Learning to Love Again (13 page)

NICOLE WOKE UP EARLY, AND LAY IN BED BESIDE JASON, studying his relaxed features.  He was sprawled on his stomach, taking up most of the bed.  She realized that she still hadn’t told him about the potential job in Austin.  Not wanting to wake him, she eased out of the bed.  She found his robe in the bathroom and slipped it on, tying it tight around her waist and moved out to the living room.

She had meant to tell him about the job last night, but they had gotten sidetracked when he started kissing her.  She blushed, remembering everything they had done with each other in the bedroom.  He was a very generous lover, and had encouraged her to experiment to find out what
he
liked.  She had been hesitant at first to take the lead, but Jason was patient, and her confidence at being able to please him was growing.

Suddenly, his arms wrapped around her from behind and she gave a startled cry, and then relaxed against him.  “Good morning,” he whispered against her neck, nuzzling her.  “I woke up and you were gone.  For a minute, I was afraid I had dreamed the whole thing.”

“I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you, you were so tired the other day…”  She turned in his arms and laid her head on his chest.  “We need to talk, and you can’t distract me this time.”

“Okay.”  He kissed the top of her head.  “How about we make breakfast and we can talk while we eat?” he dropped his arms and led her into the kitchen.  He put her in charge of toast and coffee, while he whipped up omelets for both of them.

“So you do know how to cook,” she teased, watching him.

“I learned out of self-preservation.  I hate cold cereal, and eating out gets expensive, even on a doctor’s salary,” he grinned as he slid the omelets out of the frying pan and onto plates.  While she carried the plate of toast and the coffee pot to the table, he brought over the omelets.

“So, now that my mouth and hands are busy with food, talk to me,” he instructed as she poured them both cups of coffee.  He watched while she measured out sugar, and then added cream.  “Nicole?”

“My former boss called on Thursday,” she began, glancing up at him from under her eyelashes, and then away.  “He’s invited me to come to Austin on Monday to talk about my job.  They, uh, they want me back, desperately, from the way he sounded.  He said I could pretty much write my own ticket back in, that it could lead to partner in a year or so.”

He set down his fork and studied her.  “I thought you didn’t want that lifestyle any more,” he reminded her.

“I know, but…” she shrugged.  “They
want
me.  They’re begging me to come back.  And I could make
partner
in a year!” she met his gaze.  “I’ve worked my whole life to get to this point.”

“What about us?  You said you couldn’t just walk away this time.”

“I’m not walking away.  Austin is only a couple of hours away.  We could make it work,” she pointed out.

“How?  I have a practice to run here, I’m on call at least one night a week and every third weekend.  You told me yourself you traveled at least three out of four weeks a month.  How could we make it work?”

“I don’t know right now, but there has to be a way!” she looked over at him, near tears.  “Jason, please, try to understand.”  This wasn’t going the way she’d wanted it to, or had hoped it would.  It was going exactly the way she’d feared it would.

“I’m sorry, Nicole, but I don’t.  You told me, just a couple of days ago, how unhappy you were with your job.  And now, you want to go back to it?  What about us?  Are you just going to walk away again?”

“You told me during that same conversation that you wouldn’t have asked me to give up my dreams ten years ago!  But here you sit, doing just that!  I want to make it work, Jason.  I do.  But you have to be willing to meet me halfway.”  She pushed back from the table and stood up.  “I have to go.”  She turned and ran to the bedroom, shutting the door.  Even though Jason hadn’t followed her she grabbed her overnight bag and stepped into the bathroom, locking the door.  She dressed and walked out to the living room, grabbing her purse and keys off of the table where she had set them the night before.  She paused and looked into the kitchen, where he was still sitting.

“Goodbye, Jason,” she whispered.  He wouldn’t even look at her.  She bit her lip to hold the sobs inside and rushed from the condo, slamming the door on her way out.

NICOLE LET HERSELF INTO THE RANCH HOUSE AND TRIED to make her way to her bedroom, but Carly was already up and came out of the kitchen.  “Nicole, honey, are you okay?”  She stepped forward.  Nicole took one look at her friend and the dam broke, her sobs breaking free.

“What happened?”  Carly took her friend into her arms and patted her on the back, leading her to her room.

“My former boss called the other day, they want me back.  I told Jason about it, and he doesn’t want me to go and talk to them.”  She reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the box of tissues.  “He doesn’t think it would work between us if I go back to Austin.”

“Do you want to go back?”  Carly asked her.

Nicole shrugged her shoulders.  “I don’t know any more, but I want to see what they have to offer.  I need to make sure I’m doing the right thing for myself.  My life has been ruled by mom's ideas for so long, and now I’m finally ready to listen to my heart, and look what that gets me!”

“Oh, sweetie.  I’m sorry.  Men are dogs,” Carly hugged her.  “Maybe once he calms down, and thinks about it…”

“But that’s just it, Carly.  He sat there and told me that he loved me, that we would go slow, that I made the
assumption
the last time that he would ask me to choose between him and a job.  He even mentioned marriage,” her voice broke on that thought and she paused to get control of her emotions.  “And then as soon as I told him that there was a chance I could go back to work and my job in Austin, he started throwing out reasons it wouldn’t work between us.”

“Do you want me to send Mitch over there to kick his ass?”  Carly asked, rubbing her friend’s shoulder.

“Send Jack along for good measure,” she agreed, laughing through her tears.  “Oh, Carly, what am I going to do?”

Carly pushed herself to her feet.  “I think you should give yourself, and Jason, some space.  Drive yourself up to Austin today, check into a hotel, and just chill until Monday morning.  Do all the stuff in Austin you like to do, just for yourself.  Don’t let yourself think about him, or the job, or anything except what you want. Then go to your meeting with a clear head.  Don't make any promises to them.  Make them wait for your answer.  Leave ‘em guessing.”  Carly smiled down at her friend.  “My car has almost a full tank of gas.  You can pack a bag and head out, if you want to,” she offered.

“But Helen and Steve…”

“Their flight gets in at eight o'clock tomorrow night.  I can explain everything to them, and you can talk to them later.  Helen will understand.”  Carly interrupted.  “So?”

She looked down at her hands and nodded.  “I guess the alternative is to sit here and feel sorry for myself.”   She stood up.  “Thanks, Carly.”

“Hey, I cried on your shoulder often enough when Mitch and I had all that trouble.  Go take care of yourself for a change.”  Carly headed for the door.  Nicole took a quick shower and packed a bag.  She checked her cell phone for messages before realizing she'd never given Jason her number.  She found Carly in the living room and got the car keys from her.  With a quick hug and a promise to call, she was out the door and on her way back to Austin.

NICOLE SPENT THE NEXT TWO DAYS IN AUSTIN.  SHE DID what Carly had suggested she do.  She took care of herself.  The salon where she always got her hair done had openings, and her stylist was willing to fit her in.  Taking advantage of their spa services, she also treated herself to a massage and a manicure.  On Sunday, she spent the day driving around to all of her favorite places. She spent a couple of hours at Lady Bird Lake, sitting on a park bench watching everyone pass by.  She walked around one of the malls for a couple of hours, splurging on a couple of new negligées, and a few sets of matching bras and panty sets.  She started to wonder if Jason would ever see her in them, but forced her mind away from anything related to
him.

After wandering around the city for hours, she made her way back downtown to her hotel.  Not wanting to be around anyone, she ordered room service for dinner and rented a movie.  Her cell phone chirped a little after nine-thirty with an incoming call, and seeing that it was the phone number for the ranch, she answered.

“Nicole, honey, it is so good to hear your voice!” Aunt Helen’s soft voice came across the line.  “I’ve been so worried about you, but we couldn’t get leave the humanitarian relief group short-handed, and Mitch and Jack kept assuring us that you were doing so well…You are doing well, aren’t you?”

“Hi, Aunt Helen.  Yes, I am fine, now.  Mitch and Carly took good care of me.  I’m sorry I wasn’t there to welcome you both home.”

“Carly filled me in on what’s been happening.  If your mother were still here, I’d kick her in the shins for the twisted views drummed into you.  And that Jason.  I thought he had more sense…”  She could hear her uncle saying something in the background, and her aunt’s soft laughter in response.  “Listen, honey, we just got in and it has been a long couple of days.  I just needed to hear your voice for myself, make sure you were okay.  You take all the time you need there in Austin, but promise me you will come back down here, soon.”

“I will, Aunt Helen. I am only going to stay another day or so.  I promise.”  She said goodbye to her Aunt, spoke to Carly for a minute, and then hung up the phone.  Not interested in the movie she’d rented, she turned it off, then shut the lights off and stretched out in the bed, but it was a long time before she was able to fall asleep.

She got up the next morning and went downstairs to the hotel’s restaurant for breakfast.  She lingered over coffee, watching all the businessmen and women cutting through the lobby on the way to their different offices.  Just a few short months ago, she had been one of those people, walking around without paying attention to her surroundings, oblivious to life.  And depending on how things went today, she could be one of those people again soon.

Checking her watch, she stood up and made her way back upstairs to her room.  She showered, and then styled her hair into a very business-like French twist.  She applied her makeup with a careful hand, and then dressed in her business suit.  Although she was only a few blocks from the office building, she was going to grab a taxi to give her a lift.  It wouldn’t do to appear wilted when you were trying to play hardball.  Giving her reflection one last glance in the full length mirror, she grabbed her purse and attaché case and headed for the lobby.

The taxi dropped her off in front of the building, and she stood there for a few minutes, looking up at it.

“Nicole?”  A voice called from behind her, and she turned.  “It
is
you.  Wow, you look great!  We were all so worried about you!”  Megan, one of the other attorneys she’d worked with walked up to her.  “I was so excited when Robert told us that he was going to call and try and entice you back into the fold.”  Megan gave her a quick hug.  “Come on, I’ll walk up with you.  I’ll be in on the meeting, you know.  Now, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing well, according to my doctor.  He even said I could return to work as long as I don’t fly.”  She ignored the tiny pang of regret she felt as she referred to Jason.  “So, what’s been going on here?”

Megan passed along the idle office gossip as they rode the elevator up to the firm’s floor.  They stepped off the elevator and Megan turned to go to her office.  “It’s great to have you back.  I look forward to working with you again.”

She was gone before Nicole had a chance to correct her.  Shaking her head, she smoothed down her skirt and walked over to the receptionist’s desk.

“Miss Winters!  It’s so good to see you!”

“Hi, Susan.  Robert is expecting me, I believe.”

“Yes, ma’am.”  Susan picked up the intercom, pressed a button and announced that Nicole had arrived.  A minute later, Robert strode down the hallway to greet her.  He led her back to her office.  “I scheduled all of the partners and a few senior associates to meet with you, but I wanted to meet with you in private first.”  He told her, indicating for her to sit in one of the chairs across from his desk.  “First, let me say how sorry I am that I did not listen to you when you came to me with your concerns about Peter Daniels being promoted.  Quite honestly, I thought you were just being a sore loser, for lack of a better term.  But within a short amount of time, it became quite clear that he was not worthy of the promotion.  And when one of our biggest clients threatened to leave, well, I had to take action.”

“Which client?”  She let out a low whistle when Robert told her.  “What happened?”

“Complete incompetence, that’s what.  He almost cost the client their entire business because he couldn’t be bothered to think ahead or review contracts before signing off on them.  Careless mistakes and incompetence,” Robert reiterated, standing up.  “Let’s go over to the boardroom so you can greet everyone, and then we’ll go have lunch and discuss your terms."

Nicole followed him down the hallway to the boardroom.   She greeted all of the partners, and sat down in the chair Robert held out for her, and the meeting began.

Four hours later, she stepped through the glass doors of the office building and out onto the sidewalk.  Her head was pounding from the information that had been shared, and the offer that had been made.  Not only were they offering the promotion, but a substantial increase in pay, and she could restructure the department at her discretion.  Travel would be at a minimum, Robert had assured her.  He had looked surprised when she told him she needed time to think it over.  They had expected her to jump at the chance to come back.

She started to walk back to her hotel, her mind turning the offer over and over in her head.  Her cell phone rang as she was letting herself back into her room.  “Hello?”  She grabbed it out of her attaché case as she struggled with the key card.

“How’d it go?”  Carly asked as soon as she answered.

“It was good.  They want me back and are willing to meet any demands I have.”  She gave her a brief rundown of the meeting and named the salary they’d offered her.  “I guess I have some thinking to do,” she finished on a sigh.

“I guess so.”  Carly agreed with a laugh.  “Listen, I was just calling to let you know we were all thinking about you and we’re here if you need us.  And also, I know you told Helen you’d be home sometime this week, but you need to make sure it’s by Thursday.  She wants to throw a party, welcome herself home.”

“It’s on my calendar,” she assured her, saying goodbye and hanging up.  She shed her business suit and put on her jeans and t shirt.  Grabbing a pen and a notepad, she sat down at the table next to the window.  Staring out at the skyline, she tapped the pen against the paper, thinking of all the pros and cons of taking this job.   She always thought better when she made lists, and this was a decision she couldn't afford to screw up.

She finished the list and tossed her pen down on the table.  Her eyes scanned the list and she knew what she had to do. Her decision made, she grabbed the phone book off the table, and started making phone calls.  Both groups of people she wanted to meet with were free the next day, so she scheduled the appointments and then called her family to let them know she would be staying in Austin for at least another day.