Letting Go (Vista Falls #3) (8 page)

“Do you?”

“Yeah.” There was so much sadness in that one word because he didn’t want to understand. He didn’t want to back off. He wanted to pursue her. But how could he, knowing she could get hurt again and it would be all his fault? “Come on, let’s grab that burger. I’m starving.”

She led the way to the diner, smiling when he opened the glass door before she could. “Thanks.”

He hadn’t been much of a gentleman back in high school, mainly because he’d never had a real man to show him how to be one. But over the years, he’d taught himself all he needed to know to impress a lady. “My pleasure.”

“Well, I don’t believe my eyes!”

Colt grimaced at the sight of the now-white-haired waitress who’d been serving them since high school. “Hey, Paula. How’ve you been?”

“Colt and Gabby together again,” she said, winking at Gabby. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Oh, we’re not…” Gabby blushed as she gestured from Colt to herself. “We’re not, uh, together. We’re just friends. I was just closing up shop when Colt passed by and said he was on his way to grab a bite, so I decided to join him.” She shrugged. “It’s no big deal. Just two old friends grabbing some food.” She looked around the diner, noting the several people tucked into booths who had turned to look at them. “Nothing to see here.”

Colt bit the inside of his lip, thinking how cute Gabby sounded when she babbled. He should have saved her from further embarrassment but decided to let her wind down on her own.

“Whatever you say, honey,” Paula said with a laugh as she grabbed two plastic menus from a stand by the door. “You two come on over here. I’ve got just the table for you. Nice and private.”

“Oh, we don’t need privacy,” Gabby said, stopping abruptly as Colt’s hands settled on her waist. “It’s not like we’ll be talking about anything personal. Just small talk.” She looked out the window. “Maybe the weather.” She grimaced as though she realized how ridiculous she must sound. “It sure has been warm this week, hasn’t it? Not that I’m complaining. I’ll take this over snow any day, wouldn’t you?”

Paula laughed as she set the menus on their table. “You need to relax, girl. You’re going to get high blood pressure, getting all worked up like this.”

Colt smiled at the waitress. Paula was one of the few people in town who had never blamed him for his father’s sins. She used to serve them when they’d been wild kids coming in after every football game. “Thanks, Paula.”

She patted his cheek affectionately. “It sure is good to see you back home where you belong.”

“Thanks, it’s good to be back.”

Resting a hand on Gabby’s shoulder when she sat down, Paula said, “Maybe you should have a piece of Bea’s chocolate cream pie. That’s sure to calm your nerves.”

“Oh God,” Gabby said, dropping her head into her hand when Paula walked away. “What’s wrong with me?” She glared at Colt. “And why did you let me go on like that, making a damn fool of myself?”

“I happen to think you’re cute when you’re embarrassed or nervous…” He grinned. “Or whatever that was.”

“I hate you.”

He might have been concerned if there was any bite to her words. “No, you don’t. You love me.” When she paled, his smile slipped. “Joking, Gab. Just joking.”

“I did love you, you know.” Her voice dropped as she leaned in. “So much. It wasn’t just a stupid first-love thing either. Years after you left, I still couldn’t think about you without feeling sad that you were gone, that I might never get to see you again.”

He was speechless. He hadn’t expected that kind of admission tonight. He’d expected Gabby to stick to safe topics, as she’d told Paula, that wouldn’t leave her feeling exposed. Because he admired her bravery, he said, “I loved you too.”

“Really?” She ran a finger over the edge of her menu. “Was it the kind of love you feel for your first real girlfriend or something more?”

“It was more. Way more.” So much more that he couldn’t even put it into words. “I wouldn’t be back here now if it weren’t for you.”

“What about Wes and your business?”

His best friend and business should have been incentive enough, but those things didn’t promise the same kind of pleasure Gabby did. “That night we spent together at the inn—”

“I forgot to ask you what you wanted to drink,” Paula said, returning to their table, pen and notepad in hand. “And if you’re ready to order now…”

“I’ll just have a water,” Gabby said quickly before studying the menu. “And a tuna melt with sweet potato fries, please.”

Colt hadn’t even bothered to check out the menu, but if the diner was like everyone and everything else in Vista Falls, not much had changed over the years. “A cheeseburger with everything and fries sounds good, Paula. And I think I’ll have a Coke with that.”

Gabby raised an eyebrow at him as she thanked Paula and handed back her menu. “What? No beer tonight?”

“Uh, I had a few too many last night,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. He’d continued drinking when he went home, not that it helped. He still fell asleep thinking about Gabby with that dou— “So, uh, how’d your talk with the ex go?”

“He was very understanding.”

“Oh yeah?” That made him an even bigger idiot than Colt thought. If he’d been dating Gabby when her ex returned to town, he would have fought like hell to keep her interest.

“You say that like you don’t believe me.”

“I find it hard to believe any man would willingly let you go.” He didn’t really want the answer to his next question, but since he’d been wondering for years, he had to ask. “I still can’t believe your ex-husband was stupid enough to divorce you. How’d that happen?”

She looked sad as she absently rubbed the spot where her wedding ring must have been. “Things weren’t great before the miscarriage, but after it was even worse. I was sad all the time, and so was he. At first we pretended it was losing the baby, but we eventually had to admit we were making each other miserable.”

“I’m sorry.” He felt guilty for probing into a part of her life that was none of his business, especially since the wounds were obviously still raw.

“I guess it’s true what they say—everything happens for a reason. When I first lost the baby, my heart was broken. But now I realize our marriage wasn’t strong enough to bring a baby into the world. We would have divorced eventually, and that wouldn’t have been fair to our child.”

Colt considered reminding her that some children knew their parents should get divorced, but maybe he’d just been a weird kid. Instead of wishing his parents would stay together, he’d wished his mother would wise up and get her children away from that beast. But it never happened, and he’d eventually stopped praying it would. “Wes told me you and your husband had a lot in common though: hunting, fishing—”

“In the beginning, I was looking for someone who liked to do all the fun things you and I used to do together. But it didn’t take me long to realize that probably wasn’t the best idea.”

“Why not?”

“I couldn’t help drawing comparisons.” Gabby smiled at Paula when she set their drinks down, promising their food would be up in just a few minutes. “It was subconscious at first. I didn’t realize I was doing it until we got into a fight one night and he told me he was sick of being compared to you.”

Colt was shocked, but he wasn’t about to let an opportunity like that pass. He wanted to know more. “You’d talk to him about us? The things we used to do together?”

“No, not really.” She took a sip of her water. “But we’d go to parties and events around town, and he’d hear me talking to high school friends about some of the crazy stunts we pulled, things we used to do together for fun. Our friends didn’t mean to be disrespectful to my husband, but they couldn’t talk about the old days without mentioning you. You were a huge part of my life, a big part of all of our lives.”

Colt had never expected to feel sorry for her ex, but competing with some faceless dude who’d been his wife’s first couldn’t have been easy for him. “I guess I never thought too much about our friends after I left. It was easier not to, you know?”

“Was it easier to just forget about me too?”

“I never forgot about you, Gabby. You know that.”

Paula returned with their food. “Can I get you kids anything else?”

Colt smiled, thinking how long it had been since someone had referred to him as a kid. In a lot of ways, it was nice to return home to the people who’d known him way back when. “No, I think we’re good. Thanks.”

“Actually”—Gabby bit her lip—“it’s been ages since I’ve had a vanilla milkshake.”

“Coming right up, hon,” Paula said before hustling back to the kitchen.

“God, I forgot how much you used to love those things.” Colt grinned. “Those and banana splits.”

“Yeah, I can’t indulge the way I used to though.” She patted her flat stomach. “I swear something happens to your metabolism when you turn thirty. You can’t eat the way you used to unless you’re willing to sweat it out in the gym, and that is not my thing.”

“No.” He brought his burger to his lips. “I remember you liked to work up a sweat other ways.”

She blushed before popping a fry in her mouth. “You are so bad.”

He liked that he could tease her again, that things seemed to be getting easier the more time they spent together. Maybe they could make this friends thing work… if that was his only option. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Paula returned with the milkshake.

As she took a sip, Gabby’s eyes widened before she groaned. “God, this is so good.”

“Anything that makes you moan like that must be.” He chuckled when she shook her head.

“Want some?” She extended the straw, reminding him of the days they used to come to this very diner and she’d share her decadent treats with him.

“Sure.” There was something intimate about watching her while wrapping his mouth around the same straw she’d used. “You’re right. It is good.” He licked his lips. “Even better than I remember, but then a lot of things are.”

She withdrew her glass and took another sip before she set it down. “Does that mean you like being back here?”

“I do.” He hadn’t expected to feel at home, yet he did. “I’m thinking it could work this time, especially if you and I can figure out a way to be… friends?”

“Is that what we are?” She took a bite of her tuna melt. “Friends?”

“I’d like us to be. Wouldn’t you?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I would.”

He raised his glass and tapped it against hers. “To good friends, the kind who know all your deepest, darkest secrets.”

She smiled. “To friends.”

***

Gabby was dying for Colt to kiss her good night on her front porch, but that would have meant breaking her own rule.

“I guess this is good night,” he said, looking as though he didn’t want the evening to end any more than she did. “Thanks for hanging out with me. I had fun.”

“I did too.” She gave him a quick, friendly hug. It seemed to catch him off guard because it took a second for his arms to close around her.

“Uh, maybe we could do it again sometime. You know, as friends.”

“Maybe.” She knew she was flirting with trouble, agreeing to the possibility of spending more time with Colt. He’d always been like a drug to her—one hit and she was hooked. That was why it had been so much easier when he’d been living out state. Out of sight… but never really out of mind.

He leaned against her red wood door, looking as though he was in no hurry to leave. “I know I’m probably not making things easy for you.”

“Meaning?”

“Like you said, this is a small town. If people see us out today, all the single guys in town will assume we’re dating and won’t ask you out.”

She pursed her lips, trying not to indulge him. “I’m willing to risk it.”

“You are?” he asked, looking genuinely surprised. “But I thought you were ready for another relationship.”

She shrugged, letting her heavy purse slide off her shoulder to rest at her feet. “I am. If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, I’m okay with that too.”

She didn’t want to be single forever, but she was in no hurry to commit to someone new, especially since she suspected her newfound friendship with Colt would cause problems unless the man in her life was very secure.

“I feel like maybe I’m being unfair to you, monopolizing your time when you could be spending it with someone else.”

“It’s a little late for a fishing expedition, isn’t it, Colt?”

He flashed her a quick grin before dipping his head. “Okay, you got me. Maybe I want to hear you tell me that there’s no one you’d rather spend your time with than me.”

It was true, but that admission would lead to others, and before she knew it, she’d be right back where she’d started—in a half-assed relationship with a man she still loved. She couldn’t risk that.

“I don’t know that I’d go that far.” She curled her hand around his wrist, stepping closer. “But I will say I’m glad you’re back.”
I’ve missed you.

“I am too.” He curled his hand around her jaw, and it was obvious he was fighting the urge to kiss her. “Being here with you makes sense. It feels right.”

She bit her lip, trying to hold back. It would be so easy to tell him the truth—that being with him made her feel as though everything was clicking into place for the first time in a really long time.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he whispered, stepping closer.

They were standing toe-to-toe, and she barely had room to breathe, much less think. “I’m thinking there’s no room for rational thought where you’re concerned.” It was embarrassing but true. He made it feel scatterbrained and confused but somehow clear at the same time.

“You’re not alone in that.” His half smile reassured her that he was torn between happiness and confusion just as she was. “I can make split-second decisions at work, where millions of dollars and long-standing relationships are on the line, but with you, I feel paralyzed sometimes. As though there’s too much riding on the outcome for me to make a decision.”

“I thought you’d already made your decision about me.” She was holding her breath, torn between hoping he’d changed his mind and terrified he had.