Lost Honor (29 page)

His first step toward letting her go.

****

Arianna looked up into Morgan’s face when he didn’t return her embrace and remained stiff and rigid.

Wasn’t he happy to leave this island? To return to his family?

She lowered her hands to his chest. “Morgan? What’s wrong?”

He stared out at the ocean, refusing to meet her eyes. “Nothing. As the
Sea Dragon’s
captain, I’m assessing her approach.” His voice was distant and formal.

There was definitely something bothering him. The carefree, loving person he had become on the island, the man who didn’t issue orders, well hardly at all, who laughed, played, and made love to her, whose arms she slept in at night had disappeared to be replaced by the captain he once was. Unapproachable and emotionless. Only now a sadness lay beneath it.

What had changed? His mission was complete, a success. Harry had been found, and they were going home. Well, he was going home. Her life was undecided, although she knew the direction she wanted it to take her.

She had fallen in love with Morgan. He had stolen her heart, and he returned her affection. She felt it within him when he embraced her, when he gazed at her, when they made love. She couldn’t live without him in her life. He had become a major part of it. Morgan made her feel needed and saw the real her. He listened to her. Didn’t ignore her. He understood her fears. Arianna would gladly give up the sea for him. Maybe help him in the office with his shipping business. Her life would be perfect.

Her pulse raced as the ship’s boat lowered. She reached down and held his hand. She wouldn’t let him slip away. She had adored happy and free existence on this island. Inseparable, they had remained together every moment of the day, and she preened under his loving concern. No societal rules had dictated how they must act and dress. But she wished to get on with her life, give Morgan children and grow old with him.

She squinted. “Andrew?” Her eyes widened. “That is Andrew in the boat.” Joy rocketed through her. “He survived.”

Morgan nodded with a brief flick of his head.

He should be ecstatic his first mate and friend was alive and well. Was he afraid she would leave him when they left this island?

Arianna squeezed his hand, and he held on tight. His first real emotion since they sighted the ship.

The boat reached the shore and tugging Morgan with her, she and Harry greeted it.

“Andrew. You’re alive.” She dropped Morgan’s hand and hugged Andrew as he jumped from the boat. After a surprised moment, he enveloped her in his arms.

He laughed. “A little bump on the head wasn’t going to kill me.”

“It’s about time you rescued us,” Harry joked.

“How did you find us?” Arianna asked when Andrew released her.

“It wasn’t easy. After we fixed the mainmast, we followed the possible track of the pirate ship. Your fire caught our attention.”

“We kept it ready, just in case,” Harry told him.

“I see Morgan found you.” Andrew scanned the three of them. “You all seem fit. How did you end up here?”

Harry related the tale and her daring. Heat rose to her face, but she stood straighter as they all turned to her.

“I always knew you were brave.” Admiration for her shined in Andrew’s eyes.

“I only did what anyone else would have.” Especially for the man they loved.

“No, most women would have fainted and then moaned, cried, and complained about what had befallen them and waited for Harry or the captain to do something.”

“As the way it should be.” All eyes swung to Morgan. His firm voice displayed his displeasure of her actions.

Her proud demeanor sank. She knew he had been angry when she offered her life for his, but after all that had transpired these past weeks, she thought he had forgiven her.

Harry frowned. “Morgan, you don’t mean that.”

“I most certainly do. Now, let’s leave this island behind.” He strode past them and stepped into the boat.

Arianna glared at his back.

“What’s eating him?” Andrew whispered to Harry.

He shrugged. “I have no idea.”

Neither did she, and each answer she envisioned was worse than the previous one.

When they returned to the ship, Morgan ignored her and the crew that congratulated them and marveled at their survival. “Mr. Markham, I want a full report on everything that happened since I left.” He strode to the quarterdeck.

Her gaze followed him. She was at a loss as to what to do.

****

Andrew’s eyes bored into him and assessed his every move as Morgan listened to his report. He struggled to return to his emotionless pose, the captain he used to be before Arianna entered his life. But it was hard, so very hard. He no longer liked that person. But he had to. He had people who depended on him and demons within himself he needed to keep at bay.

“Morgan, what happened on that island?”

“Harry told you everything. After the pirates left, it was boring.”

“With Arianna there, I doubt that.”

Morgan’s insides clenched with longing. Actually, it had been marvelous. Stupendous. The best weeks of his thirty years. But it was over and done with. Never to be repeated.

His gaze drifted to Arianna speaking with Mark and then darted away.

Andrew frowned. “Susan will be glad to see you. She has always looked forward to her wedding day.”

How did he answer? Marrying Susan was a vow, a commitment, a deed needed to be completed. She was a fine woman and friend, but she didn’t cause his blood to heat and boil and his heart to race at the sight of her. He didn’t worry and long for her when she was away from him. Susan wasn’t exciting, intriguing, and unpredictable, which was what he once thought he wanted in a wife.

“Morgan, did something happen between you and Arianna? You were alone on an island, and she is a beautiful woman.”

“Harry was with us.”

“That is true.” He drew out the words as if he didn’t quite believe him.

Morgan inhaled deeply. “Yes, she is a beautiful woman, and it is about time you took a wife.” He forced the statement from his mouth. “You won’t find anyone better.”

Andrew was taken aback. “A wife. I don’t plan to marry.” His gaze shot to Arianna. “Although, she does have a great figure and isn’t conniving and manipulative like most women I’ve met.”

Morgan clenched his teeth and balled his hands into fists. He had to do this for Arianna. “She needs someone strong like you. She could make a man change his mind.” As she had him.

Andrew continued to stare at her, a smile curving his mouth. “Maybe I’ll court her.”

Those were the words he longed for but also dreaded to hear. If he were to marry Arianna, he would count the seconds until she would be his.

But she was his. He was the first and only one to lie with her.

His life was mapped out. He had to wed Susan.

Would Arianna consent to be his mistress? She was no longer a virgin. If she agreed, they could still be together.

He frowned. Their children would be bastards.

But it was the only way. He would give him or her everything they desired or needed. Hope grew within him along with an underlying sadness.

****

As Morgan entered the cabin, he spied Arianna sleeping in his berth. The soft glow of a lantern barely lighting the dim interior illuminated her bare shoulders peeking from beneath the wool blankets. He bent and caressed her silky cheek with the back of his hand. “Arianna, are you awake?”

Her blonde eyelashes rose. “I’ve been waiting for you. But after today, I wasn’t sure you still wanted me.” Her voice held a degree of questioning uncertainty.

“I’ll always want you.” And he would prove it.

Morgan divested himself of his clothing and slid in beside her. Shifting to his side, he kissed her long and passionately while his fingers slid across soft skin and kneaded her firm breasts. He had taken her only yesterday, but it felt like weeks. To think he had decided to deny himself this pleasure. How could he live without her?

He slipped his tongue into her eager mouth and intertwined it with hers. He missed not being with her every minute of the day as they had on the island. Their lives dedicated to each other. Unfortunately, this was the real world.

He caressed every inch of her stupendous, beautiful body and then kissed and licked, lingering on certain areas, bringing her to a fever pitch until she begged him to take her. He couldn’t deny her request and didn’t want to. He thrust into her and took her fast and hard, holding off his release. She toppled over the edge. He plunged two more times and then followed her.

Boneless and mindless, he collapsed on top of her and lay still for a few minutes, struggling to catch his breath. Regaining his senses, he rolled off her and gathered Arianna into his arms. She felt wonderful, smooth and sleek. So alive and warm. Her scent invigorating and reassuring.

He had intended to ask her to be his mistress tonight, but he didn’t want to spoil the closeness. He feared her answer. If it was negative, he didn’t want to know. He wanted to experience and hold forever every second he had with her. To soak up every moment.

He would ask her before they reached Boston.

If she denied his request…

Chapter Nineteen

Since they left the island four days ago, Morgan had not been himself. They shared his berth every night, but he seemed distant. As captain of the ship, he had many responsibilities, but it was more than that. A weighty matter of some importance consumed his concentration and ate at him. He shifted between two personalities. The man he used to be and the one he drifted into on the island.

Even now as she lay beside him inside the dark cabin, she knew he wasn’t sleeping. “Morgan, what has been troubling you?”

Arianna felt his relaxed body tense. Silence reigned for some moments, and she feared he wouldn’t answer.

“Why do you ask?”

She hated when people answered a question with another question. Her papa did that. “You’ve been different lately.”

Quiet. Again, a few minutes ticked by.

“I have been thinking about the changes I need to implement at the shipping company when I return. Also, I am worried about my sisters, since I’ve been gone so long.”

Because of her relationship with their brothers, she felt close to his sisters, even though she didn’t know them. She wanted to console Morgan but held back, sensing a barrier around him he didn’t want broken. “Is there a problem with your sisters?”

“No, but they are at an age where they could easily fall victim to trouble. They do not realize the evil that lies in the world and how some men operate.”

All that had happened to her and what she had overcome flashed through her mind. “I’m sure they are strong and intelligent, having you as an older brother.” Even if he was domineering and made all the decisions. The same as her brothers and papa, and she had persevered. She could teach them much. As Morgan’s wife…

No, he hadn’t asked her. She prayed he would. Maybe, that was what bothered him. He was afraid she would refuse him because of her need for independence and her goal to become a seaman. Maybe if she hinted.

“Morgan—”

He shifted and planted a quick kiss on her lips. “Go to sleep.”

“But—”

“Go to sleep, Arianna. I am tired.” He turned on his side away from her.

She stared at his back.

****

Waking early, Arianna slipped from beneath Morgan’s arm, dressed, and ventured onto the main deck. She liked this quiet, calm part of the day. A new beginning. A group of dolphins followed alongside their ship, and she delighted in their antics while she tried to decipher Morgan’s strange behavior. He seemed to drift from her during the day and become wild and passionate in bed at night. She felt like she was caught in an unpredictable storm. Her emotions plunged up and down the roaring waves of his moods, one minute sad, the next filled with joy.

Her stomach growled. Maybe, Morgan would join her for breakfast, and she could speak with him about a possible marriage. As she strode below, Arianna caressed her stomach over the breeches she wore. She may be pregnant at this very moment, his child growing inside her. Voices inside Morgan’s cabin halted her with her hand on the handle of the door. A warning sounded in her head. She shouldn’t listen. It wasn’t proper or nice. But when she intentionally didn’t make her brothers aware of her presence, she had discovered much. Maybe she would learn what troubled Morgan. He probably figured because she was a woman, she couldn’t help him, but if he explained his problem, she was sure she could find a solution, especially if it concerned what she hoped.

“Does Arianna know about Susan?”

Harry’s voice. She frowned. Who was Susan? She pressed her ear to the door.

“No.”

“When do you plan on telling her you are to be married when we return?”

A silent gasp escaped her. Married? A knife pierced and twisted in her heart. To whom? Susan?