Libera Me (4 page)

I want to scream “it does matter”, tell her that without Nesy I can’t breathe. She is my reason for existing; there’s nothing more necessary to me than her.

I want to tell her that I’d gladly give my life to bring Nesy back. Whole. Unbroken.

But the words won’t form.

Aydan moans, drawing our attention. He pushes himself up and rubs his head, disoriented. I walk to him, entering his thoughts. I see the attack—four men with knives and guns pin Aydan to the ground and slam his head with the butt of the gun. I feel the pain as his vision blurs before he finally passes out.

But that isn’t all I feel.

Anger.

Rage.

Vengeance.

It’s raw, feral, and all too familiar.

“Cass. Enter his heart and tell me what you see.”

Cass closes her eyes, extending herself into Aydan as he pulls himself upright and walks to Nesy. In an instant her eyes bolt open.

“No,” she says. “No. I don’t believe it. I won’t.”

“It all makes sense though. The smoke and ash in the air. The reason you saw no other demons. Everything.”

“He didn’t receive the marks. He can’t be turned. The Council would have known. Nesy would have known.” Cass voice cracks.

“Would she have? Really?”

“Yes! If Aydan had turned, he would’ve let Nesy die that night. He certainly wouldn’t have taken her to Celestium. And he wouldn’t have begged for his own death.”

He would have if he loved her.

“Cass, we have to tell the Council. Get them to protect Nesy.”

“She isn’t Nesy.”

“It doesn’t matter. He thinks she is. And he will go after her. Sooner or later.”

Cass paces the space between us. We watch as Aydan bends down, caressing Nesy’s head. 

“Please be okay,” he whispers as he cradles her body. He is so gentle with her, more gentle than his thoughts. There are no signs of the hatred bubbling below the surface, no indicators of the rage.

But it’s there. And he won’t be able to control it forever.

“Please, baby. Open your eyes.” Aydan kisses her forehead as his eyes fill with tears. “I can’t lose you again.”

Nesy stirs, turning her face toward mine. I watch her eyelids open, watch as her eyes lock with mine and her expression shifts from confusion to fear.

Moments before she begins to scream.

Chapter 5 – CONFUSION

Aydan

Her scream shatters the night air, unleashing a feral rage through the depths of me. I want to kill the assailants. I’ll do anything to chase away the demons that fill Nessa’s thoughts and causes the anguish I see in her eyes and hear in her voice.

“Sshh,” I whisper, pulling her to me in a fierce embrace. My body folds over in pain. I suck it down, allowing it to fuel my focus. “You’re okay,” I say through my rage. “They’re gone.”

Nessa won’t be soothed. Pointing just past me, she begins to tremble. Shake. I turn, peering into the blackness behind me. Only the night air shrouded in a mist that is out of place for May greets me. “There’s nothing there, baby. You’re safe.”

I glance over her body, making certain I’m right. Drops of crimson streak her white skirt, causing my heart to stop. I grab her arms, looking for the source of the blood. There are no scratches to mar her skin, nothing to account for the red lines crisscrossing her clothing.

“Are you hurt?” I ask. “There’s so much blood.”

She shakes her head, still staring over my shoulder, pointing. Again I look. And again there’s only darkness. I cradle Nessa to me, confused. Worried.

“It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.” I whisper the lie over and over as I rock her.

Things are far from okay.

Very far.

Several heart beats pass before her shaking stops and she draws a slow breath. Finally, she pulls from me, looking over the scene. “The men,” she starts. “Are they gone?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“I was going to ask you the same question.”

Nessa forces herself to a standing position, grabbing for my arm to support her shaky stance. “I…I don’t remember.”

I stand in front of her, desperate to calm the fear I hear in her voice. Placing my hands on her hips, I look into her eyes. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Try,” I say, trying to coax the memories back.

Again.

“I remember being assaulted. You were on the ground. They knocked you unconscious.”

Tears fill her eyes and I pull her closer. “What else?”

“They tried to…but I wouldn’t let them. Something snapped. I...”

Silence inhales her words as she buries her head into my chest, crying harder.

I stroke her hair. Nothing makes sense. Drawing a sharp breath, I crinkle my nose. Sulfur and ash fill my senses.  

Azza
.

He’s here.

I can’t escape the thought, the warning.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re safe. We both are.”

If Azza’s here, we will never be safe.

“I hurt them, Aydan. I really think I hurt them.” She mumbles into my chest.

I can only make out bits and pieces as she tells her story.

“Hit…knife…crazy words…a bright light…foul smell, like fire and burning flesh…”

The words are garbled together. But I understand their meaning. We were attacked by something demonic. Azza, perhaps. And Nessa fought them off somehow.

That’s all the proof of her identity I need.

A heavy sob escapes her lips. I nudge her chin up, kissing away her tears. “Come,” I whisper. “We’d better go. Before they come back.”

The ride back to the house is silent. Nessa no longer trembles, no longer seems afraid. I guide her into my apartment and help her to the bathroom. She’s distant, too distant. Lost in thoughts she refuses to share.

“Are you okay?”

She nods and looks through me.

“You can take a shower if you want. Spend the night. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Again she only nods before turning away and locking herself in the bathroom. Exhaling a hard breath, I wait in the kitchen, mindlessly drinking water and thinking about the night.

The attack

      —
was it you Azza? Have to come to kill me finally?

The blood

      —
what happened while I was out? Did Nessa fight like a Sentinal?

Her screams

      —
what did you see, baby? Why can’t you remember anything? Us?

There is so much more to this attack than I can see and the blindness unnerves me. How can I protect her, protect us, when I can see nothing? Sense, nothing?

My mind drifts, imaging the worst. I trace the marks forever carved into my neck, mentally picturing the ritual.
There are only five. Five. You are not the Beast.
I don’t believe the thought, can’t. Not while I feel the familiar pangs of hunger. Or my insatiable need for vengeance.

I resist the urge to picture myself murdering our assailants. But it’s pointless. I will kill them if I find them. That much is certain.

I spit out the bile and water lodged in my throat, forcing back the truth I’m not yet ready to face. The bathroom door opens and Nessa walks toward me, her body tense. Her vision darts from side to side as she tentatively makes her way across the room.

“Feel better?” I ask.

“I guess.” Her voice sounds hollow.

“Take the bed. I’ll sleep out here.”

“No,” she says too fast as she reaches for me. “I can’t be alone. Please.”

Fear replaces the distance in her eyes and I pull her close. “I’m here.”

We walk to the room, wrapped in a cocoon of fear and unanswered questions.

Sleep comes quickly as Nessa curls next to me, pulling my arms around her. “Thank you,” she says before she drifts away.

“I’ll always be here, Nessa. Forever.”

She nods and her eyes flutter and close. Her breathing quickly settles into the steady rhythm of sleep. But the calm does not last. Within moments, Nessa is tossing and turning.

I stroke her arms, embracing her. “I’m here, baby. You’re safe.”

My words have no meaning. She pushes against me, telling of unseen terrors.

“No, stay away,” she says. “
Succurre.
Help me. Someone, help me.” She thrashes about, attacking the blankets, me, anything in her way.

I strengthen my grip around her. “Shh. You’re dreaming Nessa. Just dreaming.”

“Stay away. No. You can’t have him. No!”

Again she shoves me. And again I tighten my hold. Anguish crinkles her brow.  

“Nessa. Wake up.”

She continues to fight against me, pounding my chest and arms.

“Nessa. It’s me. Aydan. Shhh.”

Finally she opens her eyes, tears escaping down her cheeks. Recognition flashes across her face before she buries her head against me.

“Make it stop. Make the dreams stop.”

“It’s okay, baby. I’m here.”

She sobs into my chest as I hold her. I rub her back, her arms, her head. Whatever she sees when she closes her eyes, whatever demons vex her, I have to take them all away. I can’t bear to see her in this kind of pain.  

Eventually, she drifts to sleep, her head on my tear-stained chest. Her breathing settles once again into a quiet rhythm lulling me into a trance.

My eyes float up, close.

      And the dream begins.

No…

The nightmare.

 Chapter 6 – Phantasm

Zane

There is no comfort in Celestium tonight, no peace. I stand in my chamber, staring out of the window. The view blurs together, hills and a valley shrouded in an inky sky. I don’t know what to do now, how I am supposed to feel.

“It’s not her,” Cass says, pulling me from my stupor. “I know you know this.” Cass voices the truth I still can’t acknowledge.

“It could be. You saw her fight. She looked like a Sentinal.”

“And you heard her thoughts. That wasn’t Nesy.” Cass crosses the room to me. “You have to let her go.”

“No. I have to be sure she’s alive, Cass.”

“Mikayel already told you that Nesy lives.”

“I have to see it for myself.”

Cass lowers her head. “How did I know you were going to say that?”

I force a smile that feels all wrong.

“What about Aydan? Have you reported what you felt in him yet?”

“I can’t. Not yet.”

“Zane, no! You tell them, or I will.”

I stare at Cass. When did she get so bullheaded? She sounds like me. The old me.

I raise my hand and forge a new portal. “I know Nesy lives. And I think Vanessa is her. You can go and report what you think you know, or you can wait until I figure everything out. The choice is yours.”

I walk into the vortex, barely registering Cass’s voice as she urges me to stay.

“I have to do this Cass,” I say as darkness engulfs me.

The portal opens in a small room. A simple dark walnut bed and writing desk are the only furnishings in the room. White walls are adorned with black and white photos of Aydan and Nesy—Vanessa. Reminders of their love.

I stare too long at the pictures, noting the changes in her appearance. Dark brown hair that seems too dark. An olive complexion that is out of place. She looks happy in the pictures, they both do. But her eyes betray her, revealing a deep sadness that is also out of place for Nesy.

“…stop. Please stop…”

Nesy’s voice pulls my attention. She is sleeping next to Aydan. They both toss and turn, wrestling unseen monsters in their sleep, I suspect. I push my thoughts into Aydan’s mind.
Relax
, I think.
Just sleep
. He quiets in an instant, his breath coming in heavy rhythms.

“No!” Nesy bolts upright, her eyes holding the same half-crazed look from earlier.

She stares at me. Through me. Tears form in her eyes as she again whispers “no”.

I can’t stand seeing the pain etched on her face, or the horror in her half-closed eyes. Quickly, I push into her thoughts. Her dreams. Images burst forth in front of me.

Smoke and ash.

Blood—silver, black and crimson.

Mikayel.

And Azzaziel.

“No,” she screams suddenly. “Get out. You are not welcome here.”

An image of herself appears inches from my face. “Get. Out.”

Her voice is scarcely more than a whisper, but the threat it carries is clear. I clench my jaw and force myself deeper into her thoughts. Where ever this dream, this nightmare, is coming from, I need to find it.

The images stream forth too fast.

Moments as Vanessa, with Aydan.

Strange pictures of Azzaziel’s realm, the mist swirling around and through her.

So many thoughts, and none of them right. Nothing of our past or Celestium.

Where are you Nesy? What has happened?

Her mind swirls and reforms, landing me in an ancient place of mountains and caves. Strange forgotten creatures with yellow eyes and sallow skin wield swords against an ancient angelic army. Too many deaths. Too much bloodshed.

I retreat from the images, my own mind giving in to a primal fear.
What is this place?
I whisper through my thoughts.
Nesy?

Her mind spins again. Before new images can form I push my own thoughts into the crevices of her mind.

Celestium.

Cassiel. Me.

Our times together.

I plant the memories she should have, ones I can no longer sense in the desolate spaces of her thoughts.

Training as a Sentinal.

Learning to control her emotions.

Releasing a love she was never supposed to feel.

The memories come faster and faster, implanting in her mind. I watch them play over and over, waiting for them to call forth the real memories of these events; ones I never thought either of us could forget.

The pictures slow. Stop. Her mind begins to blacken and grow cold. Distant.