Learning to Fly (10 page)

In her garage, we jump into her Audi A4.  It is the most beautiful car I have ever seen in my life.  “It’s an early graduation gift from my mom and dad.”  She puts the top down and we let the wind blow through our hair.

“If you can get to the high school, I can give you directions to my house from there.”  I look around at the area and I am completely lost.

“No need, I know where it is,” she says with a chipper voice. 

“I guess that’s one of the plus sides of living in a small town: everyone knows you and where you live.”

“Negative, ghost rider. Being from a small town sucks because of the two reasons you just mentioned.  Take Alex for example, his dad was the star quarterback in high school, and went on to college and was rumored to be a first round draft pick. Then his mama got sick and he came home to take care of her.

  “While he was here, he fell in love with Alex’s mom and before you know it, they were pregnant and planning a wedding.  He sees his life as a failure and wants, more than anything, to give Alex a ticket out of this place so he can be somebody.”

“Sounds more like he wants to relive, through Alex, what he missed,” I add.

“That, too.”

“How does a high school senior become such an expert on the town and the gossip?”
Kass starts to laugh and, when we get to a red light, she points to a billboard sign.

“That chain is owned by my dad.  My mom still works there a couple days a week and she gets more than enough gossip in that short amount of time.”  I remember seeing several signs for Razor’s Edge Salon; this small town has at least three locations in it.

We pull into the driveway and Larry is out front walking Duke.  I appreciated the thought behind gift of the puppy. I just wish Larry had met us years before.

The front door opens and my mom brings out a glass of tea and hands it to Larry. The way that they look at each other reminds me of how I look at Alex.  I guess that is what love looks like.

“You want me to put this on your bed, Sophie?”  Larry comes over to get my overnight bag, Duke trailing along behind him.

“That would be great, thanks.”  I turn to Kass and then my mom.  “Mom this is my friend, Kass.” 

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Pennington.” Kass offers a hand to my mother and she shakes it.

“Do you want to come in?  I just made tea and have a cake in the oven.”

“No, thank you, I have to get back home.

“See you later, Mr. and Mrs. Pennington.”  She hops in the driver’s seat, makes a quick three-point turn, and heads down the road.

“She seems like a nice girl.”  My mom says to me. 

“Yep, she is; I think we are going to be good friends.” 

“She is a very nice girl.  I’ve known Kass her whole life and I went to school with her mom.”  Larry says.

Chapter Ten

  Kass became a very close friend of mine over the next few months. It is great that she is dating Jake and I am dating Alex.  She takes me under her wing and gives me the mothering I have longed for.  She takes me to get my ears pierced, hair highlighted, and eyebrows waxed. She also convinces me to trade in my glasses for contacts.  All of the things I often imagined my mother would do with me or for me. Who was I kidding? I had an Angie, not a mom, who treated me like an inconvenience most of my life. 

At first, the changes are strange and now I see that it is Larry’s influence causing Angie to be more grounded.  Marrying him is the best thing she could have done.  His encouragement causes her to try to establish a type of conformity in our lives that is nice to see. Nevertheless, I resent it.  Why is she finally able to do all the things I had wanted for so long?  Yet, she couldn’t do it for me?

We are working on things but it will never be the mother daughter dynamic that I have wanted for so long.

I come home surprised to find her waiting for me in my bedroom.

“We need to make an appointment for you to get on the pill,” she says abruptly.

“I don’t want to go on the pill.”

“Yes, you’re going on the pill. Having sex doesn’t make you a grownup you know.”

“Obviously.” My voice is full of sarcasm and deep-seated resentment.

“I have done so much for you and I’m doing everything I can to make us a family.” I have reached the point where I cannot take another word from her.

“You have done nothing for me. You haven’t changed anything.  Sure, you go around playing perfect wife, arranging meals together to impress Larry.”

“I forget, Sophie, that you know everything. Let’s see how well you do with your life.  If you get yourself pregnant, don’t expect to come running to me.”
After she leaves the room, I go and I lock the door behind her.  I know that sex was a part of life, but I was getting tired of hearing about it.

~~*~~*~~

Our sex life became hot top topic at lunch. “I can make an appointment for you to see Dr. Phillips one day after school.  She is really cool; I have seen her for as long as I can remember.” Kass takes a huge bite of her pizza, dismissing me as if the decision has already been made.

“I don’t need to see a doctor, Kass.  I’m not due for another checkup until next fall.” I say. “I’m not sick either.”

“You’re not supposed to see her because you’re sick, dim wit.”  I can see the pizza as she continues to talk with her mouth full. “She can write a prescription for you to go on the pill and you can get free testing at the clinic.”  I do not want to have this conversation in the cafeteria, and look around nervously. 

“Subject change, please?”

I wasn’t sure if Alex heard the discussion Kass and I were having because he was busy talking to the guys. The rest of the day is normal, without any talk of the pill or doctors or tests. That is, until the moment I got into Alex’s car.

“I think that’s a good idea, Sophie, you going to see Dr. Phillips.” He says before I can even buckle my seatbelt.  It was as if Alex was part animal; he never pays attention to what we discuss, but if sex is involved, he instantly hears everything.

“I don’t know why I need to see Dr. Phillips.  I know I’m safe Alex; I’m still a virgin.  Besides, IF I go on birth control it would be with the knowledge that that I would then be sexually active. I’m not ready for that, yet.” I confess.

“I know, but if you were on the pill then we would be prepared if you changed your mind.”  Alex argues. 

“Did you forget there are other things that guys can do?” I interject. 

“You are so right; there are other things we could do.”  He kisses my cheek, “There’s no way to get pregnant if we just use our mouths.”  Is he serious?

“I am not of fan of you having your face down there.” I point to the general area between my legs. “God only knows what kind of stuff goes on down there.” 

“Babe, you are so funny.  I guarantee you that once you try it you will love it. It’s just your nerves, once they calm down it will be great.”  He gently brushes his hand through my hair. 

“You’re right, it probably is nerves,” I confess, but the thought of putting “King George” inside my mouth makes me want to puke.  I don’t feel any better about him putting his mouth on me either.  I wish I could be more like the other girls and just give him what he wants.

“Hey, wasn’t that our turn?” I notice we just passed the road that leads to my neighborhood. 

“Why are you worried; you don’t even have a curfew?”  Despite Angie’s lack of rules, I do my best to keep myself grounded.  The ding of the turn signal chimes as we turn left and pull down a dark road.  The only light on this path is the moonlight that shines between the thick overgrown trees.  We pull into a small clearing between groups of trees.  Through the window, I see lights twinkling on and off.  Squinting, I am able to discern that the twinkling lights are cars.  We are up so high the cars and buildings below look like mere specks. 

“Want to listen to the radio?”  He turns up the speakers and hits the scan button. 

“Sure.” I fiddle with my fingers on my lap picking off the pink nail polish.  A love song plays in the background, telling a story of first love.  I remember the times when my mom would listen to love songs on the radio and I would wonder if I would ever feel those words.

“Where are we?” The area is so secluded, I feel nervous being so far away from town. He unbuckles his seat belt.

“Just a little quiet spot people go to be alone. “ With ninja like quickness, he’s on my side of the car and pulls the lever, reclining my seat all the wall back.  “I want you to touch me.” I hear the clanging of the belt and the zipper of his jeans.  He takes my hand slides it down his boxers.  I feel the hot warmth of him.  He takes his hand and wraps it around mine, guiding me as I stroke him up and down.  The silence is deafening.  I want to say something but have no appropriate words for this.

Alex is the first to break the silence.  “Let me touch you.”  I squeeze my legs tight to prevent him from touching me there.  “I have my period.”  Realizing that would be a disaster, he takes his hand and slips it under my bra.  My nipple hardens immediately at his touch and the lips trailing kisses from my neck to my collarbone. 

I see lights coming up behind us, “Alex, stop, someone is here.”

“Shhh...it’s fine.” He goes back into tormenting my breast with his hand.  I see another set of lights and know that I am finished for the night.

“I don’t want people watching. Can we please go?” 

“Geez Soph, nobody cares, everyone comes up here for the same reason.” 

“That’s great Alex, I thought you were taking me somewhere special and instead, you take me to make out drive- thru.”  Why I use humor to deflect embarrassment is beyond me. 

“Fine, Soph, I will take you home. I was so close to finishing.”  He puts himself back into his pants and zips up.
There is a tap at the window as someone knocks on the fogged up driver’s side window.  Alex turns the car on and pushes the button, rolling down the window. 

“Hey man! I didn’t know you were coming up here tonight.  Hey, Sophie.” Jake pokes his head through the window to talk to me.

“You guys want to get some food and hang out?”  Alex looks at me and I shrug my shoulders. 

“Sure, food sounds good.” 

“Alright,” Jake taps the roof of the car. “Follow us.” 

We pull out, following Jake’s F150 down the road.  “If you didn’t have your period, would you have let me touch you Sophie?”  He doesn’t take his eyes off the road while he waits for my response. 

“I don’t know, Alex; we’ve already talked about this.”  I turn and look out the window and watch the blur of the houses and street signs.  Alex lets out a heavy sigh.

“I just don’t get it.  We have been going out all year now.  How much longer do I have to wait?”

I feel so exasperated. “Alex, this has nothing to do with making you wait.  You know about me and my mom, I just want to wait before I make a step that serious.”

“Whatever, Sophie.” Talking under his breath, I barely heard his last words. 

At the local diner, I see the group has grown from four to fourteen.  I go over, stand next to Kass, and make small talk.  We go inside and I slide in beside Alex.  “You want to split a waffle with me?”

“No, I’m not hungry anymore.” 

I hate when we have an issue, and hate even more when it happens in public. “I’m sorry Alex; I didn’t mean to upset you.”  He puts his arm around me and squeezes my shoulder. 

“I’m not upset because of you; I’m upset because of me. I shouldn’t have pressured you. I just love you so much and want to share everything with you. You’re the only girl for me.” I grab his face in my hands and kiss him with everything that I have inside me. The mistakes of my mother shouldn’t matter to me, but they do.  Maybe I’m on my way to changing my mind.  We finish our food and say goodbye to everyone.

Alex pulls up in front of the small yellow rancher at the end of the cul-de -sac on Cherry Lane and cuts the engine.  Ugh, I know what’s coming next.

Alex reaches over the headrest to pull me in for a kiss.  “Babe.” Kiss. “I.” Kiss. “Love.” Kiss.
“You.” Kiss.

“I love you, too, Al...”  I open my mouth to say his name and his tongue proceeds to take inventory of my teeth, or steal my gum, I’m not sure which.  I pull lose from his grasp and sit facing him with my back against the car door.

“Get back here,” he’s being playful again and has a wicked grin on his face. “Soon, I’m going catch you, my little butterfly.” 

I laugh. “Night Alex, I love you.” 

“Where were you?”  My mom and Larry are sitting on the sofa watching a movie. 

“Just went to the diner with friends.” I reply. 

“So who all was there?” Larry asks. 

“Everybody was there.” I say and sit down on the arm of the couch beside Mom.

“Are you sure about that?” My mom asks. I think back, yeah, the whole team was there and so was our usual gang of friends. 

“MJ came over here looking for you.  So, apparently everyone wasn’t there,” she says sternly. 

“I’m sorry; I didn’t know she was going to stop by. We went after practice today.”  I hate feeling like I need to defend myself for spending time with my boyfriend. 

“I just want you to remember that the world doesn’t revolve around Alex.  You have other people that love and want to spend time with you, too.”  I stop listening to my mom to answer my phone. 

“Hey, babe, no I’m not busy, just talking to Mom and Larry.” I don’t want to have our evening conversation in front of them, so I take it to the privacy of my room.