Let It Snow (The Hope Falls Series) (33 page)

Jake reached out and wrapped his arms around Tessa, pulling her close to him. His face was pressed up against her belly. “Then be with me. Stay in Hope Falls. Marry me. We’ll figure everything else out.”

“I wish it were that simple,” she said softly through broken breaths as her fingers ran through his hair.

Looking up at her, he knew that somehow he had to make her see. “It is that simple. Nothing else matters. You are everything to me.
You
are my family. If you leave, I’m not going to just meet someone and start a family.”

Tessa shook her head. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do! Tessa, I haven’t wanted anyone since you left.”

Pain slashed through her eyes as her jaw tightened and she pulled away from him. “Don’t, Jake.” The tears were falling faster than they had just moments before. She held up her hand to stop him when he reached out again and tried to hold her. “After everything we’ve been through. Just don’t.”

Again Jake was lost. “Don’t what?”

“You haven’t
wanted
anyone?” she repeated his words.

“No.” Jake shook his head emphatically.

Tessa tilted her head and crossed her arms in a defensive stance. “Really? Because I came back to Hope Falls
two
weeks
after I left the hospital, before I went to New York, and I saw you.”

“Wait.” Jake stood back up. “You came back?! And you
saw
me?!”

Tessa’s voice shook as she said, “Yes. You were having sex with some blond girl. In your truck. I saw you.”

“And?” Jake really didn’t know what her point was.

“And it was
two
weeks after I left.” Tessa’s voice rose with every word she spoke.

He couldn’t believe that she was actually throwing the fact that he’d been with someone else in his face. He was
not
the asshole here. “So? What’s your point?!”

Tessa’s face flinched like his words had slapped her in the face. Her eyes widened and she shook her head like she couldn’t believe the words that had left Jake’s mouth.

“What’s
my
point?!” Tessa asked with fury in her voice.

“Tessa, stop.” Jake took a step towards her but she moved away.

“No. My
point
is you moved on! How long did you wait?! A whole day? Two days?” Her voice kept rising. Lunging at him, she pushed his chest. Hard. “‘You haven’t
wanted
anyone!” Letting out a forced laugh, she said, “Are you kidding me?! You’re sisters had to buy you new furniture that was ‘slut-free.’” Tessa put up her hands in air quotes. “Just how many girls have you
not wanted
since the girl in the truck?!” Then she pushed him again.

Jake grabbed her hands and pulled her towards him. “Is that what this is really about?! You stayed away because you saw me with some girl in my truck?”

“What? No!” Her brow furrowed in anger as she took a step back.

Jake followed, closing the distance between them. “Because yeah, I did sleep with girls. A lot of them. And to answer your question, it was three days. Three days before I fucked Jessica in the back of my truck. And then I think Gretchen was next a couple days late—”

“Stop it!” Tessa pulled out of his hold, shaking her head. “I don’t want to hear this.”

“No! You asked, so here it is! Yes! I had sex with a lot of girls. Hundreds, actually. But do actually think I
wanted
any of them?! I didn’t even know most of their
names
! I never
saw
any of them. I only ever saw you! It was always about
you
!” Jake grabbed her hand and put it flat against his chest. “Every time I was with one of them, I was only trying to fill the empty black hole where my heart was before you left and ripped it out of my chest.”

“Don’t say that.” Tessa’s lips were trembling, and her hands was shaking under his.

“Why not? It’s the truth. I didn’t give a
shit
about any of those girls. I know that makes me an asshole. But I don’t give a shit. I have loved one girl and only one girl. It’s only ever been you, Tessa!”

Jake could see her battling with what he was telling her.

He didn’t know what else he could possibly say to make her see, to make her understand. “Do you want to know why I don’t live in my own house? The one I’ve wanted since I was a kid? Because I can’t without you! That was supposed to be our house. Yeah, maybe I wanted it before I even met you, but after you left, even that dream was nothing if I didn’t have you.”

Lifting his hands, he cupped her face and wiped her tears from her cheeks. She reached up and placed her hands on top of his. Leaning down, he kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, and then each eyelid before brushing his lips against hers. The only sound that filled the air was their labored breathing as they stood on the small porch.

Resting his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes as he cradled her face, desperately begging in a whispered voice, “Just stay. Please. Stay.”

Her chin started shaking and he felt tears puddling beneath his palms. Lifting his head, he looked down into her tortured blue eyes. He saw his answer. She was leaving.

Cursing under his breath, he walked off the porch as Tessa called his name. He really hadn’t believed until this moment that she would actually leave him. Again.

‡

J
ake stood to the side of the small altar in Hope Falls Community Church, trying to put on a good show, but he felt miserable. The bridesmaids had just walked down the aisle and Amy was next. He still couldn’t believe that his baby sister was really getting married today. He still thought of her as basically a little kid, even though he knew that was ridiculous.

He looked around, trying to distract himself from all the rioting emotions he was feeling. Everyone was dressed in their Sunday best. He smiled at Nikki, who was Amy’s maid of honor. Next to her stood Sara and Shelby, Matt’s sisters. He himself stood next to Eric and Matt’s brother-in-law, Sara’s husband. His mother sat on the front pew, already weepy even though the ceremony hadn’t yet begun.

Jake was also having a hard time keeping from misting up, but not for the same reasons as his mom. Sure, he loved his kid sister, and yeah, he was happy for her. And yes, of course, there was the fact that both sides of his heritage—Irish and Italian—had imbued him with more than a healthy sense of passion and emotion and very little inhibition about showing it. But that wasn’t it either.

No, the reason why Jake was having a hard time keeping his emotions in check was currently scurrying around the back of the church, camera around her neck, snapping pictures like a woman possessed.

Tessa. Damn. Since he’d left her this morning on the porch he hadn’t had a chance to talk to her. He’d been on wedding duty the entire day.

All day had been consumed with running last-minute errands for his mom and sisters. It had been wedding, wedding, wedding every minute. And each task he’d completed had brought Tessa to his mind. What their wedding would be like.

Tessa in a wedding gown. Tessa walking toward him down the aisle. Tessa, her face radiant as he lifted her veil. Tessa with tears running down her face as they spoke their vows to one another from the bottoms of their hearts. Tessa as he leaned down to give her their first kiss as husband and wife. And finally, he and Tessa walking hand in hand back up the aisle after Pastor Harrison announced them as Mr. and Mrs. Maguire.

Damn.

He seriously needed to get a grip!

Jake was snapped from his reverie as he heard the opening strains of Pachelbel’s Canon fill the church.
Time to focus.
He needed to be there for Amy. He couldn’t spend the day thinking about him and Tessa. It would show on his face, and that would take away from the special quality that the day should have. This was Amy’s day, and Matt’s, and Jake was determined not to do anything to detract from it.

As the dramatic strains of the bridal march burst forth from the organ, Jake was momentarily taken aback by the beautiful sight of his sister in her wedding gown being led down the aisle by their father, who was continually pausing to wipe tears from his eyes.

Jake smiled. Yep. He had definitely inherited his tendency to feel his emotions deeply. The apple did not fall far from the weeping tree.

When they reached the altar, the music died down and Pastor Harrison said, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”

His father wiggled his brow, a twinkle in his eye.
Uh oh,
Jake thought,
that’s his ‘I have something clever to say’ look.

Amy had apparently made the same observation, because she elbowed their dad in the ribs and gave him a significant look.

“Well, now, let me see,” his dad began, and Amy closed her eyes resignedly. Jake smiled. Their father’s brogue was even more exaggerated than usual, which meant he was playing it up for effect.

Then,
thankfully
, Jake’s dad said simply, “Her mother and I do.”

Pastor Harrison nodded, a small smile playing on his lips as their dad placed Amy’s hand into Matt’s. From that instant on, her face was glowing, completely focused on Matt, as if no one else in the world existed.

Again, Jake felt a twinge in his chest. He recognized that expression. He had seen it on Tessa’s face in the past, and he knew that he had worn it himself when the two of them were together. He sighed and resigned himself to the fact that he was probably not going to be able to push out all thoughts of Tessa and their relationship from his mind. It was probably naïve of him to have thought he could pull that off in the first place.

He decided instead that his new goal was simply going to be that, no matter how much his “Tessa turmoil” invaded his mind and soul, he was not going to let it show on his face or in his body language. He’d been hiding how he felt from the world for thirteen years. One more day wouldn’t kill him.

Just as he was settling on this new resolution and committing fresh to the idea of controlling his feelings, Karina and Ryan stepped up to a microphone that had been set up to one side of the platform, Ryan with a guitar slung over his shoulder. Ryan began to pick and strum the strings, and then Karina opened her mouth to sing a lovely melody with her beautiful, bell-like voice.

As Jake listened to the lyrics, which were about holding tight to the person you loved and knowing that all would be right with the world as long as they were in your arms, Jake started to feel a new tightening and aching his chest. Shit, the song made him think about Tessa even more than the rest of the ceremony had. He knew it was completely ridiculous to think that the song had any sort of special significance for his relationship with Tessa. Jake was pretty sure that everyone who’d been in love could probably relate to the universal theme, thinking every song written about love was somehow particular and special to their situation.

Still, Jake couldn’t chase away the nagging sensation that this song perfectly captured the intense feeling that passed between himself and Tessa every single time he held her, and it became even more difficult to keep a happy or even neutral expression on his face.

It also became very difficult to stand where he was and stay still, because with every fiber of his being, all he wanted to do was run to the back of the church, scoop Tessa up in his arms, and hold her like the song described, begging her from the bottom of his heart and soul for her to stay. To just…stay.

*

Tessa made the rounds at Amy and Matt’s wedding reception, a—hopefully convincing!—smile plastered firmly on her face and a heart that felt ready to shatter, beating within her chest. Getting through the ceremony had been difficult, especially listening to Karina and Ryan’s beautiful duet rendition of ‘Hold Me Tighter’ with the bittersweet knowledge that Karina had written it about her and Jake.

It was odd, actually, to know that piece of trivia. Tessa had listened to the song so many times in the past, feeling connected to the sentiment but also feeling oddly jealous of the fictional couple in the song.