Lily’s War (38 page)

May swallowed. ‘It’s not going to come that fast, is it?’

‘Just get the midwife,’ she cried. ‘I’ll get Mrs Draper.’

‘But can you—? began May.

Lily lost patience and pushed her sister out of the door and followed her to fetch Mrs Draper, her apprehension firmly under control.

Lily felt as if she had done a week’s work without stopping but it was all over now and had been worth it. She glanced at the screwed-up features of her son and felt the tug as his tiny mouth worked to draw nourishment from her breast. She brushed her cheek against the soft down on his head and thought, my little hero, it must have been as hard for you as me. If only your father knew about you. Hopefully he’d come running home. She was not going to dwell on the thought that Matt might not want to see his son.

An hour later May entered the sunlit room with Ronnie. She took the baby out of the old Moses basket and rocked him in her arms. ‘I hope you’re going to let me be godmother?’

‘I haven’t been to church for ages,’ murmured Lily, realising she would have to make some decisions. David had called several times but she had told him she could not talk about what had happened with Matt. It was too soon and she was hurting. He had returned to Australia was all she would tell him.

‘You’ve got to have him christened,’ said her sister. ‘Matt would want him done.’

‘You’ve got no tact,’ said Ronnie, sitting on the bed and placing a box of chocolates on the cover.

Lily pretended not to have heard either of them. ‘You must have really done without to buy these,’ she said, undoing the cellophane on the box of Black Magic.

‘We all decided to do without an Easter egg and our weekly sweeties,’ said May. ‘But getting back to godmothers …’

Lily smiled. ‘You like him then?’

‘He’s beautiful, but not when he wees over me.’ She shook her arm and handed her nephew to Lily. ‘Somebody should come up with something to stop them doing that.’

‘Put a cork in it,’ drawled Ronnie.

‘Exactly,’ said May, grinning.

Her brother ignored her. ‘Ben said he’d visit later.’

‘What about Vera?’

‘Someone’s got to look after the twins. Aunt Dora is going to see Clark Gable at the flicks with Dermot.’

Lily and May exchanged smiling glances but made no comment.

Later when Ben called, Lily asked him what he thought of Dermot.

‘I was going to ask you that,’ said Ben, fetching a chair and placing it beside the bed. He sat, his wounded leg stretched out in front of him.

‘I like him.’ She thought how much more relaxed her brother seemed today. Close up, his face only appeared a little older than his twenty-seven years.

He took a pipe from his pocket and fiddled with it. ‘He’s asked me if he may court Aunt Dora.’

Lily smiled. ‘How lovely and old-fashioned. I presume it’s because he sees you as the head of the house?’

‘I’m the eldest male and that goes for something in his book.’ He paused to take tobacco out of a pouch. ‘He’s considering going back to Ulster and buying a bit of land with a cottage on it … rear a few hens, a couple of pigs, a cow and some horses. He thinks Aunt Dora’ll make the perfect companion.’

‘Is he madly in love with her?’

Ben raised his eyebrows and grinned. ‘At their age? He thinks she’s a damn’ good cook if the truth is known!’

Lily mused, ‘The way to a man’s heart. If it wasn’t for Matt they’d never have …’ Her voice trailed off. There was a long silence before she continued, ‘Do you think she’ll go?’

He shrugged. ‘She’s definitely got a soft spot for him and she told me she misses Uncle William dreadfully. Someone of her own age, you see.’

‘I miss Uncle William.’

‘It seems strange without him – but I’ve seen too many die young to grieve overmuch for a man who had a fairly good life and lived to see sixty.’ He rammed tobacco into the bowl of the pipe, lit it and got it going before continuing. ‘Besides, that’s how life is, a generation moves on and the next moves up.’ He stood and limped round the bed to where the baby slept. He gazed down at him for what felt a long time.

Lily waited for him to say something and when he did it was only partly what she expected. ‘What are you going to do about Matt? Daisy told me he was in the Aussie Liverpool.’

She nodded, a flush on her cheeks, wondering what else Daisy had said.

Ben drew on his pipe before saying, ‘Do you remember me reading that bit out of the
Echo
to you about that Aussie Liverpool? It was just before the Coronation when the papers were full of fascinating snippets about people from here, there and everywhere.’

She sat up straighter, her interest roused. ‘I remember, but I’ve forgotten what it said.’

‘It was about a bishop who’d popped off. He was ordained here on Merseyside but had also been a chaplain at an army base in Aussie Liverpool.’

Lily’s pulses quickened. ‘Are you saying you think Matt’s joined the Australian Army as a chaplain?’

Ben lowered himself on to the bed. ‘It’s a thought.’

She swallowed. ‘He got restless when there was news about Aussies involved in the war.’ Her voice was barely audible. ‘When Singapore fell, and when Darwin was bombed.’ Her eyes met Ben’s. ‘Chaplains don’t go into battle, though.’

‘They don’t fight but they should be up there somewhere with the men, giving them moral support.’

She tried to think about that, calmly, logically. He probably wasn’t in danger. ‘We can find out for sure, can’t we?’

‘I should think so. Write a letter to him c/o the Commanding Officer. That should get to him if he’s been there.’

‘He mightn’t have told them he has a wife!’ A nervous laugh escaped her. ‘And he mightn’t believe the baby’s his when he does get to know.’

Ben’s expression changed and he looked irritated. ‘You two haven’t half made a muck-up of things! I know events and the war have messed your life up a bit but it’s done that for thousands of couples. You and Matt should at least believe that God can do something about straightening the kinks out in your marriage. In the meantime give Him a helping hand! Write to Matt telling him the truth about you loving him and having had his baby and about what exactly happened between you and Rob Fraser. Tell him of your fears and hopes where he is concerned. I know it’s a tall order but he’s only heard Rob’s version in depth. It could make the difference between life and death to Matt, and I’m not joking, Lil. A man needs to know there’s something worth returning to when he’s in a war. Because of his faith, Matt’ll have tortured himself more than some of us would, thinking of things he shouldn’t have said or done and vice versa. As for his telling the army about you – he will have done because he’s honest and got some sense. You’re his next of kin. If he gets killed they need to know you exist.’

She felt she’d been steamrollered. ‘OK! OK! But do you have to be so brutal about his being killed?’

His eyes softened. ‘But that’s what should be at the top line. Think how you’d feel if he was killed, and don’t leave things too late.’

He stood, leaning on his stick, looking down at the baby once more. There was something in his face that made Lily forget her problems and wonder about his. ‘Will you be one of his godfathers?’ she said quietly.

He nodded and she knew he was pleased despite his walking out without saying another word.

Lily wrote the letter, being as honest as she could, put it in an envelope with her name and address on the back. Then she wrote a note to David asking if he could please call She needed to be churched before her son’s baptism and that had to be arranged. Naturally having a good reason to see David would make it easier to talk about Matt to him.

She handed both letters to May, praying this time Matt’s would not go unanswered.

Lily turned the sheet of paper over between her hands and did not know whether to laugh or cry. For security reasons her letter had been opened and some cheeky Aussie sergeant was sending his congratulations on the birth of Paul Matthew Gibson and informing her that her husband was no longer at the base but her letter would be sent on. He was just letting her know because there’d probably be a bit of a delay before she’d hear anything. He couldn’t tell her any more for security reasons. ‘Damn security,’ she muttered.

May stopped bouncing the baby on her knee and looked up at her. ‘What’s up?’

‘The security blinkin’ read my letter to Matt! I could screw myself into a ball and go and hide in a corner.’ She sighed heavily and allowed the letter to fall from her fingers into the fire where it quickly caught light and disintegrated.

‘Do they tell you where Matt is?’

‘No.’ Lily sank on to a chair and fought back that sob inside her.

‘At least you know he’s been there and they’re sending your letter on to him.’ said May.

‘Thanks for the words of comfort!’ She rested her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes. ‘But I get so tired of wondering and worrying about him.’

‘You’re tired altogether. What you need is a break.’

‘Chance would be a fine thing.’

‘Sometimes you have to make your chances,’ said May sagely. ‘When’s our Daisy coming again?’

‘When she arrives.’

‘Let’s hope she makes it soon.’

A few days later Lily was serving Frank his daily pinta when Daisy entered the shop. ‘You’re early,’ said Lily, immediately feeling heaps better for seeing her. She had suffered nightmares since the letter had come about Matt, imagining all sorts of things happening to him wherever the Australian forces were involved in fighting the Japanese.

‘It’s not that early. It’s almost dinner time!’ Daisy flashed Frank a teasing glance. ‘Hello, you! Still keeping the street in order?’

His face, which was much thinner than before the war, turned brick red but he bounced back with, ‘Someone has to do it. You haven’t lived here for a good while now, Dais. Half the kids not evacuated are running wild because it’s the school hols and mams are working in factories and dads are away in the forces. Some of the lads have been up by the railway line where the ammunition train exploded, collecting shrapnel. A couple came home with live ammo. They could have blown themselves up if I hadn’t copped them and given them a warning and a good clip round the ear.’

She looked at him approvingly. ‘You have come out of your shell. Does this new masterful you extend to your mother?’

‘Keep Mam out of this,’ he said shortly. ‘She’s been going funny lately – had to have the doctor to her.’ He picked up his milk, raised his hat and walked out.

‘He’s gone better-looking,’ mused Daisy, following Lily into the back premises. ‘But what does he mean about his mam going funny?’

‘She’s been going out into the street in the early hours with nothing on.’ Lily’s voice quivered slightly. Daisy stopped and stared at her. ‘I know it isn’t funny, but she always has her handbag with her and slippers on.’

Daisy’s lips twitched. ‘It’s the war.’

‘She’s probably worrying about her business, poor thing. No oranges or bananas. People growing their own stuff as much as they can. Shortages of this, that and the other … queues. Now they’re bombing Italy.’

‘What’s Italy got to do with it?’

‘Can’t help feeling sorry for the Eyeties,’ said Lily shortly, putting on the kettle. ‘I’ve never been able to feel the same way over them as I feel over the Nazis.’

‘What’s the other option? It’ll make it easier for the Allied soldiers who’ll be doing the ground fighting if there’s less resistance. We’ve got to isolate Germany and throw the lot at them when we do.’

Lily said quietly, ‘You’ve gone hard.’

Daisy’s face set. ‘The Jerries killed my husband, and thousands of other sailors have gone to the bottom of the sea!’ She paused, sighed. ‘Anyway, I thought you’d be more concerned about Matt than the enemy. Think how you’d feel if it was him or my nephew here who’d been killed in the air raids.’ She smiled down at Paul who was lifting the blanket in the air with his feet. Tickling him under the chin she said, ‘Where’s our May, by the way? She sent me a note.’

‘Did she?’ Lily stared in surprise. ‘Why on earth would she do that?’

‘She thinks you need taking out of yourself, and to all appearances she’s probably right.’ Her eyes passed over Lily and she shook her head. ‘You’re looking drab. When did you last go anywhere? And I don’t mean queuing up at the fish shop or taking the baby to the park.’

Lily shrugged. ‘Don’t talk to me about the park! You can’t walk a hundred yards without falling over a Yank from Burtonwood snogging in the grass with some girl. Anyway, I don’t want to go out. I’m quite happy as I am.’

Daisy looked disbelieving. ‘We all need a change some time or other. Anyway, you’re going out whether you like it or not. There’s a tea dance at Reece’s this afternoon. You’re coming with me.’

Lily shook her head. ‘I don’t dance.’

‘You can just drink tea and eat a cake then, but you’ll be out, doing something different.’ Daisy smiled and shooed her in the direction of the lobby.

‘But—’ began Lily.

‘Don’t argue with me. Go and have a good soak, shampoo your hair, find a pretty dress.’

‘I’ve got no shampoo. There’s a war on, you know,’ she said impatiently.

‘I thought you’d make excuses.’ Daisy opened her capacious shoulder bag and handed a brown paper parcel to her.

‘What is it?’

Daisy raised her pencilled eyebrows and fluttered her Cherry-Blossom-boot-polish-in-place-of-mascara eyelashes. ‘Go and find out!’ She pushed her again. ‘I’ll mind the baby and the shop.’

Lily gave in and ran upstairs, clutching the parcel to her breast. She put it on her bed, tore a hole in it and brought out a block of Lux toilet soap. She could not believe it. Her sister certainly hadn’t pinched this from supplies. She cradled it in her hand almost reverently and sniffed its delicate perfume, remembering how the adverts said Jessie Matthews used Lux toilet soap. She rummaged some more in the parcel to find Amani shampoo, bath salts, a face flannel and a pair of sheer nylons, not black so not naval issue. Her fingers stilled. Her sister must have got the stockings from a Yank. Should she use them? She glanced down at the white ankle socks lack of coupons and shortage of stockings had driven her to wearing when she didn’t use leg tan, and made her decision. It had been kind of Daisy to give her all these goodies.