Lay It Down: Bastards MC Series Boxed Set (39 page)

I blinked again, realization slowing dawning. My memories played like a movie: the bar, a late supper with Rob, then he took me to Teagan’s, I’d changed my clothes, packed, and gotten back in the truck. After listening to the boys banter for a while, I must have fallen asleep. I rubbed my eyes, slowly becoming aware that I was leaning on him. I sat up quickly, pulling away.

“Sorry!” My voice was raw, and I had to swallow to make the word come out, not sure if I was apologizing for the fact that I fell asleep or that I fell asleep on him. I stretched my neck, trying to get the crick out. When I tipped my head to the left, my eyes landed on the instrument panel, where a picture of a little curly brown-haired girl beamed back at me. I couldn’t keep my curiosity to myself. “Who’s that little beauty?”

“My dotah.” The love and pride was evident in his voice.

“Daughter?” The answer shocked me more than it should have. Rocker didn’t seem like a dad, and I couldn’t remember Matty ever telling me that he had kids. Unless she didn’t get to see her dad, which would be awful and would explain Rob’s earlier attitude toward me moving to Boston.

Out of my peripheral, I saw him nod. “Yeah, Hannah Jean.” He smiled at the words.

Hannah Jean? Hmm. I’d expected a Kathryn or a Mary Kathryn, something that sounded Irish.

“She’s way too cute to be your kid, just so you know. How old is she—three?” I had similar pictures of Lily where she was that tiny, and a sudden pang of lost time hit my gut. I missed my kids.

Rob cleared his throat. “She’d be twenty now. But she’s two in that picture.”

My blood ran cold at his words.
She’d be twenty now
. Meaning she was gone. My heart broke for him, for the loss no parent should ever have to face. Without thinking, I grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry!”

His only answer was to give my hand a quick squeeze then let go. I sat where I was, even though I felt like staying in the middle seat might be invading his personal space. Jesus, if she’d be twenty now, then he’d just been a kid when she was born—only fifteen or sixteen. I looked out the window, wondering where we were, at a loss for words.

Rocker seemed to read my mind. “We’re in the city, L.K.”

I looked at him. “L.K.?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, Lil’ Kangaroo is a mouthful, so we decided to shorten it aftah ya passed out.”

Realizing it was too quiet, I turned around and scanned the backseat, laughing when I saw both men out cold. Dean, his mouth wide open in slumber, was leaning over the middle onto Hawk. I needed a picture. I grabbed my cell and snapped one, ecstatic when the flash didn’t wake them up.

“Blackmail?”

I nodded, laughing again, and moved away from Rob into the passenger seat. “You never know when it might come in handy.” I shrugged. “So L.K.? I like it.” It was catchy, different than what I’d always been known as. This move was all about new beginnings, and the new name fit perfectly.

We drove the rest of the way in silence. When Rob punched in his code and pulled into the garage under his townhouse, the butterflies hit. I’d only been here with Matty, and the house held some of my best memories of our relationship. It was here that he’d let me in, let me see the person he really was, told me some of his secrets. Here that he’d told me he loved me for the first time, on a roof lit only by candlelight. Here that he’d made love to me in a way that only Matty could, his body telling mine that I was the only one for him. If I had realized that a house, this perfect and beautiful apartment, could make me miss Matty more than I already did, I wouldn’t have come.

Rocker didn’t let me lose myself in memories or wallow though. He turned off the truck, yelled at the two “shitheads” in the backseat to wake up, grabbed my bags from the tool-body bed, and called the elevator with his key in a matter of seconds. I practically ran behind him, not wanting to be caught alone with Dean, especially not a Dean who had just woken up and looked pissed. When the elevator stopped, I followed Rob off, surprised when the other two stayed on.

We were on the second floor of the building, the bottom floor of the apartment—the bedroom floor. Large muscles rippled under his shirt as Rocker lifted my heaviest suitcase, even though it had wheels, and walked straight toward the familiar door.

“No. I’ll take the spare room.”

Dark eyes turned to me as he hesitated in the doorway. “The boys are upstairs, and there’s no way I’m letting the three of you bunk together.”

At that point, being alone with Hawk and Dean actually didn’t sound like a bad idea.

“L.K., this is your room. You’ll sleep heah.” Without another word, he carried my bags into Matty’s bedroom, around the bed, and set them on a chest under the windows that were just starting to show the break of dawn.

I didn’t follow him. “No. This is Matty’s room.” I scanned the room quickly, looking for changes, but it was the same as it had been months ago, right down to the picture of the two of us on his nightstand. I swallowed, meeting Rob’s eyes. “What if…” I licked my lips, not wanting to ask and definitely not wanting the answer. “What if he’s had other guests here?”

Rob quickly joined me in the hallway and stared down at me. “Joey, there hasn’t been anyone heah but you.” His voice was low, serious. “He’s been goin’ out of his fuckin’ mind.” He shook his head, and I thought he was going to say something else. Instead he offered me a half smile. “It’s late. Get some sleep.” Then he walked across the long hallway, toward his room, and shut his door before I even had a chance to thank him for the ride.

Sighing, I walked into Matty’s domain and shut the door slowly. He was everywhere in this room, from the pictures on the mantel to the scent of his cologne in the air, to the clothes he had left draped over the chair near the bed. I pulled open his middle drawer, changed into one of his T-shirts—still my favorite thing to sleep in—and crawled into the giant bed. I took one last look around the room and at his beautiful face smiling back at me from the pictures, grabbed his pillow, and hugged it tight, thankful it still smelled just like him.

Chapter 6

Jo

I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. Visions of Matty were mixed with nightmarish images of a beautiful little girl, who looked just like her daddy, leaving this world too soon. In the weird way that your mind sorts through the day’s events, the toddler in my dreams was my Lily, and I could hear Matty’s voice telling me that Lily and I needed to stay away from his hometown, that he needed to keep us safe. Danger found us anyway, and I watched helplessly as the dream Jo cried at a tombstone housing her husband and daughter. The nightmares seemed never-ending, and I wasn’t sure when I finally passed into a dreamless slumber.

When I finally opened my eyes, the sun was shining bright, giving the room a warm, cozy, lazy afternoon feel. My entire body ached, and I wasn’t sure if I should blame it on the dancing, shoes, or the night I’d just had. I lay back against the pillows, smelling the cologne I loved so much, and sighed, trying to sort through the dreams. Remembering that Lily Belle was safe at home with her daddy, my mind settled on Rocker and his horrific loss. I hadn’t handled it very well last night, and that made me feel bad. I wondered if Cris would tell me what had happened to Hannah. 

Cris! I sat upright, searching for my phone. I groaned, remembering I hadn’t charged it last night, as I crawled out of bed and searched through my pockets. Teagan had called me a few times and sent me a text checking to make sure I was okay. I smiled, typed a quick response, and promised I’d call her later. The fact that I didn’t have any missed calls or texts from Cris surprised me. It was almost noon; I’d expected no less than ten angry messages from her.

As if on cue, the cell vibrated in my hand. Glancing down, I realized that it was from the last person I expected.

Will
: Hey! Just checking to make sure you made it okay. I know you’re busy & I’m on my way out so I can’t chat. Remember my parents have the kids tonight so you’ll have to call them to say nite. Good luck apartment hunting.

I smiled and typed a quick reply, just to let him know I was safe and sound and that I did remember his parents had the kids. He and his girlfriend were going away for the weekend, and even though I’d volunteered to stay an extra few days at the house, his parents were back in the state and wanted the time with them. Things with Will and me were good—not great, but definitely good. We talked more now than when we were married and seemed to understand each other better than we had in years. For the first time, we were actually co-parenting our children. Plus, he genuinely supported my move and wanted to help any way he could. I knew most of his behavior was driven by guilt, but at least he was trying.

If only everyone else could be on board.

Pushing myself up off the floor, I dialed Cris, annoyed when it went right to voice mail. Maybe she was pissed I hadn’t called. I needed caffeine, then I’d try again. Worst-case scenario, I’d take a cab around town to try to find a job, and maybe Rocker would let me stay one more night. I climbed the stairs groggily.

“What in the hell didchya do to your hair?” Cris shrieked as I rounded the corner on the top floor. Crissia, pronounced Ca-riss-ah, Murphy was almost the twin image of her big brother, with Greek God looks that I’d come to envy: long, curly dark brown hair, defined cheekbones, and bright blue eyes that seemed like they could see into your soul. Those eyes were now glaring at me as she sat across the table from Rocker, coffee cup in hand, completely appalled. “You ruined it!”

I laughed as I took a seat between them. “You don’t like it? Teagan’s girls decided they want to be hair stylists, so I let them practice on me. You’re the one who’s always telling me to try something different.”

“No, I don’t like it! It looks like your hair has gone manic and can’t make up its mind which color it wants to be.”

I only laughed more at the way she waved her hands obnoxiously.

Rocker gave me a wink and tugged on a chunky blond piece. “I like it. It fits her.”

“Yeah, only ‘cause it’s crazy hair and she’s fuckin’ nuts.”

Rocker shook his head, chuckling, and stood.

Cris gave me a killer smile that reminded me so much of her bother. “It’s about time you dragged your lazy ass outta bed.”

I stifled a yawn. “I was exhausted. Sorry.”         

She smirked. “I knew where to find ya.”

“When do we meet your friend? I just need to take a quick shower, then I’m good to go.”

Cris shook her head. “We don’t. I already found you a place.”

“What? Really? But I didn’t look at any apartments yet.”

“This place is perfect, trust me. Cheap rent, nice neighbahhood, secure building, furnished, no bugs.” She held up her hand, lifting a finger as she checked off every one of my requirements. “All the stuff you listed. I figured you’d rather spend your time trying to find a job.”

“Thanks?” I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful or not; knowing Cris, I should be terrified. “When can I see it?”

Rocker sat down again, sliding a mug of coffee in front of me. “You’re in it.”

My mouth fell open. “Here? I can’t live here!” I looked from Cris to Rob and back again. They were obviously being assholes. “You’re kidding, right? Nice try, guys.”

Cris watched me closely for a minute before she spoke. “I’m serious, Joey. Why can’t you live here?”

All words left my mind. She knew why I couldn’t live here, why it wasn’t even close to being an option.

Before I could form an answer, Rob added his two cents. “He’s nevah heah, L.K.” He straightened in the chair, his face taking on a serious expression. “I know that’s why you wanna say no, but he is never fuckin’ here. And even if he was, you two aah gonna have to face each other at some point and figure out whatevah you two have goin’ on. There’s plenty of room for both of you. I’m lonely as fuck heah by myself. You wouldn’t haveta be alone, I wouldn’t haveta alone.”

I stared at my coffee while I let his words settle, realizing that he had some really good points.

He was smiling at me when I looked up. “Definitely no bugs.”

“Where would I sleep? I can’t stay in Matty’s room…”

“Cris wants to remodel the spare room for ya. When your kids come visit, you can have the living room, or they can bunk in Sam’s room.”

I could feel my resolve slipping away. I loved this place and all its charm, and it would be nice to have a home that I knew was safe as well as a roommate I trusted. I could see me spending hours on the deck, studying in the sun or just enjoying the view. But I had desperately wanted to prove to everyone, myself included, that I could move to a new place and start over and that I could do it myself. I needed to figure out if living here would be taking the easy way out or if it would be a blessing in disguise. “How much is rent?”

Rocker gave me one of his condescending looks, as if to say “like I’m going to charge you rent.” I stared him down, daring him to say the words and give me a reason to say no.

He tipped his head then gave me a smile. “Five hundred a month—everything included but food.”

We both knew that number was way too low. I didn’t know for sure, but I assumed his mortgage to Matty was at least four times that. Add in all the other expenses, and five hundred dollars wasn’t anything compared to what he paid out monthly. On the other side of the spectrum, I could pay that much and still have money for my bills and the kids. It would be nice not to have to be a starving college student again.