Lost (15 page)

I decided to just make a sandwich for
myself and watch a movie on TV. Amy would be out late, if she came home at all.
So I would just get comfortable and settle in for the night. I wish he would
have asked me out, or I suppose I could have asked him out—coffee is always
non-threatening.

I flipped
channels, and
Clueless
had just started.
Why not?

I must have
fallen asleep on the couch, because the next morning Amy came in and woke me
up.

“Rise and
shine, beautiful! It’s going to be a crazy day.” Amy threw open the old
curtains we had hung up to cover our sliding glass door.

“Agh! Come on!”
I shielded my eyes against the bright sun that came pouring in. “What’s your
damage?”

“It’s
Saturday,” she offered.

“No shit. Your
point?”

“Sat...ur...day.
We’re going to Ben’s parents’ place for the weekend. Their going to be out of
town. Ring a bell?”

“Oohh. That’s
today?” I had forgotten, but I was actually looking forward to getting off
campus. Ben’s parents had a beautiful house on a lake about an hour away from
the school. “Alright, I’m up.”

I jumped up and
went into my room. It didn’t take me long to pack a bag. “I’m all packed. When
are we leaving?”

Amy came into
my room. “Ben said he would be here in about an hour. He’s going to change the
oil in his car.”

“Cool. Okay if
I get in the shower?” Even though our apartment had two full baths, hot water
seemed to always be an issue.

“Yeah, go
ahead. I got cleaned up at Ben’s.”

“I’ll bet you
did,” I threw at her.

Amy and Ben’s
sex life was legendary among our group of friends. Amy wouldn’t admit it, but
I’d known her long enough to know that at the beginning that’s all it was—sex.
Ben was a great looking guy. His family had money, and he was fond of spoiling
Amy. Though I wouldn’t say my friend was shallow, she enjoyed what Ben offered.
And then they got into their first fight.

Ben had wanted
Amy to go away with him for the weekend. She didn’t want to go. I couldn’t
believe she actually said no. She said that was such a “couple thing” to do,
and he blew up.

“Aren’t we a
couple?” He asked.

“Well.” I had
never seen Amy flustered like that. “I mean... We’re having fun, but we’ve
never really talked about it.”

“Jesus Christ!
This isn’t high school, Amy. I didn’t realize I was supposed to ask you to go
steady.”

“I didn’t say
that!”

“Well
apparently, I thought this was more serious than you did. It’s been fun.” With
that he turned on his heel and slammed out of our apartment.

Personally, I
don’t necessarily think he overreacted.

“What the fuck
just happened?” Amy screeched.

I came out of
my room. She knew I had heard everything. The walls were paper thin.

“Honey,”—I sat
next to her, and she put her head on my shoulder—“I kind of think you surprised
him.”

“But we never
talked about it! We never put a label on what we were doing. Nothing was
decided,” she wailed.

“Well, but... I
kinda see where he’s coming from.”

That threw her.
“Excuse me! You’re siding with him?”

I gave her a
look, and she shut her mouth, “Don’t go there with me. But he’s right. You guys
spend almost every day together. You sleep together. He buys you things, takes
you out... sounds like a relationship to me. Hell, you even bought him a Christmas
gift.”

“I bought him
silk boxers! It was silly—”

“It was a gift.
And didn’t he buy you a crotchless teddy.”

“See? That’s
how we are.”

“What’s how you
are?” I was prodding her, hoping she would realize what I saw, and what Ben
knew.

“You know. We joke
around. We have fun. We have great sex.”

“And when your
mom got hurt, he’s the one that drove you home to take care of her, right? He’s
the one that carried her up and down the stairs in your house. For what? Almost
a week? He’s the one you go to when you need help with your school work. He’s
the one you ask for advice when I’m not around.”

“He’s my
boyfriend.” Amy said in a dazed voice.

And just like
that, Amy had realized she was in love with Ben. Ben seemed to have already
known this, and after about 10 months, he had gotten tired of waiting for Amy
to realize it.

“Let’s be real.
10 months is a long time to not have had ’the talk.’ You really can’t
understand why he didn’t think one was needed?” I asked Amy.

“I mean...
Yeah, I guess so.”

Amy ran out of
the apartment. I can only assume she caught up to Ben, because they have been a
known couple ever since. Ben was great for her, and I had never seen my friend
happier.

“Are you almost done?” Amy pounded on
the door.

I opened it,
wrapped in a towel. “You said an hour?”

“I know. He’s
just early.” Amy sat on my bed. “I think he has something planned.”

“Like what?” I
asked. I knew what Ben was planning, but I hoped Amy didn’t. She was going to
be so surprised!

“I don’t know!
But he’s antsy, so hurry up!”

“Fine! Get out
and let me get dressed then.” I shooed her away and got dressed.

Just then the
phone rang. I figured Amy would answer it, and I was right.

“YO, J! It’s
for you,” Amy yelled from the other side of the apartment.

I picked up my
phone and told her I had it. I waited until I heard her hang up. “Hello?”

“Umm... Hi, is
this Julie Blackfield?”

I didn’t
recognize the male voice on the other end. I was cautious. “It is.”

“Umm, you work
in the daycare on UVA’s campus, right?”

“I’m sorry, but
who is this?”

“Hi, this is
Brian Klevan. If this
is
the Julie that works in the daycare, I’m Sam’s
dad. I walked you home last night.” He sounded more sure of himself.

I let out my
breath and smiled. “Hi, Brian! Yes, this is Julie.”

“Cool! Joe
wasn’t sure of your last name, and there’s also a Julie Blakefield in the phone
book—”

“Nope, you
found me. What’s up?” I tucked the phone against my shoulder and struggled to
get dressed.

“Well, I meant
to ask you this last night,” he began, “but I sort of chickened out. Anyway,
Sam told me that he thought you were really pretty and that I should ask you
out.”

I laughed. “Oh,
Sam
told you I was pretty, huh? Were those his first words?”

“They were! How
did you know?”

I laughed and
yanked my shirt over my head. “Lucky guess. So... Was that you asking me out?”

“It was. Not
clear enough?” He teased.

“Umm, a little
vague. When did you have mind?”

“Tonight? If
that’s not too soon.”

SHIT!
I would rather go out with this
gorgeous man than hang out at the lake with Amy and Ben, but I promised. “I
can’t tonight!”

“Oh. Well, if
you don’t want to... I understand.” He actually sounded bummed.

I had to laugh.
“No! I do. Look. Can you keep a secret?”

“Is it juicy?”
He sounded intrigued.

“It is! Can you
keep a secret?” I pushed.

“Okay. Cross my
heart.”

“Okay.” I
lowered my voice. “Ben’s parents are going out of town this weekend, and a few
of us are going to their house. Ben’s going to propose to Amy tonight, and he
wanted all of our friends to be there.”

“Oohh... Okay!
That
is
a juicy secret. And I understand. Is it too far out to ask you
about next weekend?”

I smiled and
gave myself an inner high five, but I tried to sound cool. “No! I mean, no,
it’s not too far away.”

“Yeah? Great.”
He came back with, and then there was silence.

“So... you gonna
ask me out?” I prompted.

Laughter
ensued. He had a great laugh.

“Got it. Would
you like to go have dinner with me? I was thinking we could go to Ozzie’s. Or
if you wanted to do casual, we could take Sam out for pizza.”

The idea of
seeing him out with his little boy was tempting, but I also knew that there
could be issues if Sam formed attachments easily. “How about we keep the first
date just between us and see how things go?”

“So is that a
’yes’?”

“That’s a
‘yes’! Pick me up at 7?”

“7 works! I’ll
see you then,” he said with excitement.

“No. You’ll see
me Monday when you drop Sam off at daycare,” I reminded him.

“Oh! That’s
right. This whole daycare thing is going to take some getting used to!”

It poured that Monday, and I’ll never
forget it. Brian was carrying Sam in his carrier again and was holding his
diaper bag in front of Sam. He carried an umbrella over his son and the bag.
When he got to the door, Sam and the bag were dry, but Brian’s back was
completely soaked.

I’d never seen
a more handsome man.

Our first date
went great, as did our second. Brian was warm, funny, and he adored his son. I
appreciated the fact that he had his priorities in order. He knew that Sam
needed him, but he also knew that he couldn’t revolve his life around his little
boy.

On our third
date—Sam still hadn’t joined us at that point—he told me about his dream of
becoming a contractor. He explained to me, passionately, that he wanted to do
good work for good people at good prices.

“Homes, small
businesses, landscaping. I want to do it all. And I want to be fair. I want to
do good... No... great, honest work.”

I loved
listening to him talk. He had such drive, such conviction in himself. And on
our fourth date, we finally took Sam out for that pizza.

And after that,
we were inseparable. Sam often came with us when we went out - the park,
shopping, local eateries, etc. He even came with us on our first weekend away
together—though it was just up to DC to see the museums and the zoo.

In July, right before we started our
senior year, Brian and I had a falling out. I accused him of acting strangely.
He told me I had no idea what I was talking about. Now I chalk it up to PMS,
but I told him there was no point in him being with a stupid woman, and I
kicked him out of my house.

The next four
months were the most miserable of my life. He stopped bringing Sam to daycare
and would literally turn in the other direction if he saw me on campus.

It was a cold Thanksgiving, and I
refused to go home with Amy. I was still moping—still missing Brian and Sam.
And I was determined to just stay home and wallow in self-pity.

I was making a
microwave meal of some sort, when I heard a knock.

I opened the
door and saw a blue Brian with a tiny Sam strapped to his chest. He had taken
off his coat and wrapped it around Sam, so Sam was snuggly warm, and Brian was
freezing.

“I can’t do
this without you, J. I don’t want to! I miss you. I need you.
We
need
you.”

And that was
all it took.

A month later,
he took me back to Ozzie’s. Ben and Amy had already married. Amy was holding a
tiny-suited Sam’s hand. Brian’s parents, who I had met and loved, were also
there. I knew something was up. But right there in the lobby, Brian dropped to
one knee. Sam followed suit. And Brian asked me to marry him. No poetic
speeches. No flowery words. Just a simple, “Julie, I love you. Marry me?”

He pulled out a
ring box with nothing in it! Later I would learn that he had scrimped and saved
for over six months to have his grandmother’s diamond put into a beautiful setting
for me. And then he forgot the ring at home. He tried to call his parents, but
they had already left with Sam. So he called Amy, and she brought her ring box
as a stand in.

I just laughed
and said an enthusiastic “yes.” I didn’t care about a ring. I was going to
marry this wonderful man and be the best wife I could be.

I was also
going to be the best mother I could be to Sam. Brian never told me much about
Sam’s biological mother, Hannah. Only that she had some mental health issues,
and because of them, she couldn’t be a mother to Sam. He had tried to make it
work during the pregnancy, but even before she delivered Sam, he knew it was a
lost cause. To his surprise, she delivered Sam and left the hospital about 6
hours later. Brian was at a loss. He placed ads in newspapers and called
friends. He didn’t know her family or how to find them. He tried and waited for
over 8 months. And nothing. At that point the courts said that she had legally
abandoned Sam, and that was that. It was just the two of them. But not any
longer.