Really
bad! I think everyone had the same idea
as the kids. There were at least 10 people at each hole on the miniature golf
course, and the kids waited in line for 35 minutes to ride the bumper boats.
But they laughed, and joked, and waved to friends. I ended up sitting on a
bench, looking at a magazine I had bought at the mall. And finally, the kids
ran up to me breathless and laughing.
“Mom, thanks a
bunch.” Jimmy gave me a quick hug, “We had so much fun!”
I smiled and
hugged him back. “I’m glad. You guys done?”
“Mommy!” Jessie
and Maggie cried in unison and climbed onto the bench.
“We got our own
bumper boats. And I beat Jimmy and Claudia at golf!” This from Maggie, who was
just as competitive as her father, maybe even more so.
“You did!” I
was surprised, but I thought it was hilarious.
The kids
gathered me up off the bench, and we made our way to the car. They regaled me
with stories from the miniature golf course, and told me about the nasty kid on
the bumper boats that chased them down. Everyone climbed in the car, and I
sighed happily as I got behind the wheel.
This was a
really great night!
His eyes flew open, and he struggled to
breath. His head hurt. He tried to bring his hands up to his head, but he
winced in pain as his arms smashed into something—something above him.
The air was
musty, but his eyes were adjusting to the blackness that surrounded him. His
throat was dry.
“Thirsty...” It
took too much effort to get the word out, but with each breath he took, he felt
stronger, more alert—more... alive!
He took a deep
breath and pushed his arms up...
The next few months were busy. The four
younger kids finished up their classes with their friends. Carey and Jimmy were
able to pull up their grades, which had understandably fallen after Brian died.
The girls trudged right on ahead, happy to be with their friends, and glad that
it finally seemed to be okay to laugh again. There were birthday parties and
end of the year parties, and slammed doors when I told Carey that he was
not
going to the beach with his friends with no parental supervision.
I got to wear
my new suit a few times. Since the kids were starting to smile more, I found
myself wanting to just enjoy that. So my new suit hung in my closet and made an
appearance for only a handful of interviews. If truth be told, my job search
was really half-assed. For the time being, I was going to enjoy the feeling of
healing. The job search could wait.
Sam found a job
and signed up for classes at the local community college. It was a sore spot with
us. I assumed he would transfer to one of the local universities near us, and
he didn’t see a point in paying all that money for his general education
classes. We went back and forth, and I vented to Amy and Bee.
“Seriously! He
goes from Duke to junior college! What the hell?” I was angry, and yet I didn’t
understand why I was so annoyed.
“Jules,” Bee,
ever the calm one, said, “relax. There’s nothing wrong with junior college.”
“I went to
junior college my first two years.” Amy pointed out.
“No, I know.” I
looked at Amy trying to assure her that I meant no offense. “It’s just that
Duke was their dream!”
Brian and Sam
were all about Duke. Duke basketball, Duke soccer, even Duke football. They had
T-shirts and pennants. They went to games. It was their dream, and now that
dream was over. And I said as much to my friends.
Amy shook her
head and held up her glass for a refill. “No, it isn’t, Jul. That dream is on
hold. It isn’t over.”
Margarita night
with the girls. I poured more into Amy’s glass.
Bee picked up
the train of thought. “Amy’s right. Sam misses his father, and let’s be real...
that was always their thing. They did it together. He might feel… well, weird
pursuing this without Brian.”
Maybe they were
right.
I nodded, and,
with mixed emotions, replied, “I get it. And no one says he can’t go back next
year, right?”
“Exactly!” Amy
clapped her hands. “Or his junior year. And, Jules, even if he doesn’t go back,
it doesn’t mean that he won’t remember what Brian wanted for him. It doesn’t
mean that the memories will mean nothing.”
“You guys...” I
wiped the tears on my face. “No, no. I’m just glad I have you. Without the two
of you, I don’t know if I could have gotten through all of this.”
“Yes, you would
have. You’re stronger than you know.” Bee smiled at me and reached across the
table to take my hand.
“She’s right,
lady. You have balls of steel. You would have been okay, with or without us.
We’re just here for a little moral support.” Amy joined our hands together, and
I looked at my friends with gratitude.
“Thanks, guys.
Whatever would have happened, I’m glad I didn’t have to find out. I’m glad you
guys were here with me.” I shook my head, as if to clear my thoughts, “Okay!
Enough of this! Let’s drink some more!”
The girls and I
whooped and hollered. We laughed and teased each other, and it was just like
old times. No,
but
’s… it was just like old times.
“You’re lucky I live down the road!” Bee
laughed as she struggled into her thin sweater. “What was in those things?”
“You’re a
lightweight, and you know it,” Amy teased Bee. “You say the same thing every
time. As if you’re gonna fool us at this point.”
“Whatever...”
Bee trailed off and gave Amy the finger.
We all laughed,
and I watched my two best friends walk down the driveway, and into the night. I
shook my head and laughed quietly.
“Mom?” Sam
called from upstairs, “Are they gone?”
I peeked my
head around the corner and looked upstairs. “Seriously? You’re hiding upstairs?
From three women?”
Sam came down
the stairs and shot me a look. “No, Mom. I wasn’t hiding. I was just giving you
ladies your girl time.”
I nodded at him
and dismissed him with a wave of my hand. He followed me into the kitchen.
“Mom, are we
cool?” He asked me, and I saw the worry in his eyes. “About school, I mean.”
“As in?” I
wanted him to continue.
“As in you’re
cool with me going to community college?”
I took a deep
breath and put down the bowl I had been carrying, “I am. To be honest, I don’t
even think it had anything to do with you or what school you attend. I’ve never
been one to think that college is a must. Neither was Dad. We just want you to
be happy.”
He came around
the kitchen island and stood next to me. “I know, Mom. And right now I want to
be at home. With you and Carey and J and the girls. I don’t want to be 4 hours
away.”
Even though I
had to look up to see his eyes, he was still that little boy that used to cling
to me so tightly in the daycare. And then he was the little boy that waved at
me from the bus window. He was the young man that shyly asked me to teach him
how to slow dance when the girl he liked said yes to the Homecoming Dance. This
was our son. I hugged him tightly and rubbed his back.
“Sam, if being
here and going to community college is what you need right now, I’m cool with
that,” I tried to assure him.
He searched my
eyes looking for a lie, and when he saw none, he relaxed visibly. “Thanks, Mom.
Umm... Where’s the blender?”
“Oh, it’s still
outside. Can you grab it for me?” I asked, as he moved toward the French door.
“What the fuck?” He had just stepped
outside when I heard him.
I ran to the
door when I heard the disgust in his voice. “Sam?”
“Mom, stay
back. Oh, this is gross. What the hell?”
“Sam, watch
your mouth.” I said more out of habit. “What is it?”
“I think it
used to be a cat.” Sam bent down. “Mom, turn on the light.”
I flipped the
switch and light flooded the brick patio.
“Oh my god!” I
shrieked when I saw the pile of fur and blood. I covered my mouth as if by
doing so I could block out the horror that lay on the ground.
“Ugh! This cat
looks like it was torn apart.” Sam looked it over and moved to the other side.
“This wasn’t here earlier, was it, Mom?”
“Of course not!
We wouldn’t have sat outside if it had been. What did that?”
Sam shrugged.
“I don’t know. Should we call someone?”
I looked out
into the dark yard. “Come inside. It was just put there.” I suddenly felt an
urgent need to yank Sam inside and lock the door. I wasn’t one to deny my
instinct. “Sam get inside... now!”
Sam heard the
urgency in my voice and hurried inside. Once he was safe inside, I closed the
door and locked it.
“I’m going to
call the police, just to be safe. Go check on your brothers and sisters.” I ran
to the phone and dialed 9-1-1. Not once did I stop and think I was
overreacting. Something had put that poor animal on my patio. Something, or
someone had climbed an 8 foot fence or had opened the lock on the gate to bring
that to my doorstep. I wasn’t going to take any chances.
“9-1-1. What is
your emergency?” The faceless operator answered.
“Someone or
something put a dead animal on my back porch. I was just outside with friends
ten minutes ago, so this just happened!” I exclaimed.
“Okay, ma’am.
Can you verify the address from which you are calling?”
I promptly
provided our address.
“Everyone’s
fine, Mom. Asleep, no one heard anything.” Sam whispered to me as he came back
into the kitchen.
The operator
continued, “Alright. I’ve dispatched a nearby squad car to your location. Can
you stay on the line with me until they arrive at your address?”
I agreed to
stay on the line, and Sam I only had to wait a few minutes before we heard
knocking at the front door.
“I think
they’re here. I’m going to send my son to open the door.” I said this to the
operator, as I was nodding toward the door, indicating to Sam that he should go
answer it.
“What’s going
on?” Carey came into the kitchen with Jimmy close on his heels, “Who’s at the—”
“Why are the
cops here?” Jimmy asked talking right over Carey.
Sam followed
two young officers into the kitchen. I acknowledged the officers’ arrival to
the operator and hung up.
“Ma’am? Can you
show us the animal?” One of the officers asked.
“I’ll show you.
I found it.” Sam answered before I could say anything. He moved in front of the
officers and opened the back door.
“Julie?” I
heard Bee call from the living room.
I ran out to
the living room and saw Bee and Anthony standing there. Bee was still dressed
in her jeans and T-shirt, but Anthony had on
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
pants, and a
Batman
T-shirt. I stopped and stared.
“Hey! It’s what
I sleep in, give me a break!” He must have noticed me eyeing his outfit.
Bee rushed over
and gave me a hug.
“What’s wrong?
I saw the police pull up when I took Pansy out.” Pansy was her Yorkshire
Terrier, and Bee always took her out at night before bed.
“Are the kids
okay?” Anthony, normally such a quiet man, asked me with uncertainty in his
voice. I could see him scanning the room.
I was shaking,
and I let my friend hold me. “They’re okay. I don’t know what it is! Sam and I
were talking, and then he went out to get the blender for me. Next thing I
know, he says... he’s telling me that he thinks there is a dead cat on our
patio. Bee, if this was a cat, it... it was torn to shreds. I don’t even know
what could have done that.”
“Oh my lord.”
Bee shook her head and gave me another hug. “Sam didn’t see anyone? Hear
anything?”
“I don’t think
so.”
Anthony went
into the kitchen and stood with Carey and Jimmy as Sam talked to the police.
“Honey, are you
sure you’re okay?” Bee was concerned, and I took deep breaths trying to stop my
heart from beating so fast.
“I’m fine. I
am. I don’t know. Sam and I were standing outside… and I just... I felt
something. I don’t know what it was, but something was there. I felt it, Bee! I
felt it.” I didn’t know if I was trying to convince her or myself.
Bee had always
been one to believe in your
gut
as she called it. Before she met
Anthony, Bee had been in the Air Force, and she told us more than once that
listening to her gut saved her life and those with her. So if anyone would
understand, I knew she would.
“But you didn’t
see anything? Are you sure?” She probed, urging me to think, to try and
remember.
I was silent,
and I closed my eyes, searching for a reason as to why all my alarms went off.
“I’ve got nothing. Something just felt... wrong.”
My dear friend
just nodded her head. She understood where I was coming from. She understood
instinct.
“Mom?” I heard
Sam call from the kitchen.
I took Bee’s
hand, and together we went into the kitchen. Anthony was standing with the
three boys, and he seemed to shield them with his larger-than-life presence.
Even in his PJs. Sam looked concerned, and Carey stood by silently, but Jimmy
leaned into Anthony looking lost. Anthony slipped his arms around Jimmy’s frail
shoulders and hugged my son to him.
“Mom, the officers
have some more questions,” Sam explained.
Before anyone
could say anything, Anthony spoke up, “I’m going to take Carey and Jimmy
upstairs so we can get a few things. I’ll get the girls. You guys come stay
with us tonight.”
He left no room
for argument, and I was okay with that. Suddenly, the house I loved felt alien
to me. I looked around my kitchen. The tile Brian and I picked out seemed cold
and foreign beneath my bare feet. I just nodded to him and mouthed a silent
thank
you
. He sent me a slight smile and herded the younger boys out of the room.
Bee and I sat
at the kitchen counter with Sam standing behind us.
“Well, I’m not
really sure where to begin,” the younger of the two officers began. Frankly, he
seemed to be at a loss.
“Let me help.”
I squared my shoulders, determined to be strong, “My name is Julie Klevan. This
is my oldest son, Sam, and my friend, Bee. Bee, Amy—another friend of ours—and
I had been out back on our patio earlier this evening—”
Bee
interjected, “Amy and I got here around 8, and left about 11:30.”
I nodded,
agreeing with her timeline. “After they left, I locked the front door, and my
son came downstairs to talk to me. We went into the kitchen—”
“And how long
were you in the kitchen? Before you went outside, that is?” The officer
interrupted.
“I would say
about ten minutes at the most. Anyway, Sam noticed that my blender wasn’t on
the counter, and I said it was still outside. So I asked him to go get it for
me. He opened the door, and that’s when he found the cat.”
The two officers
looked at one another, something crossed between them.
“What?” I
asked, they were hiding something. “What is it? Did you find something?”
“Ma’am, do you
have a dog? A large dog?” The officer asked.
I shook my
head, but Sam answered, “No, officer. We had a dog, but he passed about two
years ago. Maybe a little over two years.”
“Any of your
neighbors have dogs?”
“Well, sure.
Bee has a dog,” I answered.
“Ma’am, how big
is your dog?” The officer looked to Bee.
Bee laughed.
“Oh, my dog’s a little Yorkie, hardly what you would classify as a big dog.”
The officers
both shook their heads, seeming to agree with Bee. “No, this dog would be at
least the size of a large German Shepherd.”
“How do you
know that? What’s out there?” I was confused.
“Well, ma’am. I
work with the K-9 unit, and we found prints that are very large. Bigger than
anything I’ve seen.”
I was
surprised. ”So you’re saying... what? A really big dog dropped off a gift for
us?”
Was it as
simple as that? A big dog would certainly be something to be scared of. It
would trigger what Bee called my
gut
.
“I don’t know
what it was, but there are definitely footprints, or rather paw prints in your
yard.”
Realistically,
I knew the officers weren’t trying to scare me, but a cold chill ran down my
spine. Bee caught it and took my hand.
“Well, thanks,
officers. If you’re goal was to scare us, you did a bang up job.” Sam couldn’t
keep the sarcasm out of his voice.
I turned to him
and shot him a look. He looked down bashfully and kept his mouth shut.
I cleared my
throat. “Well, officers. What’s next?”
“I called in
animal control. They are going to come and pick up the... umm... the body,” the
older officer finally spoke, “and then in the morning I would like them to come
back and take a look at those prints.”
I nodded. Made
sense. “And how long will this take?” I looked at the clock and was surprised
to see that it was already after 1.
“I know you’re
tired, ma’am, and I’m sorry, but this is really weird.”
Weird?
Really? Who did they send to my house?
Anthony came
back into the kitchen hearing a bit of the conversation. “Sam, why don’t you
take Jimmy, Carey, and the girls to our place? I’ll stay with the officers
until animal control gets here, and then I’ll lock up and be home. That’s okay,
right, officers?”
It’s funny, but
it didn’t really sound like Anthony was asking permission. The officers gave us
the okay to head down to Bee and Anthony’s house. Sam and I nodded and walked
into the family room to see Carey holding a sleeping Jessie, and Jimmy sitting
with Maggie on the couch. The boys nodded at me, and I hurried to the stairs,
and then up to my room to get a few things.
I opened the
door to my room and stood there for a minute, suddenly confused. What the hell
was going on? I shook the cobwebs off and grabbed a duffel bag from the floor
of the closet. I threw in a pair of clothes and a nightshirt and ran into the
bathroom to get my toothbrush. Suddenly, I was just anxious to get out of the
house. I zipped up my bag and looked around the room. Even after Brian died,
the room was my sanctuary. When I was in there, I felt safe. The wallpaper I
had fussed at Brian to put up. The rug we searched for months to find. The
sheets that Brian insisted I buy because they were soft. Suddenly, everything
just felt off, like I walked into someone’s idea of what my bedroom should look
like.
If Brian was
around, I wouldn’t be so scared. I wouldn’t feel like the best thing to do was
to take the kids and go to our friends’ house. But something felt off, and I
couldn’t shake the feeling.
I was surprised
to feel a sudden flash of anger shoot up.
If you hadn’t gone for that
fucking run!