Lily’s War (40 page)

‘Lil, are you coming?’ Daisy’s impatient tones echoed upstairs. ‘This son of yours is getting out of hand.’

‘Coming!’ she called, taking some money out of the cocoa tin under the bed, some of which she had taken out of Martin’s bank. She thought of Matt now and sent up a prayer, trying not to worry. The Allies might be making big advances out East and in Europe, but she had no idea where Matt was since the declaration that victory was certain in New Guinea. Men could be blown apart or knived up to the last minute in a war or die of tropical diseases far from medical help. She would not be able to relax completely until he came home, but in the meantime she wanted to carry on with her life as peacefully as possible. Daisy had a day off and May had arranged some free time so they could go into town together. The singer Vera Lynn, whose grandmother came from Bootle, was said to be visiting the VI exhibition at T. J. Hughes and they were hoping to catch sight of the ‘Forces’ Sweetheart’.

She heard the kitchen door open and May speaking, then the sound of Daisy’s sharp tones. She hoped the next few hours were not going to be difficult with the pair of them bickering. Daisy had been moody since her hero Captain Johnny Walker had died in the naval hospital last year from overwork, but she had been far worse since her RAF boyfriend had been shot down over Germany a month ago. For weeks her face had worn a blank expression as if she could not believe what had happened, but that had passed and anger with anything and everybody had followed.

Lily hurried downstairs to find Paul, who would be two in a month or so, paddling with his hands in the coal dust at the bottom of the scuttle while her sisters sat staring sullenly at each other. She leaned over and grabbed him by the wrists, holding him at a distance. ‘What are the pair of you thinking of, letting him do this? We’ll never get to see Vera Lynn the way things are going!’

‘It’s not my fault you weren’t ready.’ Daisy shrugged and fiddled with the strap of her shoulder bag. ‘Anyway, who cares about seeing her?’ She swung her leg back and forth. ‘Her with her songs about love ever after and stupid bluebirds! You don’t get bluebirds over cliffs, only seagulls screeching.’

‘Never mind the bluebirds,’ snapped May. ‘Tell our Lily what you’ve just screeched at me!’

Crimson flooded Daisy’s face. ‘I shouldn’t have told you! But you made me lose my temper going on about Aunt Dora and Dermot living in Ireland like two elderly lovebirds. There’s no happy ever after in this world!’

‘What is all this?’ demanded Lily, wondering if it was going to be one of those days. She manoeuvred her son over to the sink, trying to keep his hands from touching her clothes. She stared at Daisy waiting for her to say something, saw her swallow as if it was a struggle to get the words out.

The shop door bell jangled. ‘Go and see who that is, May,’ said Lily, running water into a bowl and hoisting Paul up to the sink by his hands.

Daisy said, ‘I’ll go. You tell her, May.’ With a mixture of relief and apprehension on her face, she shot out of the kitchen.

May closed the door after her and leaned against it. ‘She’s having a baby.’ She barely paused before adding, ‘Doesn’t it seem utterly unfair? There’s Vera desperate to have one and our Daisy frantic because she is.’

‘Oh, my God!’ Lily nearly dropped Paul, who was balancing on her raised knee at the sink. ‘What are we going to do? We’ll have to help her!’

‘You mean help her get rid of it?’ said May, her forehead creased in thought as she reached for a towel and came over to the sink. ‘Jean McGuire once said you could do something with a knitting needle up—’

‘No! I didn’t mean that!’ Lily shuddered at the thought. ‘Besides, she mightn’t want to get rid of it if she loved the bloke. It’s all she’s got to remember him by.’

‘She said she didn’t love him – said nobody could replace her Ted.’

Lily sighed. ‘Isn’t it strange the way people fall in love? Anyway, it’s going to be her decision.’

May nodded. ‘I told her you’d be OK about it but she was worried sick about telling you.’

‘She was? Am I such an ogre?’ Lily screwed up her face in disbelief, then remembered how apprehensive she had been about telling Matt about Rob.

At that moment the door opened but it was not Daisy who entered. The sisters stared at the man standing there.

‘Hello, Lil,’ said Rob. He gave May a brief nod. She flushed.

As for Lily, she just managed to bite back a ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ because she realised in time just how wretched he looked. ‘What’s happened?’

‘One of my brothers has been killed,’ he said forlornly.

She forced Daisy’s problem to the back of her mind and without thinking switched into role of carer. ‘Oh, I am sorry, Rob. Sit down. I presume it was your youngest brother? The one in the army.’

He shook his head as he lowered himself into a chair. ‘It was Doug that told me about it. I could understand if it had been him, but it was my eldest brother.’

‘What happened?’ said May, moving closer to him.

Rob blew out a long breath and clasped his hands between his knees. ‘There was a riot in a prisoner-of-war camp outside Cowra in New South Wales. The Japs attacked the guards. Most were killed or captured in the compound but some managed to escape.’ He sighed again. ‘They were eventually hunted down but not before one slit Gordon’s throat.’

‘How terrible,’ whispered Lily, feeling a catch at her heart. ‘Your poor mother!’

Rob nodded. ‘It happened last August but it was played down for fear of reprisals from the Japs on our men in their camps. The family kept it from me and Doug, reckoning we had enough to cope with, but Doug was invalided home after being wounded in the Philippines and thought I should know.’

‘I really am sorry.’ Lily’s eyes were sympathetic. ‘I can guess how you feel. Matt and I saw enough of it here on the home front during the blitz. It seemed terribly wrong. Somehow much worse than if it had been on what we think of as a real battlefield.’

He nodded and cleared his throat. ‘May told me he joined up.’

‘Yes. Last heard of in New Guinea,’ she said brightly.

‘That’s rough, but at least he’ll know his way about some.’ Rob smiled feebly. ‘I’d have been here straight away if I’d known. Although he warned me away, no messing!’

‘He meant it,’ she said quietly. ‘In one of his letters he spoke of strangling you. Why have you come back, Rob? Surely it wasn’t just to tell us about your brother?’

His sombre eyes met hers. ‘I could say it was because Matt packs quite a punch and I’d like to get my own back, but it wouldn’t be true. I’ve changed. And besides, there’s this bloke here.’ Rob nodded in Paul’s direction. The child was staring at him from wide, heavily fringed blue eyes as he perched on Lily’s knee. ‘I guess it was because I was homesick and your family is the closest to one I’ve got here, despite everything that went wrong between us. Anyway, I needed a bit of feminine company – I don’t mean I wanted a woman,’ he added hastily. ‘I mean …’

‘You wanted a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on?’ She smiled, not quite believing him.

‘Men don’t cry,’ drawled May, her hand on the back of Rob’s chair. ‘He wants a hug.’

He glanced over his shoulder at her, his eyes narrowing. ‘I take it you’re not offering after what you said to me last time?’

‘You said I was just a kid and didn’t understand.’

‘My mistake.’

Lily stared at them and decided to change the subject. ‘What are you doing now, Rob? I thought you must have moved on with not seeing you.’

‘I’ve got a weekend off but I’m with Coastal Command. Our job’s drawing to an end.’ His eyes were still on May. ‘The war should be over soon.’

Lily stood up, deciding it was time to get going. ‘I hope so. We were going into town. Perhaps you’d like to come with us?’ she said politely.

He rose to his feet and gave a ghost of a smile. ‘You’re hoping I’ll say no.’

Lily thought, he still possesses a dangerous charm. ‘You always did think you could read my mind,’ she said lightly.

He pulled on his cap. ‘I’ll walk with you both to the tram stop.’

‘OK.’ She handed Paul over to May and remembered Daisy. ‘I wonder what’s happened to Daisy?’

‘You mean the woman who came out of here earlier?’ said Rob. They nodded. ‘She went out.’

Figures, thought Lily, groaning inwardly. Would she be back soon or what? She’d give her five minutes to return and if she didn’t she’d leave without her. ‘You go ahead,’ she said to May and Rob. ‘I’ll catch you up.’

They left and Lily stood a moment, her hand on the shop door, trying not to think about what Rob had said about the Japs, and worrying about Daisy. She waited ten minutes but there was no sign of her sister so she followed the other two.

Lily never did get to see Vera Lynn. Rob pressurised them into having lunch with him at a Kardomah and after saying goodbye to him, they had to rush round the shops to be back in time for milking. May said that she would be going out that evening and did Lily mind? She wondered why she asked but did not think about it overmuch, instead pondering on how far gone Daisy was in her pregnancy and what her plans were. She had an idea what to do with the baby herself but so much depended on the rest of the family.

Over the next few days Lily stayed close to the dairy, wishing Daisy would call, but there was no sign of her sister so she hoped to see her at the farm, as Vera had asked them all to Sunday lunch.

‘I think I’ll give the family a miss,’ said May on the Sunday morning as she smoothed glycerine over her hands. ‘I see them every day and I get tired of that journey. I’ll feed the lodger and take it easy.’

‘OK,’ said Lily, her mind on Daisy’s problem.

When she arrived at the farm there was no sign of her sister.

‘Perhaps duty called at the last moment?’ said Ben, smiling as he balanced himself before hoisting a chuckling Paul up on to his shoulders.

Lily shook her head. ‘I don’t think it’s that. May said she’s scared to face me, the stupid ninny!’

‘Why?’ asked Ben as they went inside the house.

‘Because she’s having a baby and left our May to tell me!’

He let out a low whistle. ‘That flying bloke, was it?’

‘It seems like it.’ She frowned. ‘I’m just praying she hasn’t done anything stupid. I’ve heard some of these backstreet women are sheer murder! I had thought that maybe if she agrees and you—’ She hesitated and glanced at Ben. It was not so easy speaking her thoughts when it actually came down to it.

‘You thought what?’

She plunged straight in. ‘That she could have the baby and you and Vera could adopt it. You want children and—’

He shook his head at her, his eyes smiling. ‘Vera’s having a baby. It’s just been confirmed.’

‘But I thought …’ Lily put a hand to her mouth and groaned.

He laughed. ‘I can guess what you thought but it was just a matter of time and things getting working again. Sorry, Lil, you’ll have to let Daisy do her own sorting out. I know it’s difficult for you to get out of the habit of looking after us but we’re all grown up now. She’ll come up with something.’

She nodded and reaching up, kissed him. ‘Congratulations. Let’s hope more things will go our way now.’

He agreed and no more was said about Daisy.

Lily arrived home to discover May was out again. After putting Paul to bed she felt lonely despite the presence of the lodger. She longed for Matt. He was the someone she wanted to talk to most about Daisy and May and life’s problems. He would listen and understand. From his letters he accepted her the way she was, loved her the way she was. You’re a carer, Lily, he had said, and you didn’t stop caring because circumstances changed. She had been jealous of that caring aspect of his nature in the past and of his commitment to God and others, but she accepted it now. It was what made him the man she had fallen in love with. It did not matter that he was not six feet tall, handsome as a Greek god, or physically fit as Tarzan. He was her man. All she needed was for the war to end and for him to come home.

But the war lingered on, although the news was full of the German retreat across the Rhine and of more American successes against the Japanese.

The danger from air raids was past and fire watching was abolished in Britain when at last Daisy came to call.

‘Where have you been?’ demanded Lily, pouncing on her sister as she came through the shop door. ‘How are you? I’ve been so worried.’

‘I’m fed up!’ Her face was all dragged down as she dropped against the counter. ‘I’ve had hot baths, drank a couple of bottles of gin, taken so-called magical potions from a chemist – but it’s still there! I don’t know what to do next.’

Lily was not going to mention backstreet abortion if her sister wasn’t. ‘It looks like it wants to live,’ she murmured.

Daisy gazed at Paul, sitting on the floor playing with a couple of old Dinky cars which had belonged to Ronnie. ‘Paul’s got Matt’s lovely eyes.’ She sighed. ‘It’s not that I hate the idea of having a baby, but what’ll I do for money, Lil?’

‘We’ll help out. I’ve still got Paul’s baby clothes. Although it might be a girl. And you can come and live with us,’ she said firmly.

Daisy pulled a face. ‘It’s all right for you to say that but what about Matt when he comes home? He might cast me out.’

‘He won’t!’ She was warmed by that ‘when’ not ‘if’.

‘You don’t know,’ said Daisy soberly, toying with the milk ladle. ‘He’ll probably want you all to himself.’

‘You’re forgetting the lodger and May.’

‘I’m not.’ She hesitated. ‘But have you given thought to your having to leave the dairy? What if Matt wants to live in Australia? And what if he doesn’t, but decides to stay over here? He’ll want his own parish eventually, won’t he? You’ll have to go where he goes.’

Lily had thought of these things but only in passing because stupidly, superstitiously, she had not wanted to consider the future too much in case the one she envisaged did not come to pass. ‘There’s no reason why you can’t stay here once the navy give you the boot.’ She smiled. ‘Things are changing with the Milk Marketing Board. You and our May can get rid of the cows and just buy in milk to sell.’