Life's Perfect Plan (The Life Series) (18 page)

“Okay, let me know if you get it again.” She says.

“Geez, your boss teaches you well. He said the same thing earlier this morning.”

“Well, we worry, and love you.”

“Ella, thanks for all of this. This is beautiful. I hope the house we bought last night fits all of this?” I mutter to her hoping she catches on.

“Trust me, there is never enough room for … what, you bought a house last night?”

I love her facial expression. I lean into her and tell her to lower her voice. I am not ready for Anna to hear that I have bought a house with my boyfriend/babies doctor. “Don’t worry I will fill you and Kate in later.”

As guests to start to leave, Ella informs everyone that there is one last thing to do. She wants to make a tribute to Grant for being a daddy. Even though he isn’t here, he’s with the babies in spirit. I start to cry, again knowing that just hours ago I read those words in a letter he gave to me. At the bottom of all the balloons is a piece of paper, where we all write something to Grant.

I take my balloon and go into the bathroom. I hold the pen and with shaking fingers I write:
I miss you so much! Thank you for the letter, thank you for watching over us. I look forward to the day I tell our boys what a wonderful man you were. I will always love you. You are my sunshine and stars. Your Sweetheart, Elizabeth.

As, I walk out of the bathroom, Anna is in the hallway waiting for me. “I thought we could do this together.” She says as she holds up her balloon.

“I would like that.” I reply as I grab her arm and walk outside. On the count of three we all let go of our blue balloons with hidden messages to Grant. I don’t know what others wrote, but I can see many smiles on the guest’s faces. I hope that this was a way for everyone to say the goodbye that they always wanted to say. I know that I finally got to say what I needed for me to move on.

I’m up and walking around thanking everyone for coming and their gifts for the babies. I feel another pain come on, but I chit chat right on through it. It’s too early for all of this.
I am only 32 weeks pregnant. I have at least two more weeks. Anna is the last to leave, her eyes are red and I know that this was a bittersweet occasion for her. “Know that Cole and I love you so much and we are so happy for you. I know that Cole said I didn’t read the letter, but I did. I’m so sorry Beth, but I couldn’t stop reading, I could hear him saying it to you. Grant is right, you deserve to be happy and move on with your life. I know you are seeing someone …” I interrupt her.

“His name is Jacob, Jacob Alexander.”

She nods and continues. “Beth, I just want those boys to know who Grant was. I know that Jacob will do all the things that a daddy is supposed to do, the things that you and Grant planned for. But, I just want the boys to know who gave them life.” I interrupt her again, by placing my hands on her arms.

“Anna, you and Cole have no worries when it comes to that. Jacob knows that Grant will always be a part of our lives. That these boys …” I grab her hands and place them on my belly. “They will know all about Grant, I will tell them, you will tell them, and Cole will tell them what an amazing man he was. I will always love Grant and I will always be forever thankful for the three miracles he has given us.”

She throws her arms around me and cries into my shoulder. “Thank you.” She cries into my shoulders.

I tell her, “Thank you for raising an incredible man, I hope I can only do as half as good as you did with Grant for these little guys. I love you.”

I give her a kiss on the cheek and walk her out to her car. As she pulls away I smile up to the sunshine, as I know now Grant is smiling back at me. I blow a kiss up to the sky as I slowly walk back into the house. Once inside I plop myself on the couch. Kate shouts out to me that she already called Jacob to come and help pack up this baby stuff.

“He might need a moving van.” I mutter as I try to find comfort on lying on my side. I am so uncomfortable all of a sudden. Finally finding a position that I can tolerate, I start to doze off. When I awake, which seems minutes later, but once I look at the clock it’s been an hour. Jacob is rubbing his hand on my hip.

“Hi, baby. Did these ladies wear you out?”

I huff, as I try to sit up. Jacob sees the strain in my face and helps me into a sitting position. “I just got tired all of a sudden, and I had another pain in my back. The boys are restless. I feel like a pumpkin and they are carving out my insides.”

“Well, let’s go home and you can rest some more. Your mom had to run a few errands and will meet us at the house later. Everything is loaded in the truck. I have no clue where we are going to put all of this.” He says.

“Right, I said the same thing to Ella.”

He pulls me up and grabs my purse for me. With his hand on my lower back we walk to the door to say goodbye to Ella and Kate. “Thank you so much for this, I love you both to pieces!”

With lots of hugs and kisses we finally part ways. Jacob helps me into the truck. We are on our way home where my bed is calling my name. I am consumed with exhaustion.

“UGH!” I cry out. I have tossed and turned most of the night. I am so uncomfortable. It hurts to breathe, and I feel like they are playing tug of war in there with my organs. Jacob is passed out cold. I know he has been working non-stop between his shifts at the hospital and packing up this house. I look at the clock and see that it is just before five o’clock. I roll over and get as close as I can to Jacob’s back. I feel excruciating pain and warmth between my legs.
OH SHIT!
I slap Jacob’s back to wake him up. “Jacob, something is wrong!” I cry to him. He jumps off the bed and is trying to comprehend what is going on. I throw the covers off of me to see what is coming out between my legs. It’s dark, I just see dark and so does Jacob as he turns on the bedside lamp. Once the light has hit the sheets I see it. It is crimson red and pooling in between my legs. “Fuck” is all I hear come out of Jacob’s mouth.

I am in shock I see and hear things, but my mind can’t comprehend what is going on
. Please God, let everything be ok.
I chant over and over in my head. I see Jacob throw on clothes and has his phone to his ear. He is calling an ambulance. Fuck! This isn’t good.

“Elizabeth, look at me.” He calmly says to me. I look at him and I sob, I’m brought back to reality by looking into those gorgeous eyes of his. “Baby, the placenta is separating from your uterus, we have got to get you to the hospital and deliver these babies. I called an ambulance, and we will be on our way. I need you to slowly get up.” He grabs my thighs to pull me to the side of the bed, but once he makes me close my legs I scream in agony. He pulls my legs apart and looks in between my legs. I see absolute fear in his eyes.

“Fuck! Elizabeth, what I’m about to do is going to hurt, and I’m so sorry but the baby’s umbilical cord is prolapsing … its coming out first and it’s not good.” With his final words he grabs the cords and fists it up into my vagina. I buck off the bed and scream in pain. “Oh shit, baby I’m so, so sorry … breathe baby just breathe!” I feel Jacob pushing harder and harder and I want to pass out
, just knock me out
! He keeps his hand there and with the other hand he grabs the phone off the bed. I hear him talking to the hospital, and telling to prep the OR and to alert the NICU that he has three 32 week gestation males coming in. I feel my body shake from crying so hard. Once he is off the phone he screams for my mother. “GRACE, come here!” He shouts about four times before my mother comes running in. My mother gasps when she sees what is going on. “I called an ambulance they will be here any minute, please let them in. The baby’s cord is coming out and I can’t move my hand.” My mother nods and runs off for the front door. Minutes later the paramedics are in our room. I feel like I have tunnel vision that so much is going on around me. Yet all I see is complete darkness in front of me.

“Elizabeth, they are going to move you to the gurney, but, baby, my hand needs to stay here so the cord doesn’t come back out. I’m so sorry, love, to put you through this, but once we get to the hospital it will be better.” With that, I feel the men lift me onto the gurney and I cry out in pain. Once we are in the ambulance I see Jacob gets his cell phone with his other hand and call someone.

“Dad, hey it’s time. Elizabeth has Placenta Abruption with a prolapsed cord. We are in the ambulance now. How soon can you be there … Good. See you soon.” Once he is off the phone, he bends over and kisses me. “You are doing so good, baby. Hang in there. I love you.”

“What’s going to happen to the babies?” I sputter out the words.

“You all are going to be fine.” He tells me way too calmly.

“Jacob, no doctor talk, you tell me the truth. Are they going to be ok?”

“The babies are early. There is no telling what the outcome will be with babies this small. You will be fine. I promise I will do my best with everything. Nothing bad is going to happen, I won’t allow it. I’m getting my best people in the OR now.”

“I’m so scared, Jacob. I can’t lose any of them.” He is practically laying on me with the position he is in. His hand has got to hurt. He just kisses me and whispers “I love you” over and over.

We are finally at the hospital. Getting out of the ambulance was another shouting episode. It hurt so bad, that Jacob hoped on the gurney and ended up straddling me with his hand still inside of me. “Elizabeth, you are doing so good, hang in there. I love you!” Jacob told the paramedics which floor to take us to and to take us straight to the OR doors. Jacob screamed for someone named Kathy. I see from my side Kathy running down the hallway to us.

“Elizabeth, this is Kathy, she will be by my side in the OR. I need to go scrub for surgery. I will be right back, Kathy is going to switch places with me until I can get in there and get the boys out. They are going to take you in to prep you for surgery, ok?”

I look into those eyes and those eyes aren’t telling me the whole story. I realize that this is an emergency. I’ve read up on emergency cesareans. They put the woman under, most of the time.

“Jacob, you have to pu … put me under, don’t you?” I stutter the words to him. I cry for the realization that I won’t witness their birth. Their biological father won’t witness their birth. I grab his hand and put all my faith and trust in him. “Do what you need to do to save them and keep them healthy. Tell them their Mommy loves them when you see them.”

“Oh God Elizabeth, I wish I didn’t have to. You can’t sit in a sitting position for a spinal. I love you so much and I promise to keep them healthy and safe. I gotta run and get prepped.”

He leans down to kiss me and I turn my head so he ends up kissing my temple. I gasp for small breaths, since the pain is excruciating from crying so hard. This wasn’t part of the plan.
Oh, God, please keep my babies safe! Grant, please make sure our babies are safe!
I cry out agony again as Jacob pulls his hand out and Kathy places hers in, which is some relief considering her hands are smaller. Kathy straddles me since she is too short to walk and have her hand inside me. Once we are in the operating room she helps with her other hand by placing blue paper sheets all over me. I meet the Anesthesiologist, and as soon as I am prepped he gets to work with his equipment. Right before he puts the mask to my face I see Jacob at the window putting on his scrub hat, paper blue gown, and mask on. I have never felt such adoration and love for someone, yet I felt complete numbness and pain for what I am going through. As the mask is placed on me, I am told to take deep breaths in. Counting back from 100, I look over to see Jacob walking towards me
. 100, 99, 98, 97
… I’m out before he says anything to me.

I awake, to the machine that I despise, the machine that beeps for every heartbeat. I squint, because it is too bright. I hear women talking around me, but don’t see them. I rub my eyes, so I can see better. I see that I am in the recovery room. I’m by myself, but I still hear the women behind the curtains. My mouth feels like I have swallowed cotton. I try to talk, but it hurts. I feel as if my tongue has doubled in size. I place my hands on my belly and there is nothing there. I feel my ribs and pelvis. It is the weirdest sensation to know my hands were propped by a protruding belly, only moments ago for me, and now I lay them on flatness. I pull the covers up to see the difference. I see, white gauze below my belly button, spanning the width of my hips. I start to get emotional when I feel that they aren’t inside of me. I mourn for not having more time with them inside of me. I grieve because I didn’t memorize their kicks and movement one final time. I start to cry, about the separation between my babies and me, I cry harder, since I’ll never experience the miracle of life growing and kicking inside me again. I use the sheet to wipe my eyes. Clearing my throat I get the attention of a nurse. “Can I have some water, please?” I hoarsely say to her.

She brings me ice chips and tells me to take it slow. “Where is Dr. Alexander?” I ask.

“I’ve paged him, he asked me to page him once you woke. How is your pain? From 1-10 what would you give it, with 10 being worst.” She cheerfully asks me.