Learning to Fly (13 page)

“That is so sweet, Alex, you being with me tomorrow on my special day means a lot.”  I say excitedly.

“What are you talking about?”
Alex says, genuinely confused.

“You, wanting to do something special with me, on my birthday.”

“I would, but I was thinking of us doing something special to celebrate the retiring of my jersey.  Did you forget about the ceremony at school tomorrow night?” 

“Seriously, Alex, I don’t remember you mentioning that.”  He slaps himself on the head with his palm, and shakes his head.  “Don’t tell me you forgot, babe, I even put it on your Facebook events page.  I’ve been tagging you in posts.” 

“I’m sorry.  I did see that you put the date and #18 beside it; I thought you were planning something for my birthday.  You know I don’t get all of the Facebook lingo.” 

Alex shakes his head in disbelief.  “What’s not to get?”

“For starters, who wants to read about what other people are doing every minute of the day?  And don’t get me started on all the spelling errors.”  He laughs and pulls me in for another kiss.

He pulls back and opens his door to get out.  He circles around to get my door and helps me out of the car.  The little silver convertible is a nice pre-graduation present from his folks.  I just always feel like I need a shoehorn to help pry me out of the red bucket seats.
“What do you say I pick you up when I’m done?  Should be around 7:00?”

When we get inside, my folks are still awake in the living room. “Hey Mrs. P, Mr. P.”  Alex says and then flops down next to my mom on the sofa.  “What’s going on, guys?”  I immediately feel myself start to sweat guiltily, as if I am in trouble for something I don’t even know about. 

“It came today, honey; it came.” My mother is frantic and pointing to the large white envelope on the coffee table.  I pick it up and try to judge its contents by the weight and size.

“It’s thicker than it would need to be if it wasn’t an acceptance letter.”  My dad says.

“Ahh, I can’t do it,” I say slowly tearing a small triangle off the envelope. 

“Here, let me do it.”  Getting up, Alex snags the envelope from my hand and rips the back open.  His head moves back and forth, as he scans through the letter. 

“Say something!” I don’t mean to yell at him.  “Just tell me, I need to know one way or another; did I get in or not?”  I’m in a panic and swallow the bile that is building up in the back of my throat.

“It says: Dear Ms. Pennington, I am very sorry for the delay.  A very high percentage of students have accepted our April offer of admission.  As a result, the Admissions Committee has been able to offer admission to only a small number of the wait-listed candidates for the class of 2014. 

This was an unusual year.  Nearly 1,800 students applied for the 1,500 places in the freshman class, and the applicant group was exceptionally strong. In the face of such competition, the decision of the committee to place you on our waiting list was in recognition of your outstanding achievements and a demonstration of our confidence in your ability to make significant contributions to your college community. We are so grateful for your patience over the past few weeks.  We very much appreciate the interest you have shown in us and welcome you to Brown University.

  I fall backwards on the middle seat of the couch, between my mom and dad.  “I can’t believe this.” I bury my head into my father’s chest
in shock and my mom rubs my back.

I jump up and shout, “I’m in!”

“You got in!”  I look at Alex and he doesn’t seem happy with the news.

“What are you doing to us, Soph?” He has a confused look on his face.

“I did this for us; it will all work out. I believe it.”  I see my mom shaking her head in disapproval. 

“We need to talk, now. “ I grab him by the arm and pull him down the hall to my bedroom.  “What’s going on, Alex?” I demand.

“I’m just surprised.  I know Brown is all you talked about but I also know you applied and were accepted to Penn.  Why put in an application at Penn to be with me?” Alex responds.

“You’re not making any sense, Alex,” I plead.

“Everything seems to be changing so fast.  I wonder if we’re going to be okay.” 

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“What about all the talks about going to school together and the plans for the future?  I can’t believe you’re not going to be with me.”

“You talked Alex, and I know that you’re scared. Remember when you said you loved me, Alex, I believed you.  You told me you hoped someday I would see myself as you do.  In order to do that, I need to do this for me.” 

He squeezes me tightly and kisses the top of my head. “After graduation, it will all work out.  We can be on our own and so happy together.” 

“I can’t Alex.  I’m choosing Brown.”

He lets go of me and doesn’t say another word.  I continue to hold him close, like I’m holding on for dear life. 

“You have time to decide Sophie, just wait okay.  Just wait another two weeks to decide.” He pleads and walks out the door.

Chapter Fourteen

Graduation has seemed like an unreachable event, so far away. However, the day has finally arrived.  I am a little bit nervous about the speech I have to give in a couple hours.  Valedictorian is such a great honor. I am thankful I took the talk with Ms. Capwill to heart and took my grades seriously again before it was too late.

"Honey, you ready?"  Mom stands and examines me in my cap and tassel. 

"Mom, it’s just graduation, why are you crying?"

"I was thinking how I never made it to my graduation and now my baby is grown up.  Before I know it, you will be away at college, getting married, and having babies." 

My father comes in and pulls mom into his chest to comfort her.  "Now, there, let her graduate high school before we pick out names for the grandchildren, ones that we’re too young for."  He laughs and gives me a wink. 

"Speaking of graduation, are you getting nervous, Sophie?"  He can see I am full of anxiety about the speech I have to give in a couple of hours.  "Maybe, just a little, Dad," I lie. It feels like my stomach is going to drop to the floor and my heart is beating its way out of my chest.

"I wish you were letting us spend the evening with you, tonight."  She can barely make out the sentence between sobs. 

"You know this is a special night for all of us, mom.  Jake is expecting me to be at the party with everyone else." I roll my eyes in exasperation.  Tonight is the night that I’m going to sleep with Alex.  Either it will be the perfect start to the rest of our lives together or it will be my way of saying goodbye.

"I know there is nothing we can say to change your mind, but I think it would be a mistake for you.”  I let out a disgruntled sigh because, once again, she is ruining a special moment for me.

"You always have such great timing, Mom.  Thanks."  Dad notices the sarcastic tone. 

"Sophia Ann, do not disrespect your mother; we both care and want only the best for you.  Intelligence doesn't equal life experience; you still have many things to learn."
Dad says firmly.

"I'm sorry, Mom."  Before another argument can ensue, Dad pulls us in for a group hug. After the hug, I head to my room to finish getting ready.

The beeping of a horn signals Alex's arrival.  I peek out the window to see an unfamiliar car in front of the house.  Before I can question it, my phone chimes a text from Alex.

A: Hey babe, I can't wait to give you a ride.

Alex is persistent, I have to give him that, and tonight his persistence will be paying off.  I grab my backpack and throw in a change of clothes and protection for tonight.  I am nervous as I look at the box of Trojans sitting on top of my socks. I sling one strap over my shoulder and head down the hallway. As I reach the hallway, the front door opens and Alex walks in.

"Hey, baby," he smiles and pulls me in for a quick kiss.
"Come on, you have to see this car; it is so hot." I look at the red sports car sitting in front of my house. 

"This is nice."  I couldn't help but notice that the license plate says Zander. I think the name rather odd, but don’t say anything.  We jump into his car and make our way to the high school.  "Is this is another cool gift from your folks?"

"It’s a graduation gift from my dad.” Alex‘s tone is cold and defensive

"What was wrong with the other car?" I give him a puzzled look.

"He gave me some bonus money and the option, so I traded in the other one and picked this baby out."

  "You should have called me; it would have been fun to go car shopping with you."  I tested out the buttons to adjust the seat, jumping slightly when the seat started to vibrate.  Looking away from the road, Alex turns to see what I am doing.

"Oh, yeah, this baby has everything; heated massage seats and all the bells and whistles.

"What bonus money did he give you?" I figure there is something that I am missing.

"We can talk about it, later.  It is just school stuff and I didn't see the need to bother you with the details." Alex is right; I couldn't expect him to call me for every little thing.

“I was thinking that instead of going to Jake’s graduation party we could get a room at the Day’s Inn.” I say, and give him a wink.
He just keeps looking straight ahead at the road. 

“Alex, did you hear what I just said; I told you I’m ready to be with you.  Isn’t that what you want?” The silence is killing me; maybe I waited too long and he’s not interested anymore. 

“There’s no need for us to rush into anything, besides Jake, and everyone else, is expecting us to be there.”  Alex says and pulls into his usual parking space at the school.

“What aren’t you telling me, Alex?  Where did the bonus money come from?”
Before we have a chance to get out of the car, various members of the team, and other friends surround us.  Mike and Monte pull Alex off in a hurry.

“Hey Sophie, are you ready for your big speech?” I stare at the angular shaped face of the girl with long brown hair and can’t remember her name.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.  I hope at least one person likes it.”  I say, jokingly.  We part ways and I go in search of Alex.

Even though our high school is not large, there are only 227 in the graduating class, most know me by name.  It is odd for everyone to know my name yet be complete strangers to me.

I feel as if the air is sucked out of my lungs when I watch a tall, blonde walk past me and wrap her arms around Alex and he responds in kind. Not just in a friendly way, but in an intimate way.  Jake, noticing my stare, goes over and interrupts the embrace.  Jake and Alex share a knuckle bump and come back over to me.

"What was that about?"  I ask, still staring at the girl who was just wrapped around my boyfriend.

"You mean, Katie? It's nothing; she’s just a friend who was congratulating me. I met her when I went to check out Penn; my folks invited her.” Instead of seeing green, I am seeing several shades of bright red.  My dad warned me about this, how people change after high school, and when they leave home and go to college.

I jerk my head back, cocking it to the side, and look at him inquisitively.  "And when were you at Penn?"  My eyes are shooting daggers at him. 

“It was a quick trip,” he casually replies, "I told you my folks and I went out of town to look at the school.”  I have a sick feeling gripping my stomach. Now, I see it all clearly.  The weekend he went away with his parents to spend family time together. If he kept that small detail from me, it makes me wonder what else he has been hiding from me.

"What does that mean? Are you going to a different school now?" I am growing impatient with him.

"Babe, you know I love you, right?' He looks at me, hoping for some sort of affirmation and I give him nothing.  "What do you care, you’re not going with me?" I am completely dumbfounded by his admission.

"When the hell were we going to talk about this?"  I poke him in the chest. 

"Ow, Sophie it’s not like it was a secret." 

Teeth clenched and anger hot. "So, who else knows?" 

"Just family, Katie, and Jake."

"So, you felt it was alright to tell your best friend and some new girl before you tell your girlfriend; the girl you made future plans with."

"Sophie, I wanted to wait to bring this up.  I have a plan," he says and reaches for my hand.

“I don't understand. Why are you doing this Alex?”  I say.

“Look, the program is going to start soon; let’s talk later.” he says.

“No! Whatever it is, just say it, you coward.”  I demand.

“We're going to be leaving for school at the end of the summer, so maybe we should talk about taking a break. My dad says I need to make an impression as quickly as I can. My knees aren’t good and they won’t last forever; I need to strike while the iron is hot.  I can’t concentrate on football, school, and having a girlfriend, no matter how much I love her. I got an incentive from him to go to school and concentrate on football for two years.  After that, I get the rest of it.  We can get back together, then.”

  It doesn’t take long to see where this is going.  He is still making plans for a future, a future that doesn’t include me. “Nice, so your plan was to just dump me at the end of summer?” 

“No, Sophie, it isn’t like that.  My dad isn’t giving me a choice.”

He tries to explain the situation to me, but I quit listening; two years seems like an eternity to me.

I turn around and storm off in the opposite direction.  I run to one of the benches at the entryway to school and sit down.

Here I am, sitting alone on a bench, moments before I give my Valedictorian speech. 

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.  I pull it out and read the text from Alex.

A: Sophie, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be the person holding you back.  I’m giving you your wings to fly.

I put the phone back in my pocket and suddenly feel ill. I feel extremely warm and everything is starting to blur.  I close my eyes, squeezing them tightly, and focus on breathing.  I take in a deep breath through my nose and slowly let it escape out my mouth.  I do this several times while the school band plays.

"Thank you all for coming to the graduation ceremonies for the class of 2014.  If you would all please find your seats, our program will begin soon."  The booming echo of the principal's voice isn’t loud enough to deafen the sound of my heart in my ears. 

  At least I have solace in knowing I hadn't given him my virginity when he begged for it this past year.  My mind starts to remember that girl, Katie, and I wonder what other things she may have shown Alex on his trip. 

"Now we will have a speech from Sophia Pennington, this year's Valedictorian."

With apprehension, I stand up on my shaky legs and make my way to the podium.  I feel like I could faint at any moment as I see crowd of people looking at me.

When I reach the podium, I clench the sides and use its legs to support me.  As I look into the sea of people, made up of students and parents, the speech I had memorized fades from my mind.  I look again into the audience, searching for something.  I look and see Alex, his head titled back, mouth open.  He is sleeping.  Really?  He must be exhausted from ripping out my heart and stomping on it and needs a nap.
I think of all the changes I made to make us work.  I was willing give up going to the school of my dreams to be with him.  I feel something inside me snap. I pull my hands from the edge of the podium and ball them into fists. 

"Wake Up!" I shout, as I slam my fists down on the podium.  "Wake Up!" I scream louder this time and slam my fists down even harder.  The loud thump reverberates through the speakers.  I smile to myself when I see Alex's startled reaction.  I feel empowered, no longer full of fear of public speaking.

This is my last chance to give everyone a part of me.  "Classmates, we have spent the last four years of high school being lulled into a false sense of security.  The days of high school are now behind us.  The friends and family we looked to for help and support are going to be gone.  All the promises we made don't mean a damn thing. We are leaving the protective walls of high school together, as the class of 2014, but when we step through the doors of the real world, we will be doing it on our own.  The decisions we make from now on affect our futures; it's up to us to look out for our best interests. We're not children anymore. The eleventh verse of the thirteenth chapter of first Corinthians says, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child. When I became a man, I put away childish things."  I survey the audience again, avoiding my parents gaze and stop when my eyes meet Alex's. 

"Today, we become men and women, so I urge each and every one of you to put away childish things...and wake up!  Thank you."  I am shocked when I hear the roar of the crowd followed by a standing ovation. 

I sit back down and watch as each person walks across the stage to receive their diploma from Principal Adams.  “Without further ado, I give you the class of 2014.” 

"That was one hell of a speech, Sweetheart." My dad is smiling and I know he's proud of me.

"Where did that come from?"  My mom asks. I shrug my shoulders in response, because I don’t really know myself.

My mother's question causes me to think. Then I realize my memorized speech was nothing but the words of a naive girl. A girl who believed she was going to have the fairy tale ending with her high school sweetheart.

I ignore several calls and texts from Kass, Jake, Monte, Mike, and Alex.

I am sad as I ride home with my parents, wanting to be alone. 

“Pull over.”  Dad swerves over and I run to the edge of a field.  I fall to my knees on the side of the road and empty the contents of my stomach.  I feel the warmth of his hands on my neck as he pulls my hair back away from my face. 

“Honey, it’s alright.  Get it all out.”
  He crouches behind me.  I start to weep uncontrollably and start gasping for air. 

“Baby, what’s going on; talk to me.” Mom says with a scared look on her face.

“I- I can’t do this,” are the only words I can get out before pulling away from them. I wipe my face with the sleeves of my gown and get back in the car.  Mom gets in the back seat with me and I lay my head on her lap.