Live to Tell (13 page)

“No, not about the apartment. Look, I know this is none of my business, and if you tell me to fuck off, I’ll understand, but I have to ask. It’s been really bugging me. When you were with Olly did you… well… er, you know, did you do anything?”

I knew that my entire future happiness probably rested on those few words and the reply that I gave.

“Oh, you silly boy. What could I do? I only met him the day before I met you. And Aunt Jess was with us all the time. She and I came home a few days later.”

“Yes, of course,” he said, “and he went to Cape Town as soon as he got back.”

“As you say. I hardly knew him. I told you. I even thought his name was Joe.”

He gave a sigh. “It’s just that, the way he talked about you, I thought you were the love of his life.” He hesitated, his voice faltering, “And that you two were a real item.”

I stroked the side of his face. “You’re the only item I want,” I said, kissing him. “You are the love of
my
life.”

He kissed me again, and then stood up to sort out the fire risk. I thought about Joe. He seemed decent and kind, and I was sure he wasn’t the type to say anything cruel, just to score points. I thought that if ever we did see him again, he could be trusted. If not, I thought, I’ll just have to brazen it out and deny everything!

Danny carried the candle display, in situ, and still alight into my room and carefully placed it on top of my dressing table. Its flickering reflection illuminated the room. He then took off his clothes in a completely unselfconscious way in front of me. In my entire life even in my life class at college, I had never seen such a beautiful body. He knelt on the floor and took hold of my hands.

Because of the things that had happened in the last year, I was no longer the irresponsible, carefree girl who had gone with Joe to the Edwardian house for a night of passion, and my self confidence now was at an all time low. Despite the new lingerie, I felt anxious at the thought of Danny undressing me and was terrified that after all his expectation, he would find me a disappointment.

“You look nervous,” he said. “You’ve got nothing to be frightened of. I won’t hurt you, I promise. Can I help you take off the dress?”

As he carefully undid the buttons on my dress he found my new, rosebud-encrusted bra.

“That’s very pretty,” he said, stroking the cups with his finger tips. I didn’t tell him that I bought it in a supermarket, in case it spoiled the effect. He hesitated and reached behind me to unhook the fastener. Without waiting to remove the fabric, his fingers tentatively touched my breasts. I pulled down the straps and cradled the head that was now pressed against my chest.

The candles glowed in the background. “Danny, my angel,” I whispered. He wasn’t the only person who felt they had waited a lifetime.

He removed the rest of my clothing and stroked my shoulder. “I thought this moment would never come,” he said. “I’ve wanted to fuck you since the first time we met. Sometimes it felt like I thought about nothing else and I was going mad. I’m not just a boy just after a quick fix. I’m a man. I’m going to make it as good for you as I can so that you’ll always want more from me.”

I couldn’t want him more than I already did and my look must have said it all. We kissed again and he moved down my body and traced a line around my hipbone with his tongue until he reached the inside of my thigh. He looked up at me.

“Open your legs,” he whispered.

Through the ensuing night we made love to each other and clung together. Finally as the candle guttered and died we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Early the next morning Danny woke up with a start. “Good God, look at the clock. I’ve got to go, or I’ll be on a charge. The Army doesn’t let you take the morning off.”

“What?”

He hopped about pulling on his jeans. “It’s nearly eight and I’m on duty at eight thirty. I’ve got to get back to the barracks and change. God, I hope the traffic’s light. Bet it won’t be. I’ll see you tonight.” He kissed me, without stopping for breath.

“No, I’m working tonight.”

“I’ll pick you up after, then. I’ll be waiting at the corner for you, by the bank.”

As he ran out of the front door, I grabbed my robe and went through to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. There the mess from the night before confronted me. Smears of tomato soup and broken pottery were everywhere and I heaved a sigh, realising that before I could make myself a drink, I’d have to clean the floor.

On my hands and knees clearing up the mess, I thought about the morning a few months earlier when I cleaned the hall, daubed with my poor Aidan’s blood. A lump came to my throat and I knew that I would never be able to forget, or get over, what had gone before.

Danny was true to his word and met me after work that night, and over the next few days we spent every available minute together. His body became as familiar to me as my own, and when we went to bed together on Saturday night, I realised how wonderful it must be to sleep with the same person all the time.

On Sunday morning, I made some coffee for us and took it back to the bed where he was sitting up waiting for me. He rolled back the bedclothes for me to get in and patted the bed. Then he said, “I’ve got a confession to make.”

Oh, no, I thought, bracing myself for bad news. Here it comes. I
thought
everything was too good to be true.

“It’s about the car,” he continued. “It isn’t actually mine. I’ve got a motor bike. You see, I always wanted a bike but my dad wouldn’t let me have one, so as soon as I was earning I bought a second hand Triumph. You should have seen the bloke’s face when I went round to pick it up, his pride and joy. He was an old guy and practically made me promise that I’d look after it. I’ve been borrowing the car from my mate Adam, because I didn’t think you’d like to be a passenger on a bike. He doesn’t go out in it much, but I’ve had it nearly every day this week and I’ve had to bribe him to let me. I think I’ll have to buy one for us, but I might be able to persuade him to sell us his. What do you think? Would that be OK with you?”

I laughed as a feeling akin to relief spread over me and my fears evaporated. “Whatever you decide, will be fine by me,” I said. “I’ll even ride on your motor bike if I have to.” I put my arms around his neck and kissed him, nearly spilling his coffee.

“That’s why I’m sometimes late. It’s much quicker by bike and I miss-judge the traffic. Well, as I’ve still got the car, shall we go out somewhere today? What about visiting your family?”

“My family? What on earth do you want to see them for?” I pulled a face.

“Well, the way you talk about them, they sound nice. We need only stay for half-an-hour, if that’s what you want. “He put down the coffee, leaned over and started to tickle me. “Or are you ashamed to be seen with me?”

I squealed at him. “As my mother would say, just you wash your mouth out with soap, young man. Stop it.” I pushed his hands away. “Believe me; she’ll swoon when she sees you. She’s always telling my father he isn’t tall enough.” I dropped my head down onto his chest and tried to bite him but he held my hands out.

Danny’s body was strong and muscular, and his nipples were large but for some reason they seemed to embarrass him. I loved playing with them and found it had a devastating effect on him. “No you don’t, woman,” he said. “You’ve got me already. There’s no need to subdue me as well.”

“Well, I’m going to take a bath, then.” I’d never been called woman, before and I liked it.

“That sounds like a good idea, I’ll join you.”

“There isn’t room for both of us!”

“You can sit on my lap!”

While Danny was shaving, I phoned my mum from the pay phone in the building’s lobby. It reeked of stale cigarette smoke and I avoided using it whenever possible, worried the rank air would make my hair smell but this morning I had no choice.

“Hello, dear,” my mother said. “There’s nothing wrong is there? Are you alright? We were just talking about you.”

“Yes, yes. Of course there’s nothing wrong. I was just wondering if I could pop round for tea, that’s all.”

“For tea? Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? Shall I get your dad to pick you up at the station?”

“No, it’s alright. I’m coming with a friend in a car.”

“She says she’s coming in a car, with a friend,” I heard her say. “Are you sure? He says it’s no trouble.”

“Mum, I don’t need a lift, OK? I’ll see you later. OK?”

“Well, yes, OK dear. See you later then.”

The estate my family lived on had only been built ten years before. It seemed to have no straight lines, but was a series of curved roads, with closes running off them and was almost impossible to navigate unless previously you had learned your route.

“Our” road was quite narrow and each house had a landscaped area in front of a red-brick exterior, rather than a fence, with low ornamental bushes and the occasional fan palm set in gravel. A curving path ran from the road to the colonnaded front door, and the side area was paved over as hard standing for a second car. Mum didn’t drive, and Dad usually parked in the garage so the area was free for visitors. In the summer bedding plants lined the route, but now its stark lines were uninterrupted and, as Dad spent a lot of time tidying the garden, had a well swept look. Aunt Jess’s car was parked there, which meant that there was no room for ours.

I hoped Danny wouldn’t find my father intimidating.
I
thought he was sweet, but when I told my contemporaries at school what he did for a living, a lot of them made rude comments, and my fellow college students were positively hostile to the concept of a tax accountant. I got the feeling from what Danny didn’t say, that his father was probably higher in the pecking order of society than mine, and that he wasn’t bothered who he mixed with.

When we reached the house, Danny got out of the car first. Through the window I could see my mother and Aunt Jess peering out. They started to nudge each other, like a couple of kids, and pointed at my beautiful boy who walked around the car and opened the door for me. Wearing my grey dress and feeling like a princess I stepped out to greet my father who was waiting on the doorstep. For all they know, I thought, Danny could be a mass murderer, yet from the expressions on their faces they all, obviously, liked the look of him.

The night before, Danny arived carrying a dry cleaning bag containing a suit that he now wore this afternoon. Because he was tall and fairly broad shouldered, he looked even better in a suit than in his jeans, and I could see Dad was impressed. He held out his hand to Danny, almost ignoring me.

“Good afternoon, sir,” Danny said, stepping forward, and Dad’s beam became even wider.

“Please call me Alan,” he said. “And come in out of the cold. And,” he turned to me, “why aren’t you wearing a coat, young lady?” Then he kissed me.

“Hello Dad,” I said, hugging him.

Who’s the teenager in this family, I wondered, as Mum and Aunt Jess tripped over each other to get to Danny first. We trooped into the sitting room that Mum insisted on calling the drawing room and she, having settled us into our seats, flapped about near to the door to the kitchen.