled black satin, had a fitted bodice, and flared out at the
wait.  The designer was Valentino. I’d paired the gown with a diamond
pendant my mother gave me for my twenty-first birthday, and a pair of silver
stilettos. My hair was swept up in a bun. Angela had painted my eyes with metallic
grey shadow, giving my face a slightly otherworldly look that fit with the
dress, and my lips were stained a subtle, glossy pink.   

 
I’d opened up a bottle of white wine, and poured myself a glass. I was taking
slow sips, trying to help calm my nerves, when my cell phone rang. It was
Julian. “I’m downstairs,” he said.

 
I took a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll be right down.”

 
When Julian stepped out of the limo, my breath caught in my throat. He was
dressed in a black tuxedo that was perfectly tailored, drawing attention to his
broad shoulders and cut waist. His wavy hair was slightly unruly, slightly
untamed, just like the man himself. It added a touch of rebelliousness to his
otherwise traditionally formal look. His blue eyes were savage as his took me in
head to toe. He looked ready to eat me alive. “I knew that dress would look
perfect on you,” he said, reaching for my hand.

 
His eyes locked with mine for a long moment, and then his mouth swept to my
exposed neck. His lips brushed my skin, making me shiver. Then his lips
travelled to my ear, and with his hot breath gusting against it, he whispered,
“I’m going to devour you, Ms. Stevens.”

 
I whimpered slightly, and he pulled away, flashing me a devilish grin. I shook
my head, and feigned exasperation. “You’re just insatiable, aren’t you?” I
asked.

 
His expression became deadly serious. “I am when it comes to you,” he said,
helping me into the limo.

 
When we were settled in, and the limo started moving, Julian took two champagne
glasses from the bar and filled them with an already open bottle of Kurg Brut
Rose. When he handed me my glass, his fingers brushed mine, and I felt a little
rush of electricity course through me. I marveled at how responsive I was to
him. Just the slightest touch, the slightest look and he had me buzzing with
sexual energy.

 
He raised his glass in a toast. “To a wonderful night,” he said, his intense
eyes flicking to mine as he clinked my glass.

 
The champagne was crisp, and it immediately went to my head. I decided I needed
to slow down if I wasn’t going to be a drunken mess before we even got there.
“So where’s the premiere?” I asked.

 
“At Grauman’s Chinese Theater,” he said.

 
All at once I started bubbling over with excitement. Grauman’s was my favorite
theater. When I first arrived in L.A., I went down there regularly and placed
my hand in all of the star’s imprints in the forecourt, seeing if mine would
fit. “I love Grauman’s,” I said. “One of these days I’m gonna get a group of
people together and go play ‘star twister’ at the front of that theater.”

 
Julian let out a little chuckle. “Star twister?” he asked.

 
“Yeah,” I said matter-of-factly. “You know, you call out ‘Judy Garland,’ and someone
has to put their hand in her imprint. You call out Eddie Murphy, you put your
foot in his imprint, and so on, until the whole place becomes a tangled mess of
people.”

 
The corners of Julian’s mouth raised slightly. “You’re a strange girl, Ms. Stevens.”

 
I shrugged. “It would be fun. You know, a good test of everyone’s acrobatic
still.”

 
Julian smiled darkly. “I prefer to save my acrobatic skill for the bedroom.”

 
I felt a small shiver pass through me, and then took another long sip of my
champagne. “I can’t wait to see what you have in mind,” I said, smiling coyly.
“By the way,” I asked. “What movie are we going to see?”

 
“It’s called ‘On My Knees.’”

 
I almost choked on my champagne. I’d heard about this movie. It was about a
young woman who gets seduced into being the submissive partner of a
high-powered businessman. It’s supposed to chronicle all of the emotional
changes she goes through as their charged sexual relationship develops.

 
“What’s with all the BDSM coming into the mainstream these days?” I asked.

 
Julian’s eyes flashed with intelligence. “I think people are craving something
more real. With BDSM, there’s no hiding. You achieve true intimacy, because it doesn’t
leave any room for faking. It takes you straight to a person’s emotional core.”

 
Feeling suddenly curious, I asked “Do you think you’ve gotten to my emotional
core?”

 
Julian’s face clouded over slightly, then he shook his head. “Not yet,” he
said. “But I’m getting close.” He reached for my hand, and stroked it gently
with his fingers. “And I’ve discovered some fundamental truths about you that I
wouldn’t have with a more gentle approach.”

 
I arched my eyebrow at him. “Such as?”

 
Julian’s expression became frank. “Such as the fact that you need to know
someone can carry you, take charge of you and not let you fall, in order for
you to be able to truly let go.”

 
I bit my lip. He was right. If he hadn’t taken charge, showed me his strength
and almost lethal perceptiveness, I would never had opened up to him the way
that I had. Then all at once I felt uneasy. “But I’ve learned very little about
you,” I said. “I feel like I haven’t even touched your emotional core.”

 
Julian’s face turned somber. “You know more than you think.”

 
“Do I?”

 
He squeezed my hand. “You know that I crave for those I care about to lean on
me. To trust me. To let me take care of their needs.”

 
I let out a long sigh. “But what about you, Julian? Who do you get to lean on?”

 
Julian’s face became impassive. “I don’t need to lean on anyone. I need others
to lean on me.”

 
I felt a twinge of apprehension in my gut. “But that’s not fair, Julian.” I
turned to face him, and looked him squarely in the eye. “I need you to trust me
to be there for you too. Yes, I’ve opened up to you. And yes, your take charge
attitude has helped a great deal with that. But I won’t – no, I
can’t
open up any further without knowing that you trust me back.”

 
Julian’s eyes went soft. “I do trust you, Sarah.”

 
“Then open up to me,” I said.

 
He sighed. “I have. I told you about my sister.”

 
I shook my head. “You only told me about her because my friend was in trouble,
and you thought you were helping. I need you to tell me things about you
because you want to confide in me. Because you want me to know about your
hurts. Your desires. Your past. I need you to tell me things because you trust
me. Not because you think it might help me or someone I care about. Do you
understand that, Julian?”

 
His expression became both pained and serious. “I don’t want to burden you,” he
said.

 
I felt anger well up in me. “Why?” I asked. “Because you think I’m not strong
enough? You think I’m not strong enough to carry your burdens along with you?”

 
He looked at me for a long moment without saying anything, but I could tell
from his expression that I’d hit a nerve. “I
am
strong enough, Julian.
And I need you to realize that. I can’t get any deeper into this without you
trusting me with your burdens as much as I trust you with mine.”

 
Julian nodded slightly, then took a long gulp of his champagne and looked out
the window. “We’re here,” he said, and I could tell by the tone of his voice
that the topic of discussion was closed for now. “Let’s lighten up the mood and
try to enjoy ourselves, shall we?”

 
I swigged back the rest of my champagne, and shrugged my shoulders. “Fine,” I said,
sounding slightly sullen. I realized we’d hit a huge impasse. The trust in our
relationship was unequal, and Julian seemed to prefer it that way. I, however,
could not put up with it in the long run. Our roles in the relationship didn’t
need to be the same, but for there to be true intimacy, we both had to lay
ourselves bare.

 
When Julian opened the limo door and helped me out, I wasn’t prepared for what
I was about to see. A long red carpet stretched from the curb all the way to
the giant pagoda that framed the entrance to Grauman’s. Photographers, held
back by the velvet ropes, were snapping their cameras madly, creating almost a
strobe light effect. Julian held out his arm, and I took it. As we walked down
the red carpet, I heard several photographers yell “Julian, over here.” He
ignored them all and calmly guided me toward the magnificent entrance of the
theater. Two surreal looking stone dogs flanked the entrance way.

 
“What’s with the dogs?” I asked Julian. “I’ve always wondered about them.”

 
“They’re Ming-Dynasty dogs. Their job is to ward off evil spirits.”

 
“I guess they’re doing their job,” I said. “This place is heavenly.”

 
When we entered the lobby, my attention was drawn to an imposing chandelier in
the center of the ceiling. The light it cast made the gold and red tapestry on
the walls gleam brilliantly. The red carpet felt thick and lush beneath my
feet, and had a giant dragon at its center. A bar had been set up at the
entrance to the auditorium, and waiters in white tie uniforms were circling the
room, carrying hors d’oeuvres and trays of champagne. A stunning woman in a
silk sheath dress with silky black hair approached us and winked at Julian. “Hi
stranger,” she said, rubbing his arm. Julian gave her a tight smile and
suddenly looked uncomfortable.