Lost Honor (24 page)

“And your sisters, what do they look like?”

He drew his legs up and rested an arm on top of his knees. “We all have dark brown eyes. Elizabeth, the oldest, and Sarah, the youngest, look like me. Ann resembles Harry.” Picking up a fallen leaf, he started to tear it into pieces.

“You told me your mother died recently. What about your papa?”

He hesitated. Her questions were becoming too personal. He didn’t like to discuss the man who had deserted them. “He abandoned us.”

Arianna gasped in amazement. “I can’t imagine a man doing that to his family.”

“You didn’t know my father. All he cared about was gambling, drinking, and women other than my mother. He left us destitute.” Once he started talking he couldn’t stop, and the words spilled out. “I hired on a ship at the age of fourteen to support my family. It was hell, the crew mean, undisciplined, and crude.”

Arianna shifted closer and laid a reassuring hand on his arm. “No child should have to suffer through that.”

He’d never told anyone of his life aboard those ships in his early years, not his family or Andrew. “I survived and continued hiring on, moving up, until I had enough money to buy a ship of my own. After a few years, I started a shipping company.” He looked at her. “Not as big as your father’s, but it will be one day.”

“It took my papa a long time to amass his fortune.”

“During the war with England, I captained a ship as a privateer. What more do you want to know? My favorite number is twelve. I like the color purple. And I am frightened of the water.”

He stopped. He had never told anyone of his fear. No one knew the real him. What his thoughts and desires were. He didn’t want them to. Because if they acquired the knowledge, they could use it against him. Once a person uncovered the true you, there was no limit to the pain they could inflict.

Even though he had never confided his secrets to Andrew, Morgan was sure his friend was aware of most of them. Andrew knew him better than anyone, maybe even better than himself. He watched, analyzed, stored information, and then came to conclusions that were usually correct.

He didn’t understand why he had told Arianna. But suddenly he yearned for her to know the person buried deep inside him. Even if he had to give her up when they docked, he trusted her now. It felt good to divulge and share his secrets. She filled the gaping, hollow hole of loneliness within him as he tried to do for her.

“You are scared of the water?”

“It took my brother.”

Arianna laid an arm across his shoulders. “I can’t think of anything worse. But you make your living from it.”

“When I was younger, I took any job I could get. And later, it was the only thing I knew how to do. When I sail, I’m on top of the water, not in it. But because of what happened, I never learned to swim.”

“Many men who sail can’t swim.”

It was true, but he considered it a weakness. “I face everything I do head on. I refuse to be defeated. After my brother died, I couldn’t and still can’t bring myself to go into the water. I’m ashamed of that fact.”

“You shouldn’t be. To watch your brother die before your eyes, to be unable to help… It’s unthinkable.”

He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. She smelled of freshness and goodness with a slight hint of alcohol. The heat of her body seeped into his, spreading a healing balm. “Before I left home, when my friends asked me to go swimming, I always made believe I had some chore my parents insisted I take care of right away.”

She twisted and her blue eyes, the color of the sky above, searched his. “I wish I had known you then. That I could have helped you.”

“No. I would not have wanted you to change your childhood in any way. You had parents and brothers that loved you.”

She frowned. “Your sisters and brother loved you and so did your mother and probably even your papa in his own way. You were his son.”

Anger flared, and he fought it down. “My father loved nobody but himself.” He had lived with the truth his entire life, and it shouldn’t affect him, but it did. He drew a deep breath. “Yes, my sisters and brother loved me.” A vision of his mother floated before his face. “And so did my mother.”

Then the promise he had made to himself and to her resurfaced. He had vowed to honor and obey his mother, to never hurt her as his father had.

On her deathbed, she had made him give his word to marry Susan, and he agreed.

He stiffened, lifted Arianna from his lap, sat her on the ground beside him, and wiped his hands on his pants. With Arianna, he forgot what his life was about and yearned to shun his honor and oath to his mother.

Arianna’s confused gaze bored into him, but he stared straight ahead.

She caused him to neglect his commitments, reveal his secrets, and made him feel.

And he didn’t want to feel. Danger lived within that realm. His father was a part of him. Inside him. If he relaxed his guard, he would turn into him. That was the last thing he wanted to happen.

He jumped to his feet and strode to the edge of the hill. He had to stay away from Arianna. She was poisoning him. Turning him into the person he fought against. He clenched his hands and struggled to clear her from his mind.

Arianna followed him. “Morgan, what is wrong?”

“Nothing. Go back to the cave.”

Her gaze darted to the pirate ship. “Do you see something?”

“I gave you an order.”

She planted her hands on her hips. “I am not one of your men.”

He spun to face her, battling to keep his eyes and face impassive. “On my ship, you insisted you were part of my crew, and now you are not.”

“We are not on your ship.”

“You have no idea what you want.”

But he did. He wanted her far from him.

The corners of her mouth turned down and her voice lowered. “Apparently, neither do you.”

“Arianna…”

“I am going back to the cave, but not because you asked me to.”

****

Arianna stared at the muscular contours of Morgan’s back and the firmness of his rear where his clasped hands rested. What had she done? He had enveloped her in his warm, protective embrace and told her of his life and then dumped her at his side and refused to speak to her, except to order her to the cave.

She had felt so close to Morgan, and now, an icy cold emanated from him, warning her to stay away. She hated to acknowledge and fought to deny it, but his actions cut her deeply as if he stabbed a sharp knife into her heart. She knew they had to separate at some point—her mission in life not complete—even though her heart cried against it, but the way he had done it… If they had parted as friends, the brutal agony would have invaded her, but in a different way. She could have visited him in the future, and hopefully, he would have welcomed her, but now…

She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and plopped her chin on top. He just stood there, gazing at the sea. He hadn’t looked at her, not even once.

She fixed on him, her throat tight and burning, as she battled to understand what had happened. Tears formed, and his image wavered. She sniffed them back. She wouldn’t cry over him. If he didn’t want her, fine, but if it was something she had done, something she could fix…

Harry strode from the tree line, breathing hard after climbing the hill. She jumped up and raced to him at the same time Morgan spotted him and hurried to his side.

“Did you find them?” they asked in unison.

Morgan glared at her and then turned back to his brother. “Well?”

“You didn’t give me a chance to answer. There are six pirates and Shark. They are scouring the woods for us, but right now, they have no idea where we are. We covered our tracks well. I think we are safe for a while, but eventually their search will take them here.”

She feared he would say that.

“Unless they give up.”

A slim hope blossomed.

“But from what I know of Shark, he doesn’t admit defeat.”

Morgan concurred. “He was relentless as a privateer.”

The yearning died.

“All we can do is wait. Harry, you and I will guard the perimeter of this area in shifts. Every four hours as we do on the ship.”

As usual he left her out. “I want to be included.”

“No,” Morgan threw over his shoulder without looking at her. “Now, Harry—”

“Yes.”

Morgan’s shoulders stiffened, and he slowly turned toward her, his eyes dark and dangerous. “You are doing it again. Are you part of my crew or not?”

He no longer scared her, but her heart sank at the frost within his gaze and how he regarded her as if he didn’t know her. “I don’t know. You have changed your mind a number of times. But we are not on your ship. We are discussing whether we live or die, and I have a right to take part.”

He stared at her, and even though the intensity of feeling, the warmth, and the closeness were absent from his eyes, her body tingled and quickened. She leaned toward him.

“You can watch with Harry.”

She jerked back. Apparently, he didn’t want to spend any more time than necessary with her. “I’m capable of doing it on my own. That way we can get more rest.”

“Four hours is plenty. If that is not enough, you are relieved of the duty. Harry and I can do it.” His frame rigid, his face impassive, he exuded no emotion.

But it hid in his inner core. She had experienced it and longed to again.

There was no use arguing with him. “I will take my turn with Harry.”

“Since Harry tracked them, I’ll go first. Get some sleep.”

And just like that, he dismissed them. A hot poker seared her stomach as she walked away.

****

Two sets of eyes bored into Morgan, one at his back a distance away and another from his side close enough to touch.

He struggled to ignore Arianna’s gaze, fought with his body from spinning and gazing at her, if only for a moment. A force greater than his own pulled at him. He had to concentrate on other matters—easier said than done—to keep watch for a group of bloodthirsty pirates that could destroy Arianna. He was strong. He would prevail.

Morgan glanced at his brother standing by his side. “Go to sleep, Harry.”

“I’m not tired.”

He whirled to face him. “Then stop staring at me.”

One side of Harry’s mouth lifted as he contemplated. “I’m trying to figure out what happened between Arianna and you. Before I left, you were ready to ravish her and finish what you started in the cave.”

Morgan glared at him.

Harry laughed. “I come back, and you look as if you are ready to kill her.”

“It is none of your business. Go to sleep.”

“Did she turn you down? Is that it? Have you lost your touch?”

If only that were the problem. If only she would push him away. If only she wasn’t so passionate and fiery. He ached for her. “I decided we are not suited.”

Harry spun and ran his eager gaze up and down her delicious figure with a quick flick. “She would suit me fine.”

“Don’t look at her like that. She is not that type of woman. I thought you were madly in love with Mary.”

Harry waved his hand. “I am over Mary. She was only a momentary infatuation.”

“All your liaisons are momentary. Stay away from Arianna.”

“You’re not free to court her, and I am.” Harry’s brows knit together. “What type of woman is she?”

“A stubborn, determined, infuriating, courageous, loving, kind, warm—”

“I see.” Harry grinned.

“What do you see?” He was too young to know about anything of that sort.

“You’re in love with her.”

“I am not.” He couldn’t be. He didn’t have time for love. He was promised to Susan. “What do you know about love?” Disgust at himself and his brother rang in his words.

Harry straightened in supposed superiority and knowledge. “I have been in love many times.”

“Exactly my point. They were infatuations. If you had truly been in love, you wouldn’t have broken off with them so fast.” He returned to searching the woods, his gaze sweeping over them in long, full sweeps.

“It was the women,” Harry defended himself. “They told me what I wanted to hear and flirted outrageously until I fell in love with them, and then they showed their true selves.” He scrunched his face. “And it wasn’t pretty.”

Arianna had showed her true self from the beginning, and he liked and desired all she displayed from the top of her lovely blonde head to the tip of her dainty toes, inside and out. Morgan sighed. “Stay away from Arianna.”

Who was he to tell Harry that?

An older brother to the younger. The head of the family to those he protected.

He had no right. He had bedded Susan and promised to marry her and that is where his future lay.

He had a responsibility to protect Arianna.

His brother would never hurt her, physically.

But he might emotionally. He knew the feeling of that agony. He was enmeshed in the middle of that torment now.