Lily’s War (13 page)

‘Better me than you,’ he said in clipped tones. ‘I don’t know what he was thinking about. If he was thinking! He’d had a skinful, otherwise he’d have known better, but he never looked further than his own nose. I wish it hadn’t happened but …’ He ran a hand over his face. ‘Lousy homecoming for you. Did you have a nice honeymoon?’

The question seemed so incongruous and she was so relieved he was not blaming her for her father’s death that a laugh burst from her. ‘Oh, Ben! What a question to ask!’

‘We had a beaut time, thanks,’ said Matt, smiling.

Ben said, ‘If the truth’s known we’re going to miss our Lil more than him. I can’t help thinking Dad’s better out of it.’ He reddened and glanced at Matt. ‘I know that’s not very tactful but he would have only got worse without Lil around.’

There was an uncomfortable silence, broken by May holding out a cup to Lily. ‘Let’s all have a nice cup of sweet tea!’ she beamed. ‘Everyone says it’s good for shock.’

Lily managed a smile and sipped the tea. It was weak and too milky but at least it eased her dry throat.

Matt asked Ben when the funeral was to be. He said there was to be an inquest and they discussed the arrangements which would have to be made afterwards. Lily felt as if it was unreal. Were they really talking about her father? What should she do? Matt said he would go with Ben to see William. She offered to go with them but he said they would have to take May if she went and they’d rather not. Besides she would be better resting. She agreed because her legs still felt weak. Then she suddenly remembered her younger brother and asked where he was.

‘He came in at lunchtime complaining of not feeling well so I told him he was best in bed,’ said Ben, running a hand through his dark hair. ‘I was surprised when he agreed.’

Lily’s brows knitted. ‘In what way not well?’

‘He couldn’t say.’

‘It’s probably shock,’ said Matt.

Without another word Lily forced herself to her feet and up the stairs.

Ronnie was in bed, a
Dandy
in front of him on the blue and white cotton cover but he was not reading. His eyes flickered over her. ‘I thought I heard you coming in.’

She sat on the side of the bed. ‘What’s up, Ron?’

‘Don’t feel well.’

‘Is it Dad dying?’ He shook his head and immediately winced. ‘Your head hurts?’

‘Yeah. And me throat, and I feel sick.’

‘Oh dear!’ She would have smiled at his woebegone face if she had not been feeling so miserable herself. ‘Is it my leaving? You do know I’m going to Australia?’

‘I don’t want you to leave.’ His voice was hoarse. ‘But it’s not that. I really don’t feel well.’

‘Shock can make you feel odd,’ she said soothingly.

‘It doesn’t make your throat sore,’ he rasped, frowning.

‘It could if you’ve been crying over Dad.’

‘I wouldn’t cry over him!’ His tone was scornful. ‘He never had any time for me, only himself!’

Lily decided to ignore that comment. ‘Let’s have a look at that throat.’

Obediently he opened his mouth. Even if his throat had not been red and sore-looking, the sight of his furry tongue was enough to convince her something was seriously wrong. She said that she would fetch him a drink and some aspirin and went downstairs to discover Matt and Ben had left.

‘They said they’d be back as quickly as they could,’ said May, the tip of her tongue protruding as she struggled with a piece of knitting.

‘Fine,’ said Lily absently, and made a fresh cup of tea, only to discover when she reached her brother’s room that he had been sick all over the linoleum. She had just cleaned up the mess and was washing her hands when Daisy arrived in from work, bringing fish and chips from the chippie.

‘So you’re back,’ said her sister, a relieved expression on her face. ‘What do you think? A right turn up for the book, hey?’

Lily had to bite on her tongue to stop herself speaking her mind. She wondered how Daisy could sound so uncaring. ‘Do you think like Ben that it’ll make life easier for you?’ she asked, resting both hands on the table.

Some of the brightness died in Daisy’s face and she was silent as she unwrapped the food. ‘At least he won’t be drinking our money away.’

Lily sighed. ‘I suppose you’re right. But you’ve another problem. Ronnie’s not well. If he’s not improved by morning, I think you’ll have to get the doctor out.’

‘Me!’ She stared at Lily in dismay. ‘Can’t you do it now you’re home? You will be postponing going to Australia? I mean, we need you with all this upset!’

Lily felt as if her heart plummeted into her stomach, and her fingers gripped the table convulsively. ‘Everything’s arranged! We’ve our tickets and Matt’s itinerary is all worked out!’

‘Matt could still go,’ said Daisy hopefully, beginning to unwrap the fish and chips. ‘I mean, I’m hopeless when people are sick.’

‘Ronnie is not people,’ said Lily irritably. ‘He’s your brother! And I’m sure you can cope perfectly well if you want to.’

‘Sure! I’ll give up work!’ said Daisy sarcastically. There was a silence. She sighed. ‘Sorry. But we’ll need my money, things aren’t going to be easy for us.’

Lily thought swiftly. ‘I suppose I could call the doctor and stay round here tomorrow if necessary, but I won’t be stopping so don’t depend on my doing so. You might have to give up work whatever you say. How are you going to manage everything otherwise?’

Daisy shrugged. ‘Ben’ll manage the milking without me and our May’ll be here before and after school for people who want milk.’

‘She’s only ten!’

‘She’s older in the head,’ retorted Daisy. ‘And if you’re so worried about her being too young, you shouldn’t be leaving her.’

Lily’s own head began to ache. ‘Listen, Daisy,’ she said strongly, ‘the last words Dad spoke to me were angry ones, so try and imagine what it’s like for me coming back to find him dead. The last thing I need is you trying to make me feel guilty about leaving you all. You are nineteen! I was only fourteen when I took over from Mam and I had May as a baby to look after – and Ronnie was only a year older. You should count yourself lucky.’

‘All right, all right. Keep your hair on. I didn’t mean to sound unfeeling. It’s just that everything’s been so terrible and confused!’ She bit savagely into a couple of chips.

‘You coped, though?’

Daisy sighed. ‘It was only three days but it felt longer. I haven’t done any proper washing. God knows when I’ll manage to change the sheets. Will you be staying in Dad’s room?’

‘We planned on a bed and breakfast.’ Lily took knives and forks from a drawer in the sideboard.

‘You mean you vant to be alone?’ said Daisy, raising her eyebrows expressively.

‘We have only just got married,’ murmured Lily, just about hanging on to her temper.

‘But you’ll be here tomorrow? What about the day after?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Lily, through her teeth. ‘Let’s just take one day at a time. I’ll be here tomorrow with Ronnie, packing my few belongings while Matt gathers his things from the vicarage.’

Daisy said moodily, ‘It’d be better if you were staying here.’

‘Well, we’re not!’ The last thing Lily wanted was to come back to the dairy and her old way of life. She had begun a new one and was determined to continue it.

She called May over to the table and put the men’s plates in the oven. Daisy asked where they had spent their honeymoon and Lily told them about Wales and the variety show they had seen at the theatre.

Ronnie thumped on the ceiling and automatically Lily flew upstairs, to discover he had been sick again, this time over the bedcover. She stripped it off with the blanket underneath and dumped them in the bath, running water on to them. She was beginning to feel more tired than if she had done a full day’s work. That was the shock, she guessed.

Hesitantly she went into her father’s room and sat on the edge of the bed, thinking about him and trying to pray, remembering how he had been missing on her wedding morning. The sheets on the bed were still clean because he had spent the night at the farm. She and Matt could sleep here, she thought, plagued by guilt again. Only it might be better if Ben did. She found herself worrying about Ronnie once more. Then, hearing Matt’s voice, she left the room.

‘What did Uncle William have to say?’ she said, going over to him.

‘Not much,’ he replied, his expression softening as he took both her hands in his. ‘Are you all right?’

She nodded. ‘Ronnie isn’t, though. What about Aunt Dora?’

‘Her usual self.’ There was a sudden shadow in his eyes and Lily wondered what her aunt had said to him. Probably she had blamed the pair of them for her father’s death. Matt added, ‘There’s to be an inquest tomorrow. Ben and I will go. There’s no point in you upsetting yourself.’

‘We’re hoping the funeral can be on Friday,’ said Ben, dropping his head on his hand as he leaned on the table. He looked really tired.

‘Good.’ She wanted it over with as soon as possible. The mixture of unreality, horror and guilt were still with her. She needed something to do, so she made tea and took their dinners out of the oven. ‘I’ll do the second milking for you tomorrow, Ben,’ she said, considering it was the least she could do if her brother was going to the inquest and would probably have to do deliveries.

‘Thanks. I’ve got a lot to fit in.’ He yawned. ‘As soon as I’ve finished this I’ll get to bed. The last few days have been a bit of a nightmare.’

She rumpled his hair affectionately, then remembering Ronnie, told them about the vomiting. ‘It might be better, Ben, if you slept in Dad’s room, if you don’t mind? The sheets are clean.’

He groaned. ‘You think it might be something catching?’

‘You can’t take chances, not with you doing the milking. Get Daisy or May to check how he is.’

‘Do I have to touch him?’ said Daisy in alarm, looking up from her magazine. ‘I don’t want to catch anything.’

Matt gave her a frowning glance but it was Lily who said impatiently, ‘Would you rather May, a ten-year-old, saw to him? Anyway, I’ll be round in the morning. I’ll see to him then.’ She stood, needing to get away. ‘We’ll have to be going.’

Ben smiled and held up a hand. ‘See you then.’

Lily blew him a kiss and she and Matt left the room.

They found a suitable guest house in Lord Nelson Street by Lime Street station. Lily sank flat on the bed as soon as they entered the room, closed her eyes and freed a deep sigh. ‘Thank God! I feel like I’ve been through the mangle. Our Daisy was going on about us postponing our voyage.’

‘And you think that would be wrong?’ said Matt, opening a suitcase and taking out his Book of Common Prayer. He sat on the bed beside her with it unopened on his knee.

She opened her eyes. ‘Our berths are booked and everything’s planned. You’d be letting people down if we postpone,’ she said. ‘You couldn’t get a letter to them quickly enough.’

‘That’s true,’ murmured Matt, opening the prayer book. ‘Let’s hope the funeral can be on Friday and that Ronnie is going to be all right.’

‘Yes!’ She sat up, hunching her knees and putting her arms round them.

There was a furrow between his brows. ‘How worried about him are you?’

Lily bit her lower lip then said lightly, ‘Worry worried.’

‘And you’re happy to leave him to Daisy’s unloving mercy?’

‘Not happy.’ She pulled a face. ‘I just hope I’m wrong and it isn’t anything catching.’

‘I hope so too.’ He put down his prayer book and reached for her. She shuffled across the bed and they wrapped their arms around each other. ‘I told you it wouldn’t be easy, sweetheart.’

‘I hurt –’ she took his hand and placed it firmly in the region of her heart ‘– right there.’

‘I’ll kiss it better.’

‘Can you?’ A small sad smile curved her mouth.

‘I can try.’

He undid her brassiere, kissing her neck and throat as he did so before reaching her breast. She reached out for him, holding him close, but a moment later the worry, the guilt and the grief were back, like lead weights in her mind and her heart. ‘Matt.’

He raised his head. ‘Don’t think about it.’

A laugh escaped her. ‘How is it you always know what’s going on in my mind?’

‘Easy in this case. You’re thinking of your father, and should we be doing this?’

‘And should we?’

He cuddled her. ‘If it comforts you I don’t see why not. Should you stop eating and having cups of tea?’

‘I need to drink and eat to live.’

‘And you don’t need this?’ He gazed into her face, then pushed her gently down on to the bed and slid on top of her. He kissed her with a melting tenderness which brought unexpected tears to her eyes. They made love very slowly, which she found infinitely comforting.

The noise of a train huffing and puffing and rattling the sash window woke Lily next morning. She discovered Matt already dressed. ‘The inquest is at ten,’ he said, coming over to her. He planted a kiss on her mouth. ‘I thought I’d pick up Ben and afterwards return the car to the hire place. You can sleep a little longer if you want.’

‘No!’ She scrambled out of bed. ‘Wait for me. I might as well go to the house now. I can get some shopping on the way and prepare something for tea for the whole family. There’s also that bedding to do.’

Matt shook his head at her. ‘If you must, you must, but they’re going to have to learn to look after themselves.’

‘It’ll only be a few more days.’ She reached up and kissed him before getting ready with a speed that caused him to comment drily that she was definitely the woman to have with him on the move.

‘How is he?’ Lily asked Ben as soon as she stepped out of the car.

‘He says he’s hot and has been sick again.’ He ran a hand over his face. ‘And he’s got a rash. I think we’ll have to get the doctor. I’ve kept our May away from school in case it is something catching.’

‘You haven’t been in to him?’ she said swiftly.

‘I stood at the door.’ Ben dug into his pocket. ‘I’ve got some money—’

‘No! You might need it,’ said Lily, pushing him towards the door. ‘You go off to the inquest with Matt.’

She found May washing doll’s clothes in a bowl in the kitchen. ‘Are you feeling all right?’

May nodded absently. ‘Can I mangle these?’ she asked, holding up a hand-knitted bonnet and coat.